I am so done

Hi,

Today I woke up and nearly got smothered to death by a quilt and head butted repeatedly by the girl trying to smother me. After I arrived home my mother said that we could go shopping in town and since I needed a few things I agreed to go. However once I was there I realised what day it is...Saturday is the one of the busiest days of the week in town and it's horrible.

I managed to get the things I wanted in the shop I went to but when we walked back into the actual shopping centre I just lost all control over my anxiety and my mind just started screaming, there was so many people and then everyone kept stopping, my mum wouldn't help me and she said that we would go to the top floor to eat but I looked up and nearly started crying...all I could see was people....so many people...I just looked at her as I started flinching and scratching my skin and said I was not going up there and we finally left after I started having difficulty breathing and I was wide eyed...

I come home and then get told that I am stupid and need to get off my arse to actually socialise with people instead of locking myself away...I find it funny how they think that is so ing easy for me...they said my anxiety is pathetic and is just a fake thing...this is why I haven't seen a counsellor before or seeked help because my family believe my anxiety issues and my paranoia issues and self harm issues are all lies. They don't believe anything...only my mum has opened her eyes to see how bad my anxiety is and that is why she is pushing me to see counsellors now because it stops me from doing a lot of everyday activities and also I can't even go on family holidays anymore.

I find it upsetting that someone can tell me my problems are fake even though they don't actually know what happens to me...even now I have this voice in my head telling me to 'do it'....

and tonight after not getting much sleep last night I am now having to share a bed with a ing 5 year old even though I have said no because I am still sick and just want my ing bed *cries*

Urg I am going to go now I am crying and I am feeling stupid

bye

Comments

You must be logged in to comment

Ashleybek #1 Oct 20, 2015 10:45:06

Hey xiuminfrosty KakaoTalk me I wanna talk to you

EriTay #2 Oct 17, 2015 14:06:57

nonono ur not stupid. everyone has their share of problems, and none of them should be belittled. even if no one understands u, it doesn't mean u r stupid. don't listen to them cuz there r actually people who understand and want u to get help so that u can feel better and be more confident when u r in these situations. just pray that everyday u can know how to face these type of situations. and u don't have to push yourself too much but do a little everyday so u can how to deal with it. if you are so claustrophobic, but you want to get out, try going to places where there aren't as many people so that you won't get so anxious and once you are used to it, maybe go somewhere a little bigger. and try that for every problem. it doesn't have to be everyday, just take baby steps. and i wish u don't have to cry but if u need to it's ok. i want to cry all the time but i don't want people to know that because i want to be the image of a happy person, and not crying makes me feel more sick and stressed. so it's okay is what im trying to say. ur not alone in ur problems, and it doesn't make you stupid.

also, r u irish? i just have to ask if u don't mind