Hi

Today I chose to stay off college because I had been up all night in agony...the pain was so bad I thought I needed to go to hospital but of course my mother being sick herself I had to deal with the pain on my own...everytime I moved it hurt and after I took some pain killers the pain went away only to return later but I am feeling slightly better so I guess that's a good sign right..... 

However that wasn't the only reason I stayed off college today...I am mentally tired...so I lied to my mum saying it was only the pain...I had a relapse on the weekend and my brain is a mess and now I have to wait till next week to see the counsellor at the college...I have already thought of self harming again but I keep stopping myself because I am still trying my hardest to quit doing that to myself.... 

I have made some amazing friends since I started college and they have been their for me over the past few days when they found out that I wasn't okay. They are there for me and are always there when I need to talk to someone or get something off my chest...'musicalclouds' you are one of them xxx 

I'm just a mess to be honest but it may also be due to the work I am getting and the fact that I have to know the Hiragana alphabet fluently by tuesday next week for a test...and an english test that I am still struggling with... then I am worried about tomorrow and my dyslexia test...

I am sorry for always boring everyone with my problems but I don't have anywhere to just pour out things....*pout* 

bye bye i am going to sleep