Holy freakin' crapperino.

This is a blog post you don't even want to read. 

I am in a total state of "let me lay down and not feel anything" at the moment, and I blame myself completely for that.

What was I thinking?

Why did I think it was a great idea to just open my old e-mails and read my conversations with this person, who, actually took a great deal of my daily hours in which we exchanged messages of random and meaningful things that could have only been thought of by us. 

That was! Two! Years! Ago!

And that now, we do not talk, or chat, or meet, or anything. WE DO NOT EVEN LIVE IN THE SAME COUNTRY.

I called him Chris. Sometimes Calvin, or Calum. Or Luke of Australialandia. I called him different things. But he called me Nice. NICE! And once, after we did not talk for a while, I said, "what's my name" and he said "I would never forget you"

and at that time I believed him! And I told him I would never, either!

I kept my promise! But I don't know if he did.

Well.

I don't know how to contact him anymore.

DEEP SIGH

I am very, very annoyed at myself. Because just now, I finished re-reading a few whole day's worth of chats. And I miss him! so! much! it! hurts! *smiles*

I want to cry.

Goodnight