Depression and Self Harm

Hello friends of AFF.

 

A little personal, but I feel the need to vent.

I struggle with self harm, anxiety, and depression. I have been for over 3 years.

I don't take medication. I've kept everything to myself. The only people who actually knew were my other school counselors. From what I've know, I've had anger issues since third grade. 

Love ed me up. That's one of the causes of my depression. Love. Worst thing ever. Watching that person you've loved for three years, that person whose made you smile, be happy with someone else. It hurts so bad. It's eating me from the inside. While I was in this relationship, we'd fight. And everytime I fought with her, I self harmed. It started before I went to Japan which was around October of 2013 due to other issues. 

Ever since then, I self harmed. We started dating August 26th, 2013. I saved the date. We broke up this year. January 3rd, 2015. I stopped self harming in July. I recently started back, somewhere in the middle of September. 

Other reason is Family. Really bad situation. 

I pretend to be happy no matter what. I look at these scars, these battle scars, and it hurts. 

 

But yeah.

Don't let love you up. If you know it's not going well, end it. 

 

Edit: Something I wrote on fb

 

You're happy, I'm hurting.

Maybe you're too caught up by that person to notice.

I've been in an internal struggle for years.

You don't know my current situation, do you?

Do you even care? Or am I just another accomplishment?

Why do I even try with you anymore?

Maybe it's because I still believe.

Or maybe it's because I didn't give up like you did.

Maybe I am messed up.

Maybe I am psychotic.

Who do you think made me feel this way?

Or it's just in my head.

Or you don't care.

Is it wrong that I care?
Maybe.

Maybe I should give up with you, like you told me to.

Or maybe I should give up with life.

Or maybe I should stop writing these things.

Because nothing is going to change.

Maybe there is no more hope.

13/12/02

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IIICUDDLEBEAR #1
Sorry im late about this but me too self harm
Ive cutted and ive been cutting and the same reason bc if relationship not just that people se me differently since im also a transgender born a girl but i want to be guy and so i feel like one too hopefully people that read it won't feeñ weird about it but i just felt like i needed to let others now too ,but other than these im glad to lisen and help :)
NikkyChainsaww #2
I feel you. Like literally, I know what you're going through. I've been self harming for the past six years due to various reasons such as live, parents and bullying. I also have depression and anxiety. And sometimes they hit really hard. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm right here and I'll listen to whatever you want to say.
makimaki09 #3
I ain't gonna tell you that the en world is full of happy and you got the bad side of the cake. Not that you may en meet your prince charming in your fairy tale and then get married for live happily ever after, some people will die alone without lovers and some will die regretful of their lives. I don't know what will happen to you and neither will I ever meet you. However, you are you and I probably wouldn't care if you continue to self harm yourself.

However, I dislike that you think of yourself so lowly. I know people hate me, because I am bossy and I dislike a lot of people just because they cannot simple follow orders. I boss them because I want them to do well but I guess just because I am the same age as them, I can't tell them what to do unless I want to look bossy. I know that a lot of people hate me and exclude be, but I don't care. I don't give a en about other ty people, people who are uneducated motherers. I love myself because I wan't to. I love myself because I remind myself everyday I the en best, I have people who I admire and I have people who are lower than me. Ignorant uneducated s are who I hate and when I hate them I ignore, and don't take notice of them. I help people who I want to help which is everyone, strangers and friends and enemies. I dislike walking past people without helping them because that is me.

So you think the you want, however if you en dislike yourself for being who you are. Then you are one of the people I would ignore. Get your game on you are who you are. Take on haters and help everyone you see. Make yourself a goal and compliment at least 3 times a day with people.
EmotionallyRekt #4
It isn't over, friend. I know it seems hard right now, but there is always a reason to keep going. Life is a circle of happiness, sadness, bad times and good times. If you're going through bad times have faith that good times are on the way. The only thing that lasts forever in this world is change. Change is always constant so you're current situation isn't your final destination. There is much more in store for you; even if you can't see it right now. I've been in your situation so I understand your strife, but it's not the end for you. One bad chapter doesn't mean it's the end of the book. I hope you watch these and take the man's advice, but if not; that's entirely up to you. I wish you well and hope you have a wonderful rest of your day, week, month, year and the rest of your life <3

https://www.facebook.com/PrinceEaHipHop/videos/10154062208754769/?pnref=story

https://www.facebook.com/PrinceEaHipHop/videos/10153139316564769/?pnref=story
mrhwang #5
There's always hope. It's just that finding it is the hard part. As is holding onto it, but you'll find that if you do, you won't regret it. As hard as it may be, it's always worth it. Have faith that you'll make it through any rough patch life throws at you. Do that, and you'll most certainly make it above and beyond. Also, never rely on another person to make you happy. That never ends well. I don't know what your situation is/was exactly, but I do know this. Loving someone else if you don't love yourself 100% never works out well for either of you. I'd remember that. I wish I'd known that before I started dating. Everyone copes with hurt and pain in different ways. Instead of trying to stop how you cope, you should try to stop, adapt to, or avoid the situation that gives you the need to cope. It takes time. As long as you're moving forward, no matter how slowly, that's all that matters.
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