Depression and Self Harm
Hello friends of AFF.
A little personal, but I feel the need to vent.
I struggle with self harm, anxiety, and depression. I have been for over 3 years.
I don't take medication. I've kept everything to myself. The only people who actually knew were my other school counselors. From what I've know, I've had anger issues since third grade.
Love ed me up. That's one of the causes of my depression. Love. Worst thing ever. Watching that person you've loved for three years, that person whose made you smile, be happy with someone else. It hurts so bad. It's eating me from the inside. While I was in this relationship, we'd fight. And everytime I fought with her, I self harmed. It started before I went to Japan which was around October of 2013 due to other issues.
Ever since then, I self harmed. We started dating August 26th, 2013. I saved the date. We broke up this year. January 3rd, 2015. I stopped self harming in July. I recently started back, somewhere in the middle of September.
Other reason is Family. Really bad situation.
I pretend to be happy no matter what. I look at these scars, these battle scars, and it hurts.
But yeah.
Don't let love you up. If you know it's not going well, end it.
Edit: Something I wrote on fb
You're happy, I'm hurting.
Maybe you're too caught up by that person to notice.
I've been in an internal struggle for years.
You don't know my current situation, do you?
Do you even care? Or am I just another accomplishment?
Why do I even try with you anymore?
Maybe it's because I still believe.
Or maybe it's because I didn't give up like you did.
Maybe I am messed up.
Maybe I am psychotic.
Who do you think made me feel this way?
Or it's just in my head.
Or you don't care.
Is it wrong that I care?
Maybe.Maybe I should give up with you, like you told me to.
Or maybe I should give up with life.
Or maybe I should stop writing these things.
Because nothing is going to change.
Maybe there is no more hope.
13/12/02
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