I'm using this site to vent. Most of my old friends do not log on anymore, so hopefully this post falls on blind eyes....

I'm leaving for the Navy in a few days...and the reality is...I'm scared. I'm scard I won't pass my drug test for whatever reason, I'm scared my knee will give out again. I'm scared my thumb won't heal in the next few days. And I'm horrifed because no one will miss me. I pushed everyone away, I'm alone, like I've always wanted. I wanted to be that mysterious, quiet girl only a select few knew - to a degree. And to those few, I gave them my everything...I was and am, still, just so weak....I'm ready to be just....transformed...I hate who I am, I hate how broken I feel all the time...how pointless life has become to me....how those few people I loved just walked over me time and time again like a welcome mat. I want to be alone, but I want to be stronger. I NEED to be stronger.

I need to stop focusing on what I say, and more on, what I do. Neh. That is it...