Leaving AFF

Okay, so I never thought I would write about this. But yeah, things do change.

I remember the first times I went on aff and was so happy that I finally found my paradise of TOPxYOU stories, the time when I finally made an account and started writing and how good it made me feel. This was a community I adored and the same place where I met some pretty good friends (talking bout you, Kata), pursued my hobbies with photoshop and where I was feeling home. A year and a half ago, I stopped my BIGBANG stories and moved on to EXO as they were new, interesting and basically, I thought Kai was perfect as a character in my new project back then. The story got me to first page and for me, being featured was something I strangely wanted so much, for no apparent reason. Sure, I got featured, but then what?

I slowly started to realize how I started to write new chapters not when I was truly inspired, but on a regular schedule, so I would not keep my readers waiting. I opened my own shop for graphics and reviews and being engulfed by that as well, I stopped reading. With only reading stories which I had to review, I slowly started becoming a person who wasn't doing things because she loved them and found joy in doing, but someone who was like a machine, scanning a content and finding weaknesses and grammar mistakes and so on. I slowly stopped enjoying writing as well.

I don't like this, I don't like the fact that my last story got a decent score on two different reviews, but with less than half points on the personality on my characters. I hate the fact that I had to have my eyes snapped open just to see that they were right. My plot may be interesting, my grammar may be good, but if my characters are just shells of idols that people love and want to see in the role of saviors, with no emotion what so ever, then I have failed. I am slowly realizing why the comments stopped, even if the subs increase, why no one gives feedback or maybe even bothers to read past the first chapter. Readers might be surprised how much authors cherish comments, sometimes even more than subscriptions.

So yeah, back to the title. I may not delete my account, may log in from time to time, but for now, until I find that spark in writing again, which I lost a year ago, I can't promise that I will continue writing my stories.

No, I am not saying it's because I don't receive comments, or because I am greedy for subs.

It's because I give my energy and time into something, which I don't find joy in doing. I'm sorry if some of my readers see this, but I am also sure that they would agree as well.

I just stopped writing about emotions. As I commented in one of the reviews about my recent story, I am basically writing grammar textbooks, not stories.

Thanks for understanding, or not. If there are authors reading this, I actually hope you don't understand me, because if you do, then that would mean that you have experienced this as well, and I don't want to see more people loosing that spark. It's just not fair.

Comments

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optimus-unreal #1 Sep 13, 2015 16:43:02

I understand what you're going through. I think the best thing to do is actually step back and just take a break from writing. And while you do that I recommend you immerse yourself in REAL books, not fanfics. This way you'll be able to see what the published authors are doing and how emotions come into play in their works. You'll learn about the different writingtechniques and grow as a writer overall. Then when you feel ready, you can return to fanfic writing with something new. Starting off with a clean slate is good. Just thought this might be helpful since I do this quite often.

Jenday #2 Sep 13, 2015 12:17:46

I know how you feel, boss! I've been in a block for the longest time. I'd usually write a sentence or two before I stop writing for days, or maybe weeks. I'd usually leave it at that and do something else, whether it's starting another project or doing some designing c: what I'm saying is, it's normal to feel this way and you should *never* feel pressure to write when it's something you should enjoy doing. People will understand and continue to live life, and you should too. Take a break, and if you ever feel like coming back, we'll welcome you all the same ♥

peachysoo #3 Sep 13, 2015 11:58:57

I feel like you should do a new start. And trust me, a lot of writers get blindsided by these types of things and will find themselves in positions like these. It's natural and as much as writing is fun, it's also really, really hard. But if I had one piece of advice to give anyone is, don't worry about not finishing stories or updating on a schedule, especially since this is more or less a hobby and you're still learning, even if you don't think you are. That and keep reading, because if you aren't reading, then you're most likely going to be stagnating with your writing.

And I don't know if you know this, but most writers are have things they are good at and things they struggle with and their stories reflect that. If your plot and grammar are good, then you most likely struggle with characterization, which is something a lot of writers deal with. If your characters and grammar are good, you're probably struggling a bit with your plot and it's probably not as complex and may be predictable at times. If you're good at making up plots and characters, then you're grammar probably isn't your strongest skill. 9/10 times, most writers are good at 2/3 of these skills and will always struggle with the last one. So as much as you say you have failed, you really haven't at all. You have just realized your strengths and you are playing to them, but now you just have to find ways to bridge that gap you have from those skills to the ones you struggle with.

Elleally #4 Sep 13, 2015 10:41:17

Well dearie, we all make our choices but I would have to say I enjoyed your stories & hope that all will go well for you even as you leave this shape