im writing this here because im uncomfortable with talking to people i know about it because it feels weird.

My real name is Sarah. I'm blonde. Short. Chunky. Somewhat untalented. A goofball, but not in the cute way. Kinda attractive depending on the day and who's looking at me. I have massive anxiety and I'm a crybaby. And I have trouble making friends in real life.

Mari (Mari Elle) is everything I wish to be. 

Mari started off as my cosplay stage name. Mari dressed up as fun characters and talked to lots of new people and just had fun. But she slowly evolved into someone of her own.

Mari is everything I strive to be. She has fun fashion and can rock super fem or sort of masculine or mix the two. She has beautiful long brown hair. Shes confident and fun and talented and people love how fun she is and love her personality. She's somewhat of an idol. She can rock a stage. boys love her. Girls love her. She has a kickin body and a beautiful face.

Instead of her being her own person, I'm finding myself being more and more like Mari everyday. I try not to take myself too seriously. I have a bit more confidence in my walk. I dress how I feel like dressing. Thats why I always adress myself as Mari up here. Because Mari is ultimately who I want to be in life. But as Sarah. I truly feel that that's who I am. And I've been struggling with that for years. I've always been like "Okay who the am I?" On the inside, I'm this confident bombshell. But right now on the outside, and for years, I've been this awkward little turtle.

Finding myself has been exciting. And as for now, she goes by Mari. But one day Mari will be Sarah.