Trying to Stay Strong

It's been a while since I've really talked about myself... maybe because it hurts too much. These days, the pain has been getting worse. I don't know why but I can't control what I do or say. I know I'm awake but, it's like another me controlling the things I say. When I look through the things I've said to my friends... I can't believe I had typed that. I don't remember doing that. When I apologize, they get upset but sometimes they forgive me. However, this pain... I want to take control of my life again.

I have multiple personalities. They only appear when I get a lot of adrenaline, anger or when I'm upset.

There's one where I literally swear in every line... I insult my friends, random people. I just can't do anything about it. Even if I delete the messages they'll still remember what it said. No. I don't have names for them.

I don't know much about the others.. but ALL I KNOW IS.. it's not me. Sometimes when I'm awake... they take over, and I can't do anything about it. It's like I'm possessed. I tried the therapists... but they don't help and they cost too much money for my single mom to afford. I never really told her about my mental conditions. All she knows is that I've got anxiety. I don't want to hurt her even more with the truth. She has enough to deal with, the divorce, her depression, late night work.. everything.

 

What should I do...

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sleepingprince #1
I hope that you'l feel and get better soon. I dont really know much about multiple personalities, but maybe you could try some meditation to like relax and calm yourself.
XGazeRockX #2
It must be tough for you to deal with. Hmmm... I'm not sure if my advice will help, but have you tried writing profiles about your other personalities. Like a journal. Write about the stuff your other personalities does and what triggers them. If you write them in a journal and show them to your friends they'll be able to understand the situations better and will be able to cope better.
Is there any medication your on? I don't know a lot about people with multiple personalities, but I think there are some kind of medication that you can take to help you cope.
Memorize #3
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml

As I looked through the treatment for multiple personality disorders, I've noticed that support groups are largely recommended.

To help yourself:
-Talk to your doctor about treatment options and stick with treatment
-Try to maintain a stable schedule of meals and sleep times
-Engage in mild activity or exercise to help reduce stress
-Try to spend time with other people and confide in a trusted friend or family member
-Tell others about events or situations that may trigger symptoms
-Expect your symptoms to improve gradually, not immediately
-Identify and seek out comforting situations, places, and people
-Continue to educate yourself about this disorder.

I am willing to be a helpful ear if you ever need to rant or release pent-up frustration. Stay strong. You're lovely
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