Help me !!!! :((

I had write a few stories but almost all of them LACK of feedback. Just a few stories which is success

I don't know why, I think my story isn't that bad but why people rare to gimme comment :( 

It's make me lazy to update. I need a feedback so I will know wheter my story is good or not, from the feedbacks I can improve my skills to write

If you kind enough, can you check my story ? 

I'm focusing on this story first, can you help me ? I'm not force you to read this, but I just need help how is my story going when a reader read it. 

Just it :( 

Help me juseyooo.......~~ 

(just click on the pic to direct the story)

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Lillieann525 #1
It seems like maybe English isn't your first language? Your grammar is a little off sometimes which might be putting people off. Have you considered getting a beta reader?
aillis #2
Maybe people aren't reading your story because the description/foreword is very brief/vague? The character description could be a little more detailed and the short synopsis in the front can be a little longer :-)
sekaii #3
Aww I'm sorry to hear that. I've checked out your story and I think you may want to add to the forward a little bit. It's a bit vague, but some people tend to look at the forward and if that seems interesting they will then take a look at the chapters. You have a very interesting name for a title and I can tell right off the bat it may be a phobia involving some kind of game or playing games perhaps a psychological story?
Good luck and I will check it out and comment what I see so far!
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