I saw you today.

I heard the sound of you calling my name, making my eyes flutter open and so I hopped out of bed, rushed to the window to be graced by your prescence.

Your eyes met mine and almost instantly, that alone made my heart beat two times faster. Your hand came up and you told me to hurry with that smile that never failed to melt my heart.

Not to mention your smile that would always kickstart my day in a good mood.

I got ready, just a quick shower but the next part was the worst - choosing what to wear. It was always hard for me to choose whether to dress my best or dress casually. I wanted to impress you but at the same time not make it seem as though I gave it so much thought.

Isn't that weird?

"Slowpoke" you said when I finally came out of the house, backpack slung on one shoulder.

"" I teased.

I laughed and playfully smacked your arm as we walked to school. We alternated between holding hands and linking our pinky fingers as I listened to you ramble on about some new video game you bought just last night.

Your voice was the sweetest sound on Earth to me.

When we were in class, I found myself trying my hardest to press my lips into a thin line because from the corner of my eye, you'd be displaying the most ugliest faces to me. Then when I lost the struggle, I faced you and returned my own ugly faces making you chuckle. You got into trouble and so you stood outside the classroom.

That didn't stop you from being an irritant though.

Time flew past just like that and it was recess. You barged back into class, held my hand and dragged me to the canteen despite my many whines. I didn't like eating during school because I wanted to watch my weight.

You never listened obviously.

Despite the countless, annoyed stares we got from everyone else, we fed each other whatever we were eating. You started it first because you knew I wouldn't ever start eating on my own. This time, it was my turn to ramble on. From time to time, I stopped because you'd look at me and I knew it wasn't just looking. You would stare at me as I talked. Your elbow on the table with your fist under your jaw as you faced me. A slight smile on your face and then, your eyes...

love...

You looked at me with all the love you felt for me.

And then I woke up... and this time for real.

And there was no more... you.

I stayed a little longer but your voice could no longer be heard because you no longer existed. My eyes looked up slightly to stare at the bands of patient tags that I had wrapped around my bedpost. Your patient tags. You were always so strong and I thought you'd be able to get thought it all.

Cancer was tougher than I had thought.

"I'm sorry but the doctors really couldn't save him this time" your grandmother said, the morning after you passed on.

She had said that in front of my house, where you were supposed to be like every morning before.

But there wasn't going to be mornings with you anymore...

There wasn't going to be doing anything with you anymore...

No more you...

No more us...

A small sob escaped my lips and suddenly tears started accumulating in my eyes. My body started to shrivel until I was curled into a ball as tear by tear, my cheeks started to get wet. Your name escpaed my chapped lips and I cried even harder.

Your voice, your smile, your ramblings, your ugly faces... the way you looked at me...

I wanted you back... I needed you back... and I still do...

... because I can't seem to do anything without you...

I saw you today...

I thought... I thought I saw you today...

I miss you,

(Lol at all these sad thoughts when exams are coming for me. Again, none of this is real TO ME as in I have not encountered this and hopefully me or anyone else does not have to. Sorry if this blog post hit a nerve in you or triggered a sad memory. I thought I'd just use my blog to post some thoughts I have)