alright alright after my last blog post which was like 5 minutes ago i thought a little and thought i might be over reacting and all (well ye i mean like, i think i am because i know what i was thinking about in my mind before which i did not put in the post) so i took note of some weird things about myself i noticed and wrote them down. then i searched up if it might meant something.

​symptoms of aniexty:

• Problems sleeping
• Cold or sweaty hands and/or feet
• Shortness of breath
• Palpitations
• An inability to be still and calm
• Dry mouth
• Numbness or tingling in the hands or feet
• Nausea
• Muscle tension (one way this presents itself is making you feel like you are shivering when you aren't cold)
• Dizziness
  • You don't have to be exhibiting all of the symptoms to be having an anxiety attack. Everyone is different.
  • Be aware that you could also have symptoms that are specific to you and not on a list somewhere.

literally ALL of them. im not joking, im not kidding im not trying to be an attention i am bloody serious when i say i get all those things regularly.

• i havent slept well for months, just tonight i had a dream where i witnessed THREE murder scenes. THREE.
• my feet are always stone cold, my mom always tells me the same about my feet and she even told me to see a doctor about it because she was worried my blood wouldnt flow well.
• shortness of breath comes along with my astma.
• palpitations is new to me. i didnt even know it could be seen as a symptom because i thought it was normal.
• i never stay still and thats just the way i am. either my leg is always shaking or my fingers are tapping. i didnt know this wasnt normal, either.
• dry mouth speaks for itseld.
• okay the numbness and tingling thing i had figured out long ago it wasnt normal. i also went to the doctor about it a couple months ago and they told me theres a muscle in my leg that is shorter than its supposed to be considering my height (168cm) and that it sometimes feels numb because of that. however i really do notice how my legs and fingers suddenly feel numb or tingly. and i always knew it wasnt something to shrug off. i went to the physiotherapist for like 4 months for this.
• nausea is something i felt the last two weeks. especially after i gave a thought about how my former close friend really dislikes me a lot now to the point they dont care if our friendship gets broken off in any way. also when i think of how awkward i suddenly am in roleplays, i used to be really bubbly and talkative and could befriend people quickly but these last few weeks i am so nervous about approaching people because i dont think they would like me. and because im nervous i say stupid stuff and i keep thinking they hate me because of it. im not likeable.
• dizziness, i would blame on the lack of sleep. or when about to do something or say something that all of sudden makes me nervous.

im actually a really straight forward person and i always have strong opinions and the fact that im feeling all things above makes me panic even more and it creeps the living hell out of me.

i dont even know what to do with this.

also, you guys might not care about it but im glad i wrote this post because if i decide to see the doctor, i can just show them this. because side fact: i just completely shut up when im in front of someone who's willing to help me. it started when i first began speaking to me therapist.

ugh. i just want to cry.

and i just want to have normal dreams again.