Sweet Talking Baby 2.

Title (2/5)

The title is unappealing to me. You have to choose a title that can draw the attention of the people. Besides I don’t understand why you chose that title, maybe in the prequel it has more sense, but since I haven’t read it I can’t tell.

Description and foreword (4/10)

I think the description is very short, yes it is true that goes straight to the point, but from my point of view it’s not enough to retain a person and make her/him read the story, unless he or she has already read the prequel of course. I like to read descriptions that are not too long and not too short, it has –once again– to capture the attention of the public. The description it’s very important, that it is going to decide if people will read your story or not. So it must contain precise and interesting information.

Appearance (3/5)

The graphic it’s okay, but it’s way too simple and plane. The purpose of the poster it’s to be the “face” of your story, so it has to tell us of what the story is about, it has to be related to the plot.

And what confuses me it’s the color of the graphic, it’s grey when the story is cute and sweet, it doesn’t make any sense, I can’t feel the fluffy atmosphere in it.

Moreover, regarding to the layout, it’s true that we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but let’s be realistic, almost everyone judge things by appearance, so the layout has a big responsibility. I personally like the stories that have beautiful and appealing backgrounds. This may sound stupid but we can compare this situation with malls, they have a certain atmosphere that makes people keep buying (this is real by the way, actually they hire sociologists to do that work if you didn’t know ^^), here is the same, you have to have a layout and an "environment" that makes me want to read.

Grammar and sentence structure (6/20)

Okay, sorry but I have to say this, there were many grammatical errors…a lot actually. There was a huge mess about verb conjugations. Sometimes you wrote with simple present, then with simple past and then present continuous, so yeah, you have problems to differentiate when to use these three, so I suggest you to check the basic grammar, you can google it actually. These errors were a big distraction for me, but I managed to enjoy the story anyways.

Besides there weren’t many descriptions and that bothered me a little bit, because when people read they have to imagine what is happening in the story inside their minds, so when there is no descriptions is very difficult to them to do that, in this way we lose an important essence of reading. Therefore, to avoid this situation, you have to describe the surroundings, the situations, the weather and even the psychological atmosphere of the story, this adds quality to the writing. Oh, and if you are planning to write scenes it is very important to describe in great detail everything, so the readers can imagine it easily and make it more entertaining, interesting and enjoyable.

So yeah, you have to work on that. But don’t worry, you can improve your grammar reading more fanfics (since you can learn from other people, I say that based on my personal experience) and writing more, obviously, to gain experience. You can do it! It's just a matter of practice honestly.

Story plot (5/15)

The plot is pretty ordinary, simple and repetitive to be honest. In the first chapters it was hard for me to concentrate on the story because it wasn’t going anywhere. Yet I think it’s super cute and familiar, and personally I like that kind of stories, especially if there is a baby involved. But again, it is not an innovative or original storyline. And now that I think about it I also feel that there is no defined plot, as if you had just written some scenes randomly and that’s it, as if you hadn’t planned the story beforehand. Also there wasn't a lot of action, there were no moments of , except for what happened with Yuri, but it was obvious that she was going to survive at the end. The story is obvious and predictable (except when Tae and fany lose their baby, I wasn’t expecting that), but despite everything I could enjoy it because it was very cute.

Characters (4/10)

The only characters that were partially well-defined were Yuri (who showed herself as a funny and carefree girl) and Sooyoung (who showed to be a rather temperamental girl), and the latter didn’t even appear constantly. I think the characters were not very dynamic and you made them very submissive, therefore unrealistic. Besides all the characters were alike in personality, they were quite plain. However I could laugh and cry with them anyways. But the character I personally liked most was Taeyeon, because she was an insecure girl and the fact that she were so awkward with kids was amusing to me. 

Story development (7/15)

As I said before the story became very repetitive after the first three chapters. In fact a person could skip whole chapters without losing the thread of the story, which is not good because it makes of the reading something rather boring and tedious. However it is easy to read and I could understand everything perfectly, it is not necessary to go back in order to understand what it’s happening.

Originality (3/10)

As I said before the story is not original. It’s a simple story about love and such. There was a little bit of twists, but it wasn’t enough to make it unpredictable.  

Overall enjoyment (4/10)

As I said earlier I like family stories, so despite everything I really liked it. Sometimes it was a bit boring, but it was cute. You're very good conveying emotions, I think I cried like three times, and it made me laugh a lot, since Yuri was a very dorky girl. But the lack of description, the poor grammar and the plot are things that I cannot ignore, I’m sorry. But keep going, improve yourself and good luck!

Total (38/100)