Hey there. It's been quite a while since I last posted a blog. Not really one to open up about anything so, sue me. Anyway, what I'm really trying to say here is, there are some things people on this site have been asking. My frequent absences from the writing scene being the most prevalent. Yeah, yeah, a little late for it, but what the hell. To answer those queries, let me list down the three sole reasons why I've been MIA. Everything according to level of relevance. ONE being the least relevant, and THREE being the most.

1. ADULT LIFE

As you may or may not know, I'll be turning twenty three in a few months, and in the past two years, I've been working my off for a decent living. Trying to get out of my parents' protective circle and build up my own career. I'll tell you this, the things you see on the web like "Don't grow up, it's a trap" and "Adults work themselves to death", all of it is true. Once you've jumped over the last obstacle of finishing your studies, it's technically every man for themselves from then on. Notion hit me hard as a charging bull Elephant. Pressure here, dissatisfaction there. You know the deal. Being a manager of a department in a company is no easy task, especially when you're in Human Resources. The perks make up for it, though. As of recently, I've gradually learned how to balance my life as an employee with my time here on AFF, but to give you all a fair warning, there will be cases where I don't update for weeks at a time. Now, I promise you that'll be the longest span of time I'l ever be away again.

2. IMAGINATION RUNNING AMOK

Topic speaks for itself. Any writer, from beginner to veteran, will always have a very active imagination. Both a good thing and bad. Why? Good because it means the amount of stories than can come to a writer's mind is potentially limitless. All he or she has to do is to write it down to words to keep the brain from overloading with information. Here comes the bad side. That's just it, even if a writer knows how to write the ideas down but can't find the proper words (writer's block),  writer's practically screwed until some form of inspiration hits in. Writer's block also retricts the formation of new ideas, ergo, the imagination goes into overdrive once it's gone. I've dealt with this multiple times in the past and I'm still as prone as anyone to contracting it again.

3. DEPRESSION

Here comes the real reason why I haven't been fulfilling my obligations here. Like any other growing young adult coming from a normal family, I had to mature in ways that will scare the out of any normal person, me included. I still am and it still does. At the tender age of thirteen, both my parents gave me responsibilities that were supposed to be carried by twenty-something year old's shoulders. I couldn;t understand why they gave such a heavy load on me and pushed me to the point of having chronic depression by the time I turned seventeen. Tried coping with it in many ways, which led me to discover the Korean culture, specifically, Korean Dramas and Girls' Generation. Been a fan since the Gee era and have loved them eversince. Listening to them, watching their variety shows and the dramas that were aired back then almost took away the pain completely. But to be completely honest, it had an unexpected side-effect of my family unintentionally ostracising me.

They say my choice of TV programs and music is abnormal and mental. They couldn't accept it, which is why I barely go out of the room unless it's to eat. Family tried to understand why, but they couldn't they never put themselves in my shoes. Their expectations were too much. Ruined my sense of individuality.

Add having a dysfunctional circle of friends and love life to that and my sanity almost went kaput. I've been used by so-called "friends", been cheated on by several women, embarassed in public by my own father, beat up for no reason, etcetera, etcetera. To make matters worse, my own siblings pulled me even lower than I already was during those times. It was so bad that I had resorted to self-infliction as a way of relieving my stress. The first cut is always the hardest. Yet, after doing the deed a couple of times, it starts to feel real good. Then, there's the instance where you're about to cross the thin line of keeping the pain and ending it right then and there. I almost crossed it. That's when I decided to get professional help.

Therapy worked wonders for me, and in time, got me to talk to my family and successfully make them understand what kind of person their son/older brother/younger brother is. Miraculously, our relationship became tighter, but just when things were becoming perfect, a tragedy happened. Less than a year ago, we lost someone we loved dearly with all our hearts. My eldest brother, the one I was closest to and the one who always watched my back,  died from a vehicular accident. This event caused my recent year-long hiatus from story writing. Imagine the feeling of someone literally ripping your heart out from your chest and multiply that by a hundred times. That's how painful it was. It still is. Not a day goes by where I don't think about him and burst into mess of tears and sadness. Not when I know he'll never be able to see his kids grow up. As of today, we're all slowly moving on. But as people say, the first year will always be the hardest. And his death anniversary is coming in a few short weeks. God rest his soul.

Ok, now you know why I've been such a bad author. Hopefully, this'll help you to understand why a lot of writers share the same sentiments about leaving the site for good. No need to worry. Planning on staying here and continue writing as long as the ideas come out of this noodle of mine. Thank you for taking time to read this. As always, peace out and until the next update. Later, peeps.