I wanted to be a detective and have smart deductive skills.

I wanted to be an artist to create beautiful images and pictures that delighted eyes.

I wanted to be a singer because I liked to sing, I wanted to be praised because of a beautiful voice.

I wanted to be a musician and reproduce music that was meaningful to me, music that fluttered my heart because it carried a memory I wanted to treasure.

I wanted to be a writer because of the romantic image that I had of them. Books and pens, older times. A desk and a candle. A lamp, in the darkness. The beautiful image of libraries and quietness where loneliness is the ideal.

I wanted to be a hair saloon owner because I dreamed of making people beautiful, applying make-up, cutting hair and creating styles that people liked.

I wanted to be a fashion designer to create beautiful dresses and clothes that everyone liked. I wanted to see my designs being modeled by beautiful people and make lots of money.

I wanted to be a ninja or samurai, I wanted to have discipline and martial skills. I dreamed with my animes as a child.

I wanted to be an actress to be able to live so many different lives that I couldn't in reality and become famous and make lots of money.

I wanted to be a doctor because I wanted to have the ability to help other people in need. I wanted to travel and volunteer around the world. I wanted to make lots of money too.

I wanted to be a cooker because I wanted people to like my food.

I wanted to be a janitor because I liked to clean.

I wanted to be a waitress and a dishwasher too.

At last I wanted to be a farmer and lead a peaceful life. Have a cottage near the river. An apple tree I could climb to and have a nap on. Washing and playing in the river and sometimes catching fishes. Having a cow I could milk and hens I could take eggs from. Wear squared shirts and suspender pants. Grow beautiful tomatoes and carrots. Eat from my own harvesting. 

Yeah... what a simple life.

So many things I wanted to be and none of them had become true. I only wanted to make lots of money. Why so much for money? Because money means security, money gives a sense of safety. Because I have nothing else. Because it's the only thing  that could give me the few pleasures in life I could enjoy. Just for the sake of having money...

Now I sleep restless at night at the edge of loosing the little I have, but what I'm grateful for.