I write because I ultimately feel nothing and it's a way to make something up, a make-pretend
that I'm filling something up, somewhere. And yeah, I do feel that my fics and poems are getting
redundant, in the sense that the characters are empty like me, and someone always makes
another feel better...except that last bit doesn't really happen in real life.

I have depression. And being depressed and having depression are two different things. I have
depression, and it's been four years. I don't know how I'm still breathing, really.

I'm not sure where I wanted to go with this blog post. I just felt like saying something, I guess?
Even though none of you would read this lol.

I'm planning to leave the fandom (but I've already stopped being part of fandoms long ago).
I love VIXX the most right now, and they're the only ones that cheer me up. I still write
iKON fics though...and I once was Jinhwan-biased but I can't say the same now. And I
feel a bit guilty because I feel like my readers think I have this massive love for iKON
but there's nothing. I just...sort of lost interest in everything. I've actually been a VIP
since forever. And when Big Bang released Loser, I...felt nothing. I thought that Big Bang
would be one of the things that would save me (like they did in October 2012 when they
made me realize I could dream), would survive my depression but I realized then that I
was wrong. I listen to the song a lot. I could ing relate to the music video so much.
And it just feels wrong staying on twitter and still tweet like I still give two s. So yea,
I left twitter with the hopes that I'd be leaving this place completely but I'm still writing fics
because it's an escape...and we all like to humor ourselves.