Bullsh*t.

Of course you have a favourite.

Everyone does.

And it just happened to be her, didn't it?

~

Dear readers;

Today, I'm doing many new things today.

Alright.

New is good, new is alright.

~

Your new attitude towards me isn't alright.

New is bad...

~

I often feel like we are too content with ourselves - that we "confuse peace with quiet", to quote Ultron...

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Why am I always the bad person who tries to ruin you?

I'm not though, I'm really not.

~

Why am I quoting a villian?

Because he has no soul.

He has no bias.

He has only influence from misplaced puzzle pieces placed inside him.

He is not swayed by other's words.

He is not weak - nor is he strong.

He is merely the best example in believing your cause.

If he'd been a good guy, how nice would that be?

~

I feel like a... spider.

A spider before someone kills it.

I can't bite, I can't attack, I can only scare and I don't even want to.

I just spin webs of security and catch annoying bugs for you.

I'm the only one looking out for you but you want me to go away...

~

We're terrified of bad people for the same reason we're terrified of the dark.

We don't know them.

Well... You could be scared of someone you know.

Maybe they're a dirty liar.

Or an idiot.

Or a betrayer.

~

Or maybe all three.

~

Who knows?

But maybe the dark is scared of us too.

We always try to get rid of it.

Some people like the dark because it's comforting - soft - warm - unassuming - cloaking.

Some people like spiders because they're fascinating creatures.

In a way, spiders are like trees.

But because spiders can kill people, are trees better than spiders?

But we make enemies of ourselves by using trees.

We write awful things on paper, construct barriers, create terrible weapons using wood.

~

I look at your final note and I think to myself, 'how I hate you!'

I don't really.

Well.

I do think that at times you deserve a slap.

~

I suppose trees could fall and injure people.

Isn't that what happened to Judy? She was trying to save General - the tree fell - and her neck broke?

But General was the one straying when he wasn't supposed to.

Whose fault is it really?

~

It's all yours.

It's all your fault, I wish you'd go away!

~

The problem is, is that we don't know.

~

This moment in life will pass too.

It will all pass.

Eventually.

~

Why are you so hungry for change, but you never do anything?

Why are you so... stubborn?

Look around you, beyond the shattered pieces of your heart.

They will mend.

And in time, so will you.

~

I don't want an 'eventually'.

I want a 'now'.

~

Why did you start?

Do you love what you're doing right now?

Or do you hate it?

~

I've just brought back another bottle.

23 pills should be enough.

Or do I need another 6?

~

Don't do it, look past it, if you're still alive, it means you still have things to do -

~

I want all of this to disappear.

And that can only happen if I disappear...

~

And if you still have things to do, it means there's still someone out there waiting for you to help them do it.

~

I don't need to have to listen to you.

What can you offer me?

Happiness?

~

It's a cold reality where parents can't see their children for money, where people can't see their loved ones for revenge, where souls are ripped to pieces because they can't see the consequence of pulling that trigger, swallowing that pill, running away all the time.

Aren't you better than that?

~

"And so, goodnight," I write.

I'm falling - falling...

~

Can't you see beyond the faults of other to the faults of yours?

And if not, can't you see beyond your faults to those of others?

Why must it always be either their fault or yours?

~

I don't know what to do anymore!

~

Can't you just open your eyes and thank God for the unending sky?

~

They all pretend that they know how I really, but they don't.

I know they don't because they're not me.

~

But you don't know how they feel...

~

"You confuse peace with quiet."

You see her? You see her smiling?

That doesn't mean she's happy.

You hear him? You hear him laughing?

How do you know that it's... real?

 

 

 

 

Dedicated to the lonely tonight.

Because I feel lonely too.

Yours sincerely,

Jayjay