It's not working

You know what? I'm sick of crying and I'm tired of trying. I know that I smile and become all cheery but on the inside I'm dying. I keep on trying to keep myself positive but I don't know if I can anymore. The whole world feels like it is against me and pushing down on me. I have done something I'm not proud of. I want to do something I know that no one would be proud of. And there are a lot of people in my life who will ignore me until they need me and I'm just tired of pretending like that doesn't bother me. Every time someone asks me how I'm doing I want to say so much but all I ever say is "I'm fine." I don't know if I can pretend like I'm ok anymore. I keep telling everyone that it is ok to be sad and to not keep what they're feeling inside and I feel like a hypocrite. I have tried to be strong for too long. I have kept all of my feelings bottled inside because I am afraid to breakdown. I don't like the feeling of being vulnerable. Sometimes I wish that my friends could just see that when I say I'm ok that I'm really not, but I know that they aren't mind readers. I know that if my father was still here he would be upset that I kept all of this in. I don't know how to talk to anybody about this. I am On the brink of breakdown but I don't know when that time will come. I feel like now that I'm a professional at fake smiling. I just... Don't know anymore

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CelestiaTaehyung #1 Apr 28, 2015 04:55:22

You aren't weak. If you he that one person you can tell everything to, then you can go to them if you wish. Keeping things on the inside isn't something that certain people do, but everyone does it every now and then. I do it all the time and it helps when I have someone to talk to that I know will understand and just lend me a shoulder to lean against. Everyone is the same but everyone is still different. Thin about all the good that has happened in your life and you can tell all of us on here what I on your mind. We can be your pillar in times like this. I will be hard at times but there is always a way to bounce back stronger and better then ever.

krazymonster94 #2 Apr 28, 2015 03:08:27

*hugs* if you ever need someone, I'm here for you.

Keywell #3 Apr 28, 2015 00:31:19

I agree with Taoris95. Just because you want to tell someone how you feel doesn't make you weak. You know what you want in life, you want to get over this cliff(hard times) without falling. Try telling someone you trust how you feel. Most of the time, just telling someone you trust takes the pressure off of you. You are strong. I know you don't know me, but just know that I care.

Taoris95 #4 Apr 27, 2015 22:56:00

*hugs you very tightly* sweetie, you've been strong for so long, it's okay to talk to someone about how you're feeling. Just because you need help, it doesn't make you vulnerable or weak. You're such an incredibly strong person, please don't give up. I won't ever judge you, so please always feel free to talk to me. I know you might feel unneeded at times, but I promise there are people out in the world who would be crushed if you were gone (myself included) come talk to me sweetie, I'm always here. Please don't hurt yourself, you don't deserve that