I've been increasingly sad in the past few months and I've been trying to get rid of it but, I just don't know how to make myself happy again. I feel like a rollercoaster. I'll have several little moments throughout the day where I feel on top of the world and as though my sadness was just a phase. And then. It happens again. Something triggers inside my mind and it tells me that

I'm just a nobody.

I deserve to die for all of the things that I've done.

Your friends aren't really your friends.

They hate you.

They're talking about you.

She won't forgive me.

It lasts for several hours and I can feel the days merge into each other. What I thought was yesterday was several months before and they give me strange looks. He noticed that I seem sad. I tell him I'm just tired and he's my bro so he takes my word for it. If only they knew but.

How are you supposed to tell someone that you're depressed,

That you just want them to listen to you,

They don't have to say anything,

They don't need to help,

without getting them worried?

I hate it. I hate me. I hate them. I wish my thoughts would just stop. Just for a moment.

Anyways.

I'm doing these journal entries to see my emotional status throughout the months and because I have no where else to spill myself out to anyone. I'm sure they'd think I'm just a strange emotional mess. But yeah, I want to be able to do one each week. Whew.

Random made-up lyrics while listening to music

I don't think I'm up to it.

My heart just can't take

what my brain is thinking