I need T.O.P to slide into the frame and say, "long time no see, long time no see".

Erm, yeah. Hey guys. The.....weather's pretty nice, huh?

Ha, but it really does feel awkward. I've been gone for a little over half of a year.

I just dropped you guys. Kept you in the shadows. Neglected you.

Yeah I kind of sort of feel like for that.

Now, to explain.

Well let me start off by saying that my "irl" life isn't made of sunshine and rainbows. I had depression for a portion of my life- towards the last years of high school.

But a month after school ended I thought that I had finally gotten out of it. I felt better than ever. Of course there were some side effects; I no longer had a high self-esteem, I lost confidence very easily, I was a heavy procrastinator, and I could cry on cue. But in general I was doing way better than I was back in the days where I refused to even shower and had suicidal thoughts. I was light hearted again.

During those times I sort of wanted to ignore my life. I wanted to find an escape. That escape became Kpop.

I would literally fantasize and have dreams about meeting my bias, befriending idols, marrying my bias, BECOMING an idol. I was so happy in the fake world I had created. I knew that none of it would ever happen, but I didn't care. I was just happy to have a distraction.

However, then tragedy struck in the Kpop fandom. When Rise and EunB died in that car accident, it scared me. Of course I knew that idols and bands have been in accidents before. But no one had ever been killed or had life threatening injuries. It sort of made it seem as if they were immortal. Well that delusion was swiped away along with the lives of those beautiful and talented girls. Then more and more accidents happened, then scandals appeared, then lawsuits were going left and right, and then members started leaving. My little haven had shattered. And yeah, it kind of hit me hard considering it was the only thing that I was leaning on.

Turns out that you can't completely get rid of depression. It claws deep into your heart and hides itself; just waiting for the moment that you show weakness.

So yeah.....I sort of lost all of my motivation to do anything.

Also, I started writing my JongKey fics back when SHINee were ually frustrated and raging homouals. There was fan service every-damn-where. But towards the end of the year they sort of disappeared in Japan (as an American fan it was difficult to get news about them or photos and videos), became all cute and innocent, and the gay fan service just sort of calmed down. So, as a writer of gay , my motivation calmed down as well.

Top all of that off with some family issues and a few health scares and there you go; that's the reason why I disappeared.

But, the Kpop fandom has lightened up. Things have settled down, SHINee's Tokyo Dome concert happened (hell yeah I listened to it) and 50 Shades of Key became a thing. Now SHINee is having a comeback and B.A.P seem to be moving as well.

Let's just say.....I'm back, baby. I also have learned things.....what, did you think I was just wasting away? Nah. I learned a lot about writing and literature while I was away. Hopefully you can see that when I start posting stories again.

But that might not be for a little while. I'm going to clean up my account a bit. Re-write some stories, make things pretty, discard stories that I have absolutely no hope for. I'm also going to write out a few chapters of MMS before I post them.

So see you soon guys. I'm sorry for leaving you, and yes, I sure as hell missed you.