A few warnings before you continue reading this my dearest stars...

1. This is a rant post

2. This is about my UB, Wu Yifan and his latest speech when he received an Outstanding Youth Award

3. I'm going to talk about my personal opinions

4. I'm pretty emotional right now

5. This is an long post

Okay, so if you're still reading after my warnings, then maybe you could share your thoughts with me on this? :)

So if you don't know it yet, I've been stanning Wu Yifan (who is Kris then) since I've known EXO during the Wolf era and I've watched EXO-M's History.

Sure, I was taken away by his ridiculously good looks and his deep voice that makes the hair at the back of my neck stand whenever I hear it.

And because he sounds so y when he's speaking in English. LOL~ at least we can converse normally if ever we will meet each other, right? :P

I've followed him throughout their promotions from Wolf up to Growl and I admired him even more with the speeches that he has given to thank the fans. It might be because he's obligated as one of the leaders of EXO but his short message is usually what gets to me because even though it is short, it's heartfelt.

I fell for him more (okay, maybe exaggerated but you know what I mean?) during EXO's Showtime. There, we saw the Yifan and not the cold city guy Kris that we are used to seeing. Yifan is a clumsy and funny guy who tries his best to keep his image but fails miserably because he's just the way he is.

As I was getting into him more, I've come across the issue of delay of the boys' promotion for XOXO because of Kris going AWOL for sometime. I'm still not sure if this is completely true so I shrugged it off.

Also, during their past interviews and eventually EXOST, we witnessed Yifan's great love for his mom. The way that Luhan and Lay imitated the way he acts when he misses his mom pricked at my heart because when those two did it, it may be funny but when I imagined Yifan doing it, I feel a little hurt.

It is also in EXOST that I noticed that something is wrong. Please watch ep 12 again and you will understand me, I guess?

And then they came back with Overdose. I was really happy because somehow, EXO-M was given more attention though the reason isn't something joyful (the Sewol tragedy that pushed back EXO-K's activities in Korea). I also saw the joy Yifan felt when they were receiving awards in China and again, his speeches... but my heart was also weary then because that is the time when Tao was performing on stage even though he's got a high fever and looking like he might collapse any second. Poor panda

That's why I was utterly surprised when my bestfriend called me at work during my lunch break and broke to me the news that Yifan has filed a lawsuit against SM. It may not be indirectly stated there but I know what that means in the end.

Kris, Wu Yifan, is leaving EXO for good.

I was shocked, disappointed, sad and hurt at first but when I've read the reasons for his lawsuit, I came to understand him and see things from his point of view - that the lawsuit is the only way for him to be living better

I wasn't happy because I won't be seeing him anymore with the other boys but still I respected his choices. Who am I to judge him when he hasn't falied to thank his fans whenever there is an oppurtunity? He worked hard for us. He tried but things doesn't always turn out as planned.

And then his speech came out and I want to bawl my eyes out.

He wanted to become a basketball player but because he won't be reaching 190cm and he had an ankle injury which may be dangerous if reinjured, he explored another dream.

And he was pursuing the path of being an idol.

He said it in his speech that the training he went through is comprehensive but strict. He learned many things, of course but he was feeling homesickness. And then he realized that the dynamics of a large group won't be much favorable for individual growth given the oppurtunities that their company *ehem* is giving him. he felt scared because he was uncertain as to where this dream of his will lead him.

He may be working hard for so many years and yet, he will still be known as Kris of EXO and not Wu Yifan. the insecurity took its toll on him that's why I think, when his mother has told him that he can always come home, he did. He received a reassurance that there is something that he could go back to and that something, or someone, is certainly a part of his life no matter what. I daresay that at this point, Yifan was doing things not because he wants to but because he needs to and it gets old. So when another chance for him to get out of the box he was in, he took it.

And he's happy. He said that his mentors were kind and encouraging. He took those to his heart and it gave him strength to get to where he is right now. Maybe, back when he was in EXO, he didn't get such words because he might be overshadowed by the others. I've got to admit that he's not the most idol material in the group and he may just be in because of his good looks so he probably wasn't praised as much as the others. That might have an effect on him as well.

With this, I could describe Yifan in a few words:

warm

loving

funny

determined

insecure

scared

human

Many fans regard their idols as perfect and flawless but Yifan is an example that that is not always the case. Those idols that we love and see on our computers and tvs aren't that different from us in real life. They also feel emotions. They also make mistakes. They are also human.

It probably took a lot of guts fro Yifan to be talking about this in front of so many people. Many can see him as vulnerable because he let himself succumb to something that could've easily overcome if he has just gone to the right people... blah blah blah. But we're not Yifan. We may not know where this is coming from because we haven't experienced being away from our family to pursue our dream. It's not a walk in the park but hard work is needed because it was a choice he made. But after all the sacrifice that you made, you can't see clearly the fruits of your labor. Negativity can emerge at situations wherein you are feeling bad and you won't be able to escape them easily. That may lead for us to crack and face the reailty that we might be living in a life where we might not be truly belonging to.

So to those who have turned against Yifan because he's an ungrateful traitor, I bet to disagree. Not because I'm his fangirl but also because I can see him in a different light. Sure, it might just turn out that his decision of leaving EXO is another mistake but if that would happen, it will still be kept as an experience wherein he learned something and he can go and move on.

I hope the SM moves on as well so that everything will be settled. This has dragged on for too long. And Luhan's too.

And I just wish that they stop putting Yixing, that lovely angel unicorn, into the spot because of the articles that has been showing up lately that implies that KrisHan had been jerks for living because now Yixing has to try extra hard just to keep the people's trust in Chinese artists and that KrisHan had been heartless cowards for leaving the group as the other members has asked Yixing if he would leave too.

Srsly, just stop. Don't put Yixing in a compromising situation which I doubt he wants to get involved to. Let the guy enjoy his studio in China and continue the work that he loves instead of using his words against two people (who I believe) that he considered (or still considers) as friends. I hate the hate that's being unnecessarily drawn to our unicorn.

And I'm just super curious. Do you think if KrisHan hadn't left, would the members, especially Tao and Lay, be getting these individual projects that are raining on them?

For me, I think it is a strategy to save face. And put the blame on those who are 'too impatient' for their turn.

Okay, sorry. This rant has went too long. But if you've read til the end, well, thanks!

And because of that, I'm giving you this...

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

OKAY, SORRY. I SHOULD UPDATE ALREADY AND I'LL TRY MY BEST PROMISE!