Yea so I know that taking out my sadness online may not be the best thing ever but... there's really no one else I could talk to.

I've come to the realization that I am doomed to be alone forever. Why do you ask? Let's  list the reasons I've been thinking of.

1. I'm not a fot person at all.

2. I'm into Kpop and Jrock and all of this other stuff (that I wouldn't give up for the world) that other people don't find normal or cute.

3. I'm not cute. I'm not even that pretty.

4. I'm invisible to the opposite because I'm somewhat shy and quiet sometimes. I don't really stand out. (except as that tall black girl with all the short and/or cute friends and very few tall ones)

5. When I'm not invisible, they see me as this loud, somewhat obnoxious, but fun to be around person. Which leads to:

6. I'm so fun to be around that I'm basically one of the guys. Except with s. Which in turn leads to:

7. I become the little sister of the group, or like a best friend sort of thing.

8. When I start liking a guy, that's when he finds a girlfriend.

9. I'm always the one guys go to when they're having girl trouble, especially if I don't know the girl.

10. They think I'm motherly.

There were more reasons but I can't seem to remember them. I believe I've tried everything. I've changed my hair, started wearing a little make-up but making sure not to use too much, I got contacts, I'm wearing y, yet comfy, clothing. I've put myself out there in every possible without making it look like I'm a and hopefully in a way that says I'm not desperate either.

But I guess I am. I'm 18 years old, and I haven't even gotten my first kiss yet. Never came close to having my first kiss. Never came close to having a guy be interested in me. At least a cute one. I'm not even looking for cute anymore! I'm just looking for someone nice, who I can talk to sometimes, who's not disgusting(ly ugly) or a douche bag. I mean there's got to be someone!!!

See now I've gone from depressed and sad to angry at the world in general! Why can't I find someone?! I mean, I'm not ugly. I may not be the cutest or coolest or thinnest thing out there but I'm not horrible looking! And I have a great personality. I'm caring, nice, a very loyal friend, and I know how to cheer people up and be there as a shoulder to cry on or an open ear.

Now I feel like I'm putting an ad out! God what the hell is wrong with me!? I'm going to stop now. I'm going to wash my face, do my Japanese homwork, watch my roommate perform, and maybe watch a movie (if there's time). And hell, I might even write another chapter!!

Hmmm.....

Maybe this writing about my feelings thing does sort of work.

Sorry to bother whoever reads this. I feel like I've wasted your time now. But if you did read this to the end, thank you. I feel slightly better now. ^.^