The product of staying up until 12 midnight to write this because I wanted to.
WARNING: angst. (Jonghyun & IU) & it's not THAT good, so... :3
If you do read though, do leave a comment xD
 

She would sit there and remember the good times. She would remember how her plain, simple life before he came along. It was like when she wanted to give up on everything, he came along. And when he did, she was grateful. Grateful for a shoulder to cry on, grateful for a friend to support her, grateful for just having someone by her side.

(That’s when I found you.)

*

2007

She remembered how they first met. She was riding. Horses, of course, at the stable. She often went there alone, because it was run-down and nobody used it, plus the owner had left the place already, with one horse left. It was huge and brown, but it reminded her of herself. Left alone, left broken, left with no one to care for. She named the horse Lonely. Every few days she would go there, and feed the horse. She took up riding a while later, when she was more familiar with him.

Riding was her escape. Escape from the cruel world she lived in, having to manage part time jobs just to pay for her school fees. Having to manage without friends, without parents… It was a world she wanted to escape from, and riding… Riding was absolutely perfect. She loved the way Lonely would gallop across the fields, and the way the wind blew against her face, the exhilaration that it brought along.

But then one day, there was a guy who appeared among the forests. He wore a pink checkered shirt, with brown lines, brown pants and a purple hat. At least, she always thought it was purple, but maybe it was just the light. He approached her, and she stopped, pulling Lonely slowly. She pushed her hair to the side and eyed him.

“Who are you?”

It took a moment for him to reply. But when and as he did, he took light steps forward. Lonely retreated, and he made a sound, like he was snorting. The guy smiled gently, and his eyes seemed calm and peaceful. He had his hands in his pockets.

“Kim Jonghyun,” he said easily, “and yours?”

She’d never had anyone go so far as to introduce themselves to her. To Jieun, this was new. She felt uncomfortable and self-conscious, so she cleared and didn’t meet his eyes as she answered, stuttering. “L-Lee Jieun…” Apparently, he’d found this funny, because he laughed, and lay his hand on Lonely’s head. The horse nuzzled against his palm, taking an obvious interest to him.

“Is he yours?” Jonghyun asked, admiring the animal.

“Sort of,” she answered, Lonely. “It’s kind of complicated.”

“Well, I have time…”

And just like that, they spent a whole afternoon conversing, exchanging contented smiles as she rode slowly, with him walking beside the horse. She told him about how she found Lonely, and why she named him Lonely, and how she’d taken care of him for the past few weeks. But that was all she said. Because she didn’t want to tell him everything.

He knew that she wasn’t exactly very comfortable with him. He knew things like these. He felt them right down to his bones. Intuition, he liked to call it. He knew he had to gain her trust somehow.

“May I?” He asked, pointing to Lonely.

For a second she was confused, then she realized that he was asking if he could get on Lonely and ride him. She nodded nonchalantly, and getting off the horse carefully. He got up without difficulty, and rode him around for a bit. She watched him, interest flickering in her eyes. For the first time, maybe, she felt like she could actually make a friend. And that ‘maybe’ was confirmed when he stopped before her, scooted a little forward and patting onto the spot behind him.

“Would you like to…?” Jonghyun’s question trailed off, assuming that she’d known what he meant without him actually deliberately putting it as a request.

A smile lit up her face as she nodded. With his help, she stepped on, swung her leg over, and placed her hands on his shoulder. The position felt awkward, but she couldn’t get too comfortable, since it was the first time they met. Jonghyun made Lonely start off with a trot, and then increased to a canter, a graceful three-beat, and finally, a four-beat full out run, smooth and fast.

Even though it was a gradual increase, when Jonghyun pushed the horse into a run, she felt her arms instinctively wrap around his waist, and when she tried to pull away once she’d found her balance, he placed his hand on one of her arms.

He said a few words, and she couldn’t really make it out clearly, but she heard something like…

(I’ll go ahead and see, and take my chance on you.)

*

She remembered how on one of those days where he’d promised her that he would meet him, he wasn’t there. She was disappointed, yet she didn’t know why. It wasn’t as if she liked him. She saw him merely as a companion. Of course, that was what she thought she saw him as. At that point in time, she never knew what love meant. That day, she dejectedly walked towards Lonely, who started to make a fuss.

The horse just wouldn’t listen to her, and instead brought her deep into the woods, where she found a note on a tree. Lonely had stopped right there, and used his hoof to lightly kick the tree, causing leaves to rustle and fall onto the ground. She chuckled, and took the note from the bark.

Follow the roses. I’ll be waiting. For you. You’ll find me, I promise. — J.

J?

It couldn’t be Jonghyun. She dismissed the thought, thinking that it was just her delusional imagination, but followed the path of pink roses on the ground. They were in full blossom, and she couldn’t believe she never came here before. The place was breathtakingly beautiful.

She walked for what seemed like eternity until she reached a huge field of roses. Lonely was following behind her. It suddenly dawned on her that she could’ve just rode Lonely. She laughed at her own stupidity, but then the note in her hand reminded her that she had to find Jonghyun someone.

Her eyes swept through the fields, but no one was there. Her gaze lingered for a little more, hoping that it wasn’t just a sick joke that someone played on her (whoever it could be; no one knew that the stable was still… in pretty okay shape). No one—

“Lee Jieun!” In an instant she felt strong arms around her, swooping her up from the ground and spinning her around, then she was turned so that she faced the person (who almost gave her a heart attack). Without looking though, she already knew that it was Jonghyun. The same velvety, sweet yet firm voice. But she needed to force herself to blink twice and pinch herself before she could confirm that this wasn’t a dream.

“You gave me a heart attack!” That was the first thing she yelled, and he flinched, but kept her in his arms, pulling her closer and resting his chin on her head. She’d never been this physically close to him before. She felt her cheeks heat up, and there were butterflies in her stomach. “Well, it was for a good reason… I wanted to tell you something special today.”

She looked up at him, tilting her head to the side in a curious manner.

She could’ve sworn he blushed for just a few seconds before confessing. “I’ve never actually done this before… It’s always the other way around. But since… well… Okay I’ll just get straight to the point. I don’t know what it is, but since the first time I set my eyes on you, it seemed surreal. Like time stopped just for a moment to prolong the minute I had to admire your beauty. Cheesy as it may sound… In the time we spent together, each second has been something I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. I know you’ve never opened your heart to anyone before, but I want to make… your first… someone to remember… And hopefully… forever.”

He said forever like he meant it. He’d put it all so bluntly, and it was all laid out for her. He watched with bated breath as she tried to take it all in, disbelieving of the whole situation. Meanwhile, Lonely who was behind them, nudged her side, snapping her back into reality.

She couldn't understand what exactly he was trying to convey, and she didn’t want to get the wrong idea, so she asked softly, “… And your point is?”

“Maybe it’s too early, but I really, truly feel that… I love you, Lee Jieun. The feelings I have for you are so strong. Every moment I’m not with you, you’re on my mind. And when you are, you’re also in my mind. You never left. Will you… be mine?”

Her heart pounded. She could hear it pound, and her blood rushed through her body, racing like never before. She bit her lower lip. She knew he could trust him, but whether or not she could be a good girlfriend or not, she wasn’t sure. But that uncertainty seemed okay. She could live with it, and in fact, she loved what she was feeling. It felt… right.

“Yes, Jonghyun… Yes. A million times yes!”

(If this is love, I’ll never let go.)

*

2010

Fast forward three years and they were still together. Each with their own careers. Jonghyun became a vocal teacher and Jieun, a fashion designer. They both live in Seoul, and just recently, their third year anniversary had passed. Their love never once faded over the years, and they’d never wavered. They quarreled, but mostly petty quarrels. She came to realize that Jonghyun only started those fights just to make up with her. She didn’t mind though, make ups usually involved a lot of kissing. Neither of them could complain.

“Mhm, I’m almost done. Just attending to a few more students, and I’ll be right out there. Wait for me. Okay, bye! See you in a bit.”

“Who was that, Mr. Kim?” A student (her name was Hyerin) asked, with a sickly sweet voice. She batted her eyelashes coyly and her friend (Hana) stood beside her, doing the same. Of course, Jonghyun was completely oblivious. “Just someone I’m meeting later. Now, what was that question you wanted to ask me?”

“Well, you see—”

“Jonghyun!” Hyerin was cut off unexpectedly as a woman flitted into the room, her voice warm and inviting, but her gaze was completely the opposite as she glared at the students. She took Jonghyun’s hand and kissed his cheek, taking her place beside him. The two students’ eyes widened, taken aback and rooted to the ground in shock.

“Mr. Kim, who is this?” Hana asked absentmindedly.

Jonghyun chuckled and wrapped an arm around Jieun’s waist. “My girlfriend. But never mind her, what was it you wanted to ask me?”

Hyerin frowned at Jieun and shook her head quickly. “Never mind Mr. Kim, I figured out my answer… already… Yeah… Uh… Bye!” Hana followed behind her friend, who was running off sheepishly, her hand scratching her neck. Jonghyun realized what Jieun was trying to do, and he just laughed. Jieun let go off his hand and folded her arms across her chest. Clearly, she wasn’t exactly pleased with her reaction. She was expecting a (much) more enthusiastic hello.

He shook his head slowly, a smile playing upon his lips, as he made his way over to her, his arms around her waist, pressing himself against her. Cheekily, he whispered into her ear, “I saw what you did there, Ji baby… Jealous?” She in her breath, ready to give him an earful, in complete denial that she was jealous, but before she could say anything, he shifted her loose top around and placed light, damp kisses along her neck, shoulders, and jaw line. “You can’t possibly be jealous of a few students who wanted to ask me questions, right?”

It took all of her energy to push him away and turn around to face him. “They were hitting on you. And it annoyed me. Anyway, I knew something was up when I heard giggling while I was calling you. Could you be anymore oblivious, Jonghyun?”

He knew she was angry, and only one thing could help. He leaned forward and kissed her softly, lingering on her lips a little longer, but gentler than he usually did, his hands on the back of her neck, where she was slightly ticklish. She smiled immediately, but didn’t kiss back (they both knew she wanted to).

“You think you can bribe me with kisses?”

“Well, it seems to work most of the time.”

“Seriously, Jonghyun.”

“I love you too, baby.”

*

She remembered though, most clearly, the day she’d received that one call. She was at home, waiting for him to come back. It was the day after he’d proposed to her, and he promised to come over for dinner, but it was getting extremely late and she was worried. Jonghyun was almost never late. She was about to call him when she received a call first. It was an unknown number, but she picked up anyway.

They first confirmed her identity, and then she was hit with the big news. Jonghyun had gotten into a car accident. His car had skidded. He crashed straight into a tree and died on the spot from the impact, but the police managed to find a note in his hand, blood dotting the paper. It was a ‘hit-and-run’ case kind of thing, so he had crashed into another car and that car just sped off, according to some witnesses. He must’ve written this moments before he died. The writing was messy, but it was still readable.

I don’t regret ever meeting you. I don't regret spending years of my life with you. I don’t regret any day we’ve spent since. I don’t regret loving you. I love you, Jieun. Baby, I really do. I’m sorry, so, so sorry we never got a chance to get married in the church your parents did. But hey, at least I proposed, right? So legally, you’re still my fiancée? Don’t be anyone else’s, please… Let me be selfish… Just be mine, forever… I love you.

(Life is sweet, but it stole my angel.)

*

She would feel guilty sometimes, since she betrayed him, in a sense. She was now married with a child, to a man called Choi Minho, someone who understood her, someone who didn’t care what she’d gone through before, someone who could help her move on.

“Ji, honey?”

Minho opened his arms and appeared at the doorway of their bedroom. She didn’t feel like getting up, and he nodded slowly, making his way over to her and enveloping her in his hug. She closed her eyes tightly, fighting back the tears that were choking her, but she cried anyway. Minho knew that he would never really replace Jonghyun in her heart, even though it had been so many years since that had happened, but he was willing to wait till the day he could.

“Oh, Ji…” Minho whispered, cooing into her ear and rubbing her back. “You’re thinking of him again, aren’t you?”

She wanted to say no, she wasn’t, and that she’d finally gotten over him, but she couldn’t. It would be lying to Minho. So she didn’t reply. He shook her head, and lay down on the bed with her. She snuggled close to him. What she needed now was someone she could just wordlessly stay with her. She needed skin-to-skin contact, she needed to feel loved, protected, warm… Anything.

Minho was just the person. He slowly ran his hand through her dark locks as she shook violently, crying harder and harder. He was glad that Minyoung was asleep; it would be horrible if the child woke up to her mother’s crying. He rocked Jieun steadily, kissing the top of her head a few times, hoping that she would stop crying soon. He hated to see her cry.

She couldn’t help it.

She loved Jonghyun. She hurt for him. But since he was gone, she had to move on. Question was, how was she going to do something that wasn’t humanly possible?

(Our love is like the wind, I can’t see it, but I can feel it.)