So this man...

yep, this man.

he's handsome, and talented, and smart, and witty, and funny, and a strong person, and HE'S UGLY (in my dictionary-- and please pretend I didn't placed handsome in the first part of this sentence.)

so this man...

I fcking hate this man. with fiery passion.

He's a pain in the arse.

He always makes me cry.

He always makes me angry.

irritated.

engraged.

agitated.

breathless.

Everytime I see him I always get this feeling on my chest that it feels like it's being squeezed and I feel like dying but I'm not.

Everytime I see him I always have tears gathering in my eyes, my throat constricted. I'm not a crying person.

Which is crazy.

Because it's only him who could only make me cry like this.

I want to hate him with all my heart but at the same time, I can't.

Because as much as I hate him, I, am fcking in love with him.

...for more than 2 years now.

And I don't know what to do anymore.

He's my kryptonite,

my reverie,

my own kind of drug,

my own kind of poison,

my kind of suicide.

But to him?

I'm nothing.

But that's okay, because he doesn't even know me. I'm just another fish in his eyes when he's my whole fcking ocean. A lot of woman would want him, and he would never spare a glance at me--

or maybe he will, but his eyes would never bother to stay.

Why am I even posting this blog anyway? I don't know. Maybe this is the only place I have in mind where I could pour my feelings out.

Anyway, thank you for reading my crappy thoughts and my drama.

The thought on this blog are scattered and unfinished.

Just like my brain.

Just like my heart.

Adios.