I just needed to throw up this nasty feeling

I learnt these days that talent doesn't mean sucess.

Hardwork doesn't mean payoff.

To dream doesn't mean to accomplish.

And real life .

I can't lie: sometimes I can't find any rational reason where I can land my feet on and live one more day of uncertainness, one more week of unstability, one more month of vain hopes. I look around I can't see a single friendly fire, a single hope spark. Just darkness. I'm tired of being a burden to my old sick mother, to my busy sister and my impoverished family. Such a ungrateful, inconsiderate useless bastard child. I'm tired of so much self-pity. I just wanna sleep forever and forget reality, forget debts, forget dreams, forget myself. But that's not possible.

Maybe I'm way too coward to take my own life, or way too stubborn to keep living, or way too afraid of wasting my only chance in this earth, but I'm here, living through another day, numb.

I can't take this no more.
I know I need to get a grip on my , but put it in practice would mean to give up on my dreams to keep living.
And I know better, this will kill me sooner or later, one way or another; but is better later than now, and it's better figurative than literal. I just hope I have the guts shoot my soul in a such heartless way like this.

I'm just a bunch of broken ideals, shattered dreams, bitterness and survival instinct.

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KakashiFreak #1 Feb 26, 2015 11:45:16

Sometimes, it's the very things that make us want to self-destruct that also give us the needed strength to get by, and make it through this ed up world. If you have talent, flaunt it. If you have dreams, strive for them. If you work hard, dreams WILL be accomplished. We're human, it's inevitable we become on edge when it feels like our hard work isn't visibly paying off, but just remember that working hard can only bring you one step closer to attaining those goals you have. If you give up, you're stuck in a rut and neither moving backwards or forwards. At least by trying, you're always moving forwards; even if it's a little step, it's still something.

The road to success is never one you'll find is a easy and straight-forward course. In general, no-one has lived life properly if they haven't faced some sort of hardships. What separates the successful and unsuccessful is how they deal with those hardships, and what they take away from it. You can either learn to channel that negative energy into determination, and continue to persevere, or you can just give up and let the blunders in your life slowly eat you alive. Just keep in mind, that a storm is never permanent, one of these days the sun will shine again.

From experience, I can only tell you that yeah, life can , but there are also so many good things to live for. Count your blessings every day, and do what makes you happy. Take time our for yourself, go for a walk, scream into a pillow, anything that will release the negative energy you have pent up inside you. If you want to talk, I'm only a message away. I know you might think I'm just a person on the internet, but sometimes it's nice to just talk to someone who's not directly in your social bubble, and is just a neutral source. I care, and if you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears. You're never alone, remember that Kalie.