A/N - Chapter 9 reposted! Oh, and for HanSang (i think it was) who asked a while back who actually sang the song at the bottom in real life. It's IU's song (that's why i picked it). It's called 'The story only i didn't know' and you can listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGWZUtfV3IU

Chapter 9 – My fault I no longer deserve to love

Ji-eun POV

I sat down opposite of Sanghyun with a tray of coffee and bandages. Only after I had come back from getting changed did I see that wound. Idiot! How dare he hide his injury! Whilst his hand had stopped bleeding a long time ago, the wound was still large and in dire need of bandaging. Taking the medical kit in my hand I glared at him until he proffered his injured hand.

“Thanks.” He muttered. I smiled at his prideful nature and the way he winced adorably as I applied the antiseptic. However, he stayed quiet throughout. A strong, prideful baby. Within minutes, I had his hand bandaged. Then I offered him his coffee.

He accepted it and took a sip. Then he stared at me, shocked.

“What?” I asked, feeling self-conscious at having just come out of the shower in shorts and a loose shirt.

“Nothing…” he trailed off. “Just the coffee…”

“Is it too sweet?” I jumped up quickly. I didn’t know how he liked his coffee, so I had made it the same as mine. Perhaps I should’ve asked.

“No, no!” he quickly reassured me and motioned for me to sit again. “It’s just…my old girlfriend used to make it this way for me.” He smiled faintly.

“Old girlfriend?” I couldn’t help myself.

“Oh,” he said with a faraway gaze. “It was a long time ago. I’m sure she’s forgotten about me.” He took another sip of his coffee and smiled at the sweet taste. I remember what I had put in there: a dash of milk to make it latte and then a squirt of caramel. I don’t even know why I did it instead of asking him. Just…natural instinct?  He had seemed the sweet-tooth type to me.

“I doubt she would ever forget someone like you.” I gently, swirling my own coffee.

“Oh, you’d be surprised.” He smiled gently. “I’m certain she’s forgotten about me.”

“Why?” I asked as I watched his face fall again. “What’s wrong?” I scooted around the table and next to him. “You can tell me.”

He stared into my face as if trying to decide whether or not to believe me.

“I’m a stranger.” For some reason, he flinched. But I persisted. “Sometimes spilling your feelings to strangers makes you feel better.”

He looked at me deeply, uncertainty still painted across his face.

“Trust me.” I whispered.

“Okay…” he whispered back, his face close to mine. “I’ll tell you.”

Cheondoong POV

I don’t know why I was telling her all of this, but it just felt right. And once I started speaking, everything just poured out.

“I have two sisters.” I began. “Sandara and Durami.”

“You love them a lot, huh.” She smiled, leaning in close to me. My skin prickled at the contact of hers and I liked the feeling. More than I should.

“Yes. They took care of me. They were like second mothers to me when my father abandoned us and my mother had to go and work. They were always there.” Then I frowned. “But they’re not there anymore…”

Ji-eun laced her fingers with mine. I was shocked at her boldness, but to her it seemed a familiar action and it comforted me to feel the warmth of another human.

“Continue.” She said softly.

“Durami is overseas. She chose to travel around the world and make her living that way. She didn’t want to come back to Korea with all of its bad memories or stay in the Philippines. So she left…and left me behind…”

“You miss her.” Ji-eun said plainly. “She was always there and now she isn’t.”

“Yeah.” I admitted. “It’s selfish, but it hurts to think that she could have left me behind so easily…just because…of him…”

I explained further. “Durami-noona fell in love with a guy when we came back to Korea. He was one of my best friends from the Philippines, but Korean by birth like us. They were great together and he made her happy…until…”

“Until?” Ji-eun prompted me, forcing me to continue dredging up the past.

“Until Dara-noona came home from work and he tried to kiss her. It turns out that man only dated Durami-noona because she looked like Dara-noona. He even…took her ity…” I fisted my hand here and it took all my strength to not smash something. “He took it and then dumped her when Dara-noona came back.”

Ji-eun noticed my pained expression, my muscles tight with anger and drew me in closer. “Shhhh…” she whispered like a mantra. “Let it all out.”

“So Durami-noona left us. I can’t blame her.” I said bitterly. “I couldn’t protect her, so I swore to protect Dara-noona and make sure the man she falls in love with will never hurt her…”

“But what happened?” Ji-eun asked, peering straight into my eyes. And for her, I think I could say it.

“But I just hurt Dara-noona even more.” I gasped out. Ji-eun stayed silent, but clasped me close, letting me spill out all those hot emotions, those tears, those raging feelings. “I got in her way of falling in love. I thought I was protecting her, but she was protecting me till the end.”

“She worried about your feelings when she fell in love, is that it?” Ji-eun summarized. Like always, she pinpointed the exact problem. And then she always came up with a solution.

“I can’t help it.” I cried, practically bawling into Ji-eun’s shoulder. “Dara-noona is leaving me behind. I have no one. No one at all. I’m all alone and even then I just hurt people. I make them worry, suffer and then worry about me even more. What do I do? It’s all my fault.”

Ji-eun pulled me into one large hug, her small arms enveloping my taller frame and soothed me with her gentle whispers and fingers that traced circles on my back. She held me till my wracking tears subsided. “Shhhhh…” she sung.

“It’s not your fault.”

“It is.” I protested. “It’s my entire fault.”

Ji-eun pushed me back so that she could stare sternly into my face. “Now you listen to me Sanghyun. This is NOT your fault.” I blinked at her sudden ferocity. “You just cared for those around you. You can’t blame yourself for caring.”

“But I should’ve seen the signs.” I argued. “I should have been able to see Dara-noona fall in love with Seungho-hyung and then give them my blessing. That way...they would’ve been happier-“

Ji-eun cut me off again. “How can they expect you to see everything? You aren’t god!” she scolded me. “You aren’t omnipotent. You can’t see everything coming and find the best situation. Things happen and you cannot control fate. You just have to make do with what comes after.”

I searched her eyes, looking for a path to salvation.

 “You listen to me.” Ji-eun leaned in close to my face and demanded. “You will go back home tomorrow. You will say whatever needs to be said and you will NOT blame yourself forever.” She looked at me sternly in the eyes and I couldn’t help but laugh.

It started as a small chuckle, but then developed into a full blown laughter that made me lean forwards onto her shoulder and shake with amusement.

“What!’ Ji-eun demanded indignantly.

“You.” I laughed. “Ah, I’ve missed you.” I’ve really missed you.

Ji-eun stared at me, puzzled. “Missed me?” Ah, but you haven’t missed me.

So I just looked at her eyes ever so close to mine and her lips even closer. “Play something for me?” I whispered. Play like you used to play. “Sing me to sleep.”

Ji-eun didn’t even know how he knew she could sing or play the guitar, but she couldn’t refuse his honest, spellbinding gaze.

“Okay.” She whispered. She got up and retrieved her worn out guitar. As she settled down, I traced the guitar and hummed with some sort of faraway pleasure. My fingers dabbled around one sticker that I knew Ji-eun wouldn’t remember. It was a large golden star with a black marker mini-star inside. It was faded and torn, but from the way she looked at it, I knew she held some fondness for it.

I leaned with my back to the sofa and my head to her shoulder. It was so comfortable. So nostalgic. Then I closed his eyes as Ji-eun began to strum the string and sing a gentle song.

“You really did forget everything,” She sung. “Seeing how happily you’re greeting me.”

The lyrics brought tears to my eyes. I remember this song. ‘The story only I didn’t know’. How fitting. I let myself drift as the sweet but sorrowful melody filled my ears, my head and later…my dreams.

“Only then did I vaguely begin to feel the pain, the wound that had yet to appear on my skin.”

But the last thing I thought was the one nagging question that had always remained with me.

“The tears would not come, since this farewell didn’t seem significant. Since it felt so inconsequential.”

Inconsequential, huh. I let the blackness of sleep swallow me. But still, I couldn't stop thinking. If it is so inconsequential, then why am I feeling this way? Why?

When I have no right to fall in love with her.

Not again.