A/N - *Yawn* Okay, so i said i wasn't going to update, but looks like i managed to anyway. It's like 2am in the morning here and this chapter is super lengthy...i mean it...like nearly 4000 words. But i hope its sweet enough to make up for it. >< Hope you guys enjoy it. 

And, it's the Big 6-0! Woo~~~ Who would've guessed that day would come, but come it has. >< Which means, officially the countdown (including this chapter) is down to 6! 

@Riorossa - Haha, thanks *hugs* 

@thunbii - Oh yeah, 12 hours from home and 10 degrees colder >< (brrrrr) Hmm, my parents let me go because i suppose the uni i'm heading to is better known for sciences, soooo... Where about are you going? Which part of the world??? And don't worry, sometimes being closer to home is much nicer~ I'm sure you'll enjoy it all the same >< At least you don't have to worry about what to pack (i'm like shoving everything in my room into one small suitcase)

Haha and thanks *hugs* I was a lil worried their story stretched on for too long, but yes >///< the seungdara moment!!! Proposal, such a man Yang leader is~ Haha, buuuuut you know what comes after the proposal right??????~~~ Heehee, wait till we get to that moment~~~ And Sanghyun is back!!!! Kekeke, more Ji-eunxSanghyun fluff~~~

@wookielove - yuuuupp, it should mean i can finish in time this week. Go! Dance! Vid it and show me! (jk jk). Haha, i just felt that moment was a little too perfect and had to include it~ Yup, i'm sappy like that!

@cazz_96 - Yup, yup, updated. Continue being psychic~~~

@ImaVIPbaby -      -.-      -.-     -.-    -.-    -.-    -.-    -.-   -.- Doongie is mine...get in line for v4.0.

@ainnurdoongie - Haha, so was I whilst writing it~~~ Yay~~~ Keep grinning unnie! More fluff ahead~ And yeah, of course i'm mean. That's what dongsaeng's are meant to do *koff* Doongie trolling in sesame player *koff* ^^ *innocent face* Haha, yeeaaaah all the boys had their share of a POV. I supposed it just served to highlight how much they're all missing Doongie. And yeaaaah, being the naughty lil dongsaeng i am, i'm only giving you a Doongie update now~~~ And apparently now ImaVIPbaby wants another Doongie, uh, twin??? Quadruplets now? 

And yeah, unnie, looks like i managed to update after all. Guessing ur in bed now tho... ><

@T4kara - >< Sad, i know. Haha, i didn't plan on Seungho telling the story, but somehow it sounded fitting since mblaq and A+ are such family members. Aaaaand you'll get Doongie v3.0. I'll add upgrades for free :p

@HanSang - Haha that Mir move should be patented!!! And Leo is such a lil fighter, so cute XD Hmm, i was wondering whether i should put Doongie into a coma. It would makr the time length more...understandable? But...there wasn't any real reason as to why he should fall into a coma, so i kinda struggled and sat about and thought and then went...perhaps not. So i went down this route instead. Haha and join the corner!

@A_MooNStar - heehee, yes i have been~ Keep liking it (tho it won't last for too long >< sadly)

Finally, thanks to JaeBling for subscribing!!! Slowly but surely, its climbing to 50~

Chapter 60 – Without looking back, bonds weave closer 

Cheondoong POV

I was stuck, paralyzed, trapped in this body of mine. For a moment I struggled in vain, trying to break out of this shell and feeling like I was frozen in ice, eyes moving but body not. Move!  I commanded my body, but to no avail. I could not move.

It was frightening. It was scary. It was terrifying.

Then she appeared.

“Shhhh, Sanghyun baby.” Ji-eun whispered and my hands and then my face. “Shhhh, wake up, wake up. “ And instantly her voice calmed me down, I stopped struggling and just focused on her face and her eyes and and her nose until I felt my nerves tingle and sensation return to my body.

“Better?” she whispered as I slowly flexed my fingers and tried to sit up. She helped me without saying a word and I was thankful. I just nodded.

“What did you dream about?” Ji-eun pressed me gently, knowing that sometimes I wanted to tell but sometimes I felt like hiding in my shell. “Was it the fire again?”

I nodded, my throat insanely dry. Almost as if she was psychic, Ji-eun poured me a glass of water and helped me drink it. I drained it in a few gulps.

“I was watching her burn again.” I confessed, the horrors of my nightmare coming back to me yet again. It had been seven months since the incident had happened, but still that nightmare haunted me: the nightmare in which I watched Ji-yun get consumed by flames, the fingers hungrily crawling up her legs and then her body like some sort of demented eastern dragon.

And in the dreams I was frozen just like I had been when I first woke up – trapped and unable to aid her, forced to watch her burn like some sort of sacrifice. I hated it.

And what was worse was that this was entirely fictional.

I had never watched Ji-yun’s death as I should have, making sure to burn her memory into my eyes, to etch it into my memory as befitting of the one whose death I helped cause. I never helped her when she might have needed help the most. But I couldn’t blame myself anymore for this. I had told myself this a long time ago, but telling yourself something and truly accepting it are two completely different notions.

“I couldn’t move this time.” I told Ji-eun, knowing she would listen as she always did. Sometimes I could move in the dream and would run towards Ji-yun, but then a wooden plank would fall down and block my way. Sometimes I couldn’t move and then I would just watch as if the body was not mine. “I just watched her burn.” It felt good to get it out of my system.

Ji-eun spoke smoothly. “Just remember, she smiled at the end.”

I nodded and tried to tell that to myself as I slid out of bed on shaky feet.

Ji-eun helped me, her gaze falling on the calendar as she did so. “At least it’s been a while since the last one.” I guess she was right. It had been at least a month since my last nightmare and that was a huge improvement. Perhaps I was ready.

You see, seven months ago I had woken up, unsure of where I was or what had happened. But I had this sense of dread – a hole of absolute black. It tugged at my heart and it tore at my mind.

7 months ago…

Light.

The soft, yellow shade filled Sanghyun’s world as he opened his eyes slowly, having to forcefully crack them open as if he had been sleeping for centuries in a thorny castle under an evil witches’ spell rather than just four days. He blinked. Where was he?

And then her face filled his vision – Ji-eun.

“You’re awake.” She breathed, her eyes closing momentarily betraying just how worried she had been. Then they flew open, his favorite shade of black. They opened and drew Sanghyun back to the real world. She grasped his hand, her warm one against his slick, cool one and Sanghyun felt like he was home.

“I’m…awake…” he whispered slowly, the words coming out of his throat coarse and tough, like he hadn’t spoken for years. Everything felt like it was rusty or creaky.

“You are.” Ji-eun smiled. “You’ve been sleeping for four days. It worried everyone.”

Okay, in truth it had bothered the doctors. But it had straight out scared Ji-eun. There was a slight difference, but just blame love.

“It didn’t feel…that long.” Sanghyun mused and moved to sit up. Ji-eun aided him slowly, her every touch showing her love and her worry. “Thanks.” He smiled and felt his dry lips crack.

Ji-eun handed him a glass of water and told him to take it easy. But after the first sip, Sanghyun just gulped down the rest – it was relieving and invigorating, it felt like drinking from a fresh mountain spring and it energized him. And he needed this energy for what came next.

“Sanghyun…” Ji-eun’s tone was firm and a little wary.

Sanghyun put down the glass to meet her gaze and instantly he was worried by her sharp glance, as if she was trying to read his mind. “What’s wrong?” he asked and later wished he hadn’t.

Ji-eun seemed to grapple mentally with her words, each one sounding not as satisfactory as she would’ve like. Finally she just said it, “How much do remember of that night Sanghyun? Can you tell me what happened?”

Sanghyun started. He knew something had been nagging him at the back of his mind… Something he knew he didn’t want to see or hear or say, but now that Ji-eun brought up the subject he knew he couldn’t ignore that little imp anymore. He took a deep breath and let the memories wash over him, reality returning.

“After I was taken away that night, they drove to some house near the sea. I didn’t know where we were, but I could smell the sea in the air.” Sanghyun began.

Ji-eun nodded. “It was our family beach house. Do you remember we went there three summers ago?”

Sanghyun blinked, trying to remember and then did. “I remember now. We spent summer have bonfires and playing in the ocean till we dropped down dead tired. I still remember the time you were dancing about and then slipped and fell. You were soaked completely!”

Ji-eun let out a small laugh as she too remembered the moment. It had been embarrassing then – even more so because Sanghyun and Ji-yun were doubled over with laughter, thus causing Ji-eun to start laughing and it took them a full five minutes before anyone could stand up – but now it was a fond moment to look back on.

“I remember.” She said softly. “And then?” she probed him further and Sanghyun’s smile slid away, replaced by a morose expression. She didn’t want to do this, but the truth had to be realized.

Sanghyun spoke. “I remember Go Ji Young talking to me. He was angry that I had taken everything of his, but I didn’t really understand that. And then…”

And then the memories of that night flowed through him at an accelerated pace: thundering roars, crackling fires and then-

Sanghyun’s head snapped up and he stared at Ji-eun with an expression akin to having watching the world perish. It was something that could only come from someone having being to hell and back. Sanghyun starting panting, his words turning to small gasps and it looked like he was suffering a fit for a moment.

“Tell me.” Ji-eun ordered and it was exactly what Sanghyun needed – a release.

And he managed to say it, but just barely. “Ji-yun was there.” That Ji-eun knew already, but it hurt her every time she thought of it. “She told me of her relations to Ji Young, but then she broke it off between the two. And Ji Young became mad. He grew angry and was going to attack me with a knife, but-but-“

“She protected you, didn’t she?” Ji-eun could guess. It was just like her sister, loyal only at the very end.

“She did.” Sanghyun whispered, one hand gripping his hair so tightly Ji-eun thought he was going to rip it out. But he didn’t. His voice did instead. “She took a knife for me but she couldn’t take the gun. But just as Go Ji Young was about to shoot me…the gun…the gun exploded.”

Ji-eun’s brow furrowed. “Exploded?”

“Ji-yun rigged it. She told me she rigged it right before she came into the room. But she didn’t expect it to be used then. And it all backfired. The gun exploded and it triggered a fire which burned down the house. And then…and then-“

Sanghyun looked at Ji-eun with liquid black eyes, begging for her to tell him what had happened next. “And then…I can’t remember anything. Is Ji-yun alright? Did Go Ji Young get away? What happened?”

Ji-eun pushed him back against the bed. “Shhh, calm down first.”

Sanghyun nodded and swallowed, but Ji-eun could still see questions racing behind his mind.

“Go Ji Young did get away. It was my fault for not stopping him, but he was injured in the process.” Ji-eun explained, adding her own memories to the mix. “I didn’t stop him because…because I went in for you. And then I found Ji-yun.”

Sanghyun held his breath.

“She helped me take you out, you know.” Ji-eun’s eyes softened as she remembered her sister. “She helped me take you out and then…”

“And then?” Sanghyun didn’t think he would like what would come next.

“And then it was too late. And…and she…died…” Ji-eun broke off with a small sob as she remembered that fateful moment when her sister smiled and chose death.

Sanghyun froze. He sat stock still in his bed with wide eyes and a small parted mouth.

“Sanghyun,” Ji-eun brushed away her tears. “Talk to me.”

But he didn’t. He couldn’t.

Ji-yun was dead? Dead? As in death-death? Unable-to-rise dead? Never-to-be-seen-again dead?

His mouth opened and closed, opened and closed. That was the only movement he was capable of.

“Please Sanghyun,” Ji-eun took his hand again. “Talk to me.”

But Sanghyun couldn’t. He shook his head once, twice, thrice.

“Why?” Ji-eun whispered, feeling herself shake with emotion as well.

Sanghyun just answered in the twin tears that ran down his cheeks, shiny droplets of water that mourned what he had lost, what he had failed to do. They traced their waterfall track down and then they fell in twin motion onto the bed.

He leaned forwards and gathered Ji-eun close to him, sharing their warmth and their tears which mingled as he pressed his face close to her so that their cheeks touched. He could taste the saltiness and somehow it felt fitting. As salty as the sea Ji-yun loved.

And the two of them stayed that way for a long while, just sharing the feelings of sadness at Ji-yun’s death, the emotional roll of being alive and most all enjoying the sensation of hearing each other’s heart beat in tandem as if to say: I am with you and you are with me.

Then Sanghyun spoke. “When she died…” he said in a cracked voice. “Was she peaceful?”

Ji-eun smiled softly and Sanghyun felt rather than saw the movement. “She was smiling.”

And that made Sanghyun smile.

Present time…

But whilst I had smiled at that time, nightmares of Ji-yun’s death chased me to the deepest, darkest depth of my subconscious. In the beginning it was worse; almost every night I saw her face. And if it wasn’t hers, it was Dara and Seungho crying out for me or even Ji-eun with her back turned. It was a turmoil of fictional and fabricated threads, as if all my worries and secrets had spilled onto a white sheet and the paint mixed to form a horrible blackish-brown stain.

But slowly, slowly, those nightmares receded. They became less frequent, only once every two nights or even once a week. And now we were at the point where I could go a month without a nightmare. It had been slow progress, but progress all the same.

It had been thanks to Ji-eun who had taken time off as IU and chosen to stay by my side twenty-four seven. We have slept in the same bed, falling asleep to the sound of each other’s breathing and the beating of each other’s hearts and then when I had a nightmare or sleep paralysis, she would wake me up softly, give me a glass of water and then kiss me to sleep.

It had also been thanks to my father.

Five months ago…

“We need to talk Sanghyun.” Tae Hyun said from the doorway, hands tucked deep into trouser pockets but eyes were trained on Sanghyun. Sanghyun gulped and tried to squash down the urge to run like a little bunny.

Ji-eun who was sitting next to Sanghyun on the couch and chatting to him gave him a knowing look. It was a lowered head, a sharp glint and a small finger that pointed at him sternly. ‘No running away’ she mouthed and stood up, leaving the father and son alone.

As she left the room she tapped Tae Hyun on the shoulder for encouragement and he took a step forwards, clearing his throat to fill the silence of the room.

“Umm, so, father…” Sanghyun said slowly. “Why don’t you sit down?”

This wasn’t the first time he had seen his father. No, his father had been there in the first few days after Sanghyun had woken up. And it had shocked the hell out of Sanghyun – but he had recognized him immediately.

His face was still made up of those warm angles, gentle eyes and hesitant smile. Tae Hyun walked over and sat down softly on the couch, trying not to lurch it. His hands clasped together and he turned to look at his son.

Sanghyun noted how even though his father looked very much the same, he hadn’t escaped the mar of time. Wrinkles cornered at the edge of his eyes and his hair was streaked grey. He was definitely older. Much, much older.

And that was one of the reasons why Sanghyun had not sent Tae Hyun away immediately despite his first fear that ‘this is the man who abandoned us all’ and the desire to not talk to him lest he realize his father was more human that the monster he remembered.  

It had been that expression of worry, of fatherhood and most of all – of love. It was that expression that Tae Hyun had on his face right now. It made Sanghyun itch to reach out and touch his father’s cheek and beg him to tell him what was wrong. But that was what children did and Sanghyun was a child no more.

“So talk, father.” Sanghyun prompted. Even now, the word ‘father’ felt slightly awkward on his tongue. There was no way he could call him ‘appa’ – it was too childish – and Tae Hyun sounded far too informal. So he had opted for a simple ‘father’.

Tae Hyun nodded. “I need to apologize.” He said, getting straight to the point. “For leaving you all.” He explained when Sanghyun blinked with surprise. “For…for not telling you the truth.”

Sanghyun spoke slowly. “Ji-eun told me there was something more that I should know. That everything I thought I knew about you was wrong.”

“Ji-eun is correct.” Tae Hyun bowed his head.

“She said I can’t judge you till I know everything.” Sanghyun spoke softly. “And even then, I should think about how you felt when you did what you did.”

Tae Hyun cracked a small smile. “That girl,” he said with fondness. “She’s right. Just like Ji Min isn’t she.”

Sanghyun laughed at that. “She is a lot like mom. Strong,”

“Beautiful.” Tae Hyun added.

“Willful.” Sanghyun laughed.

“Gentle.”

“Smart.”

“Always-knows-best.” Both of them said at the same time. They stopped and they stared at each other and then they burst out laughing.

When their laughter subsided, Tae Hyun gave Sanghyun a serious gaze. “I’m going to tell you the truth.” He said. “And afterwards you can decide whether or not to believe me…but just know that I love you okay. Everything I did…I thought it was for you all…”

Sanghyun nodded and then Tae Hyun recounted his story.

“It all began nearly fifty years ago when we were children. When I was young I had two childhood friends. One was your mother,” he smiled at the memory. “And the other was my best friend, Go Ji Young…”

Present time…

Father recounted his story and a part of me felt like this was the moment that I had been waiting for my entire life. The moment for someone to tell me it was okay to believe in my father, to believe in another person. That I was right all along and that I no longer had to pretend.

After he finished, he stared at me as if awaiting a diving judgment. He closed his eyes and held his breath.

And I leaned forwards to give him a hug I had been waiting over ten years to give him. An honest, loving hug.

He was stiff at first, as if unbelieving that I was doing such a thing. I heard his let out a small gasp of surprise and then slowly, he mould his arms around my back and softened into my embrace. And he became the father who would go down on one knee and hold his arms open and pull me into the warmest hug ever. He became the father I had missed for ten years.

He became…my father…once again.

“I love you father.” I whispered, feeling tears threaten. “So thank you for telling me everything.”

He just hugged me even tighter.

After that, my father was there for me as often as he could be. It was like he was trying to make up for the missing ten year gap. He cooked for me – which might have ended in more than one disaster, but somehow still tasted pretty good at the end of the day –, he shared funny jokes with me and he helped me when my pride refused to let Ji-eun see me stumble walking or throw up from a bad nightmare.

He was truly there for me. And the best part was that he and Ji-eun got along like two fish in a pond. One time Ji-eun had berated him for somehow burning the fifth ladle in one month and then chosen to finish cooking the rest of dinner in his stead, father had then sidled over to me laughing and whispered in my ear ‘you picked a feisty one, huh?’

I had protested and spluttered, but then stopped when he winked at me and mouthed ‘good choice’. I suppose Ji-eun was another reason that we grew close.

And it was thanks to my father and Ji-eun that over the next few months I began to recover from both the nightmares and the injuries I had sustained. And now, it was time for this baby bird to leave its nest.

Ji-eun POV

“Ji-eun.” Sanghyun spoke and I stopped mid-way through my book. We were sitting in our cottage, another place that Tae Hyun had rented the month after Sanghyun had said he was sick and tired of the hospital walls and antiseptic scents, and simply enjoying the evening breeze. I had been reading a book on composition and Sanghyun had been strumming his guitar strings. It was another present from Tae Hyun when he saw his son was going stir-crazy from sitting around (doctor’s orders) all the time.

“Yes.” I put down my book knowing that from his quiet and firm tone, it was something serious. “What is it?”

Sanghyun put down his guitar carefully and the soonja sticker gleamed on the edge of the varnished wood. I had stuck it there for encouragement and belief.

He then looked at me. “It’s time.” He whispered and even though his words were ambiguous, I knew in my heart what he was talking about.

“Already?” my voice whispered back.

He nodded and crawled over the bed to pull me into his embrace. I inhaled the fresh scent of him and tried to memorize it.

“I have to go back soon. I’ve…been hiding for too long. I’ve recovered now and it’s time for me to make amends. Finally.” He breathed, as if he had been awaiting the moment when he could put his ‘sins’ aside and meet the bright world ahead. “You know I have to do this, to make the final nightmares go away.” He looked down at me in his lap.

I pouted and he laughed. I knew he had to do this; it was always coming from the very beginning. However, we had spent so much time together these last seven months that I felt like we were practically married already.

“I’ll miss you.” I sighed and he pulled me even closer, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

“I miss you already.” He whispered back and his kisses travelled down the side of my head and onto my cheek, then to my jawline. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of being held and being kissed and being love. “I will miss you every day.”

“I’ll miss you more.” I challenged him and he laughed again, the vibrations of his chuckle rumbling against my cheek. It tickled and I giggled. “I will!”

“No.” he teased and rolled me down onto the bed so that he was above me and his face and his hair and his lean body was all I could see. “I’ll definitely miss you more.”

“Oh?” I raised one eyebrow archly and my hand found its way into his hair which had grown long and thick over the last few months. It was also a beautiful, burnished shade of black. I really was going to miss running my hands through his hair. “Is that so?” but my voice paled to a whisper.

“It is.” He said and his voice was suddenly husky. “I will always love you and always miss you whenever I’m not next to you.” Sanghyun confessed and I felt like I was overflowing in love. It was a warm feeling and I basked in it.

His hands ran up and down me, tangling in my hair and then my waist. I shivered as a cold breeze shivered down my exposed mid-riff, but then Sanghyun’s embrace warmed me up immediately. I pressed kisses to his cheek, his nose, his eyes and his lips. He kissed me back and then we spent the last night together in love, enjoying it fully until the next time we could meet.

A/N - Wow... Okay it was like 3,800 words. Hope you guys didn't get too bored. Anyway *yawns* super tired now. I'm off to bed. Night~