How long have I been crying? That I don’t know. I am curled up in bed thinking about all the things that happened to me, to

Donghae, to my marriage. The things I have done or should I say the things I should have done. Everything was messed up. I

want to blame someone I want to blame Hae for letting it all happen. But who am I fooling. Hae have always been the one

saving our marriage until the very end, until he too gave up on me and on our marriage. I want to cry more but my eyes

cannot shed any more tear.

How did this happen? Why did this happen? I am full of questions, questions that the answer only points at me. I made it

happen. The blame is all in me. I was the selfish one. Wanting to have everything, when I have already everything. I was  just

to blind and ambitious to realize it. I have the  man who always love, supports and encourage in everything I do. But I keep

looking for more. I keep looking for approval.

“Dara, can you at least give free time for me? I am your husband but then you never even bothered to ask how am I. It has

always been work and work for you.” Donghae pouted while complaining how I never have any time for him.

“Hae you know that I am very busy right now. A new case is given to me and I can’t slack around especially that I really want

to be promoted. But I promise you we will have a vacation. But not now.”

“Okay.” Hae stood and hugged me at the back.

He was always the one being considerate and understanding. Always give sin to my request. But how about me? What have I

done for him? I only gave him promises that I constantly break. Excuses that I have made not because I’m busy but because

of my greed to out pass others. While he always put me first, I always put him last.

“I’m so sorry Hae. I ‘m so sorry for being late.”

I keep on explaining to Hae why I was late for his birthday for a hour. When he took my hand and just smiled at me.

“Its okay you are here. Let’s order food.”

Thinking about the incident right now made me feel more down. How can I be such a about everything. I did not even try

to be a wife to Hae while he was always a husband to me.

Thinking..Thinking.. Thinking about how I spent the last years being a selfish and cold woman.  Now lying in bed in a fetal position covering myself with a blanket trying to protect myself from my own self. Ans tears keeps falling and falling being my lullaby in my cold and empty life.

I was awaken with someone shaking my shoulder.

“Dara! Wake up.”

“Bom ?”

She pulled the curtains open causing the sun shine in the room.

“What the heck! Bom would close the curtains.”
“YAHH!! Dara. I should be the one saying what the heck! What are you doing? You look like .”

“Get up, take a bath and stop moping with your life or should I say lovelife.” She was pulling me to get out in bed with zero success. She started hitting really hard that I was force to ran away from her.

“Now that is much better.” A satisfied smile plastered on her lips.

“How did you actually got in?”

“Your husband called me telling me to check on you and to bring you food.”

Again and again I feel more tier than before. How can he still care about me?

“What’s with that look Dara? What happened?”

“Bommie..” I hugged her and cried my heart out. When I thought I could cry no more, here I am letting   Bom see my pain. “Bommie. I am not okay and I don’t think I will never be okay.”

It was late afternoon when the two of us was just talking to each about what happen