Experience is intrinsic to human nature. Every memory I hold is an experience dipped in varying shades and pigments. Vividly in playback, I hold all of these memories in the back of my mind, hoping for some to die and some to live, but as we can not always have as we wish, they piece together to form what I have grown to be today. As more piece together to craft the singular, beautiful mosaic I've become, I realize that I am still as broken as the piece of art I've replicated.

    However, when viewing this collage of colors that make up a person, it can often distort the image meant to be conveyed. When examining this personal mosaic, the individual bits and pieces can disrupt one's outlook on the overall picture, seeing only the goods or the bads. The pigmentation of each shard distorts our view on reality, turning a cloudy day into a vibrant dream, colors swirling, numbing our senses and falling into the spaces between each piece. Although it is within our nature to analyze the small details, we never truly see the work of art as a whole, including each memory used to shape us into a complete human being.

    When I met Kim Wonsik, he was a piece of art in my eyes. Each curve and edge of his chiseled body perfectly shaped, each crease of his face molded into an image that would only be found in dreams. With nothing more than a smile, he had pulled me in, a lasso around my heart with my mind left behind. The rules of falling in love were soon forgotten as I slipped under the spell of his charms, mindless to the effects of my decisions. My reality was distorted.

    On an average day - not overly cold or overly hot, no violent breezes or cloudy skies, just clear blue and moderate weather - here I found my fate intertwined with a lovely stranger. This day was not unlike any other at the start, aside from the fact that I had chosen to be surprisingly outgoing on a simple trip downtown. The downtown region of my town was a bustling area with many small shops and a huge park at the center. On that particular day I had initially planned to grab some groceries after doing a quick jog at the park. While exercise was not in my forte, my inner self demanded me to start a special regimen. Being 18, single, and thicker than most girls was not doing very well for me in the social world. Therefore, I had been convinced that in order to be accepted, I would have to at least fix one of those things, and I certainly couldn't get any younger. For me to find a stable relationship, I could only assume that the last in the list was the biggest problem, no pun intended.

    With a pair of dusty sneakers, looking fresh out of the 90s, some grey leggings and a tanktop with a slice of pizza (the irony), I had prepared myself for this unforgivable sin nicknamed "exercise". Luckily, the park had been cleared of pedestrains, sparring me from the horrifying embarassment of performing my routine in public. Arriving at the park at the crack of dawn brought me this incredible luck. The winding sidewalk which cirlced through the grassy field was barren, the only thing in my path being a lazy crow standing beside a water foutain and picking at something caught in its talon. Peacefulness was exactly what I seeked when I plained to bring myself pain and suffering.

    After clicking the play button on my cell phone for my lousy playlist of "exercise tunes", I started at a slow jog, slowly feeling my heart strain deep within my chest. At that moment I knew that it would be terrible. No more than 5 minutes had passed before I had collasped to the ground, air into my lungs at an unreasonable pace. There was a fire within me, burning my organs and causing a darkness to come into my vision, blurring my sight. It took all my strength not to black out and fade into the darkness encasing my mind.

    As I tried to catch my breath, people started popping up around the park, mostly old couples on brisk walks or relaxing on wooden benches scattered around the field. A few small children ran in front of my view, not even stopping to ask of my condition. Their parents silently strided past me, catching up to the racing rascals rolling in the damp grass. Not a single glance in my direction.

    "Are you okay, miss?" a friendly male voice called from up above. Was it God? Had I died and gone to Heaven? After a few moments of thinking ofthe worst scenario, I looked up to see a handsome man hovering above me. His eyes squinted in the glaring early morning sunlight as he stared at me akwwardly sprawled out on the pavement. As I had imagined, he surely was a god standing before me, his body glowing with a yellow aura surrounding him. His skin glistened as though it had been decorated with microscopic shards of diamonds. The locks of hair hanging loosely over his forehead seemed to be embedded with pure gold as the light shone over them, revealing how each one curved to the shape of his face, a few rebelling against the orderly hairstyle and sticking out in all directions. He restated the question, his smooth, deep voice flowing out of his plush, pink lips like liquid . I could feel my body tremble as his mere presence sent chills down my spin and to the tips of my sore toes. My head was spinning. He really was God.

    "Uh," I uttered, my stomach doing backflips. Was I nervous? No, just sick. I could feel the oatmeal attempting to breakfree, causing me to instantly clamp my mouth shut and refrain from speaking ever again, particularly in front of the godly piece of art standing before me. As though my near death from the horrifying jog only a few minutes ago hadn't brung me enough sickening pain, this man had to appear out of the blue, making my stomach churn and causing my uneasy heart to only beat faster. Who knew it could be possible?

    "You're looking a little pale," he made an obvious observation, since I was one of the lightest people in the whole town. "Have some water."
    Suddenly there was a green water bottle being held out in front of my nose. I followed the extended arm to gaze at the God still standing beside me. Having rested for a minute or two, I was able to see clearly at last, and eventually catch my breath, allowing me a clearer view of my savior. As I accepted the drink and gulped down some refreshing water, I examined the figure; he was still extremely handsome, but not the magnificient god that I had first imagined. He wasn't covered in diamonds, but instead was glistening from several small sweat droplets from the late morning heat. Rather than gold, his hair was a platinum blonde, appearing golden only with the appropriate amount of light and dizziness.

    Without even realizing, the water from this man's water bottle had begun to dribble down my chin and onto the pepperoni pizza. The coldness of the liquid surprized me as it ran along the curves of my chest. Embarassed, I hurriedly wiped myself clean and handed the nearly empty bottle back to the kind citezen without even meeting his gaze. I could sense that he was feeling as awkward as I was. All he did was let out a soft, yet sweet, chuckle. I had enough of the embarassment and tried to push myself up off of the sidewalk, only to stumble back down as my vision became darkned and the world did a summersault due to the rush I was in to return to an upright position.

    "Be careful," he warned in a friendly tone, a hand reaching towards my arm. "You're clearly worn down, and if you try to get up too fast you could faint or throw up. And trust me, I do not want to have to clean up any messes." He chuckled and grabbed my arm by the wrist.

    Tingles rushing up my spine, I tried hard not to hurl all over this man's clean clothes. With this small touch I could see a fragment of this stranger's personality: friendliness. While no other person in the park had taken notice to me laying in the middle of the walkway, he had came to help me out, despite the fact that I was an out of shape stranger lazing around at 9 in the morning.

    From there on, he had grown onto me, not only because of his amazing looks, but his sincere personality. He deeply cared for others and strived to protect others when he noticed them in danger, particularly girls. Damsels in distress. After kindly helping me up, he had introduced himself as Kim Wonsik, a beautiful work of art.

    "My day is not complete until I can un-distress at least one damsel," his voice was proud and teasing "and I'm glad that today the damsel was you." I could feel his eyes examining my body, from my plump face to my thick thighs, rolling over every curve of the outline of my figure. When I looked up at him, his face was a deep red and he rubbed the back of his neck as he turned his gaze to the laces on his Vans. Was he shy?

    "Sorry," his apology was sincere, yet quiet, as he was still looking away. "I try to be helpful when someone is in need, and then.."
    His words faded out, and his sentence was never finished, whether it be because he could not find the right words or he was simply distracted with the sheer fascination of his shoes. They shuffled in circles, drawing figures in the small layer of sand on the edge of the sidewalk. His hands fidgetted at his side and he let out a heavy sigh before turning on his heel and walking away. 

    I knew that I had to say something to make him stay. I wanted to talk to him and spend time with him and see him every day for the rest of my life. I couldn't just let him slip away.

    "Wait!" my hoarse voice broke the awkward silence. "Do you like pizza?" Nice going me. He turned around and gawked at my chest for a moment before I crossed my arms across my open chest and harumphed. He then shook his head and blinked twice before responding.

    "Uh, yeah," he started, straighting his posture. "I love food actually." More feet shufflng.
    "Me too!" I cheered with a friendly smile. "Though I'm sure you can't tell." This made him laugh, giving me a grand satisfaction."How about we go out for pizza? I owe you for kind of saving my life."

    Kim Wonsik's response was one of the biggest and goofiest grins I've ever seen, kickstarting a wonderful roller coaster ride over the course of a year.

    
    "Don't you dare," I threatened, grabbing for the carboard box perched high above Wonsik's head. Being a whole head taller than me, doing so only made it worse.

    "I don't trust you," he teased, giggling like a small child. "Last time you tried to do this you dropped it. I'm going to eat the whole thing!" I whined his name like a toddler and stomped my feet around his apartment.

    "I know you wouldn't do that, right?" with a small pout and puppy dog eyes, I managed to convince him to lower the pizza box and set it on the coffee 

table.
    "I'm too nice to make you suffer," another one of his amazing laughs came tumbling out of his lips as he reached for the remote control for his 18 inch flat screen TV directly across from the couch that we were sitting in. "Netflix and chill?"

    "Don't be such a ert," I chuckled and gladly opened the pizza box, allowing the strong aromas to waft into the air of the room, filling my entire soul with joy. As I grabbed the cheesiest slice, he the television to his Netflix account, giving it a second to sign in. Suddenly, my ears were filled with the ual sounds amitted from Wonsik's speakers. Moans and swear words cause me to spin around and witness two bodies in what seemed to be a sweaty human pretzel. The image only appeared for a short few seconds before he quickly closed out of this. I turned to gawk at him, his face becoming the rising sun of Japan. His eyes were turned away in shame as he fidgetted with the controller to return to the home screen of the Netflix application on the television.

    "What the actual , Wonsik," my voice squeaked as I tried to return to a normal skin color. It had been extremely uncomfortable to even witness that scene in front of my friend.

    "I-I'm s-so sorry," he stammered, not meeting my gaze. If it was even possible, his face grew even redder. "It just r-resumed it for no reason."
    "'Resumed'? You mean you were watching this before?"
    "Well, yeah, but," he inhaled deeply and looked me in the eyes. "I can't help it, okay?" The tone of his voice grew glum as he lowered his gaze once again. His face looked heavy, as though it were weighed down with the troubles of the whole world. The normal cream color of his skin began to return to his once rosy cheeks as the embarassment faded away, soon transforming into depression. I knew that it was my duty to fix this; I had to grab the remote dangling loosly by his fingertips and quickly put on something cheerful.

    With a few clicks, I brought us to a list of cheesy dramas to watch. He soon looked up, his eyes round orbs filled with wonder as he browsed the selection on the screen. A slight grin formed on his lips. His extremely kissable lips. I found myself yearning to press my body against his, devour every inch of his body with only my lips, release sounds from deep within this man's body that he had not even previously known of. After knowing Wonsik for about 10 months and developing into a wonderful friendship, I felt as though my chances were unclear, as I could be caught in the inescapable pit nicknamed "The Friend Zone", or we could both secretly be deeply and madly in love with each other, but I found the latter nearly impossible. 

    These thoughts convinced me to clear my mind of the dirty and sensual day dreams that I was having. This could not last long, for as we watched an old woman chase after a younger actor in hopes of marrying, my eyes could not leave the human being sitting beside me. He was perfect in every way, inside and out: steaming hot body, enjoyable personality, the caring love that I greatly desired in life; it was all there. The whole Wonsik package was exactly what I ordered. As I could see, his shards were not as broken as many, such as I myself, and they could still form a beautiful picture. This was the lovely artwork that was Kim Wonsik.

    On the screen, the woman had dropped down on her knees, collapsing from sheer sadness from her idol's rejection. I could easily picture the woman as myself in 40 years. While she was sobbing, she continued crying out "I love you, I love you so much" and a pathetic manner, yet it sparked a light bulb in the back of my mind.

    "Wonsik," I started, getting his attention. "I need to tell you something very important." He clicked the pause button and turned to face me, giving me his complete and undivided attention. "I... I think I really like you."

    "Oh," he smiled his goofy smile again. "I like you too."
    "No. I mean..." I trailed off, feeling my cheeks heat up. "I like you how that ahjumma likes Kim Bum, and I'd chase after you for days. I smile when I see you and I can't help but feel a little warmer inside when you simply smile at me. From the very first day I just wanted to talk to you and spend time with you. I want to be able to see you every day for the rest of my life. And.. I think that means that I am falling in love with you, Kim Wonsik."

    He remained silently for a painfully long amount of time; it felt like a whole century had passed before he finally spoke, and when he did it was very slow and quiet words, as though he was fearful of the possible outcome of making a simple mistake.

    "I..." he took in a deep breath before continuing. "I don't think I feel the same way about you. We're really great friends, and I'm glad that we are, but I don't think I would want any more than that. I'm sorry." When I didn't respond, he sighed and continued on. "Look, I've never really had a good relationship. Every girl I've been with - which, trust me, is very few - they've all used me for my kindness, taking advantage of me because they knew that I would never get angry at them or turn them down. Yet I still get into these sort of messes, and I try so hard to not catch feelings because while I love to make girls happy, I have to watch out for myself as well. For now, I don't really feel anything between us more than a friendly bond."    The world around me shattered. Glass tumbled onto the wood floor of Wonsik's appartment, along with turquoise crystals slipping off of my face. Every sound from that point on was only a static fuzz, fading in an out to the rhythm of my slowed heartbeat. A sharp pain formed in the back of my head do to the reverberation from the echoing words leaving his lips. The lips that I had so badly craved only moments ago. The lips that were then urging my feet onto the ground, taking hurried steps to the door, leaving a trail of shimmering crystals in my wake. I heard no shouts of my name, no desperate cries or calls for my return. For 4 months, I heard nothing of Kim Wonsik.

    It was the hottest day of the summer with record breaking highs and lows that were really just one degree lower than the highs. As though the previous days - high 80s and late afternoon thunderstorms - hadn't already worn me down throughout the week, this Sunday morning still urged me outside in my new Nike sneakers, grey leggings, and pizza taketop, decoratively torn and hanging loosely over my neon blue sports bra. Since the beginning of May, this had been my daily routine as I chose to restart my workout regimen that I had initially started over a year ago. Slowly yet surely I grew more comfortable with my body as what I had assumed was my biggest problem had started to wash away. Soon enough, I was everything I had dreamed to be, minus a stable relationship.

    Kim Wonsik had moved only a week after the day of my horrifying confession. I hadn't received a single phone call, text, email, or letter from him, so in my mind he was as good as dead. His absence made it easy for me to get over him, yet I could still find myself daydreaming of fond memories with who had been my best friend. I knew it was hopeless to ever expect him to return to me with apologies tumbling out of his mouth, on his knees and desperately begging, taking the role of the old this time. Since he never did, I simply stuck to my instincts. I had cleaned the slate, restarting my life and rebuilding my own mosaic. The first piece in my artwork had been created on that day: self-defense, but not in the physical way. I shielded my mind and my heart.

    Little did I know, as I awoke in my bed from a peaceful dream and prepared for my daily jog, Wonsik was in the next town, awaking in a cold sweat and sitting upright in his bed. His mind was stirring awake, images from his dream flashing before his eyes. Images of me. He would leap out of bed, tossing the covers onto the floor and accidently kicking his pillow and sending it flying into a framed picture of us from when we first met. As he returned it on the shelf that it had fallen off of, memories flooded his brain, as though the simple object had been strong enough to cause a dam to rupture and release his emotions. He remembered the day that I stormed out on him, picturing my tear drops falling to the floor with each step, in sync with the woman sobbing while kneeling before the actor on the television. Something clicked in his head. 

  I went on to walk to the park, my steps following the same path as usual, walking past the pizza parlor we used to visit and the internet cafe where we made fake celebrity Facebook profiles, or at least I thought we were. For all I knew, he could've been slyly watching behind my back. With each step I took, Wonsik took one as well, heading down the stairs from his cheap apartment, rushing out onto the street.

    We were both running; my feet pounding against the sidewalk in the park and his running across town as he flailed his arms in attempt to hail a taxi. The heat was felt as though it was melting my skin off, turning me into a mobile puddle of liquid human. While I suffered, Wonsik was blasted with the air conditioning and folk music of a taxi car as he demanded it to drive as fast as possible. I willed myself to speed up, reaching my limit and attempting to go even farther. We could both feel a pain in our hearts, mine from the stress that I was putting on my body as I strained for my maximum speed, his from the loss of a love he never knew he had.

    Immediately after arriving at the downtown area of my city, I had collasped on the ground, and he was not there to save me this time. My lungs were 

struggling to in enough air, but the air was too humid to keep me conscious. The darkness surrounded me and blurred my vision like the first time, but this time there was no light.

    Kim Wonsik hovered over me. I could feel his presence. I could also feel several tubes and machines hooked up to me, one pumping oxygen, one removing carbon dioxide, one adding nutrients to keep me alive. Due to a blinding white light, I could not open my eyes to meet his saddened eyes. Nor could I speak without bringing excruciating pain.

    "Hey," he said plainly, rubbing a thumb over my right hand. "You took a nasty fall there. Not only did you have a lack of oxygen, and you were dehydrated, but you also managed to hit your head on the concrete, knocking you out and possibly giving you a concussion. As of right now, those machines are what is keeping you alive until you get stronger."

    I wanted to say something to him, whether it be " off" or "I love you so much". Most of all, I just wanted to be eased of my pain. The greatest pain of all, however, was the fact that Wonsik had made his way all the way out here to see me, when it was already too late.

    "I'm sure it's far too late for me to show up," he stole the words right out of my mouth. "but I realized that I really wanted to see you - no, I needed to see you. I dreamt of you, and I couldn't save you. Who knew that it would come true?" he let out a sad chuckle and squeezed my hand. "In life, there are many things that affect the way that we are and how we grow up. Our parents, teachers, friends, and self-made decisions morph us into a grown human being. I'm not entirely proud of who I've become, to be quite honest... I am a bit of a coward, from the beginning to the end. When I meet someone new I can never bring myself to talk to them like a normal person unless they need help, like when you nearly fainted that one day. But as soon as my 'superhero' facade is over, I am completely hopeless. Yet... when I met you, I feel like I evolved into a completely different person. You were the only one that I've met for a long time to ever accept me, and I was actually able to function around you.. for the most part," I could hear him sniffle here and he removed his hand from mine, probably to wipe his face. 

    There was a long time before he spoke again, the silence filled only with the obnoxious beeping of the heart monitor. I unconsciously fidgetted with the IV tube running up my arm, causing a slight sting somewhere else in my body. Did I mess it up? My answer was given when I felt a warm liquid drip onto my arm and flow down to my finger tips and onto the bedsheets. I doubted that Wonsik noticed as he soon continued talking once again.

    "I'm not sure what it is to be in love, perhaps nobody truly knows. What I do know is that whenever I am with you, I can be who I really am. I am comfortable around you... and I think that is what is most important in a relationship. So many people get in relationships that they are not even comfortable with, and they only suffer, day by day, just so that they can be accepted by society. We all believe that in order to be complete, we must have a partner to spend our days with. While that may be enjoyable, it is never necessary to survive, as it is a priviledge, not a right. We are bound to find a person sooner or later, but an unsincere love will only do more harm than it will do good. That is why I returned to you... at first, I thought that it wasn't right, or that you were not telling me the truth. I've gone through so much rejection that I could not simply let you in without knowing for sure. Yet now I do know; I've realized that every moment I spent with you were sacred and precious to me, and I've treasured them without even realizing.." his speech was faltering as it was interupted by short sobs and the occasional sniffle or heavy sigh. "I've come to realize that the feeling that you tried so hard to express to me on that day was mutual the whole time, but I was too ignorant to ever notice it within me."

    A long exhale was released from both of us at the same time, our sadness clearly in sync.The blaring monitor slowly began to fade in the backround, despite the obvious slowing pace. My inner mind filled with images of what could've been: a marriage, a home, a family, happiness between the two of us united to the end of eternity.

    "I believe that our lives shape how we are, as I've said before. Each memory we have can form our own personality; bad memories can make us constantly cautious or negative to the world, while positive memories can bring us joy and teach us to treat others the same. These memories piece together to form a bigger picture, like a mosaic. We tend to critique the picture as a whole, which can usually be seen as simply broken and scattered. Or it may just be seen as a beautiful piece of art, despite the smaller fragments making up the whole," his voice grew quieter as the darkness grew darker. The seconds between the high-pitched tones from the machine beside me stretched with each passing minute. "Nobody sees what makes that person who they truly are. They may be beautiful on the outside, but they're actually broken apart into tiny pieces, filled with sadness, anxiety, joy, success, fear, anger, and strange things that most others can not understand."

    I knew that it was coming to an end. My machines weren't working and I was still short on breath and extremely dehydrated. Even as I slipped away, I could see Wonsik's face as he spoke the last few words to me.

    "When I saw you, I knew you were a piece of art, but I could see your broken parts. You painful memories shrouded by a smile. I could see your insecurity within yourself, yet as a whole, they shaped into a beautiful woman. Both the overall picture and the individual pieces are equally important to a person. I saw that within you and you made me understand to accept the parts of me that make me who I am. I may have fallen in love with you along the way, but the greatest gift I've received from you was the ability to also love myself."

I'd just like to give a special thanks to mintykyu for her help on this (the whole intro is pretty much all her work tbh). Also I'd like to thank her for introducing me to VIXX and allowing me to fall in love with Kim Wonsik, eventually leading to this story. It's not the best, but eventually I will get better and better and write more. I'd love to write a full VIXX fanfic, but I'm not there yet. I have 3 other stories in the works, plus many started that I've never even published a chapter yet, and tons more ideas. Slowly, I'll get there.

Thank you for taking your time to read my writing and I wish the best to you all. 

Also, I know that this ending , since I didn't know exactly what to write, so I included an alternate ending below. Enjoy <3

~kk4everfighting

---- Alternate Ending -----
    "Oh my God, what the ?" I could hear Wonsik swear from far away. Another voice, this one a female, chimed in from the direction before I felt a hand on my arm. With a few adjustments, the sensation of the IV returned in my arm. A surge of fluid rushed into my body, the suddeness making me woozy.

    "Please rest a bit, I'm sure you're tired and worn down," a nurse spoke in a friendly tone. "We almost lost you there." I followed her orders and slipped into a peaceful sleep. 

    By the time I had awoken, things were back to normal; all of the machines and tubes were working and I was no longer in excrutiating pain. The pounding headache that I had previously had was no longer bringing me pain, and the room was no longer spinning. However, the room was now empty and the white lights had been dimmed to let me rest. From the view I had of a window across the room, it was dark out and I could clearly see Ursa Major shining bright and demeaning the stars around it.
    As soon as I made any movement, I could sense a stirring from just outside the door. Eventually, it creaked open, revealing a familiar face.
    "You're awake, thank God," Wonsik let out a sigh of relief before stepping in, holding a mysterious item behind his back. "Feeling any better?" I nodded in response before clearing my voice.
    "Thank you for coming," the raspiness of my voice surprised me as I was not used to it. 
    "I could see you dying," he said in a soft voice, barely audible over the heart monitor. "You were slipping away. I almost lost you."
    "I'm sorry" was all I could manage. What are you supposed to say when you almost died? I noticed him trying to secretly hide the object he brought in. "What is that?"
    "Uh," he removed it from behind his back. "A gift for you. I thought you'd like it." The surprise gift was a stuffed dolphin that looked to be slightly torn and stiched in several places. One eye was missing, and the mouth looked extremely slanted. I couldn't help but to giggle.
    "This is for me?" I had to stifle my laughter, partly due to the pain in my chest, but also so I didn't hurt his feelings. "It looks so dumb."
    "Hey, that's my ing porpoise!" he snatched the stuffed animal from my hands, assuming that I didn't want it, which was untrue. "I've had him since I was little; he's my prized stuff animal from the fair a long time ago. I've kept it all these years hoping to share the memories with someone else." This comment made me smirk and reach out to grab the dolphin again. He hesitated before returning it to me.
    "Does he have a name?"
    "I named him Jaeson, but you can change it if you like," I shook my head to that comment and held the stuffed toy close to me. "He brought me lots of joy when I was little. I would bring him literally everywhere I went: school, the grocery store, Lotte Park, even in the shower a few times, until I realized that it would leave him soggy for a long time," he chuckled and grabbed my hand. "I'd want to do the same with you."
    "You want to bring me in the shower and make me soggy?" I joked, making him crack up.
    "You know what I meant," he brushed aside my bangs. "I want to do everything with you and spend my whole life with you. You bring me pure joy. So... will you be mine?"
    "Kim Wonsik, why would I say no?"

                       ♥