‘cause i clutched your arms like stairway railings,

and you clutched my brain, and eased my ailing.

wheein was up before the sun was.

the clock on her bedside table read 5:41am, and it was not too long before light would be peeking between her pastel-colored blinds, and envelop her room in the warmth of the early morning. it was still cold, her flesh exposed to the dawn, but the soft sound of snoring and the warm breath on her shoulder reminded her that she still had company.

she grinned.

two nights in a row.

not bad.

wheein reached out, brushed the sandy brown strands of byulyi’s hair out of her face. the other girl’s mouth was slightly agape, and she was lying on her stomach,  arms around one of wheein’s large pillows. for a brief moment, wheein wished she could be that pillow, that byulyi would ever think about wrapping her arms around wheein every night. a tiny smile graced wheein’s lips at the thought, trailing the back of her hand gently caressed  byulyi’s cheek. wheein knew it was unlikely to happen, considering byulyi probably thought of this as nothing more than a two-night-stand.

wheein’s body felt sore; she arched her back, stretched her arms up over her head, letting her joints pop, and her tresses fall and tickle her back. she got up, grabbed a  clean pair of underwear, and the nearest sweatshirt she could find. it was still chilly when she booted up her laptop that sat on the desk  across  from her bed. the long sleeves were enough to keep her arms and fingers warm as she typed.

it was not until she heard shuffling behind her that wheein realized she had been on her laptop for hours, and that the sun was finally up. she craned her head, only to scrunch up her face and blink back the sudden brightness of the natural light that  seeped into her bedroom. she was starting to get a headache from being in front of her laptop in the darkness for too long.

what greeted  wheein when her eyes had finally adjusted was a sight she embedded into her thoughts, a memory she would pull out whenever she would feel like giving up, if she ever thought that pursuing byulyi was a lost cause. byulyi looked radiant under the sunlight, her skin clear and pale, her expression groggy, but eyes bright. for a moment, she looked confused, looking around the room to take in her new surroundings—although, she had been here before.

and byulyi realized that. wheein noticed a sleepy smile tugging at the corner of the golden girl’s lips, and wheein could not help but smile as  well. their eyes met, wheein’s heart clenching painfully in her chest for a second, until byulyi looked away with red cheeks, pulling the covers up her chest.

“’morning, beautiful,” wheein greeted cheerfully. she turned slightly in her seat, resting one arm on the back of the chair.

byulyi ran a hand through her hair. her legs felt heavy. “hey.” her voice was soft—shy. obviously, she did not expect wheein to be awake already. wheein noticed her eyes were darting all over the place, in thought. “you’re up  way too early,” byulyi added, finally, and wheein felt a sense of relief wash over her. it almost felt like byulyi was about to make a run for it—again.

“couldn’t go back to sleep,” wheein replied, trying to seem like she was not at all nervous. she noticed byulyi’s shoulders slumping, relaxing, as she leaned back against the headboard.

“are you working?” byulyi asked, genuine curiosity in her voice. she raised her gaze to meet wheein’s again, trying to maintain eye contact. was this how the morning after always felt like? or should she have managed to escape by now?

escape was such a harsh word, byulyi decided.

wheein opened to say something, paused, before she continued, “oh, no. i’m just—”

“because i can leave if you need to work—”

“no!” wheein said, and she hated how defensive she sounded. byulyi must have thought she was desperate by now, and  this scared her a bit. “no, i’m just…”  wheein reached over to her side, shutting her laptop. “just thought i’d get some writing done.”

“you’re a writer.” it was not a question.

the sudden thought that maybe byulyi thought writing was pointless both as a job and a hobby hit her painfully, and she felt her heart clench in her chest, unsure of what to say. their gazes remained intact, and silence filled the room – awkward for wheein, curious for byulyi, letting wheein take her sweet time in responding. it was early in the morning, after all. brains might not be functioning completely.

“i, uh,” wheein stuttered. “yeah. i… write.” a pause, and wheein watched as byulyi tilted her head, as if urging her to go on, so wheein quickly added, in a panic, “b-but i swear i’m looking for a real job, and this is just a thing i like to do, a h-hobby? yeah-- and i know other people find it stupid, but—”

a frown appeared on byulyi’s face, and she interrupted the other girl. “wait, what?” she asked in disbelief. “who finds it stupid? yo, writing is a pretty tough job. i wish i could do it as easily.”

relief washed over wheein at those words, and she exhaled audibly, past the point of caring if she made a fool of herself in front of byulyi. the important thing was that byulyi did not think her hobby, her profession, her one true love was stupid or pathetic. she ran a hand through her hair, and a breathy, almost nervous laugh escaped her lips. “sorry,” wheein said. “i don’t really tell many people about it because, from experience, a lot of them tell me there isn’t any money in it unless i’m, like, really, really, really good.”

“are you?”

the question took her aback. how was she supposed to answer that without sounding either way too modest and self-conscious, or egotistical and self-centered? “it’s…” wheein began, choosing her words carefully. “i’m okay, i guess—”

“read some to me.”

the expression on byulyi’s face meant she was absolutely serious, wheein knew. it was easy to tell; eyes wide, lips slightly parted, and upper body leaning forward in anticipation. byulyi genuinely, sincerely, wanted wheein to read her something, but wheein did not know what to read, or if she actually should.

“next time.” the words escaped wheein’s lips before she could even think of it. her mind worked in a way that it automatically put up defenses when it came to people asking her about her writing. hyejin had asked her countless of times over the years to read some of her works aloud, but wheein always said the same exact words: next time.

with a small, disappointed pout, byulyi leaned back against the headboard, arms crossed over the covers to keep it from falling and exposing her. “you gotta promise that, though,” she replied, tone of voice playful, but there was a firmness to it that made wheein’s heart beat faster, both from nervousness and pure bliss. there was a next time.

hyejin was the only other person who had read many, if not all, of wheein’s works. well, works that wheein deemed acceptable to be read, anyway. even her parents were kept in the dark about the things wheein wrote, and it drove them nuts sometimes because, ever since wheein was a little girl, she would write and write and write in her notebook – but would never let them read. a diary? her mother asked. little wheein only shook her head, smiled. you’ll see.

more than a decade later, and they still have not.

these are really good, hyejin always said, and wheein could tell her best friend honestly meant it. a muffled answer came from under the blankets, where wheein decided to hide—to sulk—as hyejin rummaged through her things. not good enough.

byulyi extended a hand, pinky finger up. she jutted her chin toward it, feigning impatience, but there was an evident smile tugging on her lips. wheein could not help but grin, getting up from the chair, and positioning herself back on the bed. she held out her pinky finger as well, intertwining it with byulyi’s, and the latter pressed their thumbs together.

“no take-backs allowed,” byulyi added. “else, you have to cut your pinky finger off. that’s how it works.”

they hung out in wheein’s room for a while, getting to know each other better–mentally and emotionally, this time. hyejin would be proud to hear this. byulyi finally got a hold of herself enough to get dressed without feeling too embarrassed about wheein looking at her body.

“i already saw that last night, geez,” wheein whined, voice muffled by the pillow she used to cover her face. “and the other night.”

“just don’t look, damn.”

byulyi finished putting on her clothes from last night, and she grabbed her leather jacket from the floor. wheein offered breakfast, to which the other girl had to respectfully decline. “can’t,” she said. “have to meet someone.”

“boyfriend?” wheein asked, an eyebrow impishly raised, earning her a scoff from byulyi. “girlfriend?” she corrected herself, tried to sound teasing, although deep inside, wheein was subtly prying the other girl for answers, and she hoped, dear lord, byulyi would say no. she prayed byulyi would say no.

a snort. “i wish.”

wheein watched as byulyi put on her jacket, pale limbs disappearing into the sleeves. wheein could remember how smooth they were beneath her fingers. “a crush?” wheein was usually not one to keep asking these kinds of questions, but for some reason, it physically ached to not know the answers. despite her curious and cheerful tone, a hand behind her back had fingers crossed.

the smile byulyi gave wheein reeked of secrets wheein was sure she was soon to uncover.

she liked someone else.

wheein felt the cracks on her heart deepen and lengthen.

wheein’s thoughts were interrupted when a piece of paper between byulyi’s fingers dangled in front of her face, her eyes crossing a bit in the process of staring at it. reluctantly, she reached up, and took it between her own. she studied the numbers written in blue ink. there was a tiny heart at the end.

“in case you wanted to hang out,” byulyi explained, running her fingers through her hair in an attempt to fix it. her eyes were on the ceiling, a flustered expression on her face. “i know i do.”

this left wheein speechless, and byulyi merely took this as a sign that it was time for her to go. “hey, uh,” byulyi added, hesitant, before stepping out of the bedroom. “thanks again.”

“sure,” wheein responded automatically.

when byulyi smiled, wheein felt her entire world collapse.

she liked someone else.

wheein listened to the sound of her apartment door close with a soft thud before she let herself fall on her back onto her bed. she stared at the ceiling. the clock blinked bright red – 11:10.

she liked someone else.

wheein was alone.

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a/n: hello i know it took me a month to update, but that's because i am a piece of . i have a bit of muse now, so i swear chapter 4 will be up sooner than this one was. (i know i said updated would be faster, and i wasn't lying. something came up. writer's block. work. sickness. i'm really sorry.) more things will probably be happening in the next few chapters. it'll probably be longer considering backstories may come up, and also... let the angst commence.