Hyunseung

“You knew, right? You have known it right from the beginning!”, Yoseob hisses at me from the backseats, after we picked him up at Doojoon´s place around ten minutes ago. Like a lost and confused puppy the young singer was loitering around Doojoon´s front door. He was so deep in thought that he didn´t even see us coming. Junhyung had to call out to him a couple of times until Yoseob realized that we arrived to pick him up. As he had seen a ghost or something like that his face was completely pale as he got into the car. The first couple of minutes we remained in complete silence. The atmosphere was tensed to begin with as Junhyung and I had an argument earlier on, but with Yoseob around the atmosphere has gotten even more tensed up, especially now that Yoseob has talked for the first time ever since he joined us.

I just shake my head as I continue to look out of the window and watch the people and buildings pass by. I didn´t know that Doojoon started dating Seyeon and to be honest – I don´t believe it! Because it just doesn´t make any sense. Why would Doojoon start to date a woman – especially Seyeon- if he has been in love with a guy for forever and ever? It really doesn´t make any sense whatsoever. It was only yesterday night that he tried to drown his broken heart in alcohol. I can´t imagine him to have such a quick change of heart. That is just not the type of person he is.

“Don´t take me for an idiot!”, he snaps at me and hits against my seat. His voice is shaking. I have never seen Yoseob like this before and I can´t remember a time he ever raised his voice against me. What is going on with him? Isn´t he going a little bit overboard with his actions?! Although I can understand that he must feel shocked and betrayed and I can relate to those feelings somehow but his emotional outburst bears no relation to his actions. In less than four days we are supposed to have our first solo concert in china. I wonder if everything will turn out well. “You spent so much time working with Seyeon during your promotions! You should –“

“I really didn´t know-“, I wanted to say but the singer shuts me down by once again hitting against my seat – this time even more violently.

“Don´t interrupt me!”, Yoseob nearly screams, “ You must have overheard something while working together, haven´t you? Or didn´t Doojoon tell you beforehand?!”

“No! Nothing! I really didn´t know.”, I try to reason with him in a calm voice but he just bites his lips and looks out of the window. He does not believe me and that is a fact! And once again I ask myself why. Why is Yoseob acting this way? And why did Doojoon start dating Seyeon? Although I don´t think it is real I don´t doubt Yoseob´s words. Why would the young singer lie about Doojoon, especially if it agitates him this much?

So, if we assume that the rumor of Doojoon dating Seyeon is real then why did he do it? Only yesterday the leader was complaining about his broken heart, how painful an unrequited love was that he cursed his luck for falling for a straight guy and so on. He never mentioned Seyeon with even one single word. In short, what the hell is going on?! I start to rub my temples and cover my eyes as I´m getting a headache. I feel like my thoughts are doing 360s over and over again.

Yoseob soundly clenches his teeth before he whispers: “Liar.”

I want to tell him that I’m not a liar but I just leave it at that. At this point arguing back is pointless. No matter what I say Yoseob doesn´t believe me. So I just remain silent and sigh quietly.

For the next couple of minutes only the sound of the motor and tyres can be heard.

“Seobie.”, Junhyung´s gentle voice unexpectedly cuts through the silence inside the car and gives me goose bumps, “Hyunseung said he didn´t know, so I guess he really didn´t know. He wouldn´t lie to you. You are friends after all.”

Junhyung. He defended me. I take my hand off of my eyes and look over to him. His gaze is still focused on the traffic. Immediately a warm and fuzzy feeling spreads through my chest.

“Shouldn´t you feel happy for Doojoon or cheer him on or something along those lines? Because you guys are friends? Well, I´m happy for him-”, the rapper adds gently and looks back, “ - Doojoon seemed to feel lonely lately.”

In the front mirror I can see how Yoseob loses the control over his facial features derail. At first he seems to be shocked by Junhyung´s words and then he looks hurt and a little bit jealous (?). But right the next instant the younger singer is able to get his composure and control back. So I’m left being puzzled. Am I’m seeing thing? Or what is going on with Yoseob? Don´t tell me! … It is just a hunch, but…

“Did you by any chance cast an eye on Seyeon-ah?”, I suddenly ask. His eyes widen in shock once again before he starts to giggle nervously.

“No. no. no. “, he says and forces his laughter as he suddenly turns his head so that he faces the window. I guess I hit the right mark.

Of course! Things suddenly start to make sense! Yoseob being a bit over the top(!), his pointless anger and his jealousy on the one hand and of course Doojoon´s totally absurd behavior on the other hand. Doojoon only looked at Yoseob for years and years. He wouldn´t go out with a woman on a whim, even if the woman was as charming as Seyeon-ah.

So Doojoon found out about Yoseob´s feelings for Seyeon and decided to put an end to them by snatching her away! What a plan! For a second I´m completely in awe of our leader-nim. I know what it feels like when your beloved starts to date someone. To be more precise: I know the terrifying feeling when your beloved starts to date a woman. Although I wouldn´t know what I would feel like if Junhyung started to date a cute little guy…I shake my head in order to get my thoughts back on track. What on earth am I thinking about so early in the morning?! Anyhow I never thought that Doojoon would go this far in order to monopolize his loved one – Yoseob.

Yoseob´s final words are drowned out by the loud car sounds. Only he knows that he said: I was meant to be the person who heals Doojoon from his loneliness…

--

Still Hyunseung

Once we reach Cube I see Kikwang sitting outside of the building right in front of the front gate. I can´t say if it is due to the whole front gate thing or due to the agitated and nervous look on Kikwang´s face but the entire situation gives me the feeling of Déjà vu. As far as I can see it the short dancer seems to be nervously waiting for something or someone. Once again my hunch seems to be accurate because Kikwang jumps up as soon as he spots Junhyung´s car. He waves his hand and follows us t the parking space. Today I´m really on the roll with my hunches – is what I was thinking as Yoseob´s voice suddenly interrupts me.

“Didn´t Kikwang go to the gym today? He made a big fuss yesterday because he wanted to work out at all costs. He said that he wanted to spend as much time as possible in the gym in order to shape his muscles for the concert.”, the singer says.

I have no clue so I just shrug my shoulders. So does Junhyung as he backs into the parking space. As soon as the rapper stops his car we get out. For a spring day it is a pretty cold morning so I start to shiver immediately.

“Take my jacket.”, Junhyung says suddenly and throws his jacket my way right into my arms, “ You are going to catch a cold. With the concert right around the corner we can´t afford to get sick.”

I´m too surprised for words as I look at the jacket in my arms. It is Junyhung´s new favorite jacket. I saw him wearing it a couple of times lately. What has gotten into him? What is going on? Usually he doesn´t seem to care…

“YAH! I´m cold, too!”, Yoseob protests and rips me out of my world. He walks up to Junhyung and pouts like a little child. His temper today is really something…

But Junhyung just laughs gently and puts his arm around the singer.

“I´ll warm you up with my body. So don´t sulk.”, the rapper says playfully and a little bit seductively as he gently leads Yoseob to the building.

Although I much preferred Junhyung´s arm around my shoulder I put his jacket on. It is a little bit too big – even the arms are too long, but it still makes unbelievably happy – no. Deliriously happy. I´m wearing his jacket! I take a deep breath and inhale his masculine scent.I feel like a girl who puts on her boyfriend´s clothes and I can excately guess why they it so much. Because it feels like a big fluffy hug of your beloved.

Back in the days when we were living together in the dorm I would secretly put on his clothes, sniff them, wrap my arms around myself and imagine Junhyung hugging me. Once Yoseob cop me doing it and nagged me that I shouldn´t desire Junhyung´s stylish clothes and if I wanted to have the same stuff that I should ask him to go shopping together. Thank god Yoseob is so dense. But Doojoon on the other hand quickly caught up to my love for Junhyung. I remember one time when the leader caught me in the act – I was hugging one of Junhyung´s shirts. Due to the rapper´s busy schedule I wasn´t able to see him and my yearning for him got the better of me. I don´t know why but most probably my facial expression at that time gave me away. Doojoon just looked at me with pity in his eyes and said in a caring voice >you are a goner<.

He was so right. I´m a goner.

Junhyung suddenly looks back and our eyes meet. Just now I realize that I haven´t moved an inch away from the car. So I wrap his jacket even tighter around my body and mouth a silent thank you which is followed by a soft and embarrassed smile.

At first he seems to be surprised then embarrassed. I can see how his cheeks turn slightly into a pinkish colour as he averts his gaze. But then he looks up to me once again and nods quickly before he turns around for good – still proceeding to the front gate of the building.

I´m still dreamily watching Junhyung´s back as suddenly somebody holds on to my arm. As I turn around in order to spot the culprit and give him/ her a good nagging I see a flustered Kikwang.

“Hyung? Do you have a second? I need to talk to you about something?”, he asks nervously.

I turn round and try to spot Junhyung and Yoseob but there is nobody. It seems like both of them already entered the building.

“What is it Kikwang?”, I ask shortly and try to free my arm, but without much success. Kikwang is strong, really strong and he doesn´t yield. I wonder how Doongwoon was able to top him, without getting his bones broken.

“Ehm..ehm…I heard something…and I wanted to say something…actually I wanted to warn you or something…but I don´t know if the things I heard are true..so maybe…the things i´m going to say…may seem…disgusting…or weird..or both-“, he mumbles nervously. Without looking up to me he faces the ground. Not only his stuttering reveals his embarrassment but also his ears, which turned bright red.

“Kikwang! What are you trying to tell me? I didn´t understand anything!”, I answer impatiently.

He then looks up to me. The look in his eyes has changed and he seems to be ready now. Although I have no clue for what he had to prepare himself.

“Did Doongwoon stay at your place last night?”, the small dancer asks with a fierce look in his eyes.

“Oh, that. Yes, he did.”, I answer without a second thought and want to walk over to the building. However Kikwang´s grip around my arm gets tighter and hinders me from going a single step forward. Shocked I look at him, but his poker face doesn´t give me any hints regarding his thoughts.

“Hyung. Listen! I need to ask you something.”, his serious tone of voice takes me by surprise. “Did you guys-“, he clears his throat, “-sleep together?” his voice suddenly turns bright red as well.

“Yes. We did.”, I answer bluntly. Of course the meaning behind Kikwang´s words hit me a coupe of seconds later. But it was too late. I already said that we slept together. The dancer bright red face immediately turns pale white. And I can feel him shaking.

“I mean. We slept in the same bed, because the under floor heating system in my room is broken.”, I try to save the situation.

“So…in the end you still slept in one bed?”, Kikwang mumbles more to himself than speaks to me.

I nod.

“But well, you see…we went drinking…and eventually got drunk. Doongwoon didn´t wnt to go home, so we went to my place and then…”, I try to explain.

“And then…?”, Kikwang asks me with big eyes.

Honestly, I can´t tell Kikwang. Doongwoon just acted so embarrassingly. He refused to go home and sleep in his own bed because there was still Kikwang´s scent lingering on. He cried and cried and begged me to take him in for the night. I was so ashamed on Doongwoon´s behalf that even remembering it now makes me cringe and I can feel myself blushing crimson. Doojoon will never be able to go to yesterday´s pub again because all three of us lost our faces in front of the pub owner and the over customers.

“Eh…well…this and that happened…and then eventually one thing led to another.”, I says vaguely and with a still blushed face.

Of course every human being would get the completely wrong idea by now. And so did Kikwang. But again it takes me too long to figure that out – my mistake, I mean. Before I have the chance to clarify my misleading statement I can feel somebody putting his arm around my shoulder.

“You heard Hyung, right?!”, Doongwoon´s cold voice sends a chill down my spine, “One thing led to another.”

Kikwang lets go of my arm instantly and without an additional word he runs off. The last thing I see of the dancer is his hurt expression.

Letting go of my shoulder Doongwoon sighs and takes his arm down.

“What are you doing?”, I ask in disbelief. What the hell is wrong with everybody today?!

The maknae rubs his blood-shot eyes and resignedly answers:“I don´t know. I really don´t know. Guess I’m losing my mind.”

“Great! G R E A T!”, I burst out, “ You lost your sanity! Obviously Kikwang has lost his sanity as well! So did Yoseob and let´s not talk about Doojoon who just randomly started to date a woman! AND I wasn´t sane to begin with! The only normal person is Junhyung after all! I´M SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THE CONCERT!”

From that time on things really only got worse.

hi everybody :). i do apologize once again, because i was m.i.a. i hope i can now return to my normal upload schedule. thank you for your patience :). i hope you will enjoy this chapter. by the way: happy new year :)