“Don’t trust too much, don’t love too much, don’t hope too much because that ‘too much’ can hurt you so much.”

We loved being together, but not everyone felt the same.

What is a sin?

Don’t look at me like that. Those eyes. Those judgemental eyes. Those eyes watching my every move.

I felt loved. For the first time, I felt sincere love.

And for the first time, I felt like everything I did was wrong.

Love is exciting. The thrill only made my heart beat more for him.

I looked into the eyes of the man before me with the best smile I could muster. I thought for once, I could speak my mind. ...For once, I could be Lee Seunghyun... and not Seungri.

His eyes unchanging, devoid of emotion. Yearning for sympathy from this man was not an option. No one would pity me. No one would pity us. Even if this means I would expose my deepest, darkest secrets, I would speak. I wanted my love to die with my career. I wanted to run away. Everything felt so wrong, I couldn’t take it anymore. So I wanted to end it. However, this will be my last act as an “idol”. I wanted to set an example in this horrible world.

Inside, I was dying.

Inside, I was still loving him.

Inside, I was myself, and I could never show him this side of me.

I was in love, and I am still in love. However, with great love comes great sadness. Many times, I have wished to start over; renew this ugly life of mine. Why was I born this way? In the next life, I want to love you again. I want a love that will be beautiful.

He was beautiful.

He was love itself.

We were love.

“I’ve always worn a facade. I’ve told so many lies that I don’t know who I am anymore. You know what’s crazy? I even think this love of mine is wrong. I think this love is a lie. I think this love is part of my mask.”

Was this a lie as well?

Why?

...Why?

Why can’t we be loved? We were both broken. I thought two broken pieces would eventually fit together. We molded each other. We sought comfort in each other. We learned from each other...We learned together. And eventually….we fell in love.

Why?

Why??

I was frustrated. I was mad. This life, this world, everything was so unfair. What was so wrong about our love?

What was so wrong…

..about loving another man?

“Hello, I am BIGBANG’s Seungri!”