“There is something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more crazy about each other, especially when you are the only extra person in the room. It's like watching Paris from an express caboose heading in the opposite direction--every second the city gets smaller and smaller, only you feel it's really you getting smaller and smaller and lonelier and lonelier, rushing away from all those lights and excitement at about a million miles an hour.” ~ Sylvia Plath

Tao, Sehun and Jongin had met each other during highschool and had been inseparable ever since. Their friendship was extremely valuable to each of them and they promised to never let anyone or anything break them apart.

The first time they met had been during English class. Tao was a transfer student, recently arrived from China and he was extremely shy around students. Sehun and Jongin were the exact opposite. They were very popular but that didn’t mean they were taking advantage of this. In fact, they were very friendly and kind to everybody.

When they had first seen Tao presenting himself in front of the class they had found him utterly adorable and had decided on the spot to “adopt” him. Tao, in the beginning, acted very timid around them and given that Sehun and Jongin were well-known in their highschool, he tried to avoid them most of the time because he didn’t like being in the center of the attention. Sehun and Jongin were very stubborn and that turned out to be “fatal” to Tao who found himself spending more and time with them and their other friends. Soon, he became an active member of their gang, so to say.

Now, 10 years after, they were still extremely close to each other. One thing had changed, however, the dynamics of their relationship forever. It became clear to Tao soon after he met Sehun and Jongin that Sehun had a terrible crush on his best friend. Tao was determined to help him and he did. He didn’t realize back then that by bringing together his two best friends, he would end up heartbroken. After Sehun and Jongin became official Tao started becoming aware of his feelings as well. He felt jealous everytime they touched but he had no clue why it was like that. He loved his best friends but he was convinced that all his affection had always been platonic. It became obvious to him at one point that things weren’t exactly like that.

For a couple of months, he had felt confused and hurt so he had decided to take a break and just try to figure what was happening in his heart. The conclusion he came to was not something he wanted to reveal to any of his friends so he kept quiet. He was in love with both of his friends and he felt ashamed of what of his feelings and dirty somehow. He had no right to ruin their lives so he did his best to bury everything in his heart and to act like he was not slowly dying inside everytime he saw them being so happy together.

With the years, he had learnt to live with this constant emotional turmoil and he had perfectioned his acting skills so that they never suspected anything.

He was surprised to get a rather desperate call for Jongin one day telling him that they urgently needed to talk. Tao agreed immediately because he would have done anything for his friends. He loved them so much and he was determined to make sure they were always happy and content.

When Tao met with Jongin, the things he told him had him really worried.

“I am very scared because Sehun seems very depressed lately. He is not eating and sleeping properly. He goes to a psychologist but it doesn’t seem to work. I am so afraid he might do something stupid.”

“I don’t understand. You are happy together. You are perfect for each other. What could have caused this kind of reaction in Sehun? What is wrong?”

“Well, Sehun had always wanted children and for a while we were convinced that when the time was right we would be able to have a little baby to call our own. A couple of months ago we found out that neither of us could bear children and it destroyed Sehun. That is his biggest dream and now he won’t be able to make it true. I don’t know how to help and it kills me. “

Tao felt devastated hearing that Sehun and Jongin were so miserable. He didn’t say anything to Jongin but he was alreay planning on performing a test to see if he could be a carrier.

“Maybe you can adopt. I know it would probably take some time but as long as you stay optimistic and keep fighting I am sure you would be able to make Sehun’s wish come true. There are so many babies in this world just waiting for wonderful couples like you to adopt them and provide with the love and protection they need.”

“It’s not that Tao. Is just that no matter what people say, when you hold for the first time your baby into your arms you understand that this kind of feeling is irreplaceable. I would do anything to make Sehun happy. I talked to him about getting a surogate mother but he is really against it. He is afraid I might leave him and that’s just crazy because he owns my heart. It’s the suffering that makes him like this. I haven’t seen him smile in such a long time and it terrifies me not to be able to do anything about it.”

“Let’s not lose hope just yet. I will come visit you this week and try to cheer Sehun up. You know how much I care about both of you and together we can find a solution.”

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