Jongin drives out into the countryside whenever the city gets a little too hectic, too overwhelming. Unlike most people, he enjoys the serenity and crisp air that fills his car through the open windows. There’s nothing out here but vast fields of wheat, blowing gently in the breeze. It’s a sea of soft browns and yellows, as far as the eye can see. A crystal clear river cuts through the vegetation and runs along the main road. Jongin slows down a bit every time he comes out here, to close his eyes and listen to the water rushing down south. It’s a reminder of how gentle mother nature can be when you treat her right.

His blonde locks are a mess by the time Jongin’s miles and miles away from home, the looming buildings are specks in the distance. He runs his fingers through his hair in an attempt to comb out the tangles, but it’s useless because he still has a little more road to cover. He rests his hand back down on the steering wheel and keeps a vigilant eye out. The scenery around him hasn’t changed since he left the city limit, yet he’s still hopeful of finding something, finding him.

And then Jongin sees an old man sitting on the bank of the river. His rickety boat is moored to a wooden stake in the ground, where the small vessel brushes against the damp earth with the ebb and flow of the water. He fusses with his burlap sack and stares directly into Jongin’s eyes as the vehicle zooms by, his face void of any emotions. This isn’t anything out of the ordinary, only another part of Jongin’s journey towards nowhere in particular. The two men simply acknowledge each other as their eyes meet and no more. It’s nice for Jongin to be reminded that he isn’t alone out here because the silence sometimes gets to him.

Jongin continues to drive and drive as time ticks on by. The sun shines brightly in the grey sky, never seeming to move from its place. This makes it much harder for Jongin to figure out how long he’s been out because the clock in his car has been busted, and he can’t be bothered to buy a watch. No matter, because he has all the time in the world to seek out the treasure which waits for him at the end of his mundane adventure.

Rustling to the left of his car catches his attention. Jongin glances over his shoulder to make sure it isn’t a trick of the eye, and to his surprise, the movement doesn’t cease. He hits the brakes gently, as to not scare off whatever or whomever is here. He exits the car and navigates himself through the shoots of grain, treading carefully and keeping quiet. Once he catches a glimpse of his target, everything comes to a startling halt.

“Chanyeol,” Jongin whispers in disbelief, hands coming over his mouth.

The young man lying on the ground is disorientated, groaning as he moves his limbs around weakly. His hair and dark teal coat are covered in dirt and spikelets. Even in this state, Jongin thinks he looks as handsome as ever.

“Where the hell am I?” Chanyeol murmurs, his voice is raspy.

“I can explain it all later, but first, we need to get you some water.” From Chanyeol’s chapped lips to lethargic movements, it’s obvious the young man is dehydrated. All Jongin wants to do now is nurse him back to health, bring back the man he missed so dearly. It’s a wonder how he hasn’t let his emotions get in the way. Jongin likes to believe he has prepared himself for this moment all his life.

Jongin kneels down by Chanyeol to make sure he isn’t hurt, and the next thing he knows is that he’s on his back with slender fingers wrapped around his neck. He stares up at Chanyeol incredulously, trying to figure out where the sudden burst of energy came from. His breathing becomes shallow as Chanyeol’s grasp tightens, but the taller male doesn’t look satisfied at all. Chanyeol buries his nails into the tender flesh of Jongin’s throat and growls at the unsatisfactory results. Jongin is gasping for air at this point, trying to relieve the pressure on his windpipes.

“What did you do to my ing powers?” Chanyeol screeches out. He rests his knee on Jongin’s chest to make sure he stays down as he examines his hands for any sign of wear.

“Like I,” Jongin wheezes out, “said before — later. I-I’ll tell you later.”

Chanyeol acts reluctant and even suspicious, but he’s too weak to run off and falls back onto his back. Jongin heaves a sigh of relief once Chanyeol is off of him, kneeling down with his hands out to show Chanyeol there is nothing to worry about. He’s only here to help.

“I promise I won’t hurt you. I never would, even if I wanted to,” Jongin mumbles the last part to himself, carefully running his fingers over the crescent marks Chanyeol left on his neck. His words seem to do the trick as Chanyeol reaches out for him. With a lot of effort on Jongin’s end, he manages to help the taller male up onto his feet and leads him over to the car. He makes sure Chanyeol has some water and is buckled in properly before heading back.

Jongin glances over at the passenger side every so often to reassure himself that Chanyeol is sitting there in the flesh. He doesn’t want to wake up from this dream if only a cruel reality awaits for him on the other side. Even though he was just attacked, there’s nothing that can change his mind about Chanyeol. This has been a long time coming. All his trips out to the countryside have been for naught, until now. He knew this day would come, and it was merely a matter of when instead of if.

Chanyeol isn’t much of a talker, which breaks Jongin’s heart a little. The man he has vivid memories of would burst out in laughter at the most random times and talk anyone’s ear off if they didn’t run away. As annoying as Chanyeol’s old tendencies were, they added up to a silly giant with a goofy grin, the person Jongin loves. Jongin doesn’t try to push the issue, though, because he knows Chanyeol has gone through a lot, so he’ll let the taller male set the pace.

They drive for hours upon hours, and the city over the horizon doesn’t get any bigger, or closer. Maybe if they wait long enough, Jongin will drive them off the edge of the world before they realize it. The thought isn’t so scary with Chanyeol by his side.

Tall shadows cast over them, and Jongin knows they have arrived. Pedestrians fill the sidewalks, rushing to their respective destinations. Cars cover every inch of the streets, making it nearly impossible for anyone to go anywhere. The traffic is heavy and will take awhile to clear, so Jongin turns his attention to Chanyeol. The taller male has his eyes fixed on the ominous skies above, and Jongin has to think twice before he disturbs him from his thoughts. Chanyeol has been on the edge since they left the wheat fields, which is why Jongin is hesitant to ruin a perfectly good moment. He wants Chanyeol to trust him. Again. He refrains from saying a word until Chanyeol glances over him under his free will.

“Is there something on my face?” Chanyeol turns away to check his reflection in the side mirror.

“No, I just thought you might want to talk since we have a lot of time on our hands,” Jongin admits, gesturing to the congestion ahead of them.

Chanyeol nods in understanding and slumps in his seat, folding his arms over his chest. He takes his time mulling over his words before speaking up. “Why is that no matter how hard I try, I can’t figure out how I ended up in the middle of nowhere? I can’t remember anything before you saved me.”

Jongin wants to gather Chanyeol up in his arms because the man sounds utterly defeated and wishes he had the answers to everything, just to see the other smile again. For now, all he has to offer is a sympathetic smile and water. He reaches into the back seat for another bottle, handing it over to Chanyeol.

“I can’t say, but I’ll help you figure things out, if you’ll allow me to,” Jongin says unhelpfully.

Chanyeol is obviously unsatisfied with Jongin’s answer and takes a swig of the water like it is alcohol. All it’s missing is the familiar burn down his throat.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin laments. He feels completely useless, but it isn’t time yet. Everything has a time and place. Right now, he needs to wait it out a bit before he can confide in Chanyeol. He tries to convince himself that he isn’t lying by hiding the truth.

“Where are we going now?” Chanyeol has one hand on the seatbelt release button and the other on the door handle, as if he’s going to escape if Jongin’s answer is yet again unsatisfactory. Jongin will simply run after him because he hasn’t waited this long just to let Chanyeol go.

“A coffee shop,” Jongin answers carefully, prepared for the chase if the occasion rises.

“I hate coffee,” Chanyeol grumbles, hands falling into his lap.

Jongin already knew this because Chanyeol has always hated all things bitter, but this particular coffee shop they’re heading to is the only place Chanyeol could ever tolerate. He isn’t about to ruin a perfectly good surprise, so he stays mum as the traffic takes its sweet time clearing up. Once they’re out of the gridlock, Jongin traverses the streets in an efficient manner. He speeds through yellow lights in the last second, takes sharp turns, and drives around pedestrians crossing the streets.

They park in a towing zone, but that doesn’t matter since this isn’t even Jongin’s car to begin with. Chanyeol gives Jongin a puzzled look, and Jongin reassures him everything will be alright.

The coffee shop is filled with patrons, but the noise level is eerily low. Their hushed whispers are muffled by the sounds of the coffee grinder and steady drip of water into the sink. Someone should go turn off the faucet.

Jongin tells Chanyeol to go grab them a seat by the window while he waits in line. When he reaches the front counter, he orders a café au lait for Chanyeol and water for himself. His stomach won’t be able to handle much else after finding Chanyeol. He’s cool on the outside, but deep inside he’s a mess of frazzled nerves.

Chanyeol looks so pitiful sitting in the corner of the shop, staring out at the busy streets. Jongin knows the taller male hasn’t stopped thinking about what’s going on, but some questions are better left unanswered for now. He places their drinks down on the wooden table and offers Chanyeol a smile, in the hopes it’ll lift up his mood.

“This must be really hard on you, but I swear I’ll clear things up down the line,” Jongin promises, extending his pinky out.

Chanyeol fights back a laugh as he hooks his pinky with Jongin’s and heaves out a sigh. “I’ll try to be more patient.”

Jongin gives Chanyeol’s hand a pat before he suggests the taller male to give his drink a try. Chanyeol is hesitant because he insists he hates coffee with a passion, but his brows rise in shock after a tiny sip, which turns into a slurp.

“I-I… wow. This isn’t total . What is it?” Chanyeol asks before he returns to finishing his coffee.

“Café au lait, something a little sweet for someone so bitter,” Jongin jokes and takes a sip of his own water.



When the pair finish up their drinks, they head back out into the streets. The crowd hasn’t thinned out ever since they arrived and Jongin has to hold onto Chanyeol’s wrist to make sure that he doesn’t lose him a second time. He leads them down several blocks in silence and eventually stops in front of some steps. They arrive at a dilapidated building which stands out like a sore thumb among the other structures around it.

“Is this really where I live?” Chanyeol asks, the wariness in his voice obvious. The carpeted floor looks like it is overdue for a cleaning, the grim man behind the front desk eyes them with disinterest, and the peeling wallpaper is the cherry on top. Everything about this place screams macabre and ominous. Who in their right mind would enter here on their own free will?

“Unfortunately,” Jongin replies and glances over at Chanyeol, who looks like he’s trying really hard to hold back a laugh. He pats the taller male on the back. “We’ll have to take the steps because the damn elevator has been broken for ages.”

The staircase isn’t in any better shape than the rest of the apartment building, each step creaks loudly as they make their ascent. Chanyeol sighs out of relief every time they reach the next floor safely, and Jongin reassures him that the wooden panels won’t give under their weight, yet.

“Why did I ever think living here was a good idea?” Chanyeol pants out on the fifth floor.

“I always asked you that and you said the place had a lot of character.” Jongin makes sure the taller male is alright before he takes them over to the first door on their left, numbered 61 with chipped gold paint. He jimmies the door with a few turns of the door knob, smiling to himself when he’s greeted with Chanyeol’s home.

The furniture is a little worn from light usage and sun exposure, but anyone else walking by would think the renters just moved in. Jongin can see the apprehension written all over Chanyeol’s face, and he swears on his life that this isn’t a trap.

“Why would I take you out for coffee if I really wanted to kill you?” Jongin asks, cocking a brow.

“Perhaps you’re a serial killer with patience,” Chanyeol mutters, reluctantly crossing the threshold and screwing his eyes shut.

“No traps too, I promise.” Jongin shakes his head and drags Chanyeol over to the couch. “You have trusted me thus far, so I don’t why you’re scared all of a sudden.”

Chanyeol doesn’t answer him. He simply sits down on the armrest, scanning the living room and adjacent kitchenette. Jongin leaves him be because he doesn’t want to overwhelm him and takes a seat on the edge of the coffee table. They weren’t supposed to be here, not yet anyway. Jongin had planned to take Chanyeol around the city first, to see the sights and hope his memories would slowly come back from there. Home is where people keep all their deepest, darkest secrets. It’s the place where one’s identity is preserved in the form of little trinkets, stains in the curtains, and dying ficuses. Chanyeol was never exceptional at keeping plants alive for more than two weeks, despite his dream to own a beautiful garden one day. Jongin was afraid the apartment would be too much for the taller male, but he seems to be doing okay. Chanyeol remains on his perch in silence, eyes wandering and mind wondering.

“If you need me, I’ll be in the bathroom for a quick moment,” Jongin excuses himself. It’s been awhile since his last visit here, but he still remembers the floor plan. He finds his destination without a problem and locks the door behind him. The reflection he sees in the mirror is weary, bags under their eyes. Jongin can’t believe just a few hours has the life out of him, smoothing back his hair to get a better look at the damage. He barely recognizes himself, his complexion paler than it was earlier in the day. Before he returns to the living room, he remembers to flush the toilet in case Chanyeol is listening on. His previous worry is nothing compared to the current one when he sees Chanyeol is gone.

Jongin can’t allow himself to panic because letting his emotions get to the best of him will only hold him back. He closes his eyes and focuses on his breathing, inhaling several deep breaths to quell the brewing turmoil inside. When he opens up his eyes, he sees a fuming Chanyeol before him, waving looseleaf sheets in his face.

“What the are these, Jongin? I knew something fishy was going on! You’re so lucky I can’t burn your right now,” Chanyeol growls and shoves all the papers into Jongin’s arms.

Jongin is stunned by the sudden change of events, and it takes him a moment to gather his thoughts. He mutters an apology under his breath before he tries to read the chicken scratch. Right off the bat, he knows what this is.


2012 April 8
I’ve escaped. I’ve finally escaped! I don’t know if I’ll be able to outrun them for long, but I’ll try to enjoy my freedom while it lasts. On my search for a new home, I passed by a couple shops that I’d like to check out, but I need to make sure they’re not watching me first. And oh! The neighbor seems really nice… but is he working for them… I need to confirm. 

Jongin liked the apartment building he lived in because most of the tenants were quiet and kept to themselves. No one ever bothered him, unless they needed a cup of sugar or someone to babysit their kid. The solace he came home to everyday helped him forget about the stress from work. He wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

One day as he trekked up the stairs after work, Jongin noticed his new neighbor was having trouble lugging several bags of groceries with him. The poor man was taking two bags in each arm and bringing them up to the next floor, running back down for the rest in a cycle. Jongin felt bad for him and offered a helping hand. It seemed to be the wrong move when the man gave him a quizzical look.

“Why would you do that?” the taller male muttered after his third trip for the last remaining bags.

“Because we’re neighbors? I thought it would be easier for you,” Jongin explained, wondering what the man’s deal was.

The man furrowed his brows in contemplation, but eventually gave in. “Alright. You take these then. I’ll start taking those up to my place.” He shoved two plastic bags into Jongin’s arms before darting up the stairs. Jongin followed after him slowly. They didn’t say a word to each other on the way to room 61, and Jongin though this new neighbor would fit right in with everyone else.

And then Jongin saw the mess littering every surface of the man’s unit. Papers and pens were scattered all over the place with the empty ramen cups here and there. Jongin wasn’t the type to judge people off the bat, but he was afraid the taller male might have had a problem.

“Er, where should I put these bags?” Jongin asked. The countertop in the kitchen was covered in more papers, and he could barely make out where the coffee table sat in the living room.

“Right there is fine,” the man replied, pointing to the area in front of Jongin’s feet.

There was a mysterious stain that could have been coffee or the beginning of mold. Either way, Jongin placed the plastic bags down several feet away from the health hazard.

“So… what’s your name?” Jongin knew neighbors weren’t obligated to be chummy, but he wanted his new neighbor to feel welcomed. From the looks of it, the elderly woman down the hall hadn’t given this man a welcoming basket filled with an assortment of baked goods. She always bragged about how new tenants loved her sweets.

“Why does it matter? Why are you being so nosy?” the man questioned, getting into Jongin’s face like he wanted to start a fight.

“Because I live next door and thought it’d be a good idea to introduce ourselves… I guess wherever you’re from, this isn’t how things work,” Jongin muttered and took several steps back to avoid a punch to the face.

The man’s posture went slack, his shoulders relaxed and his face hinted at relief. “Chanyeol, but that’s all you’re getting. And you, Mr. Nosy?”

“It’s actually Jongin,” Jongin corrected Chanyeol. He watched Chanyeol pick up a slip of paper from the floor along with a pen and scrawled something on it.

“And you said you live next door, correct?” Chanyeol had his pen at the ready.

“What? Are you some ing cop? Why are taking down my information!?” Jongin squawked and tried to take the paper out of Chanyeol’s hands.

“Trying to run from the man, huh?” Chanyeol taunted, raising his arms above his head so that Jongin had to start jumping and his attempts to retrieve the paper were futile.

“Of course not!” Jongin defended himself. He had nothing to hide at all, but that didn’t mean he wanted Chanyeol to write down everything about him. Not only was that creepy, it also felt like an invasion of his privacy. Out of everyone in the this apartment building, he never felt so skeeved out before until he met Chanyeol.

“I only kid! I tend to forget things… so I needed to jot down your name and where you live in case I ever need your help,” Chanyeol said. His facial expression seemed honest, so Jongin allowed himself to relax a little bit.

“Okay then. I should get out of you hair now. I’ll see you around.” Jongin waved to Chanyeol and carefully made his way out.


2012 May 2
I feel much more at ease living out here. Of course, from time to time I have make sure I’m not being followed. Overall, though, my mind is in a better place and I’m not always checking over my shoulder. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let my guard down completely, but at least I’m free! As for the neighbor… I don’t think he’s working for them because he is way too nice and talks about adopting ten puppies whenever we cross paths. What a strange guy… 

“Hey, Chanyeol! Are you heading out for the corner store for milk again?” Jongin asked on his way back from retrieving his mail.

“Yeah. Vitamin D is important,” Chanyeol stated and headed for the stairs.

“Wait for me, will you? I want to pick up some snacks!” Jongin didn’t wait for Chanyeol’s reply and slipped his mail under the door before he ran after the taller male, who was already two flights of stairs down.

Chanyeol didn’t push him away as they arrived at the lobby, nor did he tell Jongin to off on the streets, so Jongin took that as an invitation to join him. He knew the taller male wasn’t much of a talker unless you prompted him with questions, and Jongin was okay with that because he was one hell of a listener. Whenever Jongin had nothing but nonsense to say, Chanyeol never made up excuses to leave. There were more than two incidents where the pair stayed in the laundry room long after their clothing was done washing because Jongin had seen the cutest toy poodle in the world! And that’s what he said the next time he saw another toy poodle on the streets. In all honesty, he thought they were all adorable and wanted to adopt them all. Too bad the landlord had a no animal policy. It broke his heart when he was looking for a place to live, but the view of the sunset was too good to pass up.

During their short walk to the corner store, Jongin told Chanyeol all about his co-worker’s newest puppy. It was a golden retriever, but still kind of cute. His co-worker had brought the puppy to work the other day since their office wasn’t too strict and for most of the day, Jongin wanted to cuddle with the fluffy bundle of joy instead of typing up reports and answering phone calls. He had to wait until his lunch break to play with the puppy and had never been so happy to miss out on a meal.

“You shouldn’t skip meals. It’s not good for you,” Chanyeol commented.

“I know, but you should have seen her! She’s super friendly and makes the cutest yips. I even have pictures! Let me show you them.” Jongin fished out his phone and shoved it in Chanyeol’s face when he found a picture of the puppy biting his finger. Since Chanyeol lacked any reactions, Jongin cooed for him and proceeded to show the taller male more pictures until they arrived at the store.

“Uh, do you want me to wait for you? All I have to pick up is milk… and I don’t know how long you’ll take looking at the snacks,” Chanyeol said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeah, I’d appreciate that a lot. Thanks!”


2012 August 17
Summer is coming to an end. I will truly miss the warmth, but this only means I’ll have a reason to cover up my chicken legs. Jongin says my legs look fine… and I have to adamantly disagree. He just doesn’t want to hurt my feelings by telling the truth. It’s okay, I suppose. I guess that’s why I think Jongin is a good guy. He’s genuine for the most part and has invited me to barbeques, which I had to decline every time. I don’t understand people’s fascination with burnt meat… 

Over the past few months, Jongin and Chanyeol had slowly gotten closer. They weren’t good friends, but they were definitely past the awkward stage in their strange relationship. Chanyeol was still reserved and his apartment didn’t get any cleaner. Jongin offered to help him clean up several times, but Chanyeol swore up and down there was order to his chaos.

Now that the summer was almost over, Jongin and friends had to celebrate one last time. Like every year, they went down to the beach for a bonfire and fireworks. Jongin knew Chanyeol wasn’t big on social gatherings, but he was going to convince his neighbor to join in on the fun.

On the big day, Jongin went over to Chanyeol’s apartment and rapped on his door until the taller male answered the door. He smiled innocently up at him.

“You look rather chipper,” Jongin said. Chanyeol looked annoyed. It was a Saturday afternoon, and Jongin knew Chanyeol always slept in during the weekend.

“What do you want?” Chanyeol grumbled, leaning against the doorframe for support. Sleep still had a slight hold on him.

“My friends and I are going to get together later, and you’re coming!” Jongin announced and threw his hands up in the air.

Chanyeol frowned and shook his head. Jongin wasn’t going to take no for an answer because even introverts needed to see the world a little. From what Jongin knew about his neighbor, the man only ever left his apartment for one hour at a time before he returned promptly. These outings were rare to say the least. Unless Chanyeol needed milk or toilet paper during an emergency, he never trekked further than the apartment lobby.

“I will drag your with me in your silly underpants if you don’t change,” Jongin threatened. He was fully prepared to tackle the taller male down and use a bed sheet to take him down to the beach with him. He couldn’t care less about the crazy looks he’d get because he really wanted Chanyeol to come. As strange as the guy was, he was pretty cool compared to his other neighbors.

“I-I… I will uh, give me a moment,” Chanyeol conceded and was prepared to close the door in Jongin’s face. Jongin wasn’t going to have that, though, because he could count on Chanyeol to sneak out from the fire escape.

“I’ll wait for you in your living room.” Jongin wedged his foot inside before Chanyeol could lock him out and smiled up at the taller male when he groaned. “Now go, unless you need help like the big baby you are.”

Chanyeol left the room in a huff, and Jongin laughed to himself.

By the time Chanyeol was ready, an hour had passed by. That was okay because Jongin came over extra early in case he needed to fight Chanyeol to make him come to the bonfire. They took Jongin’s beat-up ride down to the beach. Chanyeol whined the entire time, but there was no escaping because Jongin had one hand on the wheel and the other gripping onto Chanyeol’s arm.

The ocean looked magnificent when they arrived, waters painted deep shades of pink and orange. The shore stretched for miles and miles, sand white as snow. Jongin continued to keep his grip on Chanyeol on their way down to meet Jongin’s friends, and the group gave the pair a silly look. He introduced them to his awkward neighbor, which worked out better in his head because Chanyeol started to explain why the bonfire the boys began to build wouldn’t work. Chanyeol said something about wind patterns and other things that flew over Jongin’s head. Jongin was just happy to see the taller male talking, even if no one really understood his jabber. It was kind of cute to see him speak passionately about something so stupid.

Chanyeol helped the boys rebuild the bonfire, digging a pit and placing the kindling in a neat teepee around the tinder. He reached inside to light the twigs and paper, but all it took was one try to set the wooden structure ablaze. It fascinated everyone because it usually took them several tries to start a small fire.

“Wow. I wouldn’t have guessed you were the outdoorsy type,” Jongin said after the boys gathered around the fire with sticks and marshmallows.

“Why would you say that?” Chanyeol questioned, looking more offended than he should have been.

“I don’t know. You really knew what you were doing putting this bonfire together and how you lit it up in one go was pretty amazing. What’s your trick, huh?” Jongin elbowed the taller.

“Nothing.” Chanyeol shrugged and shoved a handful of marshmallows into Jongin’s mouth to make sure he stayed quiet for the next few moments.


2012 December 25
Oddly enough, all the shops are closed today. The people kept the colorful lights in their shop windows on, though. Even after all the crap about yuletide and Christmas spirit the news has been feeding me, I still don’t understand what’s so important about today. I could live here for the rest of my life (I hope not) and never know what goes through these people’s heads. They gather around a ing tree for goodness’ sake and hang socks by the fireplace. That’s a fire hazard, and I would know! I didn’t want to ask Jongin what all the hubbub was all about because I didn’t want him to get suspicious. He seems happier around this time of year, though. That’s a good sign, right?

Jongin was miserable because all his friends flew down to the Caribbean for a warm Christmas. They had invited him to tag along, but he was too poor to afford the trip. He cooped up inside of his unit with holiday specials playing on the television. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer was playing for the fifth time that day when he decided he didn’t need to be alone. He had a certain lanky neighbor that always stayed at home by himself.

Jongin brushed off the popcorn crumbs from his pajama pants before he went over to Chanyeol’s place. Chanyeol let him in after the umpteenth knock on the door, and Jongin shoved a package of gingerbread cookies into his hands as a thank you. He cleared up some space on Chanyeol’s couch, resting his on his new perch.

“You have no clue how much it to spend Christmas alone, but I’m glad I have you,” Jongin sighed out, hanging his head over the armrest to watch Chanyeol shuffling around.

Chanyeol must not have heard him because he continued to wander from one corner of the apartment to the next and sifted through the papers he found there. Jongin never understood why Chanyeol had so much crap all over his floors and furniture. One could only have so much to write down and read before their brain exploded. He picked up the nearest sheet and tried to figure out what exactly had Chanyeol so nuts. The letters on the page were impossible to decipher. He couldn’t tell what language this was.

“Are you fluent in Russian or something?”

“No, and please put that down.”

“No, not until you stop being a busy body and join me on the couch!”

Jongin felt his legs being lifted and then placed on a very warm lap. He smiled at Chanyeol and put the sheet of paper where he had found it. This is all he could ever ask for. Decent company was hard to find nowadays, especially during this time of year. He felt blessed to have Chanyeol in his life, and it wasn’t just because the latter let him into his home today. It was an accumulation of all their interactions together. Chanyeol lent him an ear, helped Jongin take his clothing out of the washer whenever he forgot, reminded him to eat three square meals a day, and once bought him ten different brands of pain medication when Jongin said his head hurt. Even though Chanyeol seemed aloof sometimes, his actions were enough to tell Jongin that Chanyeol cared about him.

“Hey, Chanyeol. Can I ask you something?” Jongin sat up straight and missed Chanyeol’s warmth immediately.

“What is it now?” Chanyeol deadpanned.

“Do you ever get tired of being so alone? I see you by yourself all the time and I thought it was human nature to want others around you,” Jongin said in a small voice, afraid of how Chanyeol would react.

“Tired? No. I like being by myself, and besides, I have you. As much as it irks me how many times you try to worm your way into my life, I’m grateful you haven’t left me behind. You fill in the gaps,” Chanyeol mused. For the first time, Jongin felt he was seeing the real Chanyeol. This man was at his most vulnerable, and Jongin was touched he was allowing him in.

“Really? Does this mean I can continue coming over in the middle of the night when I have nightmares about losing a puppy?” Jongin leaned in close to Chanyeol.

“Uh, yeah. Just remember to not hit me because I’m not the one who stole the poor thing from you,” Chanyeol said as he rubbed his arm where Jongin had smacked him countless times because he was upset.

“You’re the best!” Jongin threw his arms around Chanyeol and pulled the man in for a kiss, pressing his lips to the latter’s cheek in the last second.


2012 December 31st
A new year already? I can’t believe it. Before I know it, I’ll be out of those bastards’ hands for much longer than I expected. Enough of that… Jongin said he wanted to come over for New Year’s Eve. Another stupid holiday. You would think these people would be tired after celebrating a man in a red suit… I don’t know what this holiday is for because I haven’t really seen much decorum except all the 2013’s plastered all over the place. I don’t know. It’s almost midnight and Jongin still hasn’t showed up. How can you celebrate a holiday when it’s almost over!? I’m not going to his place to see what’s up, though… I knew he’d get tired of

Jongin had to force himself out of his apartment that night. His nerves were getting the best of him. He couldn’t believe he was about to really do this. It would probably change everything between him and Chanyeol. Their relationship wasn’t rocky, but it wasn’t super solid either. It seemed like Chanyeol could drop Jongin like a deadweight at any time and never look back. Ever since Chanyeol’s little confession, though, Jongin thinks Chanyeol would like him to stick around a little longer.

He stood in front of room 61 for what felt like hours on end, until there was only one minute left. He banged on Chanyeol’s door like he was dying and needed his neighbor to be his savior. What would usually take Chanyeol forever to do, he appeared at the door in an instant. Great plan, Jongin.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol asked, slightly panicked as he searched Jongin’s eyes.

“Definitely. I’m just….” Jongin trailed off, needing to bide his time. “You look nice tonight!”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes, but took a step back to allow Jongin inside. Oh yeah, he promised he’d come over earlier.

“I have to uh… go? Sorry!” Jongin spit out and his heel. He couldn’t go through with this. And then he heard the neighbors screaming and the fireworks outside. It was now or never. He spun back around and pulled Chanyeol down by his collar, smashing their lips together in an awkward kiss.

“Sorry again and happy new year!” Jongin shouted as he ran back into his apartment with his hands covering his face in shame.


2013 February 3
Still haven’t talked to Jongin. I don’t know what I did wrong. Every time we bump into each other when we’re grabbing our mail or passing each other on the stairs, he runs off like he… does he know…. I never really considered that. Maybe that’s why he’s been avoiding me since he kissed me. I read that people like to show affection to those they like through intimate gestures, so you’d think Jongin would be more attached to me. People are so complicated… but that’s the least of my worries now. It’s imperative I find out if Jongin really knows who I am because what if he blows my cover? But what if he doesn’t know a thing and I accidentally tip him off…. !!!!!!!!!

Jongin knew it was a mistake to kiss Chanyeol because it had scared the taller male off. He did avoid his neighbor for the initial week following the incident because he didn’t know how to explain his actions. After that, he hoped Chanyeol would try to talk to him, but instead he acted like his usual self. Like nothing happened between them. Maybe that was his way of telling Jongin that they should forget about the kiss and move on. Jongin was utterly embarrassed and couldn’t face Chanyeol anymore, so he had to run off whenever they were near each other. It wasn’t the most mature route to take, but it saved him from ridicule. He really missed talking to Chanyeol because now he had no one to listen to him gush about puppies and the toy poodles he’d adopt once he made enough money to move somewhere else.


2013 March 17
JONGINS ING GONE I ALREADY KNOW WHO DID THIS I WILL ING BURN THIS WORLD DOWN IF THATS WHAT IT TAKES TO GET HIM BACK

It was a normal day when it happened.

Jongin woke up in the morning to get ready for work. He was more excited than usual because his co-worker was bringing their golden retriever back to the office. He couldn’t wait to cuddle with her and see how much the little fluff ball grew. It had been awhile since he last talked to Chanyeol, and there wasn’t a day that passed by without him wishing they could go back to their old routine. Seeing the dog would be a good distraction.

There was a knock on the door, and Jongin’s heart began to race. He prayed reverently everyday that Chanyeol would make the first move to patch their relationship. It seemed like the man upstairs decided to give him a break. He checked his hair in the bathroom mirror thrice before answering the door with a reserved smile on his face. And then he out.

Darkness. It’s the first thing Jongin noticed when he came to. The air was frigid cold, and oh how he wanted to have Chanyeol right there to hold. His neighbor was always so, so warm. There were no sounds to be heard except his own racing heart. He tried to bring a hand over his eyes once the lights suddenly, but he realized his hands were handcuffed to a table.

“Mr. Kim! We’re glad to see you’re finally awake. I thought my men might have hit you a little too hard,” a voice boomed from the speakers.

Jongin wanted someone to wake him up from this nightmare. “What the do you want!?”

“Now, now. Please calm down. We won’t hurt you if you answer our questions,” the voice explained. It only seemed to grow louder until Jongin felt a warmth caress his cheek. He jerked to the other side and stared up at a man in white.

“Is this some prank? Did Sehun put you up to this?” Jongin screamed. He could believe his idiotic friend would do something like this to him. They were troublemakers while growing up, and Sehun never seemed to grow out of that phase.

“I don’t take orders from anyone because I run the show,” the man stated, circling Jongin like he was prey. “Now tell me, what do you know about Park Chanyeol.”

Jongin’s neighbor? What did Chanyeol have anything to do with anything? The guy was kind of weird and cold at times, but he was nice once you looked past the surface. Jongin stared the man down to see if he was only kidding. The dark void in his eyes told Jongin more than he needed to know.

“Why are you interested in Chanyeol? What did he ever do to you?” Jongin asked, knowing he may not like answer he received.

“Hm, I suppose we can start from there. Did Mr. Park ever tell you where he used to live before he moved into his current residence?”

When Jongin thought about it, Chanyeol rarely shared anything with him. They had conversations from time to time, but Jongin did most of the talking. He didn’t remember a single time the taller male would disclose intimate details about his past. All he really knew was that Chanyeol liked lavender-scented detergent because it reminded him of the vast fields outside of the city. It saddened him to realize how little he knew about Chanyeol, the man he had a slight crush on. Jongin thought their daily interactions spoke enough for Chanyeol, so he never cared about how quiet the giant was. It’s what made his character quite endearing.

“That’s what I thought. Do you want to take a wild guess, Mr. Kim?” the man asked, who was now sitting on a chair of his across from Jongin.

“Russia?” Jongin guessed because of the foreign letters he saw written all over Chanyeol’s papers. He remembered Chanyeol told him he didn’t know Russian, but maybe everything was a lie. He was starting to think Chanyeol put on a mask and never did let Jongin in.

The man chuckled, the first time Jongin saw him show any emotion. “No, he lived here. Well, imprisoned.”

Imprisoned? Was this place a maximum security facility for the most dangerous criminals in the country? It would explain why Chanyeol was quiet. Anyone who escaped from prison wouldn’t want someone to find out and send them back.

“Surprising, I know. We kept him here because he’s not from this world,” the main continued on when Jongin had nothing to say. “By that, I mean he’s an extra-terrestrial.”

Jongin’s mind couldn’t wrap around anything. Just this morning he was looking forward to seeing a dog and now some man in white was telling him Chanyeol was an alien? Nothing made sense to him anymore. Maybe this was all a nightmare, and he would wake up in a puddle of sweat. He shouldn’t have eaten that suspicious-looking pizza in his fridge last night. Bad food led to bad dreams.

“During the short period of time you two were neighbors, did you ever see him do anything strange?”

The first thing that came to mind was the bonfire during the last days of summer last year. Chanyeol managed to light a fire without any effort. Then there was the time when Chanyeol confessed he didn’t cook because he always burned his food, which was why he only ever drank milk and ate sandwiches from a local deli. And then there’s the fact Chanyeol was always a little too warm. Even during the winter time, his skin radiated heat. Jongin remembered distinctly how warm Chanyeol’s cheek felt when he pecked him on Christmas. It was unlike anything he’d ever felt before. He understood it was natural for people to blush, but Chanyeol was much warmer than that. Like his internal thermostat was broken and perpetually set too high.

“We suspect he’s a pyrokinetic, but who knows what other potential lies beneath his skin,” the man mused. Jongin didn’t understand what was the point of this interrogation when the man was only talking to himself. He already knew all the answers to his own questions, anyway. “I hoped he would have showed us the power he wields, but that man… alien was so stubborn. He just sat in this very room all day. Then when I finally decided enough was enough, he managed to escape.” The man took off his suit jacket and dress shirt to reveal a wide patch of leathery skin on his chest, dark brown in color with speckles of black. It looked painful and made Jongin want to hurl.

“I’ve healed quite well so far, considering what Mr. Park has done to me. He had me held hostage, and I thought my men knew better. They shouldn’t have let him go. I would much rather have died than let Mr. Park go. Now that we have you, though, I’m sure he’ll walk right through our doors willingly.” The man looked completely burdened, as if Chanyeol were the bad guy in all of this.

Jongin was overwhelmed beyond belief. Chanyeol seemed so kind and in the end, he nearly killed a man. But he had good reason to, right? Being kept in a cage like some animal was hell. What these people did to him was wrong… Jongin didn’t know how to feel about Chanyeol anymore because he kept everything about his real identity under wraps. Was Chanyeol even his real name?

“We’ll give Mr. Park a week to come take your place. If he fails to show up, we’ll have to up the ante.” It’s the last thing the man in white said before he left the room, leaving Jongin alone with his thoughts. The lights turn off.

Without a clock in sight, the days slipped by without Jongin knowing. He slept away most of the time since there wasn’t much else he could do being cuffed to a table. In his dreams, he got to see Chanyeol again. Every time they talked, Jongin forgot about the things the man in white had told him. It was easy being with Chanyeol, like nothing happened between them. They were simply neighbors once again, and Jongin was back to gushing about puppies. Even the innocent bliss of dreams didn’t last forever, unfortunately.

One day, Jongin was awoken by a strong shake. The lights were back on, and he was surrounded by a group of men and women in white lab coats. They wore impassive expressions on their face. Some of them held clipboards while others were tinkering with a chair in the middle of the room.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Kim. You wouldn’t be able to tell, but it’s a lovely day outside. Too bad for you that you’ll have to spend the next hour as my because Mr. Park is nowhere in sight,” the man in white from the other day said, or was it week, or month? “Please strap our guest in and let the games begin.”

Jongin was uncuffed from his shackles and dragged over to the other chair which was more like a cold metal tray that had arm rests. Yet again, he was cuffed down, but what could he really do? He was starving and thirsty, too weak to put up a fight. The first thing the men did was insert an IV to his arm to replenish him with fluids. How nice. Who could have said they were bad?

And then they yanked his mouth open, forcing three pills down the hatch. They washed it down with water to make sure everything stayed down.

“Jongin, close your eyes for a moment. Please,” he heard a familiar voice whisper into his ear, and so he listened.

The next thing Jongin heard were cries of agony and sizzling. He felt completely at ease for some reason, and he hummed along to the morbid tune of death. The air smelled like smoke and burning flesh, a sweet scent Jongin wished to capture in a candle. He wanted to open his eyes to watch his captors die, but he didn’t want to disappoint the voice.

“Good job, Jongin. Now, let’s get you out of here.” Someone freed him from his chains and scooped him up in their arms. In a matter of moments, he felt so much at ease.

Jongin dared to open his eyes finally, and he was delighted to see Chanyeol staring down at him. They were in a field of wheat, as far as the eye could see. The sudden change of scenery was odd, but all that mattered was that he was free.

“I can’t believe you really came for me,” Jongin whispered, reaching up to caress Chanyeol’s cheeks, which felt cold.

“Why wouldn’t I? I love you,” Chanyeol said and leaned down to kiss him.

Jongin out again.

When he woke up, Chanyeol wasn’t there anymore. He was back in the same room on the same chair. The IV was still stuck in his arm and a woman watched over him. She smiled at him before pressing a button on the chair. It brought back the man in white.

“I bet you had a lovely trip! With modern science, the perfect cocktail of drugs can lead to the perfect euphoria. It’s a good thing too, or else you would have felt us taking out your left lung,” the man shared with a sick grin on his face.

Jongin began to panic, but breathing became too difficult. He felt like his throat was going to constrict.

“You’ll live with only your right lung, but don’t over exert yourself. You should be thanking us that we don’t believe in torture here. I like to think of myself as a humanitarian.” The man sounded so proud of himself as if he had cured the world of all its diseases. “Now, is there anything you’d like to tell Chanyeol before we ship off your lung to him?”

“ you!” Jongin muttered under his breath.

“I don’t think Chanyeol would like to hear that, but it’s your message. I’ll make sure he gets it.”

That was only the first of many surgeries and trips. Every time Jongin woke up from one of the happiest moments of his fake life, he found out he lost another part of himself. The men and women slowly pecked away at his parts like a wake of vultures. After he had lost his left lung, the next to go was his right foot, then his hair, both hands, stomach, prostate, and bits of his brain, respectively. Jongin was told over and over again that this was all Chanyeol’s fault. If Chanyeol had only came to the lab, Jongin wouldn’t have had to gone through such torture. Even with that, Jongin couldn’t find it in him to hate Chanyeol.


2013 May 9
those mnsters…. but whos th real monster hre? i was t selfish to save him. every time tey sent me a pce of im, i told mself i go take his place… but it so cold… nd i couldt go…. and nw jongin is dead. hs ashes. they snt me his fcking ashes. what a sick joke.


“You were dead all this time?” Chanyeol asks incredulously.

For the past few hours, Jongin read the diary entries out loud to Chanyeol and told him what he remembered about that day. It was hard for him relive those memories because they were the best and worst ones of his life. What hurts the most is the fact that Chanyeol had to remember his past through this sick story.

“Yeah,” Jongin replies simply.

“Does that mean I’m —” Chanyeol looks at Jongin with wide eyes, hands shaking and jaw slack.

Jongin nods, as if that will spare the taller male of the pain realization brings forth. He went out to the fields everyday in the hopes of finding Chanyeol because that’s where all dead men arrive. A part of him hoped to never see Chanyeol for a long time because it meant Chanyeol was still living his life, but the other part of him wanted his neighbor back. It’s lonely living in this cold world without Chanyeol’s warmth. He doesn’t remember when he first woke up in the sea of wheat, but ever since that day, he’s been trying to figure out where here is. There are no firey pits, nor singing angels. The blank faces he meets have nothing to offer him. So he’s stuck on his own, but not anymore. Him and Chanyeol can navigate this world together.

“How did I die?”

“No one knows how they die, unless someone who saw them die comes here too.”

Chanyeol isn’t satisfied with this answer, but he keeps quiet to let everything soak in. Jongin doesn’t push him because they have all the time in the world now.

“Why didn’t you smack me when you first saw me? I ing let them rip you open over and over again. Don’t you hate my guts?” Chanyeol finally says, his voice is a little shaky.

“Because I know they would have done much worse to you. The only reason I was able to stay sane was the drugs they gave me. For a few hours every week, I got to be with you. And knowing that you were safe was enough for me,” Jongin explains and drops the papers in his hands so that he can envelop Chanyeol in his embrace.

“I don’t know what to say anymore… you’re the most selfless person I’ve met. When I first arrived here… er, on earth, those men were the first people I had contact with. They were cruel bastards and never failed to show me what kind of power they held. The experiments they conducted on innocent citizens… it made my stomach ill,” Chanyeol whispers as he clutches onto Jongin tightly.

“Why don’t you tell me you’d like to continue where we left off,” Jongin offers.

“Which was where?” Chanyeol doesn’t get the chance to say another word because Jongin is pushing him up against the closest wall, their mouths pressed together in a long awaited kiss.