title: Perhaps in a Different Universe
genre: angst
warning(s): spoiler alert
written by: yukee

Takuya

“So, when did you realise that you like him?” Hae Ryong asked.

“I’m not sure…” Takuya sighed. He took a last look at the dilapidated apartment complex across the street, his gaze lingering on apartment 709. The lights were still on and he longed to be there. He longed to be right beside Joon Jae.

I wonder, when did I fall for him?

There was silence on the other line.

“…from the beginning?” His voice wavered slightly when he finally answered. And if Hae Ryong noticed, she didn’t say anything.

“But, honestly, I’m afraid,” Takuya continued. The overwhelming emotions were threatening to spill over and he wasn’t sure if he could stop himself from breaking down until he was back home in Japan.

Home…

He never really understood the idea of home. He loved travelling since he was a boy. He couldn’t understand how people could stick to a certain routine, return back to the same place every single day. He found it boring and lackluster. That was why he had packed his bags after saving a sum of money from working part-time and travelled the world.

The world was a fascinating place. He met people from all walks of life, upholding different customs and he would never forget their generosity and warmth. But there wasn’t a place he belonged. A place he can call home.

That was until he came to Korea.

Home was where, despite how terrible and messed up you are, it is the only constant. The one place where the most precious memories are made. He now understands that home is not a physical place – where cozy lights and warm, inviting bed are. It was what he found the most comfortable with. And he knew what it was – the mess of unruly black hair sticking in all directions when Joon Jae wakes up, the long gazes they shared, the silence that Joon Jae brings with him, and if he’s lucky, glimpses of Joon Jae’s gentle smile.

He finally understood why people stuck to a certain routine, why they would travel long and far to go home after a tiring day at work.

That was because they had something to look forward to. It could be small mundane things like having dinner as a family, seeing your loved ones smile, or just being near them.

He found his home in moments shared with the quiet male.

Takuya found his home in Apartment 709.

He found his home in Joon Jae.

And he hoped Joon Jae found his home in him too.

Joon Jae

Joon Jae never knew what losing someone felt like.

If the constant tight clenching of his heart and the inability to form a coherent thought in his already muddled brain was what it felt like, he would rather not experience it again. Even if it meant never speaking to anyone.

“Takuya,” he rasped out, long after the door slammed shut behind the Japanese male. He knew he should run after him, knew it wasn’t too late. At this rate, Takuya would have just exited from the apartment complex. Joon Jae could still catch up with him. He still can.

Fear held him back. He had never depended on someone so much before. Takuya didn’t need him. He was fine on his own and he was moving on. What was he supposed to do when someone he cares about, someone he loves, left?

And then he thought back to the smiles they shared, the lingering gazes that always left his fingertips tingling, his heart beating in anticipation. He thought back to the way Takuya made him feel – like a hormonal teenager who knows nothing about love and a naïve boy who doesn’t know how to deal with Takuya’s feelings.

He had already wasted many opportunities to get his feelings across and he wasn’t going to let this opportunity – possibly the last one – go.

With the clumsiness of a toddler, Joon Jae hurriedly slipped into his sneakers and grabbed the blue jersey that Takuya had forgotten to pack. He ran down the stairs for the first time in years; he had never found the need to rush or take the stairs.

The cold autumn air bit into every inch of his skin, the darkness blinded his thoughts. His legs screamed with exhaustion from the sudden sprint.

Joon Jae came to a stop when he saw Takuya’s hunched figure under the bus stop, talking to someone on the phone.

He forced his heart to quieten down, to withdraw back to its position where it fitted snugly against his ribcage instead of trying to burst out of the confinements of his chest. Because if he listened carefully, against the backdrop of the soft crickets chirping, he could hear Takuya’s gentle voice. The voice that was laced with tiredness and hopelessness.

“Now, it would be hard to be friends.”

Joon Jae should turn around and leave now. It wasn’t a conversation that was meant for him to overhear.

“I also…”

If he heard the rest of the sentence, he wasn’t sure how he would react. He should turn around.

“…like him.”

It was as if it was just the two of them. Takuya’s confession rang through his ears and down to the depths of his small enclosed heart that struggled to contain all the love he felt for Takuya.

Takuya wasn’t like him. The Japanese was brave and honest with his feelings. Joon Jae was a coward and a damn good one. He was never good with responsibility. He had killed his goldfish when he was five; he wasn’t courageous enough to own up to his mistakes. He had messed up his first relationship; he still wouldn’t admit that it was his fault for spending so little time with her.

He spent all his life trying to run away from responsibility. It was an instinctual defensive mechanism and he mastered it all too well.

 “Oh, Takuya! Are you heading back to Japan already?” The apartment manager called out. How was he always able to appear at the best timing?

“Joon Jae! You’re here too huh?”

He felt his face heat up and he panicked. Takuya’s eyes widened in desperation as their gazes met.

After completing his job as a catalyst, the apartment manager left.

This time, it really was just the two them with the weight of Takuya’s confession hanging on equilibrium.

Take it or leave it, he had Takuya’s feelings for him in the palm of his hands, fluttering fragilely.

If he reciprocated his feelings, he would have to take responsibility for them. It wasn’t going to be easy. Moments ago, he was so sure that he could deal with the consequences. But now, in the face of someone he likes, he realised the significance of the situation. He had social norms to adhere to. The society wasn’t forgiving for being gay. A relationship with another man was just… wrong. But why did it feel so right with Takuya?

Was his attraction for Takuya even real? Or was it more of a dependence on the other male? He had spent half of his life pushing others away and he could very well mix up love and reliance upon the first person that he lived in such close proximity to.

Joon Jae caught a waft of Takuya’s shampoo that smelled faintly of tea as he approached the blond male.

“Here,” he murmured, handing over the blue jersey. “You left this behind.”

Right in front of his very eyes, Takuya’s emotionless face shattered as various emotions flitted across his face, too fast for Joon Jae to figure out what they were.

But he knew he was responsible for crushing his feelings with a clench of a fist, with a short statement. He was and still am a little boy stuck in a grown man’s body – irresponsible, terrified, unyielding.

“Have a safe trip.”

And he walked away.

That was the ultimatum.

He could feel the thin fragile weaves of threads that tied him to Takuya breaking one strand after another with every step he took away from Takuya. The threads that Takuya spun from the day he step into his apartment, sweeping his routine up like a whirlwind and all Joon Jae could do was to let himself be blown away. Letting go of control was terrifying and being with Takuya had been the most out of control he had felt.

If they were different people, in a different universe, then perhaps, circumstances would change.

Takuya

Joon Jae was one of the most stubborn person he had met.

And yet he tried. He tried to change the obstinate homebody. Because everybody couldn’t keep away from a challenge, wasn’t it?

Takuya tried to get him to open up, make friends, tried to sweep him up when he least expected it. He wanted Joon Jae to relax, lose control and let himself be swept away with wherever life took him to.

But how could Joon Jae be blown away, when his feet were planted so firmly on the ground?

His eyes never left Joon Jae until the male was swallowed by the darkness of the cold autumn night.



Author's Note:
Hello! First oneshot and a picspam! This takes place in the last episodes where Takuya leaves and I blew it up to over a thousand words of useless ramble but this time, as you can infer from the ending, it's not a happy one. In case you're wondering who Hae Ryong is, (spoiler alert) she is the friend who came to visit Takuya and sparked some jealousy hehe I like to think she came to help give their relationship a nudge and gives Takuya advice wahaha. I just recently got back into writing so pardon any errors *bows* shin-oppa definitely does a much better job at writing so do look forward to her contributions :)