Title: Love Me Again

Pairing: Kaisoo

Word length: 2196 words

Sad endings have their beauty too.

The sun is high in the sky as thousands of students gather around the school entrance, trying to capture their last memories in the campus. Some are hugging their mentors with watery eyes while others are beaming as they think of freedom, the end of their education.

Kyungsoo is standing with his parents, a smile on his face as he stares at the certificate in his hands. “You’ve finally graduated Kyungsoo. I’m so proud of you,” his mother says, her heart swelling with pride as she squeezes her son’s hand. His father, being a man of few words, nods at his wife’s statement and gives his son a pat on the back.

“Soo!”

 A familiar voice shouts from behind and Kyungsoo turns around. When he spots the owner of the voice, he breaks out into a grin, his plump lips turning into a heart shape. He is wrapped into a tight hug, his petite frame being squashed against a taller one.

“Jongin,” he mutters breathlessly. He squeezes out of the embrace and looks up at his best friend. He smiles down at Kyungsoo, his eyes turning into crescents and the tiny dimple at the corner of his mouth showing. Kyungsoo smiles back.

“We’ve finally graduated! I’m so happy now, I can finally pursue my dream of being a dancer and I’m so excited. I can already imagine myself being on stage, dancing in front of thousands of people-” Jongin immediately rattles off, his eyes lighting up like an excited puppy about to take his first step out into the world. Kyungsoo stares at him with a small smile on his face. “-You can finally be the singer you’ve always wanted to be too,” Jongin directs his attention to Kyungsoo and he nods.

“I’m really happy too.”

All of a sudden, Jongin takes Kyungsoo’s hand and says, “Mr. and Mrs Do, do you mind if I take Kyungsoo out for the rest of the day? I’ll send him home safely!”

Kyungsoo’s mother smiles kindly and nods, “Definitely Jongin. We trust you more than we trust Kyungsoo himself.” Kyungsoo scowls, rolling his eyes, earning a chuckle from Jongin. With that, he pulls Kyungsoo along and brings him somewhere.

They arrive at a playground across their alma mater, the elementary school both of them went to and grew up in. Kyungsoo looks at Jongin, wondering why he brought him here. Jongin sits both of them down on a bench. “Remember this place?” Jongin speaks. Kyungsoo nods.

“We first met here. I remember how you fell down and had an abrasion, wailing so loudly in pain. I gave you a Pororo plaster and you stopped crying, your lips tugging up in a smile, forming a heart. I was so fascinated by your heart-shaped smile that from then on, I always try to make you smile whenever I see you.”

The corners of Kyungsoo’s lips curl up and he tugs at the ends of his shirt, remembering everything. A faint blush colours his pale cheeks as he stares at the ground.

“Somewhere along the way, while trying to make you smile, I also felt-I felt something else.” Kyungsoo stares at Jongin in confusion.

 What is he trying to say?

“I wanted you to look only at me, to laugh at my jokes only. I wanted to make you mine. I started to like, no, love you.”

Kyungsoo gasps. His heart starts thumping against his ribcage, his breath hitching as he tries to process Jongin’s words.

Love? Jongin loves me?

He feels Jongin’s eyes on him and he refuses to look up. “Soo, I love you. I love you so much.”

Kyungsoo shuts his eyes, his lips quivering as his emotions take over. “You-you love me?”

“I love you.”

Tears spill from the corners of Kyungsoo’s eyes. “You really do?”

“I really do, damn it! I’m so embarrassed already and…”

Kyungsoo shuts Jongin up by pressing their lips together, his tears forming a steady stream down his cheeks. Jongin’s eyes spring open in surprise and he freezes. Kyungsoo finally pulls away after a few seconds, a smile spreading across his tear-stricken face.

“Why are you crying?” Jongin says gently and wipes Kyungsoo’s tears away.

“You don’t know long I’ve waited for this day,” Kyungsoo whispers, “I love you too, Jongin.”

It’s a cold winter day and Kyungsoo is curled up in a blanket on the sofa, watching a rerun of his favourite drama. He looks up at the clock.

8:15pm.

He smiles as he waits patiently for Jongin to burst through the doors and indeed, Jongin enters the apartment five minutes later with a bag of food in his hands, more specifically, their favourite food- fried chicken.

The aroma wafts through the apartment and Kyungsoo rushes to the door to greet his boyfriend. “Welcome home,” Kyungsoo smiles and takes the food from Jongin, fumbling to open it. His stomach lets out a loud growl and he sticks his tongue out in embarrassment.

“Somebody’s starving,” Jongin teases. Kyungsoo laughs and starts munching on the chicken.

They’ve been living in the same apartment since two weeks ago, after their 100 days anniversary. They told their parents about their relationship and were so grateful that their parents are open-minded, giving them their blessings and wishing them well. They decided to move into the same apartment after Kyungsoo found a job as a performer at a bar down the street and Jongin decided to start practicing in a nearby dance studio.

Life seems to be perfect and they have never been happier in their lives.

The days are hectic as both of them are busy following their own dreams but they always come home with smiles on their faces at the thought of seeing each other.

However, something has been lingering on Jongin’s mind since days ago.

Jongin tried to sneak kisses on Kyungsoo when they were about to sleep but Kyungsoo pushed him away, accusing him of ‘invading his private space’.

Jongin does not understand. If they are a couple, shouldn’t he be allowed to touch his boyfriend and kiss him in the middle of the night?

He decides to keep things to himself for fear of making Kyungsoo upset and uncomfortable. He wants to respect his boyfriend. After all, they still have a long way to go.

He picks up his phone and aims it at his boyfriend.

“Smile, Kyungsoo!”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen in shock and he stares straight into the camera with a chicken wing in his right hand and a napkin in the other. Jongin captures this moment with a snap and loud, hearty chuckles, “You’re so adorable, Soo.”

He is rewarded with ear-piercing screams and a kick on the shin.

Jongin slumps his shoulder in disappointment as he watches Kyungsoo bury himself deeper into the sheets. This is the fifth time Kyungsoo has rejected Jongin’s advances towards second base. Jongin feels dejected and rejected.

Everytime he tries to touch Kyungsoo, he is either smacked away or chided by the latter. Jongin wants to experience new things with Kyungsoo and he has been bottling in his feelings since they moved in.

That day, he goes to the dance studio to find Sehun, his best friend at the studio.

“Sehun, can I rant?” he lets out a sigh. Sehun nods, eyeing him curiously.

He starts going on about the whole Kyungsoo thing, his tone getting more agitated as he speaks. He spills all his frustrations, doubts, disappointments and his helplessness. He finally ends with, “Does Kyungsoo even love me?”

Sehun smirks. “I can help.”

They are cuddling on the bed, Jongin peppering kisses on the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck. His breath tickles Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo starts giggling. Jongin wraps his arms tighter around his boyfriend’s waist, pulling him closer and planting a kiss on his forehead.

“Kyungsoo, do you love me?” he asks as his heart thumps against his ribcage.

“Is the sky blue?”

Jongin smiles and kisses his cheeks. “Jongin, I think you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I just hope that… I just hope that we can stay together forever. You and I,” Kyungsoo says and buries his face into Jongin’s chest.

Jongin sighs dejectedly as he leaves the house for the studio. He has been rejected by Kyungsoo again. This time, Kyungsoo says he’s too tired to do it, that he just wants to sleep after a long day. Jongin thinks he had enough. He dials a number and after a few rings, the person picks up.

“Sehun, are you free?”

Jongin starts escaping to Sehun. He told himself, just once, but once turned into twice, twice turned into thrice and thrice turned into every other day when Kyungsoo isn’t home.

Jongin feels guilt stabbing his conscience every time he finds Sehun but slowly, that suffocating feeling subsides. He still loves Kyungsoo, but he has found a form of escape. He no longer pressures Kyungsoo into fulfilling his needs; he no longer needs to.

It is a hot summer night when Jongin walks out of the studio with Sehun. He freezes when he sees the person standing in front of them.

“Hey, Jongin,” Kyungsoo says, his voice quivering as tears threaten to spill out of his large eyes. Sehun lets go of Jongin’s waist, his mouth agape. Jongin stares at Kyungsoo, unable to comprehend the situation.

“Why-why are you here?”

“To visit my loving boyfriend who was too busy practicing to pick up my call or reply my messages.” Jongin suddenly remembers Kyungsoo calling him and he curses mentally.

“I-I-”

He is about to reach out to grab Kyungsoo when he is slapped across the face. Jongin has never seen Kyungsoo this livid. He is trembling, his eyes watery with tears.

Kyungsoo makes a run for the exit. Jongin sprints after him but Kyungsoo only gets further and further away. “Soo! Soo!” Jongin screams for his boyfriend but Kyungsoo continues running. He runs across the road, not seeing the incoming truck.

Jongin stops running as he sees the scene unfolding before him. He is rooted to the ground, unable to move his limbs.

He watches as the truck collides with Kyungsoo, sending him flying across the air before landing five metres away, his head making an impact with the ground.

Jongin finally screams hysterically, “KYUNGSOO!” He makes a mad dash towards Kyungsoo and crouches beside him, the tears flowing unstoppably. He hugs Kyungsoo’s body and holds him tight, sobbing into his shoulder. Kyungsoo’s breath is hitching as he struggles for air.

“Kyungsoo, please…”

“I love you, Jongin,” Kyungsoo whispers into his ear.

His erratic breathing no longer tickles the side of Jongin’s neck.

Jongin finds Kyungsoo’s Pororo dolls in his wardrobe a few days after his death. He picks them up and his lips quiver as he hugs them as if he is hugging Kyungsoo. Suddenly, a brown box in the wardrobe catches his eye. Out of curiosity, he picks up the box and opens it.

Letters and a diary fill the box. He opens the diary and pictures fall out. Jongin looks closer at the pictures and realise that they are pictures of Kyungsoo and him. His eyes tear up rapidly. He starts flipping through the diary and comes to a page where there is a letter.

Dear Jongin,

I wrote this letter in advance. If you’re reading this, it must mean that something has happened between us. Either we broke up or one of us is not here anymore. Either way is fine.

This letter is to tell you how much you mean to me. Jongin, I'm so happy that I met you. Every day with you feels like heaven. You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to fall in love with me, to tell me that you love me too. When that day came, I felt like I was the luckiest person alive. I really am, because I have you in my life.

I know that I may not be the best boyfriend and things get frustrating at times. Jongin, I don’t want to go to the next step with you not because I do not love you, but because I’m worried that I’m not good enough for you. I’m afraid that you will leave me if I’m bad in bed. I love you so much and I’m terrified of losing you.

Jongin, if you ever read this letter, always know that I love you. I love you more than anything else in the world. I love you so much that I’m willing to die for you. If I had to choose between loving you and breathing, I would use my last breath to say I love you.

Love, Kyungsoo

Jongin drops the letter with shaky hands, his heart shattering into a million pieces, all the strings holding him together finally snapping apart.

The sun is high in the sky as Jongin lies alone on the bed, a dozen pills lying beside him. He smiles as he sees Kyungsoo’s face in his mind. He smiles at the thought of seeing the love of his life again.

He shuts his eyes and a single tear trickles down his right eye.

Wait for me, Kyungsoo.