I studied the man’s character. He wore a grey hoodie while his hands are inside its pockets. is he crazy? I whispered in my heart. Its winter and he just wore that grey sweater? That’s what I thought.

I couldn’t see his face clearly under the dim street lights and his hair cover half of his face making it harder for me to recognize it. What kind of hairstyle is it anyway? Can he even see me?

 He walked slowly towards me while asking the same question as before.

“Minhee? Are you Minhee?”

“Uh. Do I know you?”

“It’s me, Dae.” He took of his hoodie and fixed his hair, showing me his face. Our eyes met for a moment and he let out a faint smile.

“It’s you.” I let out a whisper

 

 

 

 *   *   *   *   *

 

 

 

“Hey monster! Go away!”

“Get out from the village!”

Screamed the skinny boy alongside his fat friend who’s eating a bread. They picked up some of the small stones on the ground and began throwing it at the young girl who’s standing still, grabbing her backpack’s straps tightly.

She bit her lips, holding her mixed feelings and restraining herself from doing anything. She knew that it will only get worse if she were to defend herself from their heartless insults.

“Go ahead. Cry! No one will help you. Everyone hates you!” the fat one spoke.

“You and your stupid grandmother can get out from here!”

What did he just say? Her little heart asked. The little girl lift her face up, looking straight at the voice. Her emotionless face turned red and furious.

“What did you just say?” she asked with a serious tone.

“Are you deaf? No wonder. You’re just like your stupid grandmother.” Both of them laughed, mockingly.

“Don’t ever bring my grandmother into this!!” she screamed and pushed the skinny boy down. Her face turned red. A lot of emotions running through her head at the same time. She felt embarrassed, sad and angry being humiliated by them.

She looked at the fat boy who were in disbelief of what had happened to his friend. She clenched her fist tightly and walked towards the fat boy who dropped his bread and walked backwards slowly with a shocked expression.

As she raised her hand, ready to release it to the boy’s face, someone grabbed her hand.

“Stop it Minhee. It’s not worth it.” a voice said. She looked at the owner of the voice and without any permission given by her, her small body trembled and tears began to flow on her white cheek.

Minhee pulled her wrist from the boy’s grip and walked away in tears. Daesung looked over to the other boys before run to Minhee who was already further ahead.

“Minhee ah. Minhee ah!” he screamed.

Minhee ignored his voice and walked without looking forward. Tears kept flowing out, making her vision blurry. She was 9 years old at the time. Her little heart couldn’t contain all the pain that she’s feeling at the moment.

 

Grandma must be suffering because of me.

Everyone hates us.

What do we do to deserve this?

I hate them!

I hate all of them!

Curse them to the death!

 

Screamed her little heart. Before she knew it, she was walking near a cliff but she didn’t realize it. Her eyes was flooded with tears that torn her heart apart.

“Minhee! Watch out!”

Suddenly her leg slipped as she lifted her face searching for the owner of the voice.

Dae?

Her heart wondered. Everything became slow motion. She knew that she was falling but she couldn’t do anything about it. Maybe it’s better for her to die. At least her grandma wouldn’t suffer because of her anymore, she thought.

 

“Minhee!!!”

 

That was the last thing she heard.

 

 

 

*   *   *   *   *   *

 

 

 

“Minhee?”

I snapped from my daydream as he called me. I lifted up my face and looked at him. Both of us are already in my small apartment. I brought him here when he refused to leave me alone. Another reason is because of his faint smile.

He’s hurt.

 

“It’s been a long time.” Daesung said with a smile.

 

I looked at him, emotionlessly. I stood up, ignoring what he’s saying and walked to my closet. I took out an oversized winter coat and shirt that’s belonged to my late dad. I stared at the clothes for a few seconds before giving it to Daesung.

 

“Here. The bath is hot and you should change your clothes or you’ll get sick for wearing that thin sweater.” I said with a monotone.

“Thank you.”

 

As he was taking a bath, I took out every ingredients that I need to cook a fried rice. Garlic, Kimchi, pepper is a must for my special spicy fried rice. I was chopping the ingredients and waiting for the rice to cook before Daesung came out with only towel that covers his lower body.

 

“For god sake, Dae! Wear something!” I screamed and cover my eyes with my hand.

“Oh sorry. I forgot to bring the clothes that you gave me.” he smiled and chuckled before went back to the toilet. As he was walking, I couldn’t take my eyes off his back shoulder.

 

That scar.

It was my fault.

It’s all because of me.

 

“Here. It’s not much. Eat.”

“Thank you.” he replied softly. Silence creeps in like the wind. Both of us remained silent as if we could talk telepathically.

“Can you still see it?” Daesung spoke, crushing the silence. I was taken a back with his question. I remained silent, looking down to my tea mug.

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t like to talk abo…..”

“yes.” I replied before he could finish his sentences. Again both of us remained silent before Daesung coughed and our eyes met again.

“Why are you trying to kill yourself?” he put down his spoon and remained silent. I know that look. I’ve been seeing the same face every day in my life.

“It’s okay, you’ll be fine. I don’t see anything on you now. The aura is gone.” I said briefly.

 

Daesung is my childhood friend. My only friend to be exact. When other kids were bullying me, he’s the only one who stood up and protected me.

Every time those kids hit him or pushed him to the ground, he always stood up and smiled. He is weird. Why would anyone smiled when being hurt by someone else?

I took his plate and went to the sink before he asked another difficult question.

 

“Where’s grandma?” I stood still, looking at the empty plate.

“She’s gone. 5 years ago.” I replied and continued my steps to the sink. I didn’t look at his face. I was afraid. I was afraid to let anyone to come near my comfort zone. I was afraid that he would be hurt just like before. I was afraid of everything.

“I’m sorry.” I heard him whispers before his hands wrapped around my body from behind, restraining my hand movement and rested his head on my shoulder.

“And I miss you so much.” He said with a cracked voice.

 

I was stunned. His voice. His warmth. His essence. His presence. Everything about him brought me back to the old memories about grandma.

I grabbed my fist and hot torrents of grief coursing out of my eyes like the breaking dam. My racking sobs shaking my thoroughly just by thinking and remembering my grandma.

His warmth soothed my cold heart that was frozen for years. Deep inside me, I knew that I’ve been longing for this warmth.

I’ve been longing for him.

 

 

 

 

 

*   *   *   *   *   *

 

 

 

 

 

It’s 3 a.m.

I let him stay for the night without asking much. As always, I watched the snow falling outside from my window. Daesung had slept on the on the table.

He must be tired. I wonder what had happened to him until he wanted to commit suicide? But it doesn’t matter now because he doesn’t have that black aura anymore.

I took a blanket and realized that his breathing heavily when I put on the blanket on him. I touched his forehead with my palm slowly.

 

“Told you that you will get a cold.” I sighed.

 

Suddenly, the table shook as his phone vibrates. Someone called him.

“Hyung?” I wondered to myself. Who’s hyung? I was torn between accepting the call or ignoring it but remembering that he had a cold, I choose to accept it.

 

 “Daesung ah! Where are you?!” a voiced semi-shouted.

“Hello?”

“Who’s this? Where’s Daesung?”

 

 

 

 

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