(a/n: Click this link  The Vamps - She Was The One if you'd like to listen while reading. Again, thank you for waiting tooooo looooong for this update!)

 

Tell me you love me
Tell me you care
But I know you won’t be there
No-oh-oh

 

The first stanza was sung, and still, Jessica remained apalled. I don't know how long I could keep up with this. Since I don't know where to start, I waited for her to speak.

"Explain yourself..." were the first two words that came out of .

How do I even explain myself?

"Explain? What would you like to know anyway?" I said, keeping up my unfazed facade.

"Yuri-ah..." She said. Placing a hand on her forehead, she closed her eyes; dismay evident on her every feature. "Explain..."

Her voice was shaking. And that's when I noticed; she never changed. I examined her carefully, she's very much the Sooyeon I've known. There are different shades of Sooyeon, and I've fully memorized each one of them. Now, this Sooyeon, who's eyes are closed, a hand placed on her forehead, with a shaky voice, is the struggling Sooyeon.

I know she is. But, from what?

"I don't understand. What is it that you want me to explain?" I said, though calm on the outside, I was feeling frantic inside. Because this shade of Sooyeon, is the one who knows what is happening. Now that she's asking me to explain... I know that there's something she knows but doesn't understand, not to mention her yearning gaze when I served her drink and sat in front of her, which I find weird since I was expecting a shocked face but what I got was a disappointed one. What is it Sica? What do you know? What is it that you don't understand? What are you struggling to?

There was nothing but complete silence. None of us spoke. The only thing that was heard is the lyrics of the music that was playing on the background.

 

I've had trouble sleeping
You feel the same
No, I bet you can’t complain
About that at all

 

A sob. I heard Jessica sob.
And then, suddenly,
hearing it felt like a knife poked my heart.

 

Give me it all
And I’ll give it right back

 

"Explain to me," Jessica says, opening her eyes. There were tears. "Why it took you this long to finally come and sit with me..."

 

Show me the bottom of this bottle
We can pick up where we left off tomorrow

 

She knows. She knew all along. I could feel my pretense falling down when I felt hot tears slip on the corner of my eyes. All this time, I was hurting her, and she knows it. She knows I was fooling her, but she let me. Why?

I didn't know I was facing my lap when she chuckled bitterly and I had to raise my head to face her.

"Now, now, why was I the one asking you to explain? 'You left me without a word and a proper goodbye Sica. So you don't have the right to be angry at me. You waited for months, I waited for you for years.' Is that what you were thinking?"

No. Sica. It wasn't what I was thinking. I was guilty, I kept asking myself questions why you left, and blamed myself for that. I was never mad at you.

"Well," you said, violently wiping tears that came out of those eyes. "I deserved that? Didn't I?"

You don't deserve it, Sooyeon. It was me being childish. I'm so sorry...

"You were good to me, and I left you."

You're crying, Sooyeon. It pains me seeing you like that, though I wanted to run my thumb across your cheek, I couldn't. Because even when you cry, I still find you beautiful and breathtaking.

"Do you hate me?"

Do I? No. You hurt me, and it was too much to bear. But I couldn't bring myself to hate you.

"Were you mad at me?"

I was in pain for years, blaming myself. I thought that you left because you thought that I don't deserve you. Well it's true. Maybe I wasn't the one you needed. But I never blamed you. I was never mad at you.

"I bet you laughed at me after I ran away on our first encounter, thinking, that I was a fool for leaving you."

No. I went after you. I called your name, but you didn't look back. It didn't stop me from going after you anyway, but what I saw... Made me stop. I saw you crying in your car. And then I thought, that maybe, maybe I should stop going after you. I should, because it hurts you.

 

She was the one who got away
She was the one who I never got to say
How much
I miss your touch

 

"See? You couldn't even answer me. Was it because of rage?"

Stop. Sooyeon. Stop.

"Kwon Yuri. Tell me, tell me what you're feeling right now." she rose to her seat and cupped my face. I felt numb on her touch. I know my staffs are now thinking like crazy of how I happened to walk into a stranger, and cry. But no, Sooyeon, Jessica wasn't a stranger. She's someone I've known my whole life. 

"I.." My thoughts stopped. What do I feel? "I---"

I was choking. I didn't realize that I've been crying the whole time when Jessica wipes my face with the back of her hand. I faced her, and its making me harder to explain what feeling is inside of me.

"Baby, don't cry." she said, smililng with regret. "My Seobang won't beautiful anymore if you'd keep crying."

Regret. I know it was regret. I know all her smiles. 

"I used to tell you that. Back then, you cry alot. Back then, when we were immature." 

You s your arms on my neck and leaned on my shoulder. I could feel something wet on my shoulder. Again, you were crying.

 

She was the one who meant the most
She was the one who I kept close
Amongst it all
So just let’s fall

 

And that's when I knew I wasn't feeling numb. I was lost. Rather, I felt lost. When you left me, there's no bestfriend I could turn to. When good things happened to me, there was no lover I could share to. I was lost without you. 

I carefully put my arm around your waist as I nuzzled on your hair. "I feel lost." I know I sounded hoarse, my voice was breaking, but I said it otherwise.

"L-Lost?" You stuttered. "Do you... feel lost when with me?"

"Yes."

You cried harder. I felt it.

"I'm so sorry. Yuri-ah I'm so sorry, I never wanted to leave I- I- I just--- I'm so so sorry..."

You were struggling. Why are you sorry?

"I shouldn't have left. I..I-I shouldn't have Yul.. I'm really sorry..."

"Shhhhhh." I tried hushing you, but you were crying too hard.

"I'm very sorry Yuri, I really am---"

"Stop saying sorry. You make me feel lost Sooyeon-ah. Always have, and I think, always will."

She didn't say anything, but her breathing calmed down. She's listening.

"I don't know if it's a positive emotion or a negative one. But I'm sure that it's how you've always made me feel."

She remained quiet.

"When we were together, everything about you makes me feel lost. Your eyes when I look at it, your laugh when I hear it, and your lips whenever I get to taste it." 

I was whispering, my lips still resting on her hair.

"When you left, I felt... lost. I find you in every people I meet, I would always look for you on a crowd, I'd go to our usual places and cry for hours screaming your name on top of my lungs."

She was no longer sobbing.

"And when I came back, I've found you. Still, lost. Ironic isn't it? I found my way to you, yet you still managed to make me feel lost. Though this time, it's a different kind of lost."

"Different?" You finally decided to speak though your face is still burried in the crook of my neck.

"Different, yes. Because this time, when I've found you, I wasn't the only one who's lost. I think you are too."

 

Not saying it's easy
But you can’t deny
That we’d still stay up all night
What a waste of time

 

"Yuri."

"Hmm?"

"Do you hate me?"

"I don't."

"Were you mad at me?"

"Never did."

"Do you," she sounded hesitant. "Regret me?"

"No." I said. Too stern maybe, because she lifted her face and looked up on me. I noticed that we are the only ones inside the cafe and that my staffs have left already. But they left the music on, which is good.

 

Give me it all
And I’ll give it right back
Show me the bottom of this bottle
We can pick up where we left off tomorrow

 

"Then? What do you feel? Aside from being lost, you realized what? Like, you 'what' me?" Jessica asks.

"Sooyeon-ah." I sighed. I feel tired. And even if I wasn't, I still wouldn't answer her question.

"Come on, just... I wanted to know. You 'blank' me?"

I sighed deeply. She's not going to let go of this is she? "I..."

"Youuuu?"

"I love you."

 

She was the one who got away
She was the one who I never got to say
How much
I miss your touch
She was the one who meant the most
She was the one who I kept close
Amongst it all
So just let’s fall

 

She bit her lip. I could clearly see tears forming in her eyes, but I chose to stay quiet. 

"What is it?" I asked. I know something is bothering her.

"Do you want to know why I left?" she said looking down on her lap. Perhaps she couldn't bring herself to ask me that question since she still feels guilty about it.

 

Tell me it’ll be okay
And tell me it’ll all fade away

 

"No."

 

I’ve walked for miles, I haven’t even got that far
Told you my secrets, promised you would heal these scars
Now I've got nothing, nothing but a broken heart
No-oh

 

"All those years that you weren't with me, I tried to question myself that. Back then, I wanted to know."

She was no longer looking down on her lap. She was facing me. "Then why choose not to know now?"

"Shhhhh. Listen. The next line's my favorite part."

 

Never thought it would ever end that way
Second guessing girl I got led astray
Could you come back to me one day?

 

"I used to ask that to myself everyday. Could you come back to me one day? And you did. I've found you yet made a fool of you. I don't care and don't wanna know the reason why you left, you're here now."

"It's okay, I was the one who's making a fool of myself, I knew all along."

I ruffled her hair, "Stop blaming yourself Sooyeon. What's important is, I came back for you, and you're here with me."

"And we're together now, aren't we?"

"We are."

 

She was the one who got away
 

 

"Wait, can I ask you one more question Yul?"

"Mhhmm."

"You said you came back for me? Why?"

 

She was the one who I never got to say
How much
I miss your touch

 

I smirked at her evily and tried teasing her, "Now look what we have here, which shade of Sooyeon is this? The Nosey Sooyeon, perhaps?"

 

She was the one who meant the most

 

"Yah! Just because I've been letting you call me that earlier doesn't give you the permission to call me that over again! I prefer Jessica, or your signiture 'Sica-baby' or Jessi. Quit the Sooyeon stuff!"

I smiled to myself. There goes my bratty ice princess.

"Sooyeon-ah"

"Yah, keumanae!"

"Sooyeon-ah"

"...."

 

She was the one who I kept close

 

"Sooyeon-ah"

"....."

"Sooyeon-ah"

"...."

"Sooyeon-ah"

"Ugh I'm leaving. Goodbye to you." She said as she got up from her seat while rolling her eyes on me.

"The reason I came back," now that caught her attention. She stopped her tracks and faced me. I walked up to her. "Is to ask you a question.

 

Amongst it all

 

"Sooyeon-ah"

"Aishh! Mwuh!"

So just let’s fall 

 

"Will you marry me?"

"Yu..Yuri-ah..."

"I came back for that you know." I said, faking a sob.

"I..."

"It's okay, feel free to say no, I'm not rushing you or anyt--- Yah! Don't cry!" I said in panic. I didn't want her to cry! 

"You pabo!" Jessica says as I felt heavy slaps on my arm. 

"Y-Yah! If- If you don't want then say no!" I tried speaking as I struggled on her slaps.

"Yah! Why would I say no?! Of course it's a 'Yes'! You better marry me, you shouldn't end up with anyone else do you understand?" Her eyes were tearing up, but she's smiling. And that's a good thing. Now that she said yes, I could finally run my thumb across her cheek. 

"Gumawo, Sooyeon-ah"

 

One day

 

I teared up, too happy of the fact that she's back in my life, and she'll stay there forever. I held her hand and pulled her close to mine, her arms snaking on my waist and my arms on her waist and shoulder. Again, nuzzling on her hair, I said "Sooyeon-ah"

"Neh?"

"Let's be lost together."

"Neh. Yongwonhi?" she said, giggling.

"Ahh, yongwonhi." I said, kissing her forehead.