"Auntie really asked for me to join your family lunch?"

 

"For the umpteenth time, yes."

 

"Okay," She nodded, the uncertainty in her eyes flickering before vanishing. "Okay."

 

"That's my girl." I grinned at her, my hand squeezing hers gently and I earned myself a short bout of laughter which I lapped up eagerly.

 

---

 

"Ah, Jongin! You're back!"

 

I pushed the unlocked gate open, slipping off my shoes before stepping in. She did the same, though the apprehensiveness had returned and I could tell that she was nervous from the way she trailed closely behind me. I squeezed her hand again, letting her know that I'm with her and everything would be okay. "Yeah, I'm back."

 

"Did you bring her with you?" My mother exited the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron and her visibly tired visage greeted my eyes. Though smiling, I knew otherwise; the woman's been up since six in the morning preparing for the lunch. "Is Eun with you, Jongin?"

 

I stepped aside, revealing the girl behind me and my mother cooed, "Oh, there you are!"

 

"H-Hi, auntie." I watched as Eun nervously waved her hand in greeting, head bowing in courtesy after that. My mother rushed forward and enveloped her into a gentle embrace, and I chuckled when Eun's eyes widened in surprise. "Welcome to the Kim household!"

 

"Mum," My hands reached forward and pulled them apart, an arm automatically wrapping itself around Eun's waist and I noticed a corner of my mother's lip twitch. "You're scaring her."

 

The woman mock-pouted, "Well, I just wanted to welcome her. And I momentarily forgot that she isn't Jing." The pout then dissolved into a small smile. "Anyway, I have to get back into the kitchen, Sehun's mother is dying inside. Make yourselves at home!" She then whirled around and rushed back inside, the screech of another woman immediately travelling to my ears.

 

"Jongin," I felt a tug on my sleeve, and when I looked down, Eun's curious eyes found mine. Yet, for a split second, something dark flitted past. "Who's Jing?"

 

I my lips, nervousness washing over me at that point of time for no apparent reason. I didn't know why I was feeling nervous, or scared for that matter of fact. Jing was just... Jing. Why was I afraid to tell Eun about her?

 

"Jongin?"

 

"Jing is–"

 

"Jongin!"

 

A male voice interrupted me and when I turned to meet it, arms wrapped themselves around me and I knew immediately who they belonged to. Laughing, I managed to chortle, "Nice to see you too, Sehun."

 

We pulled apart, Sehun's crooked grin greeting me and I knew I had something similar on my face as well. We were, after all when we were kids, two peas in a pod. The adults practically thought that we were twins, or perhaps twins in our past life or something like that. It was nice, though, to grow up with Oh Sehun.

 

"Your mum thought that it'd be nice to invite my parents and I over for the lunch," He continued to grin and his arms remained wrapped around my body. Not that my arms weren't (amidst the awkwardness and whatever everyone else might be thinking about us). "Since we're practically family."

 

I nodded, delighted that my childhood friend was joining the meal. I had reckoned that it'd be pretty awkward if it was just Eun and I versus the rest of my family. I can only imagine the bombardment of questions my family members would ask. I shudder just thinking about it, ugh.

 

"Oh and Jongin," His arms finally left my body, his hand reaching behind him and it was then did I notice another person standing right behind him. Sehun was tall, taller than me (unfortunately), so while it might be hard to spot the person behind, I knew who the person was right away. It's not hard, not when the person grew up with you too.

 

"I brought Jing."

 

---

 

My eyes discreetly flitted over to them, watching how Sehun kept piling her plate with the variety of food that our mothers had prepared since dawn. I noticed the way the boy's eyes crinkled as he smiled at her, expression seemingly gleeful. I also noticed how her eyes followed suit, turning into downward crescents, mouth turning into an upward one. The pit of my stomach began to churn and my hand subconsciously rubbed at it. It was then did a familiar voice broke me out of my observation. "Jongin, are you alright? Is your stomach hurting?"

 

Instantly, everybody's eyes darted to me and I balked under the sudden command of attention. Blushing slightly, I shook my head and removed my hand from my stomach. Her hand came and placed itself over mine, fingers curling and she squeezed. It's a way of comforting each other — hand squeezing — a method she first introduced a few weeks into our relationship when I stupidly shrieked at something that fell on me while we were walking in the park. It was just a leaf, but she had squeezed my hand the whole time while she dusted it off my shoulder, and somehow, this method of comfort stayed.

 

"Um," I blinked rapidly, my face trying to form a small smile to negate the cloud of embarrassment that had descended upon me as I stuttered. "I'm okay."

 

The adults nodded, though my mother kept her eyes on me for a few more seconds, worry swirling in them, before averting them to my father who was waiting to feed her a piece of grilled meat. Likewise, Sehun's eyes met mine and his expression betrayed the worry he had for me, but at a soft shake of my head, a corner of his lips tugged upwards gently and he went back to his plate of food.

 

I would have gone back to my plate too, or at least let my hands begin to pile food on Eun's rather empty one but I felt a gaze on me. A familiar gaze that I haven't felt in a long while, but the familiarity enabled me to recognise the owner of the gaze.

 

My stomach began to churn again, but I willed my hand to remain in Eun's, willed myself to revel in the gentle caress of her thumb on the back of my hand, while willing, for the third time, myself to not look in her direction, or think about how a growing sensation of warmth began to spread within me.

 

---

 

"Eun's looking good."

 

I stiffened, not expecting her voice to enter my space that I've created at a corner of the living room, away from the adults whose searching eyes seem to be permanently transfixed on me. I knew it, they really do have burning questions for me. Sighs.

 

"Y-Yeah, she is." I managed to breathe out, never mind that I inhaled sharply after that when she plopped herself right next to me. She didn't seem to notice the bubble I had enclosed myself in. Then again, she never really noticed a bunch of other things. "Eun was nervous about coming, but I guess she's okay now."

 

Her eyes left me, following the direction of my own, resting on the backs of my girlfriend and my mother at the sink. They seemed to be in a delightful atmosphere, working in sync to wash and wipe down the numerous dishes. A small bout of joy bloomed within me as I basked in the sight of the two ladies, glad that Eun had visibly lightened up. “That’s great, right?”

 

I felt her eyes back on me, but I kept mine trained on them, unwilling to meet with hers even though I knew she wanted me to. Thus, I nodded, and that was it. Hoping that she had felt my reluctance of talking to anyone and would just scarper off from the lack of response, I remained silent. Unfortunately, she still sat next to me.

 

Her presence just, somehow, affect me. Was it because I haven’t seen her in a long while? Or was it because we haven’t been talking as much as we used to in the years of growing up together before she had to migrate to China? Either way, the awkward silence between us was gnawing at me. We’ve never been like this, never been so quiet and so– estranged from each other. It felt as though all those years of childhood memories, of friendship, never did happen in our lives that seemed to have existed out of each other’s perimeters. We looked like strangers, acted like strangers, and honestly, I didn’t like it. The quietude was poisoning me, slowly killing me from the inside. So, I thought, heck it.

 

“I’m sorry, Jing.” I finally tore my eyes away from the back views of my mother and Eun, to rest my gaze on my twiddling thumbs as I finally mustered up the courage to speak. “I’m really sorry.”

 

If she was confused about my words, her tone didn’t betray it. If anything, I would have thought that she was mildly amused by my sudden apology. “What for, Jongin?” It’s been awhile since I’ve heard my name coming from her, so I was affected. Quite, affected. The way my name rolled off her tongue, the nuance of her tone as she said my name, the nonplussed expression that I had imagined to have formed on her face, all these hit me at once and my head spun. My name slipped out of for the second time in months and I wished I had recorded it; the girl probably won’t be meeting me anytime after this. I would need that recording to get by, to endure the days and moments where I had guiltily caught myself thinking about her.

 

How are you doing? What are you doing? Are you doing well on your own? Are you okay?

 

I miss–

 

I shook my head hard, that stray thought disappearing instantly and I found myself staring at her eyes filled with concern. The warmth that had spread within me during lunch began to heat up again. I hurriedly tore my eyes away from hers. “I’m okay, don’t worry.”

 

She nodded, but I knew that she wasn’t appeased. Jing always had been the one out of the three of us to think deeper, to go into the detail of things instead of taking everything at face value. I quickly stood up, about to traipse off to join my mother in the kitchen when the last one-third of our childhood trio appeared and slid himself right next to her. My chest constricted when he casually swung an arm across her shoulders. Suddenly, I didn’t feel like having my mother as company anymore.

 

“Not leaving, Jongin?” Sehun quipped, his fingers tapping on her shoulder randomly as though he was playing a piano without knowing how to. “Shouldn’t you be in there together with Eun and her future mother-in-law?” He tried to crack a joke, tilting his grin up at Jing’s face but it dissolved when he noticed her deadpanned expression. “Not funny? Okay, I’m shutting up.” He then proceeded to make a zipping action across his lips.

 

The corners of Jing’s lips twitched and I know Sehun had noticed that too, for the next moment a giggle slipped out of and I watched with an uneasy feeling churning in my stomach as Sehun shoved his ugly face at hers, his facial expressions changing at the speed of light.

 

They probably wouldn’t have noticed that I was still there, having sat back down right next to Jing, if not for an unconscious, foolish jerk of my elbow that stabbed her ribs and she promptly turned to me. “Oh, Jongin, you’re still here.” I wish I could roll my eyes, but I couldn’t so I settled for a grunt as a response and got Sehun’s “Dude, go accompany Eun already.”

 

“Why? I’m not welcomed here?”

 

They stared at me, their expressions reflecting the exact same emotion I was feeling too. Disbelief. Why did my words come out so… I swear, I actually sounded jealous. Which I’m totally not. Totally, not. Right…?

 

“I just thought that,” Sehun raked a hand through his hair, tongue darting out to wet his lips. “You’d rather spend time with your girlfriend instead of us. As you always have done.”

 

His last sentence caught me, and I stiffened. I forced my eyes to make contact with his, and they darkened together with my response, “What do you mean by that, Sehun.” My fists clenched themselves, nails digging into my palms and I knew that they were going to leave marks behind. “Explain yoursel–”

 

“Look, we’re not here to fight.” Her voice broke the tension between us and her frowning face made its way into my field of vision. My fingers twitched, an unknown urge to manually turn that frown upside down surging through my nerves. “We barely see one another as it is, we don’t need to waste–”

 

Sehun scoffed, his eyes doing a roll that I’ve been wanting to do ever since Jing unceremoniously burst into my bubble. “We’ve been seeing each other everyday–”

 

“Wait,” I interrupted, the heat that had warmed up within me vanishing in a split second as though someone just blew the flame out and I felt cold. “What are you saying, Sehun…?” And I swore, a chill literally ran down my spine when Sehun replied with a straight face that can’t possibly be lying.

 

“Jing’s been staying with me for two months now.”

 

---

 

“You alright, Jongin?”

 

A familiar yet unfamiliar voice floated into my field of hearing and I snapped out of the cloud of daze that had enshrouded me. Eun’s worried face gradually sharpened and a hand reached up to my forehead, fingers gently brushing away the strands of hair that had fallen over my eyes. “Are you okay? You look really dazed.”

 

I nodded, willing the corners of my lips to tug upwards into a patronising smile. She began to smile in return, and I felt her hand slip into mine, a soft squeeze following. I was supposed to feel comforted, as I always have felt with that affectionate action, yet why did I feel the opposite? Why did I feel as though a part of me was missing?

 

---

 

“Sorry to call you out on such short notice.”

 

I hurriedly apologised, as a figure slid into the chair opposite mine. Her smile and a shake of her head was enough to send the pit of my stomach churning and I had to drop my eyes when hers met with mine briefly. “It’s fine, I was supposed to meet Sehun for dinner anyway. Meeting you just gives me the reason to not laze at home for the next two hours.” Her eyes turned into crescents, the smile widening into an expression of genuine happiness.

 

I ought to be glad, that my childhood friend was in a joyful mood, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t find it in me to be happy with her when a particular name slipped out of her lips so naturally, as though saying it was second nature to her. I didn’t like that. And I didn’t know why.

 

“So, what’s up?” Jing tilted her head to the side, her hand reaching towards the only cup of beverage on the table. She popped the straw into , not hesitating at all even as I softly mumbled that I just drank from that. “It’s fine, Jongin. You must have forgotten that we eat from each other’s spoons all the time.” Her eyes swept over my features, as if scrutinising me. “Something’s off about you. Is everything really okay?”

 

I responded a beat too late, my “I–” caused her brows to furrow with concern and the smile on her face vanished. “There is something wrong. Something happened with Eun?” I opened my mouth, about to speak when she placed the cup back onto the table, her voice cutting across mine. “You must have done something! Boys.”

 

“I didn’t!” I found my tongue, the words rolling off it easily and I realised that I had gotten a little mad at her for jumping to conclusions without first listening to me. “I didn’t do anything, okay…” Attempting to calm down, I let my eyes stray from hers, choosing to land them on a coffee stain on the surface of the table instead.

 

“Alright, alright. I apologise for accusing you without hearing you out.” She tried to pacify me, her voice melting down from hard ice to soft slush. A fingertip gingerly tapped the tip of my nose, and I scowled in mock anger at the audacity of her to do so. The corners of her lips twitched and I knew she was trying to suppress a smile. “Now, could you kindly tell me why you asked me out?”

 

I my lips, nervousness s