Throughout my life I have sought only one thing…love. I always wanted to experience that feeling of bliss that it means to be loved by someone. I've always wanted someone to worry about me, someone to take care of my heart, because I have never received such attention. I don’t wanna sound like a poor victim of the injustice of life, but no one has cared about me…no one, not even my parents. I’m only an orphan girl who has no shelter or support. I often wonder if I will ever experience what is happiness, because so far all I could feel is sadness and sorrow. And my life has only gotten worse since I met him, the person who occupies all my dreams and nightmares. I know I shouldn’t put my fragile hopes in someone like him, but it's too late for that, because I’m irrevocably in love with this man and I can do anything to fight against these feelings, which I hate with all my being. I hate the obsessive love I have for him, because it controls me, this love has been commissioned to control my life and no one can stop it, not even me. This love is a sickly love which knows no reasons or limits, it scares me…this love scares me because I don’t know what will happen with it in the future. This man abuses of my love constantly, without hesitation, without even feeling guilty. He gets drunk with my love and then throws me aside to continue with his sick life and I'm the stupid that keep on waiting for him with open arms.

“Don’t go, stay with me a little longer.” I begged him, gripping the sheet that covered my body.

He was standing, his back to me, dressing himself in a hurry. It's always the same. He always leaves me when we finished having . He always leaves me alone and forgotten. But I couldn’t complain…I didn’t want to complain, because if I don’t give him what he wants, he would be gone forever and that's the last thing I want. I have to be ready and willing when he orders me to, that's the only way to keep him with me.

“I have stuff to do.” He answered absently, buttoning his shirt.

I watched in silence how he finished dressing with a heavy heart, because I knew what he meant by that sentence. He was going to wallow in bed with another girl and so on, I'm not the only one for him and that won’t change anytime soon.

“When are you coming back?” I asked in a low voice, almost in a whisper, a little fearful for his reply.

He turned around and looked into my eyes with a small but fake smile on his handsome face and yet, it was a beautiful and captivating smile...he was mesmerizing. His face is innocent and adorable, but I know him well and I know that his true self is much more calculating and cold, far from being an innocent boy.

“Don’t have to worry. I always come back to you, Jiyeon.” He said with his charming smile, the smile that I love.

I wanted to hold him and never let him go, but I knew it was impossible to hold onto someone who doesn’t want to be caught. Baekhyun was indomitable and he wouldn’t be tamed by anyone, much less by a simple girl like me. He didn’t believe in love, but he wasn’t a bad person either, he just lost the compassion he once had in his complex being. He was a lost soul, just like me, looking for something he didn’t know. I love this man more than I would like to, more than I should. I love his vulnerable side, I love the fact that occasionally he can rely on me and I love those rare moments in which the only thing do we is talk about our lives, because in such circumstances I realize how much this man means to me, how much I love his nature, because he is much more than his womanizing and callous side. Baekhyun is a mystery that I'll never be able to resolve completely, but I want to try anyways, even if I shed tears in the process. Anyhow that's life, suffering and despair.

“I love you, Baekhyun.” I mumbled staring into his eyes with passion, trying to convey these feelings so they could reach his frozen heart…I wanted to touch his heart so badly.

His eyes hardened, since he hated to hear those three words, he hated it with passion. But I couldn’t stop myself, I wanted him to hear me say those words every day, hoping that maybe that could change him for the better. I hoped that my love could purify and soften that heart so rigid of his. I just wanted him to love me back, I just wanted him to be mine. My heart cried out his name and he pretended not to hear. He was cruel…cruel to my feelings.

“I told you not to say that bull again, dammit! How many times do I have to tell you the same, Jiyeon?! Just stop with that already!” He yelled at me completely furious.

I could feel how the tears were piling up in my eyes, eager to come to the surface, thus leaving uncovered my terrible pain every time he yelled at me. I looked into his eyes with despair, screaming with my eyes for him to let me bring down his walls once and for all. But he wasn’t moved by my tears…he never was anyway.

“J-Just…let me in, Baekhyun.” I sobbed.

He clenched his jaw in order to calm down his anger and to not make a stupid thing. His hands were turned into fists and I knew he was trying to find a pinch of sanity in his being. I wanted to hug him and tell him that he didn’t have to hold back himself any longer, but if I did I know he was going to reject me, as many other times before.

“Jiyeon…” He started to say in a tone of voice that told me how upset and disgusted he was with my confession. I was hurt, my heart hurt too much, since I could feel how he uttered my name with hatred and venom…with contempt.

He looked into my eyes with a feeling that was very close to hate, but it was less intense than that, though that didn’t make me feel any better. Why he couldn’t look at me with love instead? Why he refused to give me his heart? What secrets remain hidden in the depths of his soul?

“Never say such nonsense ever again, do you hear me? You know that I don’t love you and I never will.” He said nonchalantly, treating my feelings as if they were a mere joke to him.

My tears were streaming down my cheeks and my sobs only grew louder. My chest went up and down due to my irregular breathing and I felt how my heart was crushed by an invisible force that could very well be his insensitivity while dealing with a girl like me…weak and in love, and the fact that I were under a thin sheet made me feel even weaker.

“Why are you doing this to me, Baekhyun? Why do you make me suffer like this?” I sobbed again.

He smirked, almost like he were enjoying the show. “Because you gave me the power to do so, Jiyeon. As simple as that.” He said with a coldness that gave me chills.

This was the Baekhyun that made me suffer. This was the Baekhyun that came to light whenever he was angry with something or someone, and this was the Baekhyun that knew no limits when it comes to hurt a person. I stared at him with my eyes flooded with tears and smiled at him weakly…almost lifeless. “Yeah…I think it's my fault after all, huh. It's my fault for falling in love with someone like you.” I admitted ducking my head. I didn’t have the courage to keep looking at those cold, dangerous eyes.

I wanted him to get close to me and comfort me. I wanted him to comfort the sorrows of my weak heart, but I knew that he didn’t give a damn. He had always treated me with indifference and that wouldn’