** a short chapter update.. sorry i didnt updated for a while but here it is! ..enjoyXD

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I know I already made up my mind to get over him, move on and go on with my life without the thoughts and feelings of having him as more than a friend but lately his acting differently and it kinda shaken my intentions of my so called living-a-life-without-my-idiotic-friend-whom-I-love so much.

Honestly, what Jiyong had been doing lately bothers the hell out of me. I don’t know if he’s doing it intentionally or it’s just my mind playing with my feelings and this stupid heart of mine begin to race like crazy as if it didn’t beat for quite a long time.

I hate that I stammer like idiot unable to form sensible sentences like a child out and lost for words in front of him when his too close for comfort invading my personal space that leaves me breathless.

I hate how my heart pounds so hard that I believe it can be heard by everyone inside the room and is showing through my top like that of the cartoons you’ve seen in the tv, and that “butterflies-in-my-tummy feelings whenever his near or even the simple mention of his name.

I hate how I can’t stop blushing like a fool while he’s talking directly or indirectly to me just hearing his soft voice gave me that uneasy feeling. Even the simple compliments that I already heard before sounds new and bring different meaning making me melt like a heated butter.

I hate that I got so mesmerized when he’s talking about something. It’s like I don’t want him to stop taking and that I could spend all day watching those lips move beautifully while saying anything at all. In fact, I am so mesmerized that I myself don’t even realize what I’ve been saying whenever he ask me about whatever.

I hate how he smells so intoxicating. Whether it’s the smell of his perfume or his natural scent or even the smell of the air he breathe out is so irresistible.

I hate how weak I felt whenever he is around. How nervous I could get when he is inches away from me making my knees turned into jelly and my body wobble and how my body starts to tremble when he accidentally brush his skin to mine causing goose bumps.

I hate how everything about him seems charming and cute (not the charismatic way of being G-Dragon- the icon, but being Kwon Jiyong). The way he run his hands through his hair or the way he smiles hearing a compliment, or the way he tilts his head to the other side looking so damn innocent; those simple gestures of him made my heart melt in a flash.

But most of all I hate how he can easily makes me change my mood with the slightest touch of his hands on mine making me forget all my anxiety, how he easily hugs me or me without hesitation making my insides churn when I myself couldn’t bring myself to touch him even for a second for I fear of losing control that my feelings might overpower, or the way he look deep down my soul without batting an eyelash when I myself couldn’t stand looking at him directly for I fear he might see the longing in my eyes, I hate how I wanted to spend more time with him but at the same time didn’t want to for I fear that I might not be able to contain myself anymore and declare my undying love for him.

 I hate it! I hate it a lot! I hate how he makes me hope that everything is true. But I hated myself more for I keep on lying to myself that I can move on and forget him when I know I couldn’t for I had fallen for him harder and deeper.