Tonight was a nightmare.

The waking part of the night was perfectly fine. Minki had fun at dinner; he got lots of looks, but they were lovely looks-- and while he never particularly liked the attention, he didn't mind it when he was on Jonghyun's arm. He noticed plenty of people looking at Jonghyun, too, and he felt a sense of pride; he belonged to Jonghyun-- other people didn't get to. (That made Minki happy.) The food was yummy-- and, although Minki didn't eat much, he was very satisfied.

At home, perfect; Jonghyun lay Minki down and took him just like that. He was gentle, and he kissed Minki everywhere-- over and over, with enough love to have Minki's heart fluttering despite how hard it was beating. He coaxed Minki to sleep-- at least to half-asleep, and then he lay down, too. Of course he held his phone while he was laying down, looking through messages, answering some. Minki watched him with half-lidded eyes, about to drift off completely when Jonghyun's phone rang. Jonghyun squinted, because his screen lit up a little brighter. He sat up. He was frowning as he answered, "Hello?"

Minki didn't hear what was going on. He was concerned, but he was so close to sleep that he drifted off. He didn't hear a word of the conversation before his eyes were closed and his body was completely relaxed. He was at peace for a while-- just a little while. Five minutes, he was able to lay there and sleep, one arm against Jonghyun's pillow for when he wanted to lay down and sleep in Minki's arms.

But he didn't lay down. Instead, he reached over, and he shook Minki awake. For a moment-- longer, actually-- Minki thought he was still sleeping. Jonghyun never woke him up just by shaking him, especially not at half past midnight, five minutes after Minki had drifted off. Minki blinked, confused. Jonghyun seemed stressed-- overly so. He was stressed and he was grabbing at the blankets, holding his hands out for Minki. He was mumbling as he pulled Minki gently out of bed, "Come on, baby, we have to go. Hospital-- we're going to the hospital."

Minki hummed his question. He rubbed his eyes again. Jonghyun found Minki's shoes and placed them at his feet, holding Minki's waist softly as Minki sat down to put them on. Jonghyun answered after a few silent moments, "We have to go to the hospital, baby, it's... it's Minhyun. It's bad."

Minki froze. He had just slipped his left shoe on, and he froze up completely. He blinked a few times, and he took in a deep breath. Jonghyun let out a sigh before Minki could think about exhaling. "Don't do this to me, baby. I know you don't want to see him, but... listen, I'd explain if I could, but I think he wants to tell you himself. Give him a chance? Just this once? And then, if you want, you never have to see him again. Never, ever, if that's what you choose."

I already chose to never see him again. Minki thought, but he nodded. Jonghyun gave a smile, kissed the top of Minki's head, "Good boy."

Minki didn't feel good. And then he felt worse in the car, because the gravity of the situation had just set in. For some reason, Minhyun was in the hospital. Someone he never wanted to see or speak to again was in the hospital, for a reason that was still a mystery to Minki. And Minhyun had called Jonghyun to tell him. He wanted Jonghyun to come, and he wanted Minki to come. Why both of them? Why not just Jonghyun? Why not just Minki?

Maybe Minhyun had finally realized that Minki didn't go anywhere without Jonghyun. Maybe he had finally accepted it.

Or maybe he hadn't.

Minki didn't know which one he was more scared of.

"You can nap, baby boy." Jonghyun said. Minki looked over at him. He'd been so deep in thought-- good thing Jonghyun hadn't already been talking, else he would have been overshadowd by Minki's thoughts. Minki hummed in response, in question, and Jonghyun glanced over at him for a moment, "You can take a nap. I woke you out of five minutes of sleep-- and I know how exhausted you must be. We have about ten before we get to the hospital-- nap a little bit. I'll wake you when we're there."

Minki didn't want to nap, but he also didn't want Jonghyun to talk his ear off with worry, so he nodded and leaned his head against the window. With his eyes closed, it was easier to think. There was no bright light before his eyes to distract him, no building passing his vision to catch his eye. He was staring into the pitch black dark, and with his thoughts, images formed. Minhyun in a hospital bed, smiling when he saw Minki for the first time in years. Minhyun's voice. Jonghyun was silent, and he had turned the radio down so Minki could sleep-- it was so much easier to hear Minhyun say "I missed you so much, Minki. I love you-- do you still love me?"

Before he knew it, the nightmare was over; but it had just begun. Jonghyun parked, unbuckled his seatbelt, and leaned over, kissed Minki awake. He hopped out of the car quickly, made his way over to Minki's side quicker. He helped Minki out, and he held him as they were walking into the hospital together. Jonghyun spoke at the counter, "Hi-- we're here to see Hwang Minhyun? He's twenty-one years old, I believe he's on the second floor?"

"Room B-61," the woman said, nodding. Jonghyun thanked her, and then they were walking. Shouldn't visiting hours be over? Minki wondered. It was midnight, after all. Minki swore vising hours were during the day-- at reasonable times.

Maybe Jonghyun had pulled some strings. He was good at that.

At the door, Minki stopped. Jonghyun had his hand on the knob and he was prepared to open it, but Minki froze up. He could see Minhyun through the window. He had white wraps around his wrists-- almost all the way down to his forearms and all the way up to his knuckles. Minki could see the bruising from where he was, standing yards away. What had happened to his hands? He noticed the black eye, and the red around his throat. Had Minhyun been choked? Had he gotten into a fight?

"What's wrong, baby boy?" Jonghyun asked. His shoulders fell, "Please don't have seconds thoughts, baby. He really needs you right now."

Don't guilt me. Please. Minki wanted to beg, but it was working. Looking at Minhyun, being told he needs you-- it was working. It was working because Minki reached forward and opened the door, and he stepped in first, and Minhyun looked up and they caught each other's eye, held each other's gazes.

Unexpectedly, Minhyun was the one to break down in tears. He stared at Minki for about thirty seconds, and then he began crying, his face contorting into a sob. He dropped the book he was reading and held out his arms. Minki was like a robot, walking forward, letting go of Jonghyun's hand and falling into Minhyun's arms. It was hard to believe he was here, hugging Minhyun, holding Minhyun, listening to him cry. It was hard to believe, and Minki wondered if he was dreaming.

"I missed you so much." Minhyun said, and that confirmed that Minki was not dreaming. Minki couldn't dream up the shakiness of Minhyun's hand or the intense crack in his voice. He couldn't imagine Minhyun in this much detail. Minhyun pulled back, and he wiped his tears, and he smiled; and Minki could never imagine Minhyun smiling and crying at the same time. It had always been one or the other.

"How are you? Please-- sit down. Please." Minhyun said. Minki obeyed; and it was easy to, really, when Jonghyun pulled over a chair. Minhyun stared at Minki expectantly. Minki raised an eyebrow, and Minhyun asked again, "How are you, Minki? I-I haven't heard from you in so long...."

Minki lowered his head, shrugged slightly. He glanced back to where Jonghyun was, and he held out a hand. He smiled when Jonghyun was holding his hand over his shoulder, looked at Minhyun with that smile. It dropped at the look on Minhyun's face, at the words, his tone, "You're still not talking."

Minki blinked. Minhyun's shoulders dropped, as did his gaze. For a few moments, or maybe minutes, there was just silence. Jonghyun didn't know what to say, what to do; he just let go of Minki's hand, moved away when Minki's fingers loosened, when he reached for Minhyun instead. He traced the white wrap aorund Minki's left wrist, looked at him until Minhyun looked up. Anyone could read curiosity, especially in Minki's eyes. He had that baby look to him when he was curious or confused, when he wanted to know something. It was an innocent look-- a look Jonghyun adored, one that Minki used to call cute. Now, he didn't say anything, but he did smile, and he did explain, "I tried to kill myself tonight, Minki."

Minki's blood ran cold. He didn't have time for a reaction, because Minhyun continued right away, "I cut myself-- horizontally. What an idiot I am, right? If I really wanted to die, I would have done it vertically. But... maybe I didn't want to die. I was just upset tonight. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about you and Aron and how bad I wish...."

Minhyun paused, "so I took a whole lot of sleeping pills. I took three, and they didn't work, and I took three more, and I still couldn't sleep, so I took the whole bottle. I realized what I'd done, but... oddly enough, I was relaxed. Completely relaxed, and I decided it wasn't quick enough, and that it didn't hurt enough-- I didn't feel enough, so I broke apart a razor."

Minki was gaping at him, now. Minhyun wore that same sad smile when he looked up, when he reached forward just a little and linked his fingers with Minki's frozen ones. Minki almost pulled away-- tugged back a little to do so, but Minhyun held on, and he held on tight, and Minki didn't want to wrestle himself away. He didn't want to pull away, because tears were welling up in his eyes, now; and he hated Minhyun but it scared him so much to think that he had almost died.

He wanted to ask so many questions, but a lot of them he couldn't express with touches. A few of them, he could-- so he would start with those ones. He reached out, and he touched Minhyun's eye, the bruising-- and he touched it so lightly, but Minhyun still flinched. Minki flinched back, too, his opposite hand falling out of Minhyun's grip. Minhyun chased him for a moment, but then he paused, and he fell back. He seemed dejected, a bit, but he explained anyway, "That was Aron. He got angry at me tonight. He found out how many pills I was swallowing and he punched me. But then he fell asleep, so I guess he couldn't be bothered to make sure I didn't actually kill myself."

Minki blinked a few numb times. He reached for Minhyun's neck. Minhyun wore a little smile before Minki's fingers made contact with his skin, "Those were me. I got kind of angry at myself after Aron punched me. I got so angry-- I kept thinking, like, what was I thinking? Why did I do that? And I was so upset with myself. I didn't even think about throwing them up-- I just tried to scratch them out. I was crying so hard, though, I couldn't do too much."

His knuckles; Minki ran his fingers over his knuckles. He saw the shadow of Jonghyun get closer, felt the hands on his shoulders; Minki didn't realize he was shaking. He didn't feel better with Jonghyun's hands on him-- oddly enough. It usually made him feel better, comforted, but Minki felt no change. He was too interested in Minhyun, in his story, "I took up fighting a little while ago. Self-defense-- I felt the need to protect myself, with Aron around. But I've never hit him before. I don't... want to."

Minki blinked. He looked up at Jonghyun, his eyes concerned. Jonghyun was blurry, and then Minki's cheek was wet; he was crying. Just a bit, just a few tears, and Jonghyun brushed them away, leaned down and kissed him. Jonghyun turned to Minhyun, then, "Why didn't you tell anyone? Have you had a difficult time leaving him?"

"A little bit." Minhyun said. "He's the only one who will love me, and I don't want to mess that up."

"Minhyun...." Jonghyun said softly. Minki was silent, like usual, but his actions were loud; he reached for Minhyun again, tracing over his white wrap. Minhyun grabbed his hand again, and Minki didn't pull away this time. He didn't flinch, he didn't try; he just sat, and he let Minhyun hold him.

"You can't stay with him." Jonghyun said. "This is unhealthy, I mean. If he's hitting you, hurting you... what if he goes too far? He pushed you to the point of trying to kill yourself--"

"Don't worry about me, Jonghyun. It may not seem like it, but I can handle myself." Minhyun smiled. He had no venom in his words, no offense, not even really any hint of an argument. It was more reassurance than anything-- a statement, a fact he believed in. "I just called you to see you-- you and Minki. I kind of knew Minki wouldn't come see me in any other situation.... I took my blessing of remaining alive to see him again."

Minki blinked a few more times. He didn't know what to say or do, so he reached forward and picked up the book Minhyun was reading. It was titled Crazy Colors and had font like hand-writing. It seemed like a journal-type book, which were Minki's favorites. He tilted his head, read a few sentences. Minhyun and Jonghyun were both silent, watching him read.

"It's really good so far." Minki said when Minhyun turned the page. He had started from the middle. He looked up, and Minhyun took the book. He pulled out his bookmark and placed it in the front, handed it back to Minki open-- open to that first page, "Take it home with you-- read it."

Minki frowned, shook his head. He tried to give it back, tried to flip back to the page Minhyun had bookmarked, but Minhyun closed the book in Minki's hand-- gentle, "I want you to. Take it home with you, read it.... Tell me about it when you're finished."

Minki looked away. A few more moments of silent, of Minki being able to feel how hurt Minhyun was. But then Minhyun chuckled a little bit, "Well. I'm not allowed to have visitors for long-- they'll come and kick you out soon if you don't leave, and these nurses and doctors get awfully cranky late at night."

Jonghyun placed his hands on Minki's shoulders again, began to tug him up. He reached over to pat Minhyun's shoulder a couple times, "Hey. It was nice to see you again. I'm sorry it had to be like this...."

Minhyun shook his head, "It's fine. I'm glad we got to see each other again.... Hopefully I'll see you two soon?"

Jonghyun just nodded. Minki stared down at the book for another minute. Jonghyun rubbed his arm softly, "Baby boy, we should go. You're still tired-- let's go home and rest, okay?"

Another few moments. Minki stared at the book, didn't move when Jonghyun gently tried coaxing him away. He was staring at the inside cover, the author's name and the message she left. Hwang Youngsoo-- Minhyun's sister.

Dedicated to my brother.
Stay strong, Minhyun. For me.

"Baby boy--"

Minki broke away from Jonghyun, and he reached for Minhyun, bending down to hug him. Minhyun seemed shocked for a split second, not reacting with anything but a gasp, but he wrapped his arms around Minki, too. And for a minute, Minki didn't want to let go-- but he knew he had to, because he still had negative emotions for Minhyun, and he knew he would hate himself tomorrow if he forgave Minhyun today.

So he pulled back, and he smiled just a little bit, and he waved just a little bit, and then he left with Jonghyun-- with Jonghyun's arms around him and Crazy Colors clutched to his chest.

A/N: I never thought I would leave a story sitting for literally a year but, hey. I guess there's a first for everything. (I'm so sorry.)