On a regular weekend, the family was not expecting any visitors, yet the door bell rang startling the 2 elders in the living room. The aged man stood up and moved towards the door, nudging it open only to find the ultimate surprise. 

"dear... come over for a moment. get our son down too" he instructed his wife who became slightly worried. no matter how she asked for a response, he never did. she did as he said and rushed to the door to join her husband. She too was in shock.

Hikaru dragged his feet down, appearing at the doorstep with slight annoyance, but immediately felt a sense of unspeakable joy at first sight of the visitor.

"Tadaima Niichan~" a long black haired girl wearing a simple make-up and a dress, greeted him in enthusiasm.

"Umika~" that was all he could say, and he couldn't help but used his actions to tell his emotions. He pulled her in for a great hug, crushing her under his arms which he couldn't care.

"Niichan~ I'm suffocating..." she chuckled, and only then he released her from the embrace, laughing together with her when their eyes met.

"finally home at last?" he wanted to be sure.

"yes, finally home," she affirmed it. "I've got so much to tell you. these five years, so many amusing things happened" when she couldn't contain her excitement, she saw a lady stood behind his back.

"ah forgot to tell you, Your brother just proposed, he'll get married soon with Kaori" their mother introduced. 

"uwahhhh," Umika hesitated a while, as though trying to reconcile her words. She walked towards her and said, "congratulations...." that wasn't a simple pleasant surprise, her heart became slightly heavy. She approached the girl at the back who was pouting slightly, and she took the first initiative to say "Hajimemaa, I'm Umika. Hikaru's sister. and you're Kaori-san?"

She nodded shyly. she was mind blown for once, cause that means his brother has changed his taste tremendously. he always preferred loud and bold girls. Kaori was direct opposite,she's shy, quiet. 

"does he bully you? if he ever does, just come find me. I'll stand up for you" she offered and Kaori let us a sweet smile of acceptance.

"oi Baka!" Hikaru rushed over and clinged onto Kaori as though Umika will eat her up. He clarified himself "I don't bully her. it's only you, I will" he laughed. Umika heard the response and felt that he is serious about love and is protective of Kaori. that made her heart flutter and her yearning for such a person in her life grew.

"why didnt you tell us you're coming back? we will prepare more food for you!" her mother exclaimed excitedly. 

"I wanted to give you guys a surprise. but more importantly, I have some stuff to settle for my new job, so I can't join for dinner. in fact, I have to go off now. my appointment is in an hour time."

"that's fast. we'll clean up your room for you by the time you come back," her father added.

"don't fuss over it. if it's too short a notice, I can lodge elsewhere for the time being"

her mother quickly responded, "silly, we'll do it in time. just come home tonight."

"okay. I've got to go now. see you at night!" Umika bidded a temporary farewell and walked alone down the long pavement to the public transport. she used this time to think about stuff, about his many things have changed, including her brother's life. it appears that everyone has moved on. A glistening smile appears on her face that everything seemed so pleasant. 

 A car drove past, stopping right in her path. "hop on!" Umika was shocked to see her brother driving. that's how long she has been absent in everyone's life. 

after conveying her destination, she asked out of curiosity, "since when?" 

"driving? right after graduation. that's about 4 years ago. there's alot for you to catch up on things."

Umika chuckled while her brother focused on the road. that focused expression was almost rarely seen in the brother she knew before her 5 years absence. she loved this look and from now, she knew her impression of him will change drastically. however, the thought of him moving out soon was saddening.

"why that sulk?" he noticed as usual from someone like her who couldn't disguise her emotions written on her face.

"nothing" a blatant lie. something that never changed is his superb ability to read into her mind.

"upset that I'm leaving the household when you're back? well, you chose to leave" Hikaru bluntly exclaimed and there he got no response in return.

"I'm just kidding. I think you're right that we all needed that time to forget stuff and restart our lives, and there's alot we need to learn from that episode. I regretted the way I acted before, and from now, I strive to at least live with integrity... right?"

Umika nodded but still didnt give a verbal acknowledgment.

"I hope you've moved on from where you were 5 years ago. " Hikaru hesitated before he probed the question that bothered his mind.

"I did. don't worry Niichan. you're right about living life forward. that's my goal everyday. it helped me move on."

"...he's released from prisons last year. heard he had to go through a few sessions of electro treatment since he's ascertained to suffer from mental complications. at least that's how his defense lawyer fought the case and helped him avoid death penalty and life imprisonment."

"where's he now? did you manage to meet him?" Umika asked with calmness, as if these facts really did not matter to her.

"... you really want to know?"

Umika felt that it wasn't anything good but she's more than certain that she wants to know.

pulling a brave front, she said, "why not? I'm okay, Niichan... He's a friend, especially one that saved my life."

"if you say so... he remained in coma for quite some time, almost a year. while it seemed that he wasn't affected by any side effects, he didnt talk at all. not that he can't apparently, what I heard was he just simply didnt want to converse with anyone. he signed the confession documents stating his responsibility for all the deaths.  during that five years, he moved to and fro the asylum and the prisons. some said the former drove him crazier, and it wasn't hard to believe since asylum is as we know, a living hell. when he was officially released from prisons, the news reported that his parents left him a sum of money to start a life on his own. cause they had moved abroad a year into his imprisonment"

"how could they? it's his son!"

"you cant honestly blame them. they have been disturbed by the media day and night, grilled for scoops about their son. he remained a national interest for quite a while as the youngest murderer who committed the most gruesome murder for the century. it's not just that, they were tormented by the angry residents who throw eggs at them when they were seen and verbally abused. they both lost their jobs. so they really were under immense stress that they had no choice."

Her silence made Hikaru uneasy, fortunately he had one piece of news that could maybe cheer her up. "though I don't completely know where he is, there was this last update of him online. someone saw him in Satoyama. that's a nice place to help people recover and definitely a peaceful place to live. so that gives us the ease of mind, ne." he hoped Umika gave a more enthusiastic response since it has only been unconvincing thus far. 

"that's good! I knew he can move on, like us, ne Niichan!" Umika cheered. Hikaru was surprised by her reply and only felt relieved then. 

"of course! anyway, Umika, don't be sad that I'm leaving the house soon, you can always visit me for a sleepover or so, like how we always share a room, talk about anything and everything over the night. and you know, I'm always there for you if you need me."

Umika's eyes glistened and for a moment long, she couldn't find the words to speak. it was almost like she has forgotten her vocabulary. then she burst out in an unexpected laughter, "I'm really not used to your mushy words, Niichan... can you just act normally. being kind just doesn't resonate with you."

"you are seriously still a pesky kid. it doesn't pay to be kind to you. and here I'm serious," he pouted and answered in annoyance. that grumpy face of Hikaru tickled Umika, but she held onto her teasing and responded in the same seriousness. 

"you're my Niichan. if I'm ever met with a difficulty, or need a listening ear, I'll need you. and I know you'll never shove me away, as always."

Hikaru placed his free hand on hers and gave it a light squeeze and a brief smile before he refocused on his road. "welcome back" he said.

Umika walked the unknown path which would be her journey for a long time. She felt happy when her family congratulated her on her new job in her home country, which was reputable. Tokyo bank, the national financial institution. her studies overseas brought her such career success and she's thankful. in the midst of gratitude, she felt a cringe in her heart after the heavy recount of what he had gone through. his life was ruined, no doubt. in a stark contrast, he may never be working in a multinational corporation or a business holdings which he is likely to be if all of that did not happen. he had a bright future. The thought that he no longer have the horizon, was heartbreaking.

"Umika!" a brighter, optimistic voice sounded from the front. she knew that voice anywhere.

"Ohara-chan!" they went for an embrace then all her troubles seem to have temporarily ceased to hurt. "I miss you so much"

"Baka, we just parted in barely a month after you left for Japan," Umika laughed at her remark.

"it's still long. at least now we get to work together for good!" Ohara cheered.

"have you settled down?" Umika asked. 

"yes, I've seen your office too, so I can help you orientate around. the building is just amazing when you see it for yourself."

Although Umika reciprocated the excitement, Ohara couldn't feel that she's genuinely happy. there's something bothering her, and it should be related to her family, or something they said at least. she didnt dare to ask cause she knew she wouldn't be comfortable. knowing Umika for 5 years, Ohara was sure that she will tell her when she's ready. 

Subsequent days were exciting as the two went to work at Tokyo Bank. Ohara worked in the Customer Relations and Umika worked in the compliance branch. Umika drowned herself with work, entertainment and everything else, leaving no time for her to be immersed in less meaningful things. 

That day, the same date 5 years later, she felt extremely down. she thought of her friends, how they were all laughing together, teasing each other. though it may all be very superficial, they're good memories. now, there're only three left, and one in ruins. She unknowingly retrieved her phone and hovered around a contact number rusty but not forgotten. she typed in her message.

"hi. how are you?" she cancelled almost immediately and retyped. she redid the message again, changing it in different variations, different vocabulary, different tone. 

"hi. do you wanna meet up?" then she finally cancelled all of it and shut her phone, only then she noticed that Ohara has been beside her all these while.

"oh.. you're here. why didn't you make a sound?"Umika said. Ohara chuckled "I wanted to surprise you. anyway, I'll be working overtime today. there's something I needed to settle so you go ahead without me."

"alright... bye, Ohara-chan!" Umika bidded farewell, leaving only Ohara behind alone in the office. She walked to her computer and opened a database filled with data of all customers of Tokyo Bank. It wasn't difficult to remember the name of the one customer she's keen on, since she's once curious. a simple search on the Internet, you could almost not miss out his name.

the system searched for the name she keyed in, and as she expected, he is a customer of the bank and his last transaction was only a day back. 

"Yatta!" she jumped out of her chair and cheered by herself. If Umika hasn't noticed, Ohara took all of her recent distraction to heart. little by little, she understood what was the cause, and it wasn't a surprise after knowing Umika for 5 years.

*****
Subconsciously, Umika has arrived at the cemetery in the south of Tokyo. it was deserted, perfectly because it wasn't a usual day for paying respects to the date. She is finally reunited with her friends. She forced upon her a subtle smile and said "sorry for being late. how are you on the other side, Suzuka, Chinen, Haruna, Yuya?"

She wasn't expecting a response, neither was she going to say anymore. she's alive because of the same person who ended their life. indisputable.

She paced to a less obvious corner, isolated from the eyes of the majority, remotely similar to the one who it represents. To Umika, she's special, cause she alone was the start and end of many things, that includes, his life.

"we never really interacted, Mirai-chan... but you're really an amazing girl. even if I did not know you, your stories alone tell me that you are a strong girl. I'm unfortunately, the opposite. weak and useless. I can't even do anything to protect the man I loved, instead ran away and have him face the persecution alone. his mighty love for you made me jealous. he did all of these to avenge for you, and he is determined to kill himself for you..."

She was emotional. it was hard for her to calm down after a long suppression. she has prepared to face her all these years, but when she really did, she wasn't at all ready. She took a deep breathe then let it all out to relieve the sadness. "so please, Mirai-chan, watch over him for me. let him be strong." 

She clapped three times for blessings and turned her back to leave the dark place filled with bitterness. She felt like she was into this mighty black hole, making it really hard to breathe. she stopped her cries, however, cause she knew it was too silly and cowardly. and more importantly, she hoped that if she could be strong, he'll be able to endure too. foolish, obviously. but that's something she convinced herself to believe. 

The night, she had insomnia. it isn't anything new since she often had it in her 5 years abroad. She needed to put so much concealer for her work the next day just to cover her bad eye bags and definitely her swollen eyes. She entered office with her mind barely in her, about to knock into walls if she hasn't been careful. 

"Umika, why are you at work today?" her colleague asked when she slammed on her seat and switched on her desktop.

"heh? it's a work day, isn't it?" she was stunned by the question and became paranoid that perhaps it is a weekend and she shouldn't be at work. however, when when peered at the calendar, it isn't the case.

"why shouldn't I be at work today?"

"Ohara-chan said you are applying for an urgent one week leave."

"one week?!"

then an intruder interrupted the conversation as she called out from far "Umika-chan... ne, you've something urgent to settle. your landlady called. let me explain" Ohara was flustered as she approached them, while Umika gave her the questioning frown. the former dragged Umika away while bowing in apologia to their colleague who was left as confused.

"what are you up to? why take a one week leave for me?~" Umika questioned.

"you have something important to settle. I said so earlier."

"what is it that you know that I don't know? as far as I know, I have no dealings with the landlady."

Instead of answering her questions, she took Umika's hand and stuffed something in it, and closed it within her fingers.

"ne?" Umika looked at her with shock, wanting to check out what it is to curb her curiosity. As she opened, she saw an address to Satoyama. "heh? where's this address to?"

you'll find your answer there. you'll thank me when you're back."

"what answer?"

"you've been down lately, or rather, Since the days I know you, I know there's something you cannot let go.  if you can't let it go, it'll continue to torment you, so I suggest you should just go pursue it instead."

"I don't understand what you're saying. there's nothing bothering me, there's definitely nothing I need to fix."

"yes you have. that guy in your heart! luckily he has an account with us, and he had a transaction lately. I traced it and found the last transaction was made in Satoyama."

"if you are talking about him, then forget it. I shouldn't cross path with him anymore. it won't do any good to any of us"

"why are you thinking so much. you know better that you can't forget about him, why not meet him and talk it out. there's no point brooding over it."

"it's over."

"wait, Umika!" Ohara tried for the last time, cause she knew it will change her friend's life significantly. Umika didn't turn around to her calling, but Ohara stood behind and said anyway.

"if you're telling me you see him as a murderer just like how the whole world do, then fine, it's really over. but the fact is, you know who he is. you know you won't see him the way everyone else does. so why do you have to avoid him like he's some virus. you have to fight for what you believe in, Umika! and guess what, I believe him too. he really looks hot and his past doesn't stop me from wanting to know him. go for it, Umika! if the whole world is against your decision, there's still me!"

there's a long silence. then Umika laughed, "Ohara, you are interested in meeting him, ne. infatuated by his looks~" 

Ohara nodded then laughed awkwardly. "you're making me embarrassed, Umika... but since you know now, you've to bring him back to Tokyo and give me a chance to befriend him. I'll be his best friend, so fret not! you and him won't be alone."

"...Ohara-chan..." Umika's eyes welled with tears. Ohara became frantic, afraid that made her cry. 

"dont cry.. i have no intentions to steal him from you, it's just friends, I swear.... Umika?" Umika has thrown her arms over Ohara, hugged her with tears running all over.

"a-arigatou...I'm glad that you're my friend, Ohara-chan. you understood me better than myself."

Ohara released herself from Umika's envelop then clutched her by her shoulders and said with all concentration. "then go for it. try to untangle the knot within both your hearts and end off that unfinished business in the past. only then can you guys totally moved on. for the sake of your brother's unspoken guilt and feelings, the answer for your heart, go and find him."

"I don't know what to say to him, Ohara-chan."

"tell him how you really feel, about him, about everything that has happened. I'm sure he'll appreciate your truthfulness, even if it does not warrant his reciprocation. and if that really happens, then let him know that he's not alone, that there's you, your brother and... me."

Umika thought over Ohara's words, over and over. as she journeyed through the meadows and the peaceful tracks from Tokyo and Satoyama, the serenity helped her immensely calm from the anxiety arising from uncertainty. Even though the bullet train was traveling fast, just like modernity, but nothing is stopping her from enjoying the beauty before all her other problems start stacking. Such peace is only shortlived, as her destination grew within sight, her unsettled mind became frantic. her emotions only grew more messed up with time and by the time she exited the train, even the smell of nature did not help her ease the slightest. despite having the guidance from Ohara, she's still unsure what to say when she finally meet. but the worse was her increasing desire to meet him. the truth is, Ohara might have unleashed her long suppressed hope to reunite with her friend senior whom she very much owed her life to ironically since he was responsible for the deaths of 4.

As she navigated by buses and walked through the alleys, She eventually arrived at a particular automatic transaction machine. She looked at the address Ohara has given and was sure this is the one. It was immensely deserted in the day. she roamed around it's surroundings, observing the different buildings and landmarks and couldn't figure where exactly he will be. there of course lies a possibility that he could be there in an isolated occasion and that he'll never be around here again. that would make all her efforts futile and her hopes dashed. 

Umika withdrew from her bagpack, a photo of her in her first year in high school with the group. the senior students were very welcoming. with the exception of her own brother, Yuya, Haruna... and Ryosuke were all very accommodating to the freshmen.well of course everyone knew each other, albeit briefly, since junior school, but Umika wasn't as involved with the clique as much as Suzuka. the latter saw the clique as the coolest kids in school and was infatuated with spending every single moment with them. now that Umika think through the events, she could see the clues that many things were already going on. especially the heavy smile when she saw Ryosuke after a long time. this was probably taken in the same period that he lost the one he loved, but had to sustain a smile at the people who killed her. yet he wished that the subtle kindness he showed to her was genuine.

"ohayou minna!!!" Suzuka bursted out in excitement when she saw the clique near the entrance of the school. she dragged Umika along though the latter should have been more excited since she hasn't seen them for a long time since they graduated. Suzuka on the other hand has met up with them outside school all these while. of course, the long hiatus warrants some extent of social anxiety but the bulk of that was from the deliberate attempts to avoid Ryosuke's gaze. after all, he was Umika's secret crush which she never revealed after knowing Suzuka has openly declared her love for him. As Yuya initiated for a group photo between the seniors and juniors, Umika found herself out of place since everyone seemed to be well acquainted. she didnt know where she fits best, both in a photo ops and in friendship. her brother was not helping as usual, engrossing with conversations all over.

The most awkward has to be when the photographer insisted she stood beside Ryosuke as there was still a free spot. She was shoved there by her brother, slamming into Ryosuke unfortunately.

"Gomenasai" Umika replied without the courage to look into his eyes, though she knew he was searching for hers. she did feel her own rudeness. 

"it has been a long time since I've seen you ne, Umika-chan" he said nonetheless. she nodded in response, too shy to speak. However she felt the need to reciprocate more, so she mustered her courage and looked up to him. he returned a warm smile as though he appreciated that. 

she remembered how her heart felt relaxed instantly.

"welcome to high school. if there's anything you need help with, feel free to ask me."

"thank you Ryosuke. anyway, how are you?" Umika was glad herself that there was the perfect window to ask him about life and strike a deeper conversation.

"me? ... I frankly ..." Umika saw a solemn look on his face, but before he could complete his sentence, Suzuka rushed over and said "Ryosuke, I need your help for something, is it okay?"

Umika took a step back. He was apologetic but she gestured him to go ahead. to think about it now, it wasn't just feeling apologetic, it seemed disappointed that he couldn't say what he was intending to. was he trying to tell her about the 'accident', about his pressure? all these conjectures made her feel guilty that she probably had the warning signs after all, and she could have averted the crisis for everyone. then another part of her wondered why he was willing to tell her his struggles, and why he even let her off and to the extent of saving her life when he could silenced her and bury the gruesome murder.

these are questions she occasionally thought off. She held the photo of the group. in all the seemingly innocent smiles, there were lies, conspiracies, backstabbing, selfish desires. there were almost no friendship in the smiles. She clutched her shoulders as she could recalled his arms over her shoulders. helplessly, the 2 times of skinship in that traumatic expressions matter alot to her cause despite his frightening agenda, she felt his sincerity.

it wasn't a fragment of her wishful imagination, since the truth is that he never hoped to kill her. to release her and commit suicide when she did not notice. how would the story have progressed according to him? in fact, she is unsure how her persistence of keeping him alive has helped him. thus far from all the reports, it only appeared her decision has caused more harm. her prayers was a cruelty to him. 

She searched through the streets. with the photo on hand, she asked anyone if they had seen him. while there's possibility people may react to his photo, she had no choice. fortunately no one reacted. on the hindsight, no one has seen him in the vicinity. for hours she walked aimlessly until her feet ached and could no longer press on. she sat on a pavement outside an orphanage, there she Immersed herself in the happy laughters from innocent children. she could feel their pure hearts, unlike adults. 

"Niichan!!" a young boy suddenly shouted in excitement from behind Umika. He serenaded her, shouting Niichan repeatedly as if he saw someone he really liked. when Umika saw him, he realised he was looking at her photo.

"who are you calling, Boy?" she asked.

"it's Niichan." he pointed this time at the photo, and particularly one of them. Umika's eyes widened with surprise, and she was fast to verify.

"him? do you know him?"

"yes! he plays with us every week."

"where's he?! is he inside?" Umika can't wait to enter the orphanage, even to the extent of barging in. unfortunately she was stopped by the teacher.

"who are you looking for? you can't go in like this"

"I'm sorry, I'm looking for Yamada Ryosuke," the name she hasn't spoken for a long time, feels strange for her. it was a complex feeling she can't quite explain. maybe a bit of yearning, fear, happiness, guilt, sorrows. it was probably because to her, he had 2 drastically different personas, the loving caring senior and friend, and the cold-blooded murderer.

"he's not here this week. you look like a journalist. I won't divulge his information to you. leave this poor guy alone" the same-aged looking teacher, which Umika realised from her name tag that her name is Akira, exclaimed fiercely. she was protecting Ryosuke but for some reason Umika felt their relationship was different from simply a good charitable host and a recipient of assistance.

"sorry for not introducing myself. my name is Umika Kawashima. I'm his friend."

"you are lying. he don't have any friends looking for him for such a long time."

definitely, Akira did not know the full picture of what happened 5 years ago. Umika was relieved that they probably aren't that close.

"I really am." she showed her the group photo, the only evidence she has on hand. Akira seemed reserved again, as though she didnt want to see a reunion, not after much deliberation and perhaps a self-conflicting of the mind, she decided to reveal in the pretext of something else.

"Ryosuke lives 3 streets down from here.its not somewhere a girl like you should go, but if you have to, then I hope you promise me something...."

"what is it?"

"he's nothing like the photo now. don't hurt him. to be frank, I rather no one from his past finds him."

Unika was stunned by her remarks, cause it made her doubt herself if her persistence to search for him was for the better. as she made her way to the final destination, she was becoming more afraid that it was not a well-thought out decision and that her decision will bring any consequences. amid the anxiety of finally seeing him, the uncertainty of how he will present himself, how she will react, all these new questions aren't helping. She relooked at the address and could comprehend why she mentioned it isn't safe for a girl. while it's deserted in the broad daylight, Umika could tell that this wasn't the actual representation of the place. there were litter all over, hinting the chaos last night. the few people on the streets were with tattoos.in Japan, the bad connotation with tattoos is rooted in the culture, so not any one would project that image except Yakuzas and the artistic. the latter did not resonate with what she saw and that gave her a pessimistic view of what she'll expect. Ryosuke didn't leave an impression that he will fit in such place. a drastic change in him would warrant it. she feared, especially after she arrived at a building deep in a narrow walkway where the sewage smell was unbearable. She looked at the address, reluctantly given to her, and paced to the unit at the uppermost floor. While it didnt seem any much different from the other units, which were desolated and reeking of alcohol with glass bottles of alcohol lying all over, the unit she's at appears slightly more consoling. however, the difference was almost negligible. She fought her tears and negative thoughts, took a deep breathe and knocked on the door. the thin door amplified the sound of a light knock. despite the sound, there was no answer.

"Ryosuke?" she mustered her guts to call out, hoping there's an answer, and she got her wish except it wasn't him.

"ah, a lady looking for that killer... that's rare," a drunk tall man walked towards her, stumbling over objects while he insulted. Umika could have felt angry for the adjectives used on Ryosuke, but she was too afraid to stop and think. she dashed down the stairs and 

*bamp

she ran right into someone in her way and the a box of full of canned food items rolled down the steps. She and the person fell on to the bottom of the steps, fortunately it was only 2-3 levels away. more fortunately for her, she landed on top of him. he let out a groan upon a hard landing. she quickly retreated from his body, apologetically helping him retrieved back all the fallen items. Umika didn't dare gaze at him cause she didnt want to bring more trouble to herself. she wanted to quickly get out of here and wait for Ryosuke outside the building. she didnt dare face the pending anger. continuously apologising in hopes that he will be appeased until she gets out of hers. he did not respond to her, instead he frustratedly took the items from her and picked up the remaining. looking only at the lower half of body, she saw his weird bodily movements. he was struggling to hold things only with one arm but not the other, no matter how heavy it was. her curiosity enticed her to raise her gaze from bottom up.

When he was done with all the fallen items, he resumed his movement and walked past her, without giving her any attention, until...she called him by his name which has become a taboo in the area for a long time. no one ever calls him like this now.

"Ryosuke~" she was right beside him, looking at him from the side, but surer than ever that he is the one she's missing. day and night, she thought of him so she was certain she won't mistake another person for him.

He was stunned, almost at the extent of an apparent petrified state. He took a quick glance and Umika knew now that he is aware, but he turned to the front almost immediately, refusing eye contact with her. 

"Ryosuke~"

"you've got the wrong person. sorry" he harshly walk past her shoulders and resumed towards his home.

"no, yamada Ryosuke, it's you. i know you havent forgotten me and you definitely do not have amnesia. can we just talk?" she ran up to him and grabbed his arms from the back. he paused.

he spoke under his breathe "why can't you just leave me alone?"

"I know you don't want to think about the past, but i want to help. you are not alone, Ryosuke. besides, you saved me life."

He let out a sarcastic laughter. then it stopped short and he turned to her with a face of annoyance. she had a shock when he raised his voice in the next instance "don't think too greatly of yourself. I don't need your pity nor your help! you can't. and yamada Ryosuke has died the day you brought him out of his own death. do you think he'll feel indebted to you?! there wasn't a choice besides death and that was the way to go, but you selfishly thought only of what you wanted and brought him out to face the unforgiving world. eternal damnation is what you brought on him and there's absolutely no way he can atone for his crimes. an eye for an eye. he should have died the same way they ended theirs!"

he shook her hands away, ignored her shattered heart and pleas, stormed up the stairs to his apartment and finally slammed the door in her face without looking back. the poor girl stood at his door, sobbing profusely at what she knew was the reality and the reasons she knew that caused her guilt. she brought this new plight to Ryosuke. 

"open please Ryosuke. please forgive me. please, lets talk... I won't leave this place until you open up and talk to me. 

for hours and hours until her voice cracked and that she has no more voice. she kneeled on the ground sobbing and pleading. embarrassment is probably not the consideration anymore. she muffled her cries as she said."... I still love you, Ryosuke~ it never changed... im really sorry for everything, and I'll do anything for you to forgive me. I couldn't let you die by there, my heart wouldn't allow."

"I love you too, baby..." a group of drunkard stumbled towards her. 

"leave me alone~ go away. don't touch me." she wiped her tears and at the same time, tried to back away from the group. unfortunately, there were 4 of them but one of her. she was cornered.

"go away....~" 

one of them secured her arms and another tugged her waist. she felt she was touched all over, but the worst is yet to come. the man who stinks the most pressed onto her frontal and d her. " noooo~" but she was silenced the next moment by another hand cupped over . 

"why do you like a murderer... a psychotic one?" the man asked with a sarcastic laughter. the answer was a given for Umika, without hesitation, she rebutted "don't say that about him! he's not what it's written! don't claim that you know everything about him! I love him the way he is, and he's the only one I ever loved!!!"

"you're insane... I guess that's because you haven't experienced other man who could give you your desires. let me sacrifice abit for you," the man laughed sinisterly then came closer with his hands gripped on her chin, securing her face. "no~" she cried as the man tried to kiss her. he by the corner of her lips then moved to her neck point then back to give her a direct kiss. she struggled left and right, enraging him. he disciplined her with several continuous slaps on her face, leaving a stinging pain on both sides. 

"you're playing difficult to get, ne." he ordered the others to push her against the wall with her back facing him, then spanked her hard on her bottoms. "itaiiii!!!!!"

"nice contours! I could imagine it red." he spanked her over and over, and her screams weren't audible as they concurrently drowned bottles and bottles of liquor down . she couldn't feel herself anymore, her legs trembling from the continuous spanking, so bad that she was could not hold her bladder much longer. her tummy has inflated from the seemingly gallons of liquor and their continuous pressure against her stomach made it even more difficult to hold her pee. she has no energy to retaliate and was nausea and confused by the alcohol effects. she heard the voice of an intruder, and saw from the corner of her eyes his shadows.

"let her go... I SAID LET HER GO!"

"why? you don't want her, so you've no rights to stop us."

"I want her! so I demand you to return her to me!!!"

"well well, she obviously know nothing about love. we're teaching her what is pleasure, what's fun. she really got her first love wrong by liking someone like you. a murderer."

"yes, that's who I am. so you should be afraid, and get out of my sight now!"

"try us..."

"ah... aren't you forgetting too that I'm psychotic? I'll do anything beyond my imagination." 

in all blurry, she saw the guy in the shadow, being the main protagonist, intimidating them with  fear both verbally and possibly physically as well. he appeared to scare them away with something silver and shimmering. a knife, she thought immediately. She fell on the ground, bearing the physical pain on her bottoms. but the worst was she feels intoxicated. her head was burning and she found it difficult to breathe. why must she get her asthma attack after such a long dormant period.

Afraid of the guy in the shadows, but could do nothing about it. the guy however understood her fear. he approached her and helped her onto his shoulders gently. She leaned on him and felt all anxiety dissipitated. in her subconscious mind, she heard him say "try taking deep breathes." the voice was mellow, and evoked a sense of familiarity. the blurred, double imagery of him resembles the only one person who could be here at this moment.

"Ryosuke~?"

"yes, it's me. don't worry, I won't let anyone hurt you. can you breathe now?" he ascertained with deep concern while patting her back. she nodded but he saw her pressing her stomach and knew she needed to go.

"I'll help you up," when he tried to walk her to his toilet in his small cramp apartment, he realised she's losing her clear mind, and was in a bad state from the alcohol. he knew by now that she probably wasn't a good drinker and that amount pumped into her could knock her out immediately, but she's trying to keep awake.

"hold onto the sides, holler me when you're done. I know it's hard, but be careful not to fall. I'll be outside" he said before seeing her stumble into the cramp bathroom. he was afraid that she'll crash inside, and it'll be dangerous since everything inside is hard concrete. 

but to his surprise, she came out really speedy. he was hoping she'll throw up inside too, cause that would have helped alot. but she didnt. when he saw her again as the door swing open, she looked worst than before.

He swiftly took a knitted sweater from a pathetic stack of clothes and wrapped in around her, then squatted down before her.

"climb on my back. I'll bring you somewhere to rest."

she stood in a daze, not reacting to his words but still sobbing in agony. she couldn't explain to him where's uncomfortable cause it felt that her entire body was breaking up. her bruised bottom did nothing to help. Ryosuke pulled her onto his back and with only one hand secured her in place as he stood up. 

With her barely conscious state of mind, she heard him reassuring her again, "I know you're suffering. just try to rest on me. don't think about any other things. sleep if you can. that'll help your body cool down"

that's the last she heard as she was finally knocked out by the alcohol. and when that happened, she entrusted him entirely with her life, believing him that she is in good hands. others may think this is a crazy move that will end her dead if he goes berserk, but she knows Yamada Ryosuke will not do that.

*****
Finding herself in bed, was not the most shocking thing she experienced by the next dawn. there were much more unexplainable things that made her head throb badly. she sat up on the bed with a bad headache and recovering from her last night's vision impairment.

when she finally regained her consciousness, what she saw scare her. the unfamiliar surroundings, a fresh change of clothes, no sign of Ryosuke around her, but a lady beside with her back facing her sat engrossed with her own work. 

She nervously squeezed to a corner, thinking she was in some sort of danger extended from yesterday which she has blurred recollection. The lady turned around, and it was Akira.

"w-where am I? and why are you here? what happened?"

with a frown, Akira replied, "you seriously do not remember anything?" Umika shook her head and was cautious cause Akira looked immensely annoyed and impatient.

"ungrateful. I knew you were trouble for him. you know his condition, and you made him piggyback you on foot to the orphanage. can you imagine how difficult it is for him to carry you with only one arm." As Akira mentioned, she remembered how he was picking up the fallen items with only one hand. and she was reminded of what the doctor said the day he was brought in to hospital. Subsequently she would have guessed what happened next. "he was afraid you'll continue to endanger yourself back there so he asked me to loan you a room here at the orphanage to rest." Akira continued to recall the conversation when she met him last night.

"Ryosuke! what happened?" she saw him panting, sweating and tediously carrying another on his back. she could tell that his other arm was aching, and he was biting his lips to fight the pain.

"those guys in my building physically abused her. she's drunk too, they fed her alot. could you help me tend to her, help change into a fresh set of clothes and tell me if she's hurt anywhere. I can't let her stay at my place cause it's too dangerous."

"i told her not to come and disturb you, i told her the place is dangerous. she has a personal agenda for this. that's a lesson for her. she'll not come back after this, hopefully."

He sighed, "it's my business. if you're not willing to help, it's fine. I'll bring her elsewhere." he turned around and motioned away.

"I will, Ryosuke. I'll help. but I insist you go home and rest. you look really exhausted"

"it's okay. I'll stay here with her. she's alone in Satoyama, the least is for someone she knows to be at her side when she wakes up. it's not that I don't trust you, it's just the familiarity that puts people at ease. it's a human instinct"

"yes, I understand. but Ryosuke, who is she to you?"

"..." he never answered.

She felt a cringe in her heart. and the guilt from last night made her feel utterly ashamed of herself. She deserved all the reprimand from Akira, every single allegation from her.

"I am not afraid to admit. I love him. I don't wanna ask him about his past. cause I only wanted to bring him better memories. you can't."

she continued after hearing nothing from Umika "you are selfish! cant you just leave him alone. don't you know you only bring back memories he doesn't wanna remember? i know you like him, but this is not the way to like someone. your love is a torment for him. you don't even know what's love!"

Umika try to fight her tears. she couldn't handle the hard truth presented to her. the whole incident started out of selfish desires, now she has too been faulted for the same thing. isnt there no way to circumvent human nature? she's weak, and she knew it all along. worst was a sense of disappointment from an apparent loss of her long one-sided love for her senior.

"enough~" 

Umika and Akira both looked in the direction of the door.

"Ryosuke~ I don't think I've said anything wrong. I'm telling her the things you wanna say. I'm right, aren't I? you want her away cause you don't wanna think about what happened..."

"it's not for you to tell her. I'll say it myself if I want to. don't claim that you know me very well. you don't." he said with the same cold tone as that fateful night. surprisingly, she didnt feel the same fear when he first showed that side of him, instead she felt an unknown feeling of relief and comforting warmth.

"you are talking to me this way for her... you said you don't love her, isn't it? why are you so concerned for her? who's she to you?! who am I to you?" she stood up and faced him in agitation. he threw a quick glance at Umika's loss and said "I'm sorry for being rude, but it's none of your business who i wanna befriend. I don't plan to be with anyone, not you not her, so don't expect anything else."

Umika saw Akira crying as she ran out of the room. Umika tried to run after but her right of way was blocked. she sat back on her bed as his hand pressed her down. He sat beside her and they looked to the front, avoiding each other's gaze as though they both were on a shy start to a first date. "are you feeling better? does it still hurt?"

"much better. thank you Ryosuke..." 

"you don't have to care what she said. it's not that you'll have any acquaintance with her when you go back to Tokyo. She's someone who took me in when I came here."

Umika realised this was the perfect opportunity to tell him what she has intended, though her mind was largely blanked. she wasn't scripted to begin with and she never knew how to begin. but if she missed this alone time, then it'll be difficult for her to say it again, "Ryosuke, I..."

"before you say anything, can I say first..." he finally turned to look at her. at close proximity, she saw the contrast before the incident and 5 years after. she noticed how frail he appeared, that the chubby cheeks were almost gone, instead it was sunkened in. there were scars from tubes on his neck, and it made her wonder what the hospital has done to him. then she remembered what Hikaru said about the electrocution therapy, the coma, and all.

He noticed her intense stare and smiled slightly as he spot on her questions, "I'll tell you what happened this period though I think you would have heard most from the media or your brother."

"I want to hear from you," she said earnestly.

"I knew you would. you'll be disappointed to know there's nothing much new to what you've already heard outside. woke up a year later to learn that I was mentally ill. to and fro asylum and prison. 5 treatments and released 4 years later to find out that I'm abandoned. after spending a sum of money to get a shelter, there's not much for my daily necessities. I'm jobless for a period. needless to say, second chances are not for me.and who would employ a person who could only work with one hand. I'm working at the orphanage as well as a bookstore nearby. that's probably my life for as long as I can go."

"Ryosuke?" her voice cracked as she controlled her emotions, on the verge of bursting. Ryosuke as she knew eons ago was a bright student who could easily have exceeded her achievements. but today, he is just short of being rendered as a hobo.despite his state of poverty, he did not look like a beggar, he still retained a clean, shaven look. and that was an indication that his character is the one thing that stood the test of time. again, it proved to Umika that he never was evil.

"well, on the bright side, I see you are really successful," he said in a congratulatory tone and gestured like from a senior to a junior.

"Ryosuke, come back to Tokyo with me. we can help each other back there. there should be your home instead"

Ryosuke gave a sarcastic chuckle, then said, "Tokyo is a modern district and is the center of progress. there's no room for someone like me."

He could have been fierce like before, but he was a lot softer this time. it was clear to herself that she had not properly thought through the possibilities of his stay in Tokyo. a reckless suggestion, in other words. it however reveals her desperation, and for that revelation comes disappointment written all over her face. the want to do something for him, to be helpful, backfired.

"I know you want to help, and I appreciate it. I'm sorry I have been nasty earlier, but you're only gonna get hurt if you are around me. your family, relatives, friends and everyone else who care for you would not be happy if they know of your decision. don't get yourself into unnecessary trouble."

his kindness was a strong motivation for her, empowering her to say what she intended for in this trip. she would only regret if she kept it at status quo. She mustered her courage, and despite how shy it was for her, she grabbed his arms. the instance their skin touched, she felt an electrifying sensation, the same she experienced the last time they met, never dwindled. she was more ascertained of her feelings that it became a morale booster.

with their glances fixated at each other, she said "I can't just leave. cause I want to protect the person I love."

Ryosuke was shell-shocked. he never expected her to be so determined. even after his new identity of a murderer that no one likes, she still stood by her love. he could only be impressed by her perseverance and brood over her foolishness to still choose him over anyone else who could easily be better than him.

"Umika, don't be silly. you are a nice girl and you definitely deserve better. I know your feelings and it's not that I don't like you. In fact I'm sorry for implicating you in this, and disappointing you with this side of me, even having to trouble you to protect me against this world. I deserved all such treatment, so I'll live with it. and please, don't blame yourself over what had happened. it's really stupid; I'm the cause of it, not you.you already pointed out that I never intended to kill you. I wouldn't have let you die back there. and that very short moment of sharing in that room, I really liked the mood. I never told you before that in that instance, I felt like I temporarily forgotten my objective that day. I forgot the pain and the hate. lastly, thanks for loving me all these while. really. "

her tears couldn't stop running, even when his fingers traced the corner of her eyes, catching those pearls. with that one hand, he pat her head softly, letting his fingers run through her soft hair, then muttered, "silly. it's not worth shedding these tears for people like me. Umika, if you could promise me something..."

she looked up to him with teary eyes, waiting for what he had to ask of her. she never expected what he was about to say, "the most admirable thing about you is your innocence. don't let the world taint this part of you, cause that's your charm. forget about me, about everything that happened. can you do that?"

Umika wailed at what was said to her. she can't accept that it has all ended, almost more than 10 years of one-sided admiration since junior school. if the horrible incident has done anything more than death, it has taught her that what she felt for him was not merely an infatuation for his looks, but it's unconditional love or even more. 

"here, listen to me and go back to Tokyo. I won't be sending you off. I wish you all the best in your life" he handed her the shinkansen ticket and stood up without showing any more concern to her as he knew his kindness would only hurt her more. if only she understood his intentions, cause when she grabbed his arm, it breaks his heart albeit he felt nothing on his nerves. He frowned while tightening his jaws, and shut his eyes as he strengthened his will to push her away. 

"just like how the left side of my arm has died, my heart too." his right hand touched his unreactive left shoulder and gave it a tough squeeze. Then forcefully released his arm from her grip. he never turned to see her, heartlessly walking to the exit and eventually disappearing from her eyes. She kneeled on the ground and cried her lungs out. hours later, what's left was a sore throat, a swollen pair of eyes and Rudolph nose. She dragged her feet down the platform of the Shinkansen, locating the cabin she was assigned to. not only was she in a daze, she felt like she had lost her soul. she knew she has to pull herself together cause falling out of love wasn't the end of the world. at the same time, she felt foolish cause there's no falling out of love when technically they never dated. 

As she was about to step foot onto the train, she was reminded of all the manga female characters who are eventually held back by the male characters at the last second, and helplessly hoping that such a fairy tale would happen for her. it was to no avail, and entirely gave up her hope of the impossible.

"Umika!!!!" just when she gave up, a person screamed her name loudly. she wasn't excited when she heard it because the voice did not sound like a man, but a woman. nevertheless, she turned to check it out in case it was the station staff needed to communicate with her. 

"Akira-san?" she was stunned to see otherwise. the person she least expected, stood in front and gave her a strong slap.

"Itai! what's that for?!! I'm leaving, so you should be happy. he doesn't like me, so go ahead, no one is gonna fight with you," Umika couldn't believe herself saying something so crude. 

"are you so dense?! can't you tell that he wasn't truthful? it's not because he doesn't like you, it's because he feels that he will hurt you if he tries. he's lonely but he doesn't dare tell it to anyone or seek anyone's companionship cause he knows his days are numbered! he feels it wouldn't be fair for the other if he were to plunge into any relationship, albeit family, friends or even think of a romantic relationship.

"huh?"

Akira gritted her teeth as though bearing a unexplainable pain in her heart, then Umika realised the earth-crumbling reason why. 

"the blood clot in his brain has been there since the incident he went through. the doctor wasnt able to remove it because it was too near the primary nerves. it's exactly what caused him to be in coma for a year. the blood clot moved alittle so he was able to be awakened. however, it's tormenting him now and then whenever it pressed onto the nerves. the first time I saw him at the orphanage volunteering his help was also the time he suffered a massive headache. it was such an unbearable pain that he had seizures and eventually collapsed and had to be brought to the hospital. it was then I found out something else about his condition..."

Umika was trembling as she listened on to Akira. her greatest fear was unimaginable. the thought of having to give up her childhood admirer was no longer what is bothering, but the thought of losing him for good was worst.

"the blood clot will shift with time. as long as it moves, regardless how much, it will cause a blockage in his main passage providing blood to brain. and when that happens, he dies within seconds and there's nothing the doctor can do. it's a timed bomb, Umika. he can go anytime!" Akira was controlling her tears and overwhelming emotions. Umika was simply dumbfounded.

"c-can the doctor remove it before anything else happens?" Umika gripped her dress in all nervousness.

"yes. but..."

Umika knew there was a bad conclusion to the statement, and she wasn't at all prepared to listen.

" the survival rate is only 30% if he go for the operation. but at least there's a chance, if not, he'll be waiting to die." Akira suddenly grabbed her arms and looked at her sincerely.

"please convince him to go for the operation. I can't cause I am nothing to him. I'm only someone who lend him a hand when he needed one. but you're different, I could tell he cares about what you think. you're probably also the only one in his past that he could face bravely. I was appalled by how willing he was to tell you about what happened cause what I saw from him the last 1 year was a young man trying to escape from others' gazes, judgement and his own memories. he doesnt wanna go for it because he feels no meaning to live anymore. in life, we all live for a reason, for your family, friends and the significant others. he lost all in that year, and with that impression, he chose death. 

Akira recounted that night when she learnt of his condition. She remembered the quiet pathway to her house which she walks everyday feeling shorter and heavier. after he was discharged from hospital, he insisted to walk her home despite his temporal recovery. As they walked side by side, they enjoyed the serene night breeze that brushed against their face. "you knew it already... about your condition.. isn't it?" she boldly asked after a long deliberation. Silence meant consent. Akira continued in persistence "why don't you go for the operation. without it, you'll die."

He chuckled as though it was something funny, "I should have died anyway. it wouldn't have made a difference to anyone if I went for the operation or if I did not. the fact is that no one would pray for my survival but my death."

Akira told Umika that it was her first meet with him. she didnt knew his past then, and thought he appeared like anyone else on the street, definitely not a notorious killer of 4 of his friends. 

"he's friendly and he doted on the kids at the orphanage a lot. occasionally when he has time for himself, i would see him dazing into space. he's lonely, and I could see he yearned for his friends to be back. I don't know if he ever regretted, but what I know is, he was afraid of being alone."

Umika was deep in thoughts. She never reacted when Akira called her name numerous times, and at the last call, Umika was shakened out from her trance. She turned and ran in the opposite direction, towards where she parted with him. She couldn't find him at the orphanage, she thought he went home. She ran in the downpour, shivering as her skin drenched in the merciless cold rain. She was more sure now than anything, and that is, her love for him will not stop even if he doesn't love her. She didnt mind the burden nor the judgmental gazes, cause that's someone she likes and no one will change it for her. not now, not ever. there were some who tried to offer her a shelter under their umbrellas, there were some who just sniggered at her drenched state. she didnt bother about them, except the only other person in front of her, also drenched. Umika stopped on her feet, looked at the guy in the front, walking without a soul, dragging his feet solemnly with his head down. no one offered him a shelter, unlike her. without hesitating a second more, she ran forward, hugged him tightly from his back. her arms circled around him, with her fingers interlocking at his front. her head leaned on his soaked back and could feel the instantaneous warmth radiating from his back. his broad shoulders offered immense consolation and she hoped her sincerity was equally felt by him if not, reach his heart. The raindrops mixed with the tears and she could no longer tell which is which, and there was no longer any strength to fight her cries. she let it all out and voiced above the rain "I am not gonna stop loving you, just cause you ask me to! I'm not gonna leave you alone! I want to protect you, yamada Ryosuke!!!!!"

the three lines were exactly what she needed to say but only at the crucial second did she convey it without a slightest hesitation. perhaps circumstances were helpful in forcing her to face her own feelings. and the same happened for him too. the urge to rely on someone, even for just one person who could befriend him, which he has been fighting back all these while, was finally broken through by the person he was most afraid to meet. He released her fingers and turned to face her cries, looking through her eyes for a prolonged period in the heavy rain. to him, Umika is an embodiment of the past he hoped to forget, the friendship he yearned for, the innocence he can never attain and the regrets he can never rewrite. she is the only one who goes to him, and he wishes so much to accept it, but didnt have the courage to face the repercussions. but through her eyes, he saw her courage and determination to walk through life with him. he didnt understand where that senseless courage of hers came from since she couldn't have not understood how she would be implicated by him. for now, he care no more. be it his own insanity, or his lack of perseverance, he wanted to hold her in his arms. with only one that reacts to his bidding, he pulled her closer and wrapped her within his embrace. this time, it evoked the same feelings of comfort like the last they embraced five years ago in that room where there were only 2. their hearts beat as one, even with the distraction of the falling rain. 

*****
A simply ryokan that sits in an isolated hilltop, facing a narrow lake, lives an old couple. They now received their unprecedented guests, drenched from top the bottom. The girl stood trembling at the storage area, unsure and afraid though she told herself there's nothing to fear. She hide those feelings of uncertainty as those doubts casted on the guy would only go contrary of what she believed in. She carefully eavesdropped on the conversation outside.

"im really sorry for imposing again. please accept my gratitude for helping me, and for accepting a person like me with blood-stained hands" he gave a full bow.

"here, here boy. we have lived longer than most. 90 years of our lives, we know when we are looking at a good kid. you may have made a mistake, but everyone does."

"mine was a grave mistake..."

"the girl saw the same in you. that spark of kindness within those grave mistakes you said. your forgave those others too, didnt you. the reasons that led to your hatred, you have buried them away didnt you."

"I don't know."

"I'm sure you know, boy. the girl does too," the old lady said and she gave the eavesdropper a smile. the boy did not notice it however, as his head remains low, until the old man lifted his head up.

"kid, don't look back anymore. it's a privilege for anyone to have someone who depends on them. you have one now too. if the whole world turns against you, you should have at least one person who would unconditionally support you. be brave for her. don't let her cry anymore" the old man said. the girl couldn't help but blush.

"stay as long as you want. alright boy?" the old lady pat the boy's head, saying. he smiled back warmly without reservations.there was no need for any pretend in front of this old couple. 

"sleep wherever you are comfortable with. sorry we only have the storage area. I've also placed the clothes we got for you the last time you were here. there's 2 sets luckily, for you and the girl" the old man said.

"thank you. don't worry about us." the boy reiterated. As the old couple left him alone, he pressed his aching shoulders holding his handicapped arm before walking towards the storage area. he was surprised to see her standing there trembling and her toes nervously rubbing onto each other.

"I thought I told you to go wash up first. you're gonna catch a cold like that" his voice has a tint of annoyance. he sighed then repeated himself "go wash up, ne. I'll bring a fresh set of clothes to you."

She nodded then hurried towards the only toilet which was located in the 'wild'. well it's a rural spot after all, so she expected that the toilet wasnt at all convenient. it was dark, and at any moment, an insect or an animal could likely invade her privacy. 

"Ryosuke~" she called repeatedly while in the cramp toilet with bare minimum light. the blind spots in the four corners are dark and creepy, making it hard for her to ignore and concentrate on her bathe. she paused and stood still, trying to reconcile her thoughts and maintain her sanity. but it was impossible to not imagine something else was out there. "Ryosuke~" she continued to call out frantically and after minutes of having her skin exposed to the cold wind, the reply came. though it isn't what she hoped for.

"dear, are you okay? I thought I heard someone calling," the old lady replied. Umika was most awkward, and refused to reveal her weakness to a stranger.

"I'm okay. I was wondering if my clothes are here already."

"ah, yes, he's coming." The old lady said at the same time Umika heard the approaching footsteps. She could hear Ryosuke talking to her..."I'll pass the clothes to her. it'll be easier for woman to woman"

Before Ryosuke could reply, Umika interrupt, "Ryosuke~ is that you?"

"ungh..." he replied.

Out of desperation, she blurted out, "great! I need to tell you something..." it of course did not make sense at all.

"now? we can talk once you are done bathing?"

"no no. I'll forget..." she found herself more ridiculous with every excuse she gave. She thought she could hear some chuckling outside before the old lady hollered back "okay young lady. I'll leave you two in private." then footsteps sounded faraway and she knew someone left. but it was simply too silent around that she feared he wasn't there as well.

Flustered, she called out again "Ryosuke~?"

".... yes, I'm here. what do you wanna say so urgently...?" he said with a bored tone.

"erm... I'll tell you, but please give me 5 mins or 10... don't walk away..." when he heard her say, he chuckled quietly to himself then gave her a soft acknowledgment. he waited patiently and at about 15 minutes mark, he felt the urge to do what mischievous boys would do to scare the girls at a camp. he did it in junior school, and was tempted to do it again. "OMG! what's that??? that white figure is coming right here! Umika!!!"

"heh?!!!! ahhhhhhhh!!!!! nooo, Ryosuke, don't leave me alone!" suddenly, the toilet barged open and Umika rushed out with only a towel wrapped around her. She threw her whole body onto him, and fortunately, he caught her if not they will both have fallen over with her impactful force.

"Where? where?!!!" she was still screaming frantically, while Ryosuke was shocked at how simply burst out from the toilet, barely dressed. her bare shoulders, exposed neck inevitably aroused him. he frowned as he tried to suppress any other thoughts.

"I'm kidding. sorry." he answered while she continued to hug him tightly, though he didnt dare to touch her.

"heh?!!! Baka Ryosuke!" she parted away and interlocked gazes with him as she scolded him with annoyance. it took her awhile to realise the unintended intimacy and awkward situation they are in. She froze on the spot until he averted her gaze and broke the silence. Turning his back against her and maintaining a safe distance, he handed her the clothes and said, "I'll wait here for you. don't worry." Blushing badly, she snatched the clothes, and rushed back into the toilet. for some reason, she felt safer after. she placed her palm upon her heart and could feel it thumping fast and her cheeks feel hot and warm. this lighthearted feeling took over her fear and she thought she was feeling drunk. she looked at herself in a tee shirt and track pants that belonged to him, and cuddled within it in happiness. when she walked out the next time, she could see him massaging his unreactive arm, dangling by his side as he sat on an enormous tree root. she cringed in guilt for having burdened him the whole day, from the time he rescued her from the drunk mafias. she wanted not to disturb that stillness, hoping to silently sit at his side, but when took one step forward, a twig snapped.

"oh, you're out. sorry, I was distracted..." he smiled when he turned back to her. 

"are you thinking of something?"

he nodded with a reserved smile then said to her, "I'll send you back to the house, then I'll come back for my bathe."

"it's okay... I'll wait for you until you're done." she realised how timid she is when she find it a problem to stay alone in the house too. 

"if you say so..." Ryosuke never hesitated before taking off to the toilet. Umika regretted almost immediately cause once he is out of sight, separated by the door, she realised she was in darkness.

"Umika~" a voice rattled above the running water, startling her.

"heh?!"

"did I scare you?"

"no, no." she fumbled. she wondered if he has seen through her timidness, but it didnt seem so.

"isn't this place peaceful? it's really embracing nature, and it sometimes feel like the environment has a therapeutic effect"

Despite her fear of the dark and the wild, it was hard not to agree that this place is serene and it does do wonders for the soul. She acknowledged before returning to her flustered mind. while she unknowingly calmed herself, she did not realise Ryosuke was already before her eyes. Refusing to make a sound, instead stood silently in front of her until she awaken from her trance herself. When she did, she was so shocked she moved backwards several steps. that tickled him.

She pouted, "why didnt you tell me...?" he laughed but didn't offer an answer. he walked in the front, and she followed solemnly. 

"here. you can rest on the futon" he ushered her to the only cushion spread across the storage room piled with sacks of seeds and other farming equipments.

"what about you?" she became panicky when she saw him walking out of the room.

"I'll be just outside the house. there's a space for me to rest. so goodnight..." he never engaged more in a conversation. she was on the one hand disappointed with his cold behaviour, she was also very paranoid when she realised the disturbing quietness engulfing her. recklessly, she rushed forward with her hands grabbed on his hand that warmed her fearful heart. he looked at her with raised brows and awaited for what she had to say. 

"can you stay here?" she gave a look of desperation. he knew she would be scared but not this much that she rather spend the night with a guy. he began to wonder if her fear wasn't merely a human instinct but it had to do with the incident 5 years back. 

"scared?" he reaffirmed with minimal words, and she nodded in a slight delay.

"I'll stay but I can't guarantee what others would think. it's after all just the 2 of us, with no romantic relationship spending the night within a confined small space."

Umika surely got the message that even though he never turned her down earlier, he did now. He has intended it so he shrugged away any feelings of compassion he may have. Though he is sorry for being at this point heartless, but he felt that before he is sure of his own feelings towards her, whether guilt or affection, he shouldn't start a relationship with her. it wouldn't be fair to her, especially if she's gonna give up alot more than he is once they are together. 

"it's okay. since there's nothing between us, I shouldn't really be afraid of what people will say. thanks for considering this, Ryosuke" she sounded immensely sad, and he was affected such that he couldn't react in a whole minute. Shrugging away these thoughts, he took the initiative to set up the futon swiftly for her.

"where will you rest?" her question touched him as he realised how she always meticulously put others in her consideration, yet he hurt her one instance after another. 

"I'll just rest beside you," he sat himself beside the futon, leaned against the wall. She was surprised cause if he were to sleep in his upright seated position, it will definitely be uncomfortable. however, before she could react, he already sat in a spot right beside the futon, with barely few inches away. She immediately understood how her request was inconsiderate because there was no other possible resting places in the cramp room. once again, she let her heart take over, she picked the blanket and sat right beside him. his eyes opened and stared at her in surprise. she guessed his questions and answered, "I want to sit beside you."

He sighed when he knew she has put her mind to it. anyway it's her choice, and nothing he says will change it. but this also means the night will be as awkward as it can get. especially when the questions can become the most intrusive of all.

"...why don't you go for the operations? it's the only way you can survive." she asked while playing with her fingers nervously. he became aware that Akira has told her, and understood the reason why she came back for him.

"when there are people who love you, cheering you on from outside the ops room, you would wanna fight to live for their sake. everything then would be worthwhile. but...for me, no one would pray for me. most would curse for me death. for what do I want to live for? I would just let Kamisama decide when I should leave this world."

"who said no one is there to pray for your recovery. I can easily name three." Umika confidently exclaimed, shocking Ryosuke as much as confused him.

"I can understand that you said you would. but who's the other two?"

"well, well. I have a friend who I know as long as the rest, from junior school. we spent five years in a overseas university with me. initially it was just a dream we both have, but it was brought to fruition when all of that happened. her name is Ohara Sakurako. she's keen on befriending you, in fact, she's very excited about it."

"me? because I'm different so she wants to meet me?" Ryosuke felt insulted the way he interpreted it.

"No. she already knew about the story, and she didnt ask me further. she genuinely believed in you and wanted to be your friend. then I must say, she's also drawn to your looks." Ryosuke chuckled when Umika said something as unexpected as this in the midst of all seriousness. 

"Then the third person, you know too..."

"...Hikaru?" as much as he knew it's impossible, there's only him he thought of. he felt ashamed the moment he uttered the name.

"yes." 

Shocked. Ryosuke turned to Umika with widened eyes, in disbelief. He refused to believe what he heard, cause it sounded too surreal. Umika expected this reaction and had an answer all prepared, even though she has never confronted her brother on this. it's never too difficult to understand her brother, especially in this issue. 

"Hikaru did wrong, he knows himself too. he understood how all of these happened. for him, it's not about forgiving you, but it's about seeking your forgiveness too. he has a part to play for the tragedy to happen. he can't even forgive himself."

Ryosuke lowered his head in deep thoughts, then uttered under his breathe, "I have no rights to forgive him or not."

"I've got a question. do you mind me asking?"

Ryosuke remained silent, so she take it as a go ahead and she asked the question she pondered.

"you never really wanted to kill him, right?"

Ryosuke knew Umika would eventually ask this question. in that crucial moment of death, she could already see through his intentions.

"not just Hikaru. Chinen too. Umika, both of them are my best friends, it took me long to put myself into my plan. even on that day, I was rethinking. I hesitated when I ended Chinen's. and you're right, I held back for Hikaru's. it was partly you."

"huh?"

"I envied your sincerity and innocence in your daily interactions with people. if I killed Hikaru, I possibly killed that part of you too. I saw how both of you cared for each other, and I must say I wanted to see how he'll risk his life for you. I'm glad I never did what I'm supposed to, when I saw him save you. it did give me a fuzzy feeling."

Umika exchanged a long glance with him, for a moment, it wasn't easy to find out what he is thinking. Then his soft gaze turned to a perplexed one, and his words send chills down her spine, "but there's one thing that never changed... not once, not ever did I regret killing the rest. I was prepared to die after them, if it wasnt because you saved me. Frankly, I cant be thankful for that matter cause the life I'm leading now is worst than death."

Ryosuke saw Umika's bellowering gaze, and knew for sure his words impacted her. "i scared you, didn't I?" He chuckled sarcastically then said with his eyes averting hers, "happy or not, this is who I am today. I am not your sempai in school you remembered at the back of your mind. I am a murderer, and that's gonna be a fact forever. People hate me, want me dead. I guess their wish will be fulfilled soon, anyway. So there's really no reason to stick with me. I know you are kind and all, I most certainly know your feelings for me. But I truly do not deserve it. Even if I do forgive myself for everything, and forget about the past, in the near future, I will cause you another heartbreak should I accept your heart. I am going to die soon, Umika. Take it as my last attempt to persuade you to leave me alone."

To his surprise, she never quivered nor show signs of retreat. She went head on, slipping her hand into his and gave it a firm squeeze. Her eyes daringly looked into his and in determination, she said "Nothing is gonna change my mind. I will not let you die so simply. Not then, not now. no matter how difficult the road forward will be, I am set to walk through it with you. Even if you don't love me which I know it's the truth, I don't care. You can't stop me from loving you. " she repeatedly emphasised since the day she found him, and everytime she says it, she never stopped being nervous, and for him, he never felt sick of those lines. Except, he felt sorry everytime she said it. A frown stretched across his brows and seeing that she has annoyed him once again, she quietly withdrew her hand.

He cannot recall if he has fallen asleep first and how, but when he woke up, they were both leaning on each other's shoulders. It was probably his deepest sleep for a long time. Perhaps, when he's with her, he felt at ease. and what he couldn't understand himself was how he found his hand entwined with hers, and it was his on hers. subconsciously, he sought after her companionship. it wasn't an unexpected phenomenon since it was a long time anyone showed any concern for his existence or even noticed his presence. He gently let her down from his shoulders, and onto the futon singlehandedly. It wasn't tedious, instead he felt refreshing. he wanted, for a moment, to care for her. The fallen fringe that drapped across her face hid her humble beauty. He bend down, gently scraped those hair away, revealing the hidden face with her rosy cheeks and reddened lips. Even the peaceful sleep was such mesmerising. Enticed he was, captivated he was, he bend down further, wanting to give him a soft peck on her forehead but the throbbing headache must set them apart. Just when his lips were about to touch, he fell backwards and bite his lips to distract from the pain as he pressed upon his temples. He refused to let his agonistic cries escape. Cold sweat broke as he forcefully pounded on the nape of his head. When he realised her fidgeting, he crawled out of the room, despite the pain. he consciously made sure she never noticed the relapse, cause he knew she will be paranoid. Not that he will be irritated, but he didn't want her to know his condition is worsening. As he shut the door behind him, creating a space between them, he thought to himself that his end is coming near with the increase frequency and length of headaches. He stumbled over one thing and another to get a breathe of fresh air along a nearby lake. Gasping for breathe, he sat by the slow stream, and unexpectatedly, something happened for the first time that made his cringe in fear. Warm fluid trickled down from his nose, and when his fingers caught the droplets, it became stained by the fresh red. Mixed with his tears, he tried frantically to clean his blood. it took painstaking efforts to wipe it clean cause it only spreads more as he tried to rub it off. He dapped his fingers stained with his own blood, and once the blood of his friends, into the stream of Clearwater. he saw his own reflection and couldn't discern the monster in him. was he really ridden of the evil and hatred, or could he really be what Umika claim to see, the good? he wanted so much to see the latter, but all he could see was a blurred image of himself. he thought maybe that was a sign that he'll never live to know.

The old couple stood silently behind a nearby tree, watching over the boy they wished they could sought salvation for, but they were limited in capacity. the old woman held by the old man, gazed into each other's eyes. the woman gave a perplexed frown, and the man knew exactly her worries. he gave her a light squeeze on her shoulders, seemingly telling her that "it's his fate and only he can change it. outsiders like us can only pray for his best." the woman turned back to facing the lonely backview of Ryosuke and nodded subtly, accepting the advice. however, it was just them who left fate in the hands of the one who has given up. Finally awakened by the late morning sun, Umika, jerked out of bed only to find herself lying comfortably on the futon without any trace of Ryosuke. Uneasiness crept up her spine, as she dashed out absentmindedly, hollering his name for some response. she knew he has the capability of fleeing from her sight since he never was willing to accept her idea of returning to Tokyo, if not accept her heart. She was almost like a girl on rampage, searching high and low in the ryokan. it was only when the old couple returned that she could finally breathe properly. the old women went up to Umika, cupped her tense shoulders, and wiped the worried tears, "he never left. he's waiting for you at the lakeside. follow the path, you'll find him."

Ashamed she was at how she has feared the old woman throughout the night, when she's so friendly and warm to a stranger like her. "Gomenasai..." she apologised for everything from the poor acceptance of good hospitality, and her rude insensitivity.

"don't worry about us, dear. can you promise us something?" the old woman asked. Umika replied with an unsure nod, but the request guarantees her most certain reply. "believe in the boy. always."

****
He hears the rustling of the leaves, the approaching footsteps that breaks the continuous silence in the woods. without turning around, he could already guessed it was none other than her. She heavily sat beside him by the lake with heavy panting. Ryosuke turned to her, while she tried to catch her breathe and said urgently, "I thought you left me alone..."

he chuckled and gave an unexpected answer, "I'm not going anywhere without you, ne."

"heh?" she blushed in one instant, then became disappointed when she heard the follow up. "you're going to look everywhere for me, isn't it? so there's no point in running." He laughed at her change of expression, but it's quickly followed by the silence. Ryosuke continued to observe the stillness of nature, however inactivity only made her more nervous, helplessly fidgeting her bare feet in the stream of water. He quietly watched her by the corner of his eyes and secretly enjoyed her simple innocence. then he made a decision to give himself that one day. 

"Hey... it's a pity if you dont see the beauty here. it's nothing like Tokyo. wanna go for a tour of Mother Nature?" Ryosuke smiled brightly and stood up with his one hand stretched out to hold her wrist. he already pulled her along before she could react. spending alone time with him is something she could dream of, and now that it's happening, she couldn't take her eyes off him as she trailed behind. they past through thick bushes, tall grasses, and whenever the path becomes slightly impenetrable and rocky, his grip of her hand naturally became tighter. though only of his hand is mobile, he was careful in ensuring her safety. every aspect was well taken care of. still there was some uncertainty, "wait...we've become going on for a while. where are we going?" she asked.

"you trust me, don't you?"

she answered almost immediately with an assertive nod. then he paced forward to her and said, "just behind the bushes would be something that you've never imagined. close your eyes..."

she obediently did so. he walked her from behind, with his one hand on her shoulder, guiding her forward. once he pry through the last thick bush, he paused on their steps. she wanted to open her eyes, but his hand covered them both. 

"listen to the sounds first. enjoy what you cannot see." his words were right. she immediately enjoyed the sounds of nature and the breeze that blew. at the same time, the radiating warmth from his body to her back, as the gap between the grew closer. when he slowly took his hand away, her excitement exploded, "woah! I didn't notice we have gone so high up! the sight is so amazingly captivating." Umika couldn't stop awing, and Ryosuke become soaked himself in the peace amongst the greenery and proud that he made her happy.

"beautiful isnt it? like I said, Tokyo cannot offer such beauty."

"Satoyama is truly a place for healing, ne." Umika blurted out but regretted when she saw a change in his expression. she rushed to apologise for reminding unhappy events.

"you're right though. I liked this place also because no one is here except the forgiving old couple and the nature who doesn't judge my past," Ryosuke turned his sulk to a smile that made her heart skip a beat. That didnt end there. his arm circled around her shoulders and let her to lean on his chest. it did seem at first like a murderer holding a helpless girl hostage, but instead of feeling afraid, she felt a mix.

"heh?"

"a while will do," she stayed as he requested, not moving even the slightest. she tilted her head slightly to her sides and saw his eyes closed to the serenity while his head rested on her shoulders. "thanks for believing in me. don't think anyone else will let me in with such proximity." he gradually released her then sat on a rock facing the majestic view below.

"sit..." he asked her to, and she comfortably took the space beside her. 

"ahhhhh...." he laid on his back on the rock and let out a sigh of heartfelt relief. stretching his arm, he asked for her to join. she hesitated, but when he never repeated his invitation to her further, she quietly did as he said, leaning on his arm. "is it okay?" she wanted to reassure that she wasn't hurting him.

"it's okay," then he pulled her closer. she gasped as she tried to reconcile her confused mind. in fact, nothing that's happening today made sense, cause a person would not treat her this way if there isn't love. also, she felt loved for the first time, and how could it have been felt from him when there's not supposed to be any.

"lets just forget ourselves today, ne. I'll do whatever you want me to do today, before we head back to Tokyo."

"you will?!" she looked at him with widened eyes.

"isn't that the reason you came here for? I give you my promise. but I just wanna give myself a chance to live life it should be before we go back to face the reality... you okay with being my girlfriend for a day?"

"girlfriend?! I... I..." she stammered nervously.

"don't tell me you've never dated before..." he responded in shock.

"... never. I..." she answered with embarrassment. he was afraid the reason is because she never got the chance to since he vaguely remembered her professing to him that he was the first guy she liked. he probably ruined her love life, he thought. however, this moment gave her the opportune to experience love, albeit it was set upon uncertainty and confusion since he wasn't sure of his own affection towards any girls besides Mirai. still, the dead girl remained rooted in his heart, and he felt it wouldn't be fair for him to accept her love. he never told Umika these, and never planned to. this could possibly give him too a chance to ascertain his own feelings, whether or not, he is prepared to watch over a new relationship where the other person is just as delicate as the previous. He chuckled to ease her tension, without him knowing that she was already drowned in his citrusy body scent and cuddled by his warmth. "anything you wanna do?"

Her mind was blank. he has a plan nevertheless. he has set his mind to repay her the lost times he has caused for her, and possibly the relationships she let slip away while she was trying to recover from whatever trauma she received. even if it's for this one day.

"alright then, I'll decide... come with me" he sprung up with her then walked in the front. Umika mustered her guts to do what she always wanted. she reached out for his hand and slipped hers in, with her finger entwined with his. He stopped and didn't turn to look at her. she knew she did wrong, by holding the one arm that no longer react to his bidding.

"Gomenasai..." she thought he didn't like the initiative as much as how she hoped to be his handicapped arm and hand. the response came contrary to her expectation. he took her hand instead. "I won't be able to feel the touch then it would be meaningless. so I rather we held with this hand of mine instead"

"I thought I could be your arm..."

He laughed at her silliness but moved by her sincerity. he returned just what she needed, a gentle disapproving shake of his head neutralized by a smile. They strolled, side by side. they did not speak much but they could hear both their hearts beating in tandem, and occasionally skipped a beat. Alas they were back at the ryokan where the old couple welcomed them happily, "we were getting a little worried cause the night is getting darker"

"we're alright. thank you for waiting out for us," Ryosuke answered politely.

"we prepared your dinner. bathe while we heat up your food"

"thank you," Umika affectionately gave the two grandparents a hug, partly with an apologetic heart since she was ignorant of their kindness earlier. 

As they made their way to the storage room, he said to her, "you bathe first. I'll wait out for you outside." she agreed and this time, she took half the time. when it was his turn, she blocked his entry. "what's up?" he asked with raised brows.

"can I help you wash your hair?" she took a deep breathe and asked daringly without the slightest consideration of her image anymore. he was still bothered by her intentions and wondered if, "I actually don't need help. I'm used to using one hand."

"no, it's not this. I just wanted to have a feel how it's like to help my boyfriend... isn't that what couples do?" he has never laughed more time than today, but this makes the nth time he gave a hearty laugh. her innocence is irresistible, he told himself. "if you don't mind, I'm okay." he answered while trying to stop his laughter. embarrassed by her weird request, she made her way into the toilet with him at the back. when he shut the door, she realised how cramp it is, that wasn't much free space for her to unnerve herself. her eyes met with his, and she moved backwards, almost hitting onto the pipes. "careful," he pulled her closer to him, and she dazed for a whole second.

"Umika... think you can start washing now?" he called back her senses, but not her mind. it was blank. she had to consciously tell herself the steps which was as simple as pouring water overhead. She bent him down a little, then let water run on his head gently. every step she took, she conveyed her feelings despite no reciprocal. she was careful and gentle as she let her fingers run in between his hair. when she soaped his hair and massaged his scalp, he saw the scar sustained from that heavy blow from the collapsed planks he shielded for her in the fire. She felt a lump in as she traced that scar which has endangered his life. the memories of that instant when he threw his body over her to shield her from the danger replayed in her head every night and not once has she stopped worrying for him. now that she know the permanent damage incurred on him, or more aptly, the probable death, she couldn't stop blaming herself for it.

It was almost like he read her mind through the tears that escaped from the corner of her eyes. His dry hand caught the tear while caressing her saddened face. "there's no need to cry.I said it once before, and I'll say it again, I would do that for you anytime. it isn't me saving you life, but it's actually the other way round. you forgave me and convinced the rest, you love me anyway and promise to stay with me when everyone else turned away. I am thankful even though I told you I never intended to live. so don't cry over this, ne."

she mustered a smile when he did. "does it hurt, when I touch?" her fingers trace the deep scar that stretched at least 2 inches.

"not really. it's the headache that hurts, not the scar" frankly, even Umika herself wasn't sure of what she wants. 30% survival rate is too low, and she was afraid she'll lose him entirely if he goes for the operation. was it another of human selfish desires. what then should be the right answer if one is to consider Ryosuke's welfare. to wait for the time bomb to tick or to operate and risk the high probability of death. hence, she kept quiet, not wanting to give her 2 cents in that matter. She waited outside for him as he washed up the rest of his body. back at the ryokan, he led her to the roof and they sat side by side, while she dried his hair with a towel. the lavender scent from him, serenading her senses, making it especially dreamy. what's more, she has always hoped to do a whole list of things with her first boyfriend, and today she gets to do 2 in her list - holding hands and bathing hair. it can't get any better than this as this boyfriend was her one and only crush. reality however must remind her, it was only temporal and that he can't be clearer that he has no romantic feeling towards her. 

"thanks for giving me a day. it has been an amazing day for me. it did rekindle some simple life goals I have before. so thanks, Umika" he gave her a brief smile before turning to the night of stars and moon.

"... me too. I have never dated before, so I'll really treasure my first experience."

"ah, right. I hope I gave you a proper introductory to dating 101. rate me, then. over a 100, how much do i score for an ideal boyfriend?"

she did not hesitate a bit, immediately she exclaimed, "100!"

"what~ you're bias. and for your bias judgement, I rate you 50," he chuckled but was interrupted by her "it's true. you're so considerate and everything."

"well, I can name you three things I can be faulted for as a boyfriend. first, I cannot give you a proper hug. technically only half a hug. second, I ain't romantic at all and it has nothing to do with the place not being able to offer candles and bouquets. third, besides my looks, I don't think I'm better than anyone else on the road... see, with these 3 points, I can't possibly have scored 100."

Ryosuke has expected her to argue further, instead he was shocked to hear her agree enthusiastically "I agree with all three points actually." he was secretly upset with the remarks though he came up with it first. he pouted and looked away but his face lit up when she added "but who doesn't have flaws. you are just the best in my eyes, and I can't help it" she felt disgusted with herself when she said that cause it was simply too y for her. both laughed heartily like there were no worries, like all of those burdens dissipated temporarily. silence follows but it wasn't at all awkward. perhaps the night was too mesmerizing, or it was simply that they got more comfortable to each other. it was also so such silences that let them both understand each other better. She secretly gazed at him and couldn't help but think what is in his mind. there was something in her mind however, that wasn't easy to purge out. it was painstaking when she finally force herself to say those words she never knew she would, and would put her many years of unrequited love to an end.

"i know it's completely wrong in all levels of logic and any sane person would not have even think there's a chance of being together. I know what you mean. I did bring back some horrible memories."

"... it would have been worst. I never thought I could even face you. the truth is, these few days, I was kinda happy you were around. whatever it is, thanks for forgiving me...and helping me keep the secret."

Umika looked at him for a while, then said softly, "You have forgiven them too, that's why you protected their public image and swept the mistakes under the carpet" Sighing and letting out a chuckle, he said, "it doesn't matter anymore whether I have forgiven them. we have all done irreparable damage to our lives, so there's no return but to just move forward. you've clearly reminded me that's the way to go... I'll return to Tokyo with you tomorrow. friends?" he smiled gorgeously, extending out his hand for a handshake. She took a while until she took his hand politely, with a heavy smile. In a split second, she found that she has forgotten how to breathe. frozen on the spot, she didnt know how exactly it happened that she now leaned in his embrace, with his arm finding a spot behind her back. Her head nested on the crook of his neck and her senses immersed in the scent she applied upon him, and felt the softness of his short hair which brushed against her ears. Surprised and dumbfounded, the only word that came out of her mind is his name. he was prepared to answer but it wasn't verbal. He gave a soft peck at the corner then separated. dumbfounded, or whatever, she has been feeling like a roller coaster across the day, but exhaustion was nothing compared to the excitement for what lies after the moon and the stars give way to the rising sun, spelling the start of a new day and the end of her love for him (regardless how tough it may be to pretend all those affection she helplessly hold on never happened). nonetheless, she is glad, he's right here beside her, healthy and alive. they laid beside each other, looking at the skies, watching the shimmering stars and occasionally deep in thoughts about the past, the present and the future,... and each other. 

****