When Jaehwan first agreed to go up to Sanghyuk and Hongbin’s place, Sanghyuk was almost 100% sure there was no turning back from the mess inside his head and chest. He was testing himself, how long he could endure without even just implying that he was feeling things for Jaehwan, how friendly he could behave when all he wanted was to hold Jaehwan in his arms and smile at him until they both fall asleep.

He was doing fairly well until Jaehwan started to show interest in Sanghyuk’s life. It wasn’t only about anime (which they watched together every afternoon stretching into evening after Jaehwan deemed it okay to stop singing in the underpass), binge-eating popcorn and Sanghyuk listening to Jaehwan’s ridiculous voice imitations anymore but also about Jaehwan feeling comfortable enough to sit on the floor in the middle of Sanghyuk’s textbooks, notebooks and folders scattered around.

“This whole thing is so beyond my comprehension,” he said, turning a page in Sanghyuk’s thermodynamics notes while Sanghyuk tried to make his trusty old computer work. “Engineering looks way cooler than history.”

“Everything is cooler than history,” Sanghyuk grinned, earning a loud shriek from Jaehwan that made him laugh so hard there were tears in his eyes. “Okay, maybe not philosophy.”

“You should stop offending Humanities courses okay,” Jaehwan mock-scoffed, the corners of his mouth curling upwards as he climbed onto Sanghyuk’s bed next to him, to occupy his usual position for playing their favourite video game. “Physics is probably the biggest bull ever.”

“You’re right, Jaehwan,” Sanghyuk said quietly, not meaning it whatsoever, “you’re absolutely right.”

“I love arguing with you,” Jaehwan replied in a satisfied tone as he took his assigned controller from the nightstand.

“I almost never actually agree with you, you know,” Sanghyuk said with only half of his attention concentrated on the game.

“It doesn’t matter as long as you keep your true opinion to yourself,” Jaehwan shrugged, his fingers moving fast on the buttons.

“Maybe I should start standing up for myself.”

“There will be blood.”

“You wouldn’t hurt me.”

“Wouldn’t I?” Jaehwan trilled bending over a little like that would help shooting better. “Well, I’m definitely going to beat your today.”

Jaehwan’s character ran into a wall which made Sanghyuk snort as he laughed, especially that Jaehwan, being in haste as he was, had to suffer getting the poor guy out from behind the brickwork of the building.

“Most definitely,” Sanghyuk snickered.

The game got paused and Sanghyuk turned his head to the side to see an indignant Jaehwan with his eyebrows disappearing under his fringe, his eyes open wide and his upper lip curled up—he looked like an angry puppy.

“It’s just that my eyes are tired from the lenses,” he whined, his cheeks twitching involuntarily and Sanghyuk knew Jaehwan was seconds away from laughing out loud. Sanghyuk nodded sympathetically with his lips pressed together for emphasis, alert to every movement on Jaehwan’s face. “I’m not as young and fresh as you are, okay?”

Sanghyuk kept nodding with a grin slowly spreading over his face while Jaehwan turned his fake anger into an overly dramatic one and scooted closer until the tips of their noses touched, the wrinkles between his knit eyebrows smoothening, his gaze dropping to Sanghyuk’s lips, and then his eyes fluttering shut.

Sanghyuk had imagined this moment so many times after what had happened in the park; he knew what he would want to do if it happened again, and he knew exactly how he would want to react. He wanted to cup Jaehwan’s face and pull him close as he deepens the kiss; he wanted to include all of his feelings in it so that Jaehwan would see, so that maybe he would consider choosing Sanghyuk, maybe he would feel the same.

It wasn’t a kiss—only a gentle brush of their lips before Jaehwan pulled back with the smallest of sighs, resting his forehead on Sanghyuk’s shoulder for a few seconds. He turned back towards the screen then, his head still on Sanghyuk’s shoulder, taking the controller into his hands, resuming the game.

Both of their characters died in the next minute.