Sanghyuk became obsessed with coins.

He ran around trying to cash his bigger notes to them—he asked Hongbin and Hakyeon to change his money for him, paid in the store in a way that he would get coins back. He tossed them into Jaehwan’s hat every day he went to the underpass to sit down and listen to him, but not much later Jaehwan made it clear that he did not want Sanghyuk’s money—only his presence (at which Sanghyuk promptly blushed). Sanghyuk went with sweets instead after that day, always something different, and Jaehwan seemed to be so happy and grateful it was likely to melt Sanghyuk’s heart.

While Sanghyuk delivered chocolate bars, lollipops, sour candies and jelly beans, Jaehwan started smuggling cookies, croissants, doughnuts and pieces of pies for him from the bakery he worked at as a cashier. According to Jaehwan, they weren’t very tasty, but Sanghyuk grew attached to them very fast, shoving even the dry pastries down his throat every single day at approximately 3 in the afternoon.

It was a few weeks later that Sanghyuk couldn’t find Jaehwan at his usual place in the underpass. He waited for a bit, and then pulled his phone out and looked for Jaehwan’s number to send him a text, but then a hand grabbed his shoulder.

“Hey,” Jaehwan greeted him happily, immediately boosting Sanghyuk’s already positive mood.

“Hey,” Sanghyuk smiled. “Why are you not playing today? And where are your guitar and hat?”

“It’s my day off,” Jaehwan said so convincingly Sanghyuk actually believed he had a set schedule. “I thought we should do something different today, it’s started to get boring down here, hasn’t it?”

Sanghyuk gave a one-shouldered shrug.

“I was okay with it.”

“Well, I was not going to bore you to death,” Jaehwan said and took the steps leading to the surface, Sanghyuk following behind. “This one is for you.”

Sanghyuk took the bag Jaehwan was reaching out to him, giving a KitKat to him in return.

“What’s this?” Sanghyuk asked, peeking into the brown paper bag.

“A new product,” Jaehwan replied, stuffing the chocolate into his mouth with such urgency if someone saw, they would have thought he was a starving person. “It’s puff pastry filled with vanilla ice cream. It sounds horrible, I know,” Jaehwan said when he saw Sanghyuk pull a face at it, “but it’s not bad, believe me. It’s probably our best product. Do you have that… thing on you?”

Sanghyuk took the bottle of pills he brought along every time he met with Jaehwan out of his pocket. Jaehwan knew very well that Sanghyuk and milky foods weren’t on the best of terms, and he tried to avoid bringing him those, but sometimes those were the only things that he could pilfer from the bakery, and Sanghyuk always had to listen to the flow of apologies when it happened, so he took on the habit of keeping the pills that helped him digest those in his pocket.

“Good,” Jaehwan nodded. “It’s not very practical, because it melts very fast in this weather, so you should probably taste it.”

Sanghyuk eyed the small, triangle shaped pastry on the bottom of the paper bag for a few more seconds, and then took a bite. It was indeed surprisingly yummy compared to other things Jaehwan had brought him, but since the filling was already a little melted, he had to be quick.

“It’s really good,” Sanghyuk said, munching on the last bite. “Kind of weird, but very tasty.”

“Told you,” Jaehwan smiled, suddenly sitting down, and Sanghyuk just realized they arrived in the park a few corners away. He sat down on the grass next to Jaehwan on the edge of the small, artificial pond, enjoying the shadow cast by the wild cherry tree above them. Jaehwan turned his head towards Sanghyuk, his eyes roaming over Sanghyuk’s face and his smile growing wider. “Even if it’s a little messy.”

Jaehwan lifted his hand to Sanghyuk’s face, rubbing at the corner of his mouth with his thumb while Sanghyuk wanted to disappear from the planet, because it’d been a few days since he last shaved and he absolutely did not want Jaehwan to feel his stubbles. Jaehwan didn’t seem to care about them though, for he finished fixing Sanghyuk’s appearance and opened the other paper bag he brought along. Sanghyuk, stunned as he was, vaguely registered that Jaehwan didn’t have another puff pastry triangle filled with vanilla ice cream in that bag, but about five bagels.

“Bagels?” Sanghyuk blurted out.

“For the mallards,” Jaehwan replied. “Take your pill.”

“Ah, yes,” Sanghyuk nodded and chewed on one of said pills before he swallowed it. “I can’t see any mallards here though.”

Jaehwan tapped his shoulder and pointed at the abandoned bench a few feet away. There was a wild duck couple: the female a light brown colour with a purple patch on its sides, the male emerald and navy in some places above the grey feathers. They were both sleeping peacefully under the shade of the bench with their beaks tucked under their wings.

“But if they’re all sleeping—“

“Just watch.”

Jaehwan tore a piece out of the bagel and threw it towards the pond. A few seconds later a mallard landed in the water, picking up the bite and swallowing it. Some other ducks gathered around it in hopes of them getting food as well.

“Try it,” Jaehwan said and gave Sanghyuk a bagel.

Soon they were surrounded by noisy wild ducks, an entire family among them with the cutest, fluffiest ducklings Sanghyuk had ever seen following their mother. There was a huge swan, too, swimming close to the edge but not leaving the pond.

“Poor little girl,” Jaehwan sighed and stood up, scaring some of the mallards away as he approached the swan, throwing a big amount of bagels in front of it.

“Why poor?” Sanghyuk asked, further feeding the ducks that quacked happily. “And how do you know it’s a ‘girl’?”

“I talked to the caretaker of the park—”

“Of course you did,” Sanghyuk interjected, smiling at the ducklings that were cheeping at him.

“Yes, I did,” Jaehwan said. “And he told me this swan lost her lover some months ago. She’s been very lonely ever since. The caretaker said he would try to find her a new partner, but there’s no guarantee she’ll like him. Swans are utterly romantic creatures and usually stay with their mates until they die, but when the worst comes, they can form a new relationship with another, in a different place. This one here though… She’s a little special. She’s kind of shy. She’s been grieving for way too long, and she won’t fly away to find herself a new mate.”

Sanghyuk stared at the pieces of bagel scattered around in front of him, watched the ducks nibbling on them.

“This…” he muttered, “this is sad. Is it true?”

“Of course it is,” Jaehwan replied, cleaning the crumbs off his hands as he sat back down next to Sanghyuk. “I wouldn’t joke about this, I mean, look at her. It’s just a bird but… she looks heartbroken, don’t you think?”

Sanghyuk watched the swan swimming idly, away from the edge, back towards the middle of the water, and tried to see what Jaehwan saw on her, but, honestly, he had never seen a bird that had its emotions plastered on its face, let alone looking heartbroken. He turned his head towards Jaehwan then, saw his smile falter and then disappear as he pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them.

“I’ve seen lots of pictures of two swans floating on the water with their heads pressed together, forming a heart” he said quietly. “All of us have, right? I always think that must have been how she lived with her mate and wonder if they ever had cygnets that got taken away from them or died or something. She’s so alone here and so sad, yet she won’t leave. Why is she staying? Is she not able to love anymore?”

At one point Sanghyuk almost said ‘Jaehwan, it’s just a swan’ as some kind of comfort, but then he realized that Jaehwan’s words touched him more than he thought. He suddenly felt ridiculous for wishing he could just grab a male swan and take it there, but he wanted to cheer the swan up, he wanted Jaehwan to stop looking so sad it was tearing Sanghyuk’s heart to pieces.

“I’ve never…” he said, and then changed his mind. “I don’t know how it must feel. Being in love with someone and then losing them. I don’t think I’ve ever… well. Been in love.”

“Never?” Jaehwan asked, glancing at Sanghyuk.

He looked beautiful. With all that sadness shining in his dark eyes, his lips curved in a curious question, the shadow of the leaves on his face—Jaehwan looked like an angel, or some other being not of this world.

“Maybe once,” Sanghyuk mumbled, barely having the capacity to notice that the side of his nose brushed against Jaehwan’s before he closed his eyes and kissed him.

Sanghyuk stilled, his brain switching off entirely, but he distantly sensed that Jaehwan let go of his own legs, his left hand coming up to Sanghyuk’s shoulder to rest on it timidly while he parted his lips just a little, capturing Sanghyuk’s lower lip between them like he was afraid of a full-on kiss. He was too cautious but Sanghyuk was half-unconscious, so he just let Jaehwan do whatever he wanted.

A break, a small pause; Jaehwan’s breath came in tiny puffs, hitting Sanghyuk’s mouth as they both opened their eyes, Jaehwan looking cross-eyed, just like Sanghyuk probably did. He tried to smile, he really tried, but the corners of his lips were shaky, and they trembled against Jaehwan’s when he closed the distance between them for the second time. He wanted to hug Jaehwan, he wanted to pull him close and run his fingers through his hair, but Jaehwan was so diffident Sanghyuk couldn’t bring himself to deepening the kiss. Jaehwan ended it with a soft peck, his hand sliding off Sanghyuk’s shoulder.

Sanghyuk swallowed hard, his entire chest clenching from how rapidly his heart was beating, his face hot and his limbs feeling like jelly. Jaehwan eyed the bagel crumbles around him and threw some of them towards the ducks.

“No one ever came here with me before,” he said, voice raspier than usual, the tops of his cheeks rosy. “Thank you.”

“Yes,” Sanghyuk nodded, but had no idea why. “I mean, thank you for bringing me here. I’ve been here a few times but I never fed the ducks before. It’s very nice here.”

Jaehwan smiled and Sanghyuk’s stomach made a somersault.

“Well, it’s time to go,” Jaehwan said, standing and pulling Sanghyuk up without a question. He was way too strong for someone who looked as fragile as him. “I still have to cook dinner.”

“Can I ask you something?” Sanghyuk asked when they were already on their way towards the main street.

“Go ahead.”

“Who is that you cook dinner for?”

Jaehwan’s head snapped towards Sanghyuk, and then he glanced back down at the pavement. He looked slightly uncomfortable.

“His name is Taekwoon,” he said in a tone Sanghyuk couldn’t decipher.

“Taekwoon?” he echoed, trying hard to remember the owner of the familiar name. “He’s… the tailor?”

“Do you know him?” Jaehwan asked, eyebrows raised.

“My friend does.” Sanghyuk replied, trying to sound as casual as he could, even though a horrible feeling was making its way upwards in his throat like stomach acid. “Do you live together? Are you… are you together? By any chance?”

Jaehwan hesitated for a moment, but then said: “Yes, we are. I’m going this way,” he said then, gesturing towards the street on the right. “See you tomorrow?”

Sanghyuk’s brain froze up, but he managed to utter a ‘yeah, see you tomorrow’ before Jaehwan gave him a last, happy smile and then took the street on the right.