-Cut! We do it again!

It was the fifth time that this sentence was said… "Cut! We do it again!" And the more I heard it, the more I felt that my morale weakened… I hadn’t the habit to miss something… Especially not something bound to the dance or to the violin… But there… I didn’t understand … I didn’t succeed… During the first shot taken in the side of Eunhyuk and Donghae, I felt that I was going to make a success… And nevertheless… It hadn’t been the case… Far from there… And the more I redid the shots, the more I felt bad… "Why had I been chosen?" "Had I really some talent?" "Shouldn’t I stop everything and restart in Canada?" These questions collided in my head, repeating indefatigably… Making me lose my mind… It was at this moment that Donghae asked for a break although we had begun only ten minutes before. The cameraman didn’t protest, knowing probably that if I didn’t manage to resume my spirits, I would not manage to produce something suitable… I blew, delighted by this short moment of respite to which I was entitled. Well… It was what I had thought… Because, I had only made a step that Donghae and Eunhyuk took me each an arm, attracting me in a corner of the tray, away from eavesdroppers …

-Well then? What happened to you? Donghae questioned me with a worried voice.

-You danced wayyyy better in the dancing room… Ouch! But it's true! Eunhyuk Said to Donghae who had just given him a poke, this one not having been the most discreet …

-It’s not like that that he is going to calm down! Donghae answered with bad-humored then, he put back his attention on me… So? What bothers you?

-... I… I don’t know … I have the impression to do well and nevertheless… Nothing goes… I Answered in a hardly audible rustle, feeling already extremely bad to not succeed straight off.

-You put under stress too much… Donghae said with a comforting tone, crossing his arm around my shoulders. Don’t try to surpass yourself. Acted as you made it during your improvization in front of us, our managers, our choreographers and Lee Sooman … You had been also put under stress this day isn’t it? But you didn’t still know why you were there, what necessarily prevented you from wanting to surpass you seen that you hadn’t seen the utility… Or at least not as much as now. Then acted in the same way and everything will be well … I can assure it to you … You are not alone on stage. Everything will be fine. Don’t forget that Eunhyuk and I, us are just behind you. So concentrate only on what you have to do. Don’t especially think of the persons who surround us.

I agreed shyly, trying to memorize all what Donghae had just said to me… Do not put under stress… Do not put under stress… It was much easier to say it rather than to make it but well… I trusted Donghae… I knew that what he had just said to me was not idle words… He was probably inspired by his own sound lived to give me of the courage, so showing me that I shouldn’t especially drop… It moreover probably work because after a few seconds of silence, my glance re Donghae then Eunhyuk…

-So? Ready? Eunhyuk asked me with an energetic tone.

-Yeah! I answered immediately, removing my doubts in the depths of me.

We left then together on the tray, so drawing the attention of the cameraman and the producer who were waited for us. These seemed moreover more than delighted to see that we had finally decided to take back the shooting of my part. Then we took place, me in front, Donghae and Eunhyuk just behind me and, even if I didn’t see them, I was certain that they were there. I "felt" their “aura” not far from me. I closed my eyes a few seconds then, as soon as I felt enough strength, I carried my violin at the level of my neck. My violin hadn’t left me since the beginning. It was moreover on my violin that all my attention was concerned. I listened then to the: "Action!" Of the producer, the sign that it had restarted. It had the gift to make me reopen my eyes which were closed and, the first words of the song began to ring… Two minutes passed, two minutes in the course of which a heavy silence settled down. But I didn’t allowed me have to be perturb. No. Do not put under stress… The words that Donghae had pronounced previously returned to me at once in my head and I decided to think only of it… To act as I had always made it… To dance as I had always made it… It was at this moment that my part began, making me immediately react… I was allowed go, chaining steps in a most fluid possible way, not taking into account that all the glances were put on me… That it was the producer, the cameraman, the stylists, the make-up women... Donghae and Eunhyuk … And also the other members of Super Junior which had apparently decided to return on the place of shooting to see where we were… However, it didn’t put me under stress. On the contrary… I felt relaxing because of the appearance of persons which I knew and who I trusted… The fact of knowing that they were all there besides Eunhyuk and Donghae made me the biggest good. And, while I had chained steps without realizing it really, it was the end of my part… I heard vaguely a new: "Cut!" But this one didn’t put me under stress. On the contrary. I felt more relaxed than never I had been during the previous shots…

-Well then… You see when you want. Donghae said to me while passing next to me with a merry tone while I remained spot.

This one was then followed by Eunhyuk who ruffled my hair while passing, probably to show me that he was proud of me? Probably. And it worked because I felt that I was smiling, happy to see that they were proud of me… Donghae… Eunhyuk… As all the others. While I got ready to join them, the producer stopped me, saying to me while we were also going to shoot this part with me only… Without Donghae and Eunhyuk… I felt that the stress submerged me again but this one disappeared so fast as it had appeared to the fact that I saw that Donghae and Eunhyuk fixed me with an encouraging sight. I knew that at the bottom of my heart I didn’t want to disappoint them… These had brought me a lot and I had to show them my gratitude… I replaced in the center of the tray then this word was said again… "Action!" And I waited again for my part while closing my eyes to remain concentrated. And this one didn’t delay… The two minutes passed in a crazy speed without that I realized it. Then as soon as I knew that it was going to be my turn, I reopened my eyes… I concentrated immediately on my dance steps, my attention being only on the music… And everything finished a few seconds later… More quickly than I would have moreover wanted it… While previously I would have wanted that everything finishes as quickly as possible, now I wished that the time stopped so that I could stay like this… But it was impossible… As soon as I heard again: "Cut!" I immediately left joining the other Super Junior who congratulated me… I heard many different retorts… "Good job!!" "You dance really well!" "You see that it wasn’t that difficult!" And other diverse sentences were pronounced but I hardly had time to identify them seen that they were quite pronounced at the same time. Besides all these retorts I saw Eunhyuk and Donghae giving me two thumbs up to show me their encouragement what automatically made me smile… At that moment, I was really proud to be part of this group that was Super Junior …

***

            A few days passed after the recording of the video clip "Don’t Don" and everything went for the best. I got along better and better with every Super Junior members, some having be pleasantly surprised by my performance during "Don’t Don". Thanks to it, I had moreover convince Kangin that I really had talent because this one showed no more hostility towards me. On the contrary. Sungmin, with who I had been friends recently, had said to me that Kangin could seem extremely hard and cold in the first accesses but that it was very far from what he was at the inside. It was enough to learn to know him although it can seemed difficult… And I had moreover realized well it, however I remained all the same a little bit set back with regard to him …

Today, was the date of taken out of the video clip. Naturally, I had already seen it but it wasn’t going to make the same effect on me… The first time when I had seen it, I had pleasantly been surprised, and still the word was weak. Everything in the clip pleased me. The atmosphere, the set, the style, the solo parts, the parts dances … And also my part. The fact of seeing me in the screen had more impressed me than what I had thought. The cameraman had made an excellent work concerning the way my part had been filmed. I liked it… Eunhyuk and Donghae had said to me that they also liked it, what had moreover made for me very pleasure coming from them because it was thanks to them that I managed to make my part being a success… Thanks to their encouragements… Hangeng had congratulated me too, quite as Sungmin, Ryeowook, Yesung, Heechul, Siwon, Leeteuk, Kyuhyun, Kibum, Shindong, Kangin… Well, all of them. With them, I knew that I wouldn’t be alone. That they would always be by my side… Finally I didn’t forget at all what Leeteuk had said to me previously… “Kyuhyun had some difficulties being accepted within our group because of our fans but they eventually accepted him and to obtain his status of thirteenth member of Super Junior. You risk probably to meet the same problems and I am sorry but we can make nothing to it. We have to protect the image of the group above all, we cannot protect you thus really if ever things take place badly … You are going to have to hang on if you wish to obtain your status of fourteenth member of Super Junior." This retort… I had the impression to have heard it hardly a few minutes before… And nevertheless. It was very far from being the case… But it didn’t stop arguing in my head, such as a warning…

-Hey! Come on! The music video has just been put on-line! Kibum exclaimed suddenly.

This one hadn’t stopped refreshing the internet page, waiting that the music video donated appearance and this one had finally arrived… We were about ten to bend in front of the computer to watch again it. But, although this video clip interested me enormously, it was the comments which I wanted in particular to read… The comments of the fans intrigued me… However I kept silent, watching silently at the music video…

-This music video is really not bad! Hangeng said to us.

-Personally, I love the song. Chained Ryeowook.

-Me, it is the choreography! Added Eunhyuk while keeping his eyes fixed on the screen of the computer.

-Kibum Lower the page! I want to see the comments! Heechul exclaimed suddenly.

I could only thank Heechul for having said it because it was exactly for what I was waited… Comments… However, I felt a certain apprehension… Did I Really want to read them? Difficult to say… I didn’t even know any more what I felt… Nevertheless it was too late to think of it because comments made their appearances on the page… And most of them were either in Korean, or English, what facilitated largely my understanding… Certain comments were connected only to the other members or then on the music which they liked… However, a comment drew my attention, this one was moreover followed by the others… "Nice song but who is this violinist?! No need to add a new person, a Super Junior member would have perfectly done this part! Even better! And don’t tell me that it is a new member because I would not accept him!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks to all my subscribers! I am glad that you like my story!!~

And I am very sorry to update only once in a week... 

I am very busy these days but when I will be on holiday, I will post more!!~ :)