Jeon Minah,

My Minah...

Errrrrmm I don't know where to start to be honest. It's my first time to be writing a letter addressed to you – no, this’ll be my first written love letter ever.  So bear with me if everything will be just a case of random but I hope you'll be able to understand it at the end.

Sorry would be an understatement to say for all the things that I have done to you. I won’t say sorry though for having you. After all, you were one of the best-est things that had happened to me. Honestly. But I will be using the term “sorry” as an apology to you.

I'm sorry for breaking up with you without an explanation and for being a jerk, an , a , , good-for-nothing guy. Haha. Remember those names? Those were the ones you addressed to me the last time we had a personal conversation. Ahhh~ I believe I deserve such names.

I thought that breaking up with you would save you from the pain that I'm already experiencing when I was still planning in calling it "quits". But as the days passed, I saw that you were struggling also. As they have said, a mistake cannot be covered up with a mistake. Get what I mean? I mean, I didn't realize that what I did caused us conflict and it was not just me, it's also you. I realized it later.

Now why I did it? Hmmmm.  Hahaha. Sorry. It's just funny that after stalking you for years and finally getting your sweet approval, I learned that I have cancer. Funny,  right? When everything is going smoothly and I have reached one of my dreams something tragic happens.

Life. It's always full of dramas and tragedies and we are the poor victims of it.

I'd rather be a womanizer or that I've impregnated someone rather than die so soon. Believe me, I am desperate right now as to my condition doesn't do me any good. I'd rather be apart from you yet still alive to watch you and still see you near me, being able to touch you and you touching me back. Am I making sense?

Oh. About Lee Yuna. We're just a bogus. I told her my condition and asked her to help me. Surprisingly she agreed. I guess you might hate me right now saying 'How can this bastard tell some other girl yet cannot tell me?' It was probably love but I guess partially it was pride. Or I’m just a plain coward. I love you so so much yet I don't want you to see me in my weakest. Lame excuse no? Just like in those romantic sappy movies you love so much. I cannot imagine why you women love to watch such a tragic story like A Walk To Remember. To be honest, it gives me the creeps. Does it ever occur to you that it could happen in your life? Why watch it? It is worst than a scary movie. But I'll never understand women. Ever.

Anywho. Hmmmmm. I guess I explained myself. I think. And I know that by the time you are reading this I am…well…gone. Gone. Yeah. Doesn't exist in the earth anymore. But don't worry. I'll be your chocolate looking angel and probably you'll be able to see me since my white wardrobe and halo would be in contrast with my skin. And I can imagine you guffawing and asking 'You, Kim Jongin? An Angel?' Hahaha. I wish you really are laughing. At the very least even though I am not around anymore, I could still make you laugh.

And yeah, promise me one thing. Even though that I have caused you trouble and pain longer than the happy times we spent together, don't forget me. Please don't forget the guy who nagged you in the hallways just for your number and after obtaining it constantly texted you until you agreed to go on a date. Don't forget the guy who finally got the courage to tell you honestly about his feelings. He was constantly chasing you since God knows when and it was a big achievement for him to have finally asked you personally. I'm sorry because I was not the one to erase your tears and moreover I was the one who's the cause. You don't know how much I’m suffering about the thought of you crying and there's nothing I cannot do.

Haha. I'm blabbering too much now. Gotta stop here. The rain is starting to pour and blotches my handwriting as if it's not awful enough.

Also, please be happy. Find someone who'll be able to make you happy and not to make you cry. Don't worry, I'll haunt him if he's not good enough for you and you'll know it if he doesn't wake up the next day. It means he's not good for you.

Live. Laugh. Love. I wasn't given a long time to experience such things and I hope that you'll be able to do it for my sake. I'll be watching you and guide you in every way.

Lastly, I love you Jeon Minah. Too bad I can't change your name into Kim Minah but Kims are common so you could find someone with the same surname. But I guess he'll never be handsome as me. Haha. Okay. Enough.

This is not the ending, nor will this be the end of my letter. You don't know how much more I want to include here but my hand's aching already for trying to finish this in one sitting. I guess I've said all the main points I want to say.

Thank you.

I love you.

Yours for all eternity,
Kim Jongin.