Whatever mood you have decided before the day it still somehow depends on the weather and ones inclination to it. As for me, I love the raindrops falling as I watched them pit-pattering on my window so long as I am staying indoors. But right now, I can’t enjoy it nor hate it. I just have to deal with it together with the protection from my coat and umbrella. Closely hugging myself together I trudged down the pathway aiming for my goals for the day.

Since I’ve been doing this routine for a couple of times, my mind started to wander as my body automatically goes by itself. And as the weather greatly affects me, gloomy thoughts started to cloud my mind. And as if automatically, I remember that day very clearly.

That day was same as today.

 

It was raining hard.

The sky is mourning with the pain that is slowly wallowing my heart whole. And I let the raindrops touch me as I face the sky with closed eyes.

Breathing slowly, I lowered my head back to normal and faced the person in front of me, who, unlike me, is covered from the rain.

I chuckled sarcastically and looked at her hardly, “You gotta be kidding me, right? I mean, why, of all people, why would you tell me such a thing?”

“I am not kidding, Jeon Minah. I am telling you the truth. I wouldn’t bother myself to face you if it wasn’t for him.” Lee Yuna told me.

“This is probably one of your jokes. I know you both know that I‘m still not over and this is probably—“

“Kim Jongin is freaking dying the moment we are talking and you’re not going to do anything about it?!” She had it. She screamed at me and walked furiously at me, dropping her umbrella in the process.

“And don’t give me a saying that I’m his girlfriend whatsoever. He wants you! He needs you!” She continued grabbing my collar and shaking me. I cannot tell if she is crying with the rain that’s falling on her face. If this is one of their pranks, she is really a good actress.

“Yeah. Yeah. He needs me to fill his boredom ‘cause I can fall easily to his traps and I bet—“ SLAP.

“You don’t know a freaking thing!” I looked back at her with wide eyes, and I saw her gritting her teeth. And I lost it.

“THEN EXPLAIN IT! WHY CAN’T YOU FCKING EXPLAIN IT TO ME THEN! EXPLAIN IT TO ME SO THAT I CAN UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING. DAMMIT!” I was panting hard and I know that I am crying. It’s a good thing that it’s raining.

“If you want explanations, you will come with me. T-trust me this time. Please. I’m not the right person to explain to you everything.” She said sniffing as she looks at the ground. Then Yuna turned around and grabbed her umbrella. I didn’t need to be told twice. If I need explanations I have to get them myself.

 

I awake from my thoughts and realized that my feet stopped walking. How long have I been standing, I don’t know. I looked at the establishment on my right and I saw that I am at the right place. I went to the covered entry and shook my umbrella closing it in the process and went inside. The bells chimed signaling my coming and I was greeted by the strong yet sweet smell of the coffee.

“As expected, it’s you. You never fail a minute, though.”

I looked towards the speaker and saw Lee Yuna standing behind the counter looking at me with a faint smile on her lips. I fixed myself and went towards her and smiling back.

“It’s rainy this time no?” She remarked and looked outside.

I turned towards her vision, “Yeah. Apparently it is.”

She looked back at me and smirked at me, “But it did not stop you from going today, right?”

“Nope.” And she smiled endearingly and turned towards the bar behind her.

“Here. The usual. Knowing you, probably even the storm would not stop you.” She said chuckling as she hands me a paper bag which I deem to contain what I need.

“Thanks.” I said as I looked for my purse to pay her.

“You know there’s no need to pay but okay.” She laughed and I also did. “Say hi to him for me, arasso?” She added and I nodded.

I walked towards the door separating me from the rain and sighed as I have to face it so soon once more. I opened my umbrella and went towards my final destination for today. I hailed a taxi this time. On my way, all I have are random thoughts as I looked at my environment which is slowly changing and after quite some time I’m here. I paid the driver and said my thanks bringing the bag with me.

I realized that the rain has somehow stopped at this area though gray clouds are still hovering on the sky. I just hoped that it will not rain once more.

I made my way towards that spot. Towards him.

 

As soon as I stepped inside the room, I saw him there. He was just lying there looking so frail and weak with all the tubes inserted to him as it’s the only thing that could support him. I just looked at him frozen on my spot.

His mother seems to notice me and despite of the fact that I am drenched with rain she hugged me tightly, sobbing in the process.

“You came. You came.” She chanted and looked at me at arm’s length. “He has been looking for you whenever he gains consciousness. I’m sorry.” She added.

“Mrs. Kim, why are you apologizing?” I looked at her confused though I cannot process everything at the moment.

She just caressed my cheeks and looked at me guiltily. She was about to open to respond when we heard a strained voice.

“M-Mi-Minah” It was him.

I looked at him and slowly walked towards him. I cannot believe the sight before me. He tried to focus his vision and I saw him faintly smiling over the transparent mask when I came to his line of vision.

“Yu-you c-came. I’m g-glad—“

“Stop it, Kim Jongin. Don’t speak further. Just rest.” I said suddenly yet softly. Those are the first things which came into mind.

I looked at him and saw his hand near me which seems to be searching for something. Instinctively, I grabbed it with my own and just held it there. Once more, he smiled.

“Do-Don’t cry.”

I didn’t notice that I was crying until he pointed it out. I swiftly wiped them away and tried to put my biggest smile at him.

“There. Ma-my pretty Minah.” He remarked.

I held a sob and a tear trying to escape. I just hold him there. We stayed like that for what seemed like hours. He looking at me so lovingly and I watch him struggling to breathe properly. And it pains me. It pains me a lot. The pain that he have inflicted upon me not a few months back was nothing to the pain that I’m feeling right now.

“Mi-Minah” He started to speak again.

“Hmmmm?”

With his free hand, he opted for his mask and pried to remove it. I became alarmed at this and stopped him but he shook his head as if saying ‘let me do what I want to do’ so I let him though my conscience is killing me. Once his mask was out of his mouth he ushered me to bow towards him and I did so. I can feel him pushing my head towards him and I could smell his scent faintly, honey and chocolates, sweet yet suits his manly appearance. I closed my eyes and bowed towards him willingly and soon after I feel his lips touching my forehead. I opened my eyes at the contact and I feel him moving my head sideways.

“Jeon Minah…My Minah. Jeongmal Mianhe…” I can feel my eyes starting to water up again. “…Jeongmal Saranghae…” I gasped this time. “Fo-forgive me.” I stood straight and looked at him bewildered. He was just smiling faintly at me. The once bright smile is slowly falling apart. I just looked at him not knowing the right words to say.

“Be happy.”

And before I know it, a loud long beeping sound resonates over the room. My tears seem to have a mind of its own as it started to fall over my cheeks and downwards.

I hear the rushing of feet and people shoving me to stay back. I saw the hand that I was holding fall limply as I let it go.

Once again, I was just standing there frozen at the sight before me.

So many things were rushing in my mind but nothing seems to be clear. They are all just fleeting thoughts which are not concrete at all. My line of vision started to blur and I just felt someone hugging me. They were also reacting the same way I am.

 

I smiled at the stone in front of me.

“Jagiya. I’m here.” I said and I felt the wind slowly enveloping me. I brought out a big plastic from my bag and laid it on the wet grounds, allowing myself to sit on it. I took out the contents of the bag that Yuna gave me. It was two servings of each—two coffee and two muffins—and placed them in front of me and the gravestone.

I sighed and smiled towards the stone, “By the way, Yuna said hi.” I started, “And oh, happy anniversary, jagiya. I hope you are doing well there and happy.” I added.

I reached my hand out and touch the cold stone, “Saranghae, Kim Jongin. I miss you so so much.”

---

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OKAY! It was not my intention that it's Jonginnie. TT^TT It also pains me but I have to let out this angsty side in me. Never even thought that I had it in me. Blame it in the rainy weather.
And yeah, my second angsty fic. Still not an expert at writing. I just wrote what I want to and want to share it to y'all to know your opinions.

Oh! I'll be posting also something after this one. There will be a kind of "continuation" to this one.

Thank you for reading until the very end. PLease leave some comments I wanna hear you all!

There's a storm here right now in my country. Keep safe to my kababayan and also to everyone~ :>

xoxo,

mjlulu