November 4th

Happy birthday, Seunghyun.

I’m sorry it took me this long to gather some courage and write you back.

I miss you. We miss you.

Joohyun is turning one month and guess what, you were right.

All the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever. I look at her and I know you’re here too, and knowing that comforts me immensely.

So, instead of mourning the empty spot you left us, I would like to thank you, Seunghyun. Thank you for the precious time you gave me. Thank you for letting me know how much you love me eventhough you were always too shy to say it out loud, and for taking me as your cringeworthy ‘invisible dark matter that makes up most of your universe’. 

Thank you for enduring very well your pain just so that I didn’t worry much about you. Thank you for humoring my fertilizer theory. Thank you for making things easier for me during the time of grieve with your energy conservation reminder.

Thank you for everything.

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