Maybe I was too excited

You anticipated the moment you would leave

How amusing was it for you? 

There's no such thing as a good break up in the world

If I knew, I would have cried it all out then

By then you were done with me

A story only I didn't know.

(The Story Only I Din't Know - IU)

Hyosung’s life has never been this monotone. It was a year after her solo debut and now, she got the chance to have another solo comeback. Busy and exhausted would be the right words to describe how she lived the last two months. As the side effect, she was very sensitive to everyone’s gesture, even if they intended no harm.

Today wasn’t an exception. She was literally dragged from her apartment to her music video filming site by her manager. Then when she barely could get some rest, she had to go to some variety shows. Fortunately, the variety shows’ filming site and her current position wasn’t that far away which made the trip so fast. Her eyes felt heavy and half of her body felt numb when the van stopped near the broadcast’s building.

“Come on, Hyosung! We don’t have forever!” Her manager yelled, opening the van’s door as he helped her to bring her bag.

Hyosung swore as she fixed her hair. As soon as she stepped out from the van, she quickly put a fake smile. As she predicted, there were some fans and journalists who were waiting for her. It was not big news, she knew that her company had done their best to promote this comeback—they were desperate for some media plays, which she couldn’t refuse. Even with her bad mood, she tried hard to heal that by interacting with her fans. Her sisters always lectured her to have some interactions with her friends or people around her whenever she felt like she was under pressure. It worked sometime, including now. And she had to admit that they were right as she felt a little bit better.

With the new discovered feeling, Hyosung walked confidently to the building. One or two fans waved their hands to her, with cameras covering almost half of their faces. She giggled on how funny they looked. Somehow, she found back a piece of happiness with this small fake show.

Her manager called her, telling her to walk faster before they got late. They only had thirty minutes left for her next schedule. Nodding in understanding, she quickly waved for the last time before fastening her pace to follow her manager.

“See? You can always heal your bad mood by using fake happiness,” Her manager said happily as they strolled past the front doors.

Hyosung scoffed to his statement, “My mood wasn’t that bad.”

Her manager laughed as he kept looking back to make sure she was fast enough to tail right behind him. To divert her attention from her manager, she mumbled the lyric of her comeback song. A part of her laughed on how childish and not mysterious the lyric was. She had known for a long time, her songs had never been ‘mature’ like what she wished. Disappointed but could do nothing, was how she would describe her situation. 

Still angry on her manager, she decided to ignore him. With that plan embed in her head, she plugged her earphones and quickly blocked her ears from any sounds. Her phone had many new underrated songs in it, so it was a fresh start for her to do her mission. Instead of focusing on her surroundings, she focused on the songs’ lyrics.

Her manager shook his head upon her behavior. Although so, he kept his eyes on her, pulled her to the right direction instead of telling her by words—she wouldn’t hear him anyway. She looked blankly at the elevator’s doors. Opened. Closed. Opened. Closed.

The lines were getting longer as the clock showed that the lunch time had ended. People were in rush to get in and out the elevator—like there was no tomorrow. Hyosung clearly still refused to pull out her earphones and her manager found it hard to keep her close with him. They were almost separated if someone didn’t pull her forcefully into the elevator, making everyone else to give some space—enough for her body to slip into the elevator easily.

Glancing with the corner of her eyes, she noticed how her manager relaxed, as soon as he knew she had been safe in the elevator. She had some distant with her manager because she got late into the elevator. Remembered that she got into the elevator with someone’s help, she noticed how her right wrist felt like someone was grasping on it. Her eyes fell on how that someone’s hand still held on to her wrist and she quickly noticed that it was a guy.

Hyosung looked up in a second, only to find Woohyun stared down on her with a warm smile.

“It’s been quit a while, isn’t in?” He started talking, when Hyosung stayed still—with eyes went bigger than normal.

Little did he know Hyosung still had her earphones on, which made her unable to hear what he said. What Hyosung knew was that, she watched his lips moved in a harmony and he ended the move with a very sweet smile she hadn’t got to see for about a year.  

Hyosung was too mesmerized by the sudden coincidence, that she didn’t notice the awkward look in his face. He moved his right leg uncomfortably. His face felt numb from the frozen smile he had on his face due to politeness.

It took her a second later to realize what she had done. She mumbled her apologize as her hands quickly moved to her ears, taking the earphones off. Embarrassed, Hyosung chose to face the wall as she was washed by the feelings she thought she had forgotten after the hurtful break up—it was for her anyway, he was very fine after the breakup though.

 Her head was miserable with thoughts running everywhere and feelings couldn’t stop coming back and forth, asking for her full attention. No matter how hard they tried to be the one she should focus on, she couldn’t. With their clothes slightly rubbed against each other and how she could hear his breathe among the noise around them, the only thing she knew was, her heartbeat went crazy.

Hyosung knew she was expected to greet him back, asking what he had done lately. She was expected to ask anything to make sure that she didn’t have any grudge inside. It was like an old rule. People told her to be a tough woman when she met with him, who coincidentally was her ex-boyfriend, again. They told her to show him that she had never regretted their breakup and it was nothing for her.

And here they were. She was supposed to be the tough one, to show him how she survived even without him. But, she failed. Especially when he greeted her like they had nothing. Her pride was wounded. How could he act like there was nothing when what they had was everything she could grasp on? She was this miserable when she realized that she was that close to him and yet he was so calm.

As soon as the realization hit her, she knew which feelings she should focus on. Upset and sad. Those two feelings filled her up until her chest couldn’t take it anymore. It went down very fast. She couldn’t breathe and suddenly went dry.

Fortunately, just when she thought she would collapse on the elevator ground, the elevator doors opened. Everyone rushed out from the tiny space, pushing her to the back wall, giving her the support she needed. Her manager had called for her panicky since the first time the doors opened. He tried to approach her and when he did, he couldn’t do anything aside of holding her body from falling on the floor.

Tears wetted Hyosung’s face to the point of ruining her make up. Her manager said nothing as his arm embraced her small figure. As soon as the doors closed, her sobbing voice got louder. She knew it was stupid to cry for him but she did anyway. Even since the first day she cried for him, she didn’t need to be told of how stupid it was for her to cry. Why even bothered to cry for someone who thought of dating her as a game of pity?

It seemed that her head lost in the debate with her heart. No more logical thought, only emotional thought.

Memories flashed inside her head alongside with the emotions she felt when she was in that moment she thought Woohyun was in love with her.

“What about a date to the beach?” She asked him as they walked side by side under the black sky.

It was almost midnight and the wind blew strongly. Earlier, Woohyun proposed to take her out for a walk. She didn’t want to refuse as it was something rare. Despite the cold biting her face until her skin went dry, she tried to act like nothing was wrong.

“No, I hate the sun,” Woohyun simply stated.

“Amusement park?”

“Too many people. I don’t want to be recognized,” He mumbled.

“A dinner?”

“Depends on my mood and schedule. Dinner could be hard.”

“A late night drive?”

“That’s too tiring.”

And the conversation continued with his continuous refusal on her proposal. If the weather was cold, for Hyosung, his behavior was even colder and sharper.

“You should breakup with him before he does it first to you,” Gina said as she bit on her snack.

“Why should I? We’re in a stable relationship,” Hyosung shrugged, leaning on her chair.

Gina clicked her tongue impatiently as she took more food to her plate. Hyosung understood that she wanted to avoid debating with her.

“Come on, unnie. Be happy for me, okay? It’s been awhile since my last relationship.

“I will be happy if this relationship is real. But it’s not!” Gina exclaimed.

Hyosung gave her a small smile as she glanced on her phone—wondering why he hadn’t tried to contact her.

Hyosung heard rumors flying around her. They said Woohyun was being a flirt which meant that he was in need of having a new girlfriend. It was old news; you couldn’t date for a long time with your fellow idols or celebrities. Cause it was just hard—and boring for some people. For some reasons, Hyosung didn’t want to believe it. Deep inside, she wanted to prove to people that she could do that longer than what people had said.

But this rumor started bugging her. On top of that, Woohyun had never asked or cared if she had known about the rumor or not. He was gone. The last time they chatted, he said that he was busy and would not be able to be contacted. She tried to make him stay, persuading him with things. Telling him that she would treat him some foods, giving him a gift, anything he wanted if he would stay contact with her.

It didn’t work. He still said no and disappeared just a moment later. Leaving her with empty feeling—like what he always did.

Hyosung looked ahead of her room with a miserable feeling. She felt numb inside out. Woohyun asked her to breakup upon her slip of tongue when she tried to make him replying her chats. The chat aged two days when she got his reply. Short, almost like a shy request—but she knew better it wasn’t, and direct.

Her thumb scrolled up, reading the stupid words she had sent him upon the anxious feeling she had. Instead of threatening message, it seemed purely as a begging message. Begging him to give some of his attention to her. Below and under that particular chat, she also sent a lot more chats, asking him if he was there. No reply.

Today was some kind of miracle. He suddenly replied with one simple word upon amazement. And she didn’t miss that chance to quickly reply it. She wanted a longer conversation—asking him questions and whining like a spoiled girlfriend who missed her boyfriend.

His replies were calm—too calm in her opinion. Then, when she thought that was all, his reply made her shocked.

“Regarding your chat, I want to discuss that.”

Hyosung stared at the screen. For one second, she believed that her heart had decided to stop beating. No need to be a genius to know what he was trying to discuss about.

“What about it?” She typed the words hesitantly.

For a minute that felt like an hour, she waited for his reply. She had always waited for his reply with a fluttered heart but this time, her heart beat too slow. As if it was waiting when to burst out from her body.

“You said you’re done with me.”

Hyosung knew she had done a very stupid thing when she sent that text.

“It was a joke. You didn’t reply to my texts for days!” She desperately typed.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, my phone had some problems and they had to fix it. I forgot to tell you this.”

“You should tell me that sooner so I don’t have to be like a stupid girl, asking you everyday if you’re there!”

Her heart still beat normally. But her eyes had moistened. She felt betrayed. And she couldn’t understand why. All she did suddenly felt so stupid. Her patience and time of waiting for him were all useless.

She read his texts blankly. For her, what he said was a bunch of nonsense. He kept blabbering on how busy he was and how his CEO wanted him to focus more on Infinite’s promotions.

Hyosung only could hum on his texts.

But something caught her attention when she was about to close his chat, “I will not be like this if I’m with someone I want to date.”

And she laughed. Hard. With tears wetted her face.

Her friends had visited her house to throw a sleepover. They kept bugging her to open up about what happened. Hyosung couldn’t refuse them when they suddenly showed in front of her apartment door. They pushed through her to get in.

Hyosung sighed. Knowing it was going to end with a lot of complains and tears on her side.

“You broke up with that guy, didn’t you?” Gina said as she threw herself on the couch.

Jiwon followed closed behind Hyosung as she literally dragged her bags through the front door.

“She has to. That’s the only thing he has been waiting for in this relationship,” Jiwon sarcastically said, putting the bags aside so she could sit with next to Gina.

Hyosung glared on the other two. She chose to busy herself by preparing some snacks in the kitchen. It had been a public secret that her two friends had always been skeptic about her relationship. Hyosung even made a bet with Gina that she would get through 100 days with Woohyun. Of course, now Hyosung had to pay for that bet. And on top of that, she still couldn’t get away with a pang of realization on how stupid she for ever wanted to be in a relationship with Woohyun.

“Seriously though, Hyosung, don’t you even expect this to happen? We all know Woohyun has no feeling or whatsoever on you,” Jiwon asked as she approached the youngest that busily moved around in the kitchen.

Although she wanted to reply harsher to Jiwon, saying that she believed Woohyun must had a little feeling for her—and she would be glad for that, Hyosung’s logic knew it better. Whatever truth Jiwon and Gina would slap on her face, she had to admit that Woohyun didn’t have any feelings for her. It hurt, but she had to accept the truth.

After all, everyone else had known this. She had refused to look at the truth for too long.

Hyosung’s back still glued to the cold steel of the elevator wall. Her manager’s arm was still around her, too scared to let go of her in case she would suddenly have no energies left in her body. Hyosung knew she had to wake up and face the reality. But it was too hard. She wanted to crawl back to her apartment and lock herself—the unexpected meeting had affected her more than she thought.

She hated how he seemed to be unaffected by their past relationship. Or how he seemed to be relieved to be away from her. Or how he was satisfied with what he would call as a clean break up with her.

If there was something she had learnt from her relationship with him, it was that, there was nothing as a good breakup. That thing had never existed. Even if it did, she should have cried louder to end all of these feelings at that moment and not continuously dragged by them—or actually by her fantasy and broken hopes of him.

The other thing she had noted from her relationship with Woohyun was everyone knew how they would end. Everyone knew Woohyun only waited for the right time to end the relationship. If there was anyone who didn’t have any clue of what happened, it was her. She had turned blind.

And now, all she could do was trying to assure herself that everything should be okay. They were through and she must deal with it. He had played his part in that play and now, she had to stop playing hers. 

“So, which one is this guy in these photos?” Rin pointed to the pile of photos on the dining table.

Hyosung took no time to take a photo where she was standing closely to a tall squinted eyes guy. His hair was died chocolate with bang covered his forehead. His interesting feature was his lips that formed smirking like smile. Hyosung was beside him all smiling with her short bob hair, totally indicating that it was a new hair she had to wear.

“When was it? Why does it look like it in a public place?” Rin asked confusedly, examining the photo.

“Well, because the only time I took a picture with him was when we performed together in a collaboration stage on an end of the year concert. It was the best end of the year concert and everyone was just so happy. So I ask him for a photo,” Hyosung explained.

“Mom, you actually asked him first?!” Rin asked in disbelief.

“I told you, when I dated him, it was because I got the gut to confess to him first. Therefore, the title of my story with him is ‘The story only I didn’t know’. You know that everyone knew it was not going to end well and I just kept marching forward,” Hyosung told the younger girl.

“What is he doing now?” Rin asked again, still amazed to find out that her mom was an aggressive girl in love.

“He’s still doing fine with Infinite if I’m not mistaken. Well, he can’t get out of the group, I figured out.”

“Wait, what?! He’s in Infinite?! You’re talking of Infinite’s Woohyun?!”

“Who else would have name Woohyun?” Hyosung asked back. She shrugged her shoulders and left her daughter gasped in disbelief.

“I know he’s your bias! But face it, he’s a jerk!” Hyosung shouted from her place.