It always starts with a tingle.

Youngjae’s earliest recollection of experiencing one is of a time during his freshman year in high school. One of his friends - Yongguk - dragged him along to a party, claiming it was going to be the best night of his life.

The party was basically a bunch of seniors and college kids (music majors) sitting around listening to records old and new and talking about societal issues. At first it was a little overwhelming for Youngjae, sitting amongst people almost ten years his senior, trying to keep up with multiple conversations and listen to music. So, for a while, he resorted to simply listening to the whatever comes out of the speakers.

And that’s when it happened.

Youngjae remembers quite vividly that a soft jazzy tune featuring lots of drums and clicking had been playing when a wave of indescribable sensations invaded his body, birthing around his nape and spreading to the crevice behind each of his ears. His shoulders slumped as the tingles travel further down, taking hold of the nerves surrounding his spine. It was Heaven on earth, better than anything he’d ever felt. It was amazing, the moment; felt as though someone had given him a relaxing full-body massage, rubbing and kneading the fabric of his central nervous system.

But it didn’t last forever.

As a matter of fact, the rush left him just as quickly as it came, and Youngjae bottomed out just as the rush of euphoria reached his lower back.

Luckily it was not the last time he got the tingles be Youngjae later learned that (a) he was not alone and (b) the sensations actually had a name.

During one of his last-minute cram sessions at the university’s library, Youngjae felt it again. At the time he was in the middle of a rather lengthy chunk of the lesson, highlighter sliding over the words, yellow buds hanging lazily from his ears as music played in the background. Just some random Youtube playlist to fill the silence as he worked.

He hadn’t been paying attention when he felt it - the sudden spike at the very start of his nape.  He didn’t know what had set it off this time; Youngjae just knew that he’d felt this many times before, mostly by accident, and he needed to know more. He’d experienced a feeling so unparalleled that he wondered what it could have been.

First he looked up ‘head tingling,’ and for two minutes he scrolled through the results, racking in the different possibilities for his unnamed phenomenon. ‘Symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis,’ ‘Early Signs of a Nervous System Tumor,’ ‘Are You Anxious? Eleven Signs Indicative of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (OMG #8 IS SOO ACCUR - ’ (Dear God.)

After a quick roll of the eyes, Youngjae returned to the search box. He may have eaten too much ice cream and far too many rice cakes, but he was pretty certain he wasn’t dying. Youngjae returned to the top of the page and added in a tiny but significant ‘relaxing’ into the search box.

And - just like that - his eyes were opened to the world of autonomous sensory meridian response.

.

“You’re on that weird side of Youtube again, aren’t you?”

Youngjae jerks so hard at Himchan’s voice that he accidently rips the headphone jack out of his computer. An otherwise hushed voiced blares through the speakers next to their desktop monitor and -

“ - does that feel good? Yes? Great, let me get a little more lotion…”

He pounds on the keyboard as he searches for Himchan in the kitchen, hoping that - while his eyes are elsewhere - his trembling fingers will somehow find the spacebar. He presses hard - taptaptapcmongoddammitpause until the voice oh so conveniently stops at the tail end of “this will help get the blood flowing everywhere.”

(The saying “luck favors the prepared” has never applied to his life more than now because if this is not the most embarrassing thing ever.)

Within seconds Youngjae’s face has fully suffused to the hue of a tomato. “N-No!” His voice cracks, which makes things much worse because if he previously had any chance of appearing believable to Himchan, he just cut it up and lobbed it out of the window.

Youngjae breathes out a sigh as he pulls his headphones away and forces his body out of the leather computer chair, ignoring the way it rolls into their coffee table as he hastens to meet Himchan halfway in their kitchen. “It is not weird,” he protests, but the way his voice jumps whole octaves definitely is.

Himchan stops like he’s heard something funny (because he has), backtracks to look at the frozen image of a pretty blonde woman smiling on the screen before he quirks an eyebrow, and gives Youngjae this ‘uh-huh, sure thing’ look that has the younger faltering, like his worst secret has suddenly been discovered. Youngjae is left in the living room, hands handing idly by his sides as his friend travels into the kitchen.

“See, I never took you for the type who likes roleplays,” Himchan mumbles as he pops open the fridge. Youngjae watches as he pulls out a pack of fresh strawberries and places them on the pristine counters. Then the older makes another face, like he’s swallowed something far too sour, and Youngjae finds the attention back on him. “Wait a minute - " it's as though what Himchan has said has finally rooted itself in his mind, and Himchan doesn't quite appreciate it. "Roleplays, Youngjae?” The younger frowns, offended. “That’s about as weird as it gets, man.”

Youngjae feels the heat creeping up his neck. He places all of his weight on one leg, letting himself lean on the kitchen counters as he tries to get over the embarrassment. “What?” he says, much quieter this time. “It’s relaxing, okay? At least it’s not .” It’s hardly any means of defense, Youngjae knows - but he's not going down without a fight.

“Oh, please, you’re sitting in front of a blonde lady who keeps whispering about massaging all these sensual-sounding lotions on your body; that’s some major softcore - word - goin’ on right there. Oh and where’s the lemon juice?”

“On the door by the barbecue sauce,” Youngjae throws his hands up in the air, yielding the victory to Himchan. He moans disappointedly a moment later, “Of all people, why did I allow myself to tell you?”

He’s read stories in the comment sections on many videos of people being totally humiliated for admitting that they watch ASMR videos. Loved ones laughing at them, friends calling them sick-minded. Many viewers advise the rest of the community against sharing their experiences, to try to avoid situations where they could be caught watching videos, to refrain from speaking about the “tingles” they received and the “pleasure” they felt from watching people make disturbing noises into a microphone.

Youngjae feels like he’s hiding or something when, in reality, ASMR is nothing of the sort. It’s simply elicited by footage of all types of people, people dedicated to pleasing and relaxing others.

"Hey,” Himchan shrugs, lazily pointing his knife at Youngjae. “I never said there was anything wrong with you and your brain - I just think it’s weird." He turns to chop up the fruit before him but doesn’t see Youngjae nod sadly. “Don’t let me get in the way of your guilty pleasures.”

Youngjae knows it isn’t weird. He likes to think of it as...different. They simply don’t like what they don’t understand. People just have to get used to different.

.

When he first started out in the ASMR community, Youngjae watched multiple videos a night, every night, for weeks at a time. He just couldn’t help it, he couldn’t deny himself when so many videos were available right there, just a few letters and clicks away. It was like dining at an all-you-can-eat buffet on an empty stomach - so much food. Once he was done with one plate, he was on his way back for more. Youngjae watched so many videos that he eventually worked up a dependence, relying on videos to push him through certain tasks.

To put it simply, ASMR is addicting. Once Youngjae started watching videos, he could not for the life of him stop no matter how many times he tried to deny the urge. He found it embarrassing in the beginning not because he settled easily in the burrows of the small community or because he actively(?) participated in the forum discussions. He was so embarrassed because he’d gone through his days craving the relaxing tickle that triggers brought him at night. He felt embarrassed because he, for once in his life, was addicted to something other than schoolwork.

He didn’t know why he yearned to watch people tap on objects and fold towels and ramble into a microphone. He just knew that it couldn’t have been healthy to want to do it nonstop.

So that’s when Youngjae started reading up on ASMR addiction and, much to his dismay, found that his actions do have consequences.

(‘Immunity, more commonly known around the ASMR community as burnout, is the sudden desensitization one experiences after viewing too many triggering videos. It can occur in anyone and often vary in length...’)

He watches every video he can to learn more about others experiencing trigger overloads (and subsequently, burnout), but the most memorable one mentions that while, yes, burnout is only temporary, the only remedy is to simply stop watching videos. The immunity will wear off on its own, but Youngjae has to do the impossible and actually stay away from any and all triggers. Just for a little while.

His first burnout lasts about five days. During that period he ponders whether or not getting into the world of ASMR was a good idea. He also vows never to overdose on triggers ever again. Youngjae needs to figure out a way to limit his viewing time so he doesn’t have to go through the hell that is trigger immunity. Make a schedule, maybe block Youtube - something to get him away from all that heaven-sent footage.

But, because he is human and because humans have a tendency to screw up a lot, he breaks his promise. The next burnout occurs just a few days after his first leaves, and Youngjae feels guilty because he relapsed into his olds habits far too quickly and it cost him his ability to respond to anything he watches.

This time, burnout lasts a month.

And it’s punishment enough, really - it is.

Youngjae learns the lesson of not going overboard with the videos and he learns it well. A month without ASMR is like a month of being grounded from all of his favorite things. The only beneficial aspect about it all? It gives him plenty of time to think, to actually think, of a plan that’ll keep him from this position in the future.

When he gets it back, when Youngjae finally gets his “powers” back after thirty-one excruciating days, he puts this plan into place.

And it works. Though Himchan still gives him for his peculiar tastes, Youngjae’s managed to keep his cravings under control.

It’s been a few months since the second burnout and Youngjae’s doing fine. He’s limited himself to watching three videos a week, making sure to vary his triggers as well as the days and time he plays. Sometimes he’ll watch his first two videos at the beginning of the week - one on Monday morning and another on Tuesday evening. Then, maybe after a particularly tiring day, he’ll knock out his third and final chance to relax with a three-hour segment of a different variety of triggers.

In the mean and between time, when he’s not relaxing with a pair of headphones, Youngjae allows Himchan to drag him out of his workroom for some fresh air. Sometimes they’ll go for coffee, sometimes they’ll sit down and watch the newest flick in theaters. Lately, with the weather being less than ideal, they’ve stayed indoors.

Only on special occasions would they leave the apartment; maybe to pick up some food when Himchan doesn’t feel like fussing with the stove, or to the grocery store when he does, or to visit Yongguk - whose sister takes them out for drinks on the weekends.

Life’s good.

Today is even better because when Youngjae wakes up on his day off from morning classes, refreshed from a night of glorious sleep, he checks his phone and sees an e-mail from one of his professors. He doesn’t exactly remember what it says, but he's sure it's got something along the lines of ‘caught the flu, class will resume once I find a substitute’ and ‘remember your projects are due in a few weeks, e-mail if you have any questions.’ So basically he’s free from his responsibilities for a day, and Youngjae plans to put that privilege to good use.

After his embarrassing scene with Himchan, Youngjae decides that maybe it’s time to find a more comfortable area to relax - one that gives him some much needed privacy. After all, sitting at the desktop, out in the open of the living room, gives Himchan the perfect opportunity to find out exactly what he’s watching (and, thus, embarrass him). So, with his mind made up and his laptop in hand, Youngjae ascends into his bedroom, shuts the door, and closes his curtains. He settles comfortably on his mattress, with one arm propping his head up and his the laptop nestled in the curve of his body.

He rolls his finger across the mousepad, leading the pointer around on the Youtube homepage. Youngjae’s eyes run over it for a split second, checking for any updates from Youtubers besides his ASMR subscriptions, namely Markiplier’s channel. (Youngjae’s been waiting for his thoughts on the recent Five Nights at Freddy’s 4 teasers, but sadly there are no new videos under this particular strip of releases.)

Youngjae goes to his watching history and finds the video he’d been watching before. Thankfully it starts up at the exact spot he left it. But as he listens, as Youngjae eats away the sounds and tries to reconnect to events of the prior experience - he realizes he’s not feeling it. Like, at all.

At first he freaks out, thinking oh dear God it’s another one it’s another burnout - but that can’t be the case because he’s been following his rules very strictly, he's been varying his triggers as advised. Youngjae’s just about to pay another visit to the History tab to resume the massage video Himchan so inconveniently interrupted earlier, but something - someone - catches his eye from the Recommended for You category on the side of the screen.

“[한국어/Korean ASMR] 얼굴 마사지 / Face Massage…” Youngjae squints, focusing in on the small thumbnail at the very bottom of the screen. He can really only see the first half of the picture, the corner of someone’s mouth. It doesn’t seem like much, what with the video only having a few thousand views. But Youngjae knows better than to judge a video by its thumbnail (or, in this case, the number of views it has).

Now, usually Youngjae chooses English videos over those of his native tongue. Though he only understands about half of the content, Youngjae tends to get a better experience from people who don’t use his language. Different tones, different sounds, different use of the tongue; stuff that triggers him from the very first second.

But this time he’s willing to make an exception because his interests are piqued.

Youngjae waits with anticipation as the page loads. His eyes flick down to the description box. DaemchuASMR, the channel name reads.

The video starts a moment later but he pauses it hastily and looks down at his laptop (are the headphones in yes okay). Youngjae exhales and presses play again, only to be bombarded with an annoying skin care ad that he can’t skip, followed by a short fade in and finally the appearance of -

Youngjae blinks at the screen in astonishment when he sees the person coming into view; more specifically, when Youngjae notices the sharp curve of the person’s jaw and the way his Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows, and just how slanted his shoulders are.

In that moment it dawns on him that - oh - this Youtuber is male.

Just as Youngjae realizes this fact, DaemchuASMR opens his mouth. “Hello,” he whispers sweetly, but the threatening grin shouts everything but that, and - something happens within, something clicks, a switch is flipped, but - a fire ignites at the base of his spine, bathing his little microscopic nerves in flames of bliss.

Youngjae swears he feels it as it happens: the Great Flood of Tingles bursting from the hidden confines of his endocrine system, spiking at full force at the very tip of his neck and pulsating down his back. On instinct a groan slips past his lips. He grips the fabric by his sides and digs his toes into the mattress because holy what is happening.

“How are you feeling today?” is the followup question (that Youngjae is not ready for), and once again Youngjae finds himself crumpling helplessly in his spot, simply at the way the man speaks. For the sake of eliciting tingles, DaemchuASMR keeps his voice soft, but Youngjae can tell when he gradually gets a little louder that - naturally - the man in front of the camera has a nice voice, deep and rich in tone. (It’s like someone coated his vocal cords in honey and gold.) It leaves a lasting set of tingles pulsing nicely between his shoulder blades.

DaemchuASMR smacks his thick lips as he speaks, leaning forward so that his voice tickles Youngjae's left ear, and in less than half a second the man is an arching mess on his bed.

But the ASMRtist doesn't stop there. No, he's just beginning, pulling out his guns so early into the video that Youngjae worries just how he's going to keep the triggers coming.

Then here he comes again, doing this thing with his tongue - right in his ear and -

"Overkill, this is overkill," Youngjae whimpers as another rush comes. Never in his life has his ASMR been so strong. Never has it been too much to bear.

But it feels so good.

Youngjae sighs as the ASMRtist on his screen explains his job in the coolest fashion. He starts by talking about what he does as a mock masseuse, then taps on the table with his skinny little fingers, all with a playful smile on display.

“So, what specials would you like today?” He smiles and Youngjae can’t help the blush that rises up his neck. The man hums after a brief pause (it is a roleplay, after all.) "The whole package? Okay, awesome, please take a seat and relax."

Oh yes, Youngjae thinks as he sighs and closes his eyes. I will definitely be doing that.

.

If it isn’t obvious enough, this Daemchu guy has a way with his words. He’s able to trigger parts of Youngjae’s system that Youngjae never even know could respond. But, alas, the video ends with the Youtuber shyly thanking his viewers for visiting him, hoping that they can meet again soon.

Youngjae immediately scrolls down, taking note of his four thousand followers, before pounding the subscribe button. A second later, after the end of the video, the screen darkens and pulls up recommendations.

Many of them only show half of Daemchu’s face, from the middle of his nose down, so it’s natural for Youngjae to wonder - just what does he look like anyway?

To discover the truth, he does some channel stalking - for about five seconds. As soon as the page is loaded, his answer comes to him - in the form of a newer video.

“[NON-ASMR] 문답 타임!!” the title reads, uploaded three hours ago, but Youngjae’s more focused on the thumbnail because - there he is.

He wastes no time opening the video, eager to meet the man responsible for his previous tingle outburst. Similar to the previous video, the beginning includes a small fade in. But this time, instead of getting a close up of Daemchu’s face - Youngjae is graced with not only his upper half but also his face.

The lights around Daemchu are dim, giving the video a bit of a sensual feel because it’s just him sitting in front of a neutral background. But Youngjae doesn't care about sensuality; the man before him is much more captivating. This is the first time he's been blessed with DaemchuASMR's angelic face and, just like with his voice, Youngjae is definitely not disappointed.

Daemchu's frilly hair falls every which way, a mixture of jet black curls and waves to compliment his golden skin. He’s got small, charcoal-colored lines around his eyes and his skin (or rather, his exposed skin) almost looks as if it’s glittering under the light.

“O-Oh, hello!” he smiles so wide his eyes practically disappear. “It’s DaemchuASMR once again. Is everyone well?” Even they shine as brightly as the sun that’s obviously kissed his skin. This guy looks like he was born on the beach and had spent the entirety of his life there.

“Lately I’ve been getting a lot of e-mails and comments from my lovely subscribers saying that I should do a question-and-answer type of video. So I took to social media and opened up my inbox for you guys to flood it with any questions you have.”

(Just by the tone of his honey voice and way he pronounces his words, Youngjae can tell Daehyun is not from Seoul. His dialect is too thick for him to be from Seoul.)

(But, at the same time, Youngjae could just listen to him ramble all day.)

“Okay, so let’s get started, yeah?” He claps, and the video cuts to the first question. “The first question is from Hyunji~! It says, ‘Daemchu-ssi, your voice is so deep! Very y - ’ ah, thank you, Hyunji-ssi ‘ - When is your birthday? How old are you?’” Daemchu smiles sheepishly into the camera, looking past it in what appears to be embarrassment. “Ah,” he chuckles, and Youngjae swallows hard when the breathy sound hits his ears. “I was born on June 28th - I just made twenty-two a few days ago. I’m an old man.”

(They are only a few months apart then. Youngjae catches himself smirking at this fact.)

Daemchu adjusts the black turtleneck he’s wearing and Youngjae swears his sees marks under the fabric - ink. The Youtuber does it too quick for him to confirm what he sees, but before he can take the video back to check, Daemchu booms - “Next question! From koreangirl123, ‘Daemchu oppa! Can I call you oppa? You’ve been uploading ASMR videos for a while now, but we’ve yet to learn your real name? Yah! What’s your real name, huh?!’ Ah, yes, my real name is Jung Daehyun.”

Jung Daehyun.

Youngjae says it aloud, Jung Daehyun. Even his name sounds heavenly, and - if his responses to simple smiles and gesture are anything to go by - he means that in the creepiest way possible.

“Yep, my name is Jung Daehyun and I’m twenty-two years old.”

Youngjae's heart begins to flutter.

.

For an hour Youngjae sits on his bed and listens to Daehyun awkwardly answer his way through his first Q&A. Under any other circumstances, Youngjae would have clicked out of the video and focused his attention elsewhere. But Jung Daehyun is too mesmerizing, far too interesting for Youngjae to cut him off in the middle of his video.

So he watches eagerly, racking up the information being spewed.

Daehyun hails from Gwangju, which confirms Youngjae's earlier suspicions that he did not originate in Seoul. However, right now, he's rooming with his brother in Busan. (He has one brother, by the way, and - oh what a coincidence - so does Youngjae.) Daehyun is a university student, but he doesn't go into what field he’s studying. His family owns bookstore; he helps his father clean up around the building and occasionally rings up customers. He has a cat named Kekemato.

(The video temporarily cuts away to show Daehyun smiling into the camera as he walks away from his setup, presumably to find his cat. He calls one, two, three times before the tiny gray furball peers at him from underneath a nearby lampstand. Daehyun chuckles when it slips back under the stand. “He’s a bit shy in front of the cameras.”)

Some of the questions relate to ASMR - what mics he uses, which Youtubers he's subscribed to, if he plans to collaborate with such-and-such in the future. Daehyun bares it all, even going so far as to answer a lot of personal questions - if he's got a girlfriend (“no”), what his favorite pizza is (“oh! has anyone tried chicken and pineapples? it sounds terrible but it’s actually quite delicious”), and - oddly enough - what underwear he's wearing at the moment (“calvin and klein because i like expensive things”).

Daehyun manages to play off all of the weirder questions with sarcastic answers of his own. Youngjae commends him for that. He’d probably sputter out

The video comes to a close after a few more questions and a thank you guys for watching i had fun see you in the next video, but what sticks with Youngjae is the final question, right before he says his goodbyes:

"Ooh! This one’s interesting. ‘Daemchu! Why do you always wear those clothes?!’ Are you saying I should record my videos ?” For a split second Youngjae thinks yes but he nearly smacks himself for even letting the reply come into his mind because no.

“That’d be a bit uncomfortable. My house is too cold, and everything underneath this - ” he tugs at the fabric hugging his torso “ - ah, I’ll just stop there. Anyway, the question - ‘Every time I watch your videos, you always have on dark, concealing clothing! Are you embarrassed by your tattoos? I think they’re beautiful.’” Youngjae almost chokes on his saliva. He knew it - he knew Daehyun had something underneath all those layers.

“‘What're you trying to hide from us? Did you get a new one? Can we see it soon?' Ahh~” Daehyun smiles sheepishly, like oops my secret’s out, and he scratches his collarbone with a guilty look on his face. “I don’t know,” Daehyun chuckles again and Youngjae just wants to squeal because he’s so cute. “I might show them when I feel comfortable enough to bare some more skin. Please wait a little longer, okay guys?”

The question sticks with Youngjae because tattoos, Daehyun has tattoos. Not many of his friends have tattoos. Yongguk has a bunch but he’s Yongguk so he doesn’t really count, and neither do Natasha and Charu because they’re tattoo artists so they’re almost obligated to get some work done on themselves.

The video ends and Youngjae sits there for a moment, thinking about Jung Daehyun and ASMR and tattoos. He likes this guy. He likes both his ASMR and regular videos. He wants to see his tattoos, too.

A second later Himchan pokes his head past the door. “Hey, Guk’s ordering pizza, what do you want?”

Oh, Youngjae fights the urge to smile. “How ‘bout chicken and pineapples?”

a/n. my really ty really late first fill for the b.a.p bingo challenge. the fill was rival youtubers/viners but this isn't complete so the "rivalry" will come later? if that's what you even wanna call it? idk, i hope you guys enjoyed this mess. i'm gonna revise it all eventually so it makes more sense.

at any rate, yes, i'm working on all my fics - they're coming along nicely. you should expect some updates before i get back to school.

as always, thank you for reading <3

-- didi